By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

"Follow truth or stutter through a lie
Ini-Mini-Miny-Mo
Will to push or give up and fall behind
Ini-Mini-Miny-Mo
Live with peace or nurture your tragic life"
-"Choices" by Mudvayne

-C.M. Punk rails against drug abusers who cling pathetically to their lies they tell themselves. WWE's C.M. Punk vs. TNA's Kurt Angle at Summerslam? Hell yeah. But you won't see that happen. Wrestling companies have too much pride and are too stubborn to do a thing like that. WWE likes to pretend that TNA is some sort of black market drug like PCP. TNA says that it's a new breed of wrestling, the new wave of the future. I'm sure they said the same thing about Arena Football. And look where that ended up.

Very rarely will you hear another organization talking about "the rival" on their own broadcast. I remember picking my jaw off the floor when Mick Foley rattled off names like John Cena and Triple H...during a fricking episode of Impact. You see, Foley was depressed calling Kung Fu Naki matches. Now he's living his dream by having his face turned into hamburger meat by The Oz.

-Speaking about announcers, news is that Don West, our lovable heel announcer who made me want to actually pay attention to the announcers (before that, the mute button was my best friend when watching TNA wrasslin), is getting canned. Well, not canned. But put in the back. Taz is going to be his replacement. So Taz left WWE because he was depressed in his announcing duties. He couldn't be motivated anymore to gurgle out soulless cliches like the Raw announcers. So he left for the rocket ship TNA to be Joe's manager. Joe got's the X Division belt. And so now it appears that Taz is going to be Don West's replacement as announcer. Yeah.

We'll see how it all pans out. I'm going with "cautiously optimistic" with Taz as announcer. Hopefully Taz just doesn't sprout off endless TNA propaganda, as Don West used to do before he went all heel on us. Keep what works, please.

-The problem I had with No Justice ending with Angle retaining is that from our fan perspective, there was no punishment at all from TNA's end. Perhaps there was, but fans sure as hell didn't see it. All we got was reports of Angle acting like a dumbass (no better way to put it) and yet getting off scot free. I would have been fine with somebody else winning the belt (let's face it, the belt has little significance) and Angle winning it back on the next Impact on a wacky pole match. Whatever.

But what happened was that TNA (coughcoughDixiecoughcough) said, "He's still the face of this organization and everything is okay-dokey." You ever see "Raging Bull?" That's what I think about Kurt Angle's career. And where he's gonna end up.

-WWE's Chavo vs. Hornswoggle eclipses Abyss vs. Stevie as "The Feud That For The Love Of Everything Good Won't Die." Even two-year-olds are getting bored by this. This is what happened at Raw: "Remember, we still need to push Mark Henry. He was in the Olympics. And it's 1998. Plus, get that Home Alone kid in here too." Perhaps a John Hughes shout-out with Culkin showing up? Only thing I can think of.

For how many victories Horny has, it should be Cena vs. Orton vs. Horny at Summerslam. And Chavo should be selling tickets, instead of selling that he's the stupidest man in professional wrestling. "Fooled again by a banana peel, ese! Drat!"

-Freddie Prinze, Jr. was a WWE fan back in the '80s. You're not a true fan if you stopped watching WWE when they had Doink vs. Jerry Lawler. Prove your fanhood and stick it out through the low times. Like nowadays. Order Summerslam. We've got DX! And...hold on...that's really about it. Something about a conservative vs. a party boy. Oh yeah, a movie star fights evil Captain Baby Oil.

-I had a surreal thought when watching Santino play dress up with Prinze: "This is something fifth graders showcase to their class." Thank goodness for my DVR. Smooch.

-Enjoyed when Orton snapped Prinze's jellyfish spine. Prinze sold it like he was shot in the face with a bazooka. Ah, Prinze's moment of glory.

So the WWE champion goes apes--- and injures a guest host. Lawler and Cole apologize profusely, calling it despicable and sleazy. There's going to be a lawsuit.

If the TNA champion injured a guest host, Tenay and Taz would have said this: "No comment." Right, Dixie? Not even "it's an internal matter, so buzz off" like the Oakland Raiders coach said?

Part of me wishes Carlito gets incurable baldness, so that he wouldn't have a job. He's not known for his work ethic. I always remember his "three minutes of silence" resthold he laid in during one ECW. It's a fond memory.

-The Miz dresses up like Chris Jericho because, damnit, he's a professional grappler and it's high time we take him seriously.

-Right move with Legacy stealing DX's thunder. With everything going on in wrestling, I wasn't prepared for typical DX farce. I've got the comedy tag team of Santino and Horny kicking my ass on Raw.

And yes, I would be happy if Shawn Michaels did turn heel on his "buddy" King Kick Ass. Re-watch their unsanctioned fight at Summerslam '02. (J.R.: "That the no-good bastard Triple H is gonna rot in hell! Damn him! Gawd Almighty!") It might be HBK vs. Trips at WrestleMania, so they may not pull the trigger. We'll see. Most likely Legacy gets the Spirit Squad treatment and DX continue their wacky hi-jinks on Raw. Why? "Hey, Shawn! Come back! You'll be a chef and you'll kick a little girl in the face! Then next week you'll get beaten up with your own cowboy boot by two mle models! Then at the PPV we'll have Legacy get a dirty win over ya! Then you'll be the special guest enforcer for the arm-wrestling contest between Chavo and Horny!"

-Boy, they really did a great job of sucking all of the air of MVP vs. Jack Swagger. Even though you know both of them are getting a Summerslam match, even though lately their matches have been typically forgettable four minutes.

-NFL has Vick and Favre coming back. That would make one hell of a TNA PPV if these two fought each other. Did Dennis Rodman really get paid $3 million for his WCW PPV match? Geez.

(credit to boards.theforce.net, itsatrap.com and thumbnails.hulu.com for pics)

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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