By Curtis Shanks, PWTorch Specialist

Welcome to the TNA Impact edition of Under the Microscope. This is not a detailed recap of the show, but a review for those of you that saw the show but didn't actually "watch" it. We're here to point out all those little tidbits you may have missed, make some random observations, or use a little research to dig deeper into what was on the show. Cue the opening pyro.

Building a full head of steam

The "hot-headed" Abyss was demanding answers from Mick Foley to start the show as he was "fuming" mad. Why all the puns? Because there was one shot of Abyss during the promo where it looked like steam was literally rising from his head. Sports fans are familiar with the image, as there have been plenty of instances of NFL players sitting on the sidelines with steam rising from their helmet-less heads.

The best explanation as to why this happens is due to perspiration (Lord knows there's plenty on Abyss) and the warmth of a person entering a cold atmosphere. The escaping body heat causes the image of steam rising from the head. Either the Impact Zone is kept quite chilly, or it was genius Bound for Glory hype by TNA. All the graphics for the PPV have featured smoke and steam in the background, so TNA may just be brilliant at subliminal advertising.

Turning Japanese

We get an extra hour on TNA wrestling next week. Don't worry TNA haters, Impact won't be extended, but rather we'll get an hour-long special featuring TNA in Japan on the Global Impact special. The first Global Impact from January 2008 was very well done and a pleasure to watch, so hopefully we'll get more of the same this year. Last year's show featured highlights from various matches, but only one full-length match - Kurt Angle vs. Yuji Nagata.

The official press release lists three matches for the show this year. Two of the matches feature the IWGP Tag titles and the IWGP Junior Hvt. tag titles - belts we are familiar with from watching Impact this year. The Guns take on No Limit for the JHvt. version, while 3D takes on the team of Togi Makabe and Toru Yano for the other version. The main event is a four-on-four contest, with Kurt Angle and Kevin Nash being the two recognizable TNA faces in that one.

Two other American talents will take part in that match along with Angle and Nash. The first, Giant Bernard, will be recognized by many. Bernard formerly wrestled in the WWE under the A-Train and Albert personas. The other American, Karl Anderson, may not be as familiar. Anderson is a regular in the NJPW promotion, but has wrestled in the U.S. for the Pro Wrestling Guerilla promotion and is a former NWA Tag Team champion, holding the belts with Joey Ryan for the last half of 2007.

Bros before titles

"The next contest is a ladder match, and is for the chance to get squashed by Samoa Joe next week. Introducing first..." Of course, we're talking about the X Division five-way ladder match that took place this week. It was every man for himself, but tag team allegiances were still more important than a shot at X gold. The tag teams of Lethal & Creed and Bashir & Kiyoshi worked together the entire match, not hitting one move on their partners. Not even the slightest tease of dissension.

Of course, many of you may have been watching the Abyss cut-aways or thinking about the image of Creed "vomiting" from the move he took. That image of Creed was just weird. That odd image of Creed made me think of former wrestler Darren "Droz" Drozdov. Upon entering WWE, Droz was known simply as Puke due to the famed stories of him "getting sick" during football games. The gimmick idea can be seen in its creation stage during the Bret Hart documentary "Wrestling with Shadows" during a meeting between Vince McMahon and Droz. Sadly, Droz is best known for the tragic injury that ended his in-ring career and left him paralyzed.

Still better than Gobbledy Gooker

After our X match, we got a few words from the victorious Amazing Red (that's a first), but he was interrupted by Jay Lethal. Lethal referred to Red as "Red Rooster," with Taz proclaiming "Red Rooster? That guy was awesome!"

The Red Rooster was better known as Terry Taylor, who had many stints with the WWF and WCW. Taylor later transitioned to TNA and served as an agent and a backstage interviewer. Taylor's current job with TNA has him in charge of Talent Relations, similar to the position held by John Laurinaitis in WWE.

I prefer Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist

As "Professional Therapist" Dr. Stevie is making his way to the ring for his match, I noticed how TNA billed Stevie as being from Bellevue Hospital in New York City. Bellevue Hospital is a real hospital, and is in fact the oldest public hospital in the U.S., opening in 1736. The hospital has had many historic milestones associated with it, including the first ambulance service, the first maternity ward, and the development of the Polio vaccine.

Puppies!

After months and months of the TNA Knockouts proclaiming that they are not Divas and Barbie dolls, we get a Playboy Playmates match between Christy Hemme and Tracy Brooks. WWE had a long history with the magazine, but with the recent push for TV-PG material, TNA has stepped into that position.

WWE's partnership with Hugh Heffner led to pictorials featuring Hemme, Sable, Chyna, Candice Michelle, Torrie Wilson, Ashley Massaro, and Maria. Diva search contestant Carmella DeCesare posed for the mag as well, but before her run as a wanna-be WWE diva. But now it's TNA's turn. Looking at some of the Knockouts on the TNA roster, it's a partnership that I hope we don't see the end of any time soon.

The Humble Icon

"I don't say this proudly or arrogantly. I don't know how many times I've been World champion." That quote came from the mouth of Sting, as he showed his hatred of number crunching during the sit-down interview with A.J. Styles and Mike Tenay this week. Sting may not be good with numbers, but I am, so we'll tally them up for him. Six WCW Titles, two WCW International Titles, one NWA Title, and three TNA Titles gives us twelve World titles. Sting should be proud of that fact, as only one other active wrestler has more than him. No, not Kurt Angle (I still view him as a ten-time champ). That would be Triple H, who currently has 13 World Title runs.

Can I come down now?

Did my DVR freeze? As Hernandez faced Kurt Angle, we saw a very long delayed vertical suplex. Hernandez lifted Angle up and managed to hold him for a count of 24 before Angle came crashing down to the mat. Seemed like a long amount of time to hold another human being up in the air, but not if you're Claudio Castagnoli.

The move brought back memories of the four-way tag team main event on the PWG All-Star Weekend 4 DVD. During the match, Claudio lifted Davey Richards up for a vertical suplex. The crowd chanted along, as Claudio was able to hold the move until a count of 100 was reached. A count of 100?! That's almost long enough to span across three Impact matches.

Who was that masked man?

Kudos to TNA for having Kurt Angle being the Abyss look-a-like planted in the crowd that took Matt Morgan out with a chair. This was the last thing expected, as Angle had a brief stare down with the "fan" a few segments earlier. Foreshadowing at its best. The Abyss fan could also be seen in the crowd during other segments such as the ODB-Kong match. Either Kurt Angle switched places with the fan before Morgan's match, or we were actually saw the dream match-up of Eric Angle vs. Hernandez this week on Impact.

Numbers Crunch - Look Ma, I'm on TV!

The unrecognizable, the local wrestler, the guy without a chance, the generic. We're of course talking about those lovable jobbers we see every so often on our wrestling programs. Jobbers serve their purpose by getting their opponent over and giving fans a chance to see a wrestler's move-set, but those squash matches can have us rolling our eyes more often than not. But just where and how often do we see them on our TV?

First, we'll have to specify what qualifies one a jobber. I classify a jobber as someone who is not part of the roster, a guy there for a one-off appearance. Guys like Funaki and Jamie Noble are technically jobbers, but they are part of the roster and a bit different than "Local wrestler A." We also won't count one-time appearances like a Cedric the Entertainer or a Roddy Piper, or the foreign talents in TNA such as an Alex Koslov or a Volador. Just no-name jobbers sent out to enhance the other wrestler.

WWE is far more likely than TNA to give us a "nobody" on our TV screen. Since the start of 2007, only 14 TV or PPV matches in TNA have featured a no-name wrestler. In WWE, there have been 103 in the same time span. And this is excluding the matches seen on the web version of Heat. If we added those, we would have to up the number by 75 to 178. That's a lot of squash matches.

Of TNA's 14 jobber matches, twelve were on Impact and two were on PPV (Awesome Kong squashing two challengers in the $25k challenge). Of WWE's 103, ECW is the place to be if you're into jobbers. They've featured 64 matches with a no-namer, followed by Smackdown with 33, Raw with five, and Superstars with one.

Every once in a while, hell freezes over and a jobber scores the upset win. I can think of only three "jobber" wins within the past five years. The most recent was unknown James Mason defeating MVP on Smackdown last November. A Heat match two years ago saw developmental talent Don Rodman (Tough Enough wrestler Daniel Rodimer) defeating Eugene. Then there was little Jimmy Jacobs back in early 2005. He technically defeated Eddie Guerrero in a Smackdown match, as Eddie was DQ'ed for his heinous assault of Jacobs.

Curtis Shanks is a self-described wrestling nerd who, contrary to popular belief, does have a social life. Feedback is welcome as comments, suggestions and questions can be sent to Curtis at curtisshanks.torch@gmail.com.

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