By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

What if it was switched around? What if Bret Hart was going to TNA and Hulk Hogan was going to WWE?

Bret Hart in TNA would become the next Mick Foley, meaning that he would become a "general manager," hint about wrestling, talk about ancient WCW feuds, and then fall into obscurity. Or become a manager for a "hot young talent" (the kiss of death in TNA), and then fall into obscurity. Bret Hart could become TNA World Heavyweight Champion and fall into obscurity. That's how TNA rolls. Bret Hart wouldn't work well in TNA.

If Hulk Hogan were to come to WWE, it is known that WWE wouldn't kiss his feet the way TNA is doing right now. Instead of hyping up Hulk every ten minutes, Hogan would get the standard "Retired WWE Legend" treatment from Vince. WWE would not revolve around Hulk Hogan, and Hogan doesn't play that. Hulk Hogan in WWE wouldn't be beneficial to Hogan. It wouldn't make Hogan any money.

Let's see what both guys bring to the table. The news that Bret Hart has signed a short-term WWE contract is good and bad. I can imagine it now. January 4. Some schlocky guest host is ruining the gig (the return of Bret should not be him guest hosting the variety entertainment show known as Raw). Suddenly, that familiar squeal rips throughout the arena. It's Bret Hart! He's here on Raw! Millions of 40-year old Bret Hart nerds cream their pants while the rest of the WWE audience has zero idea who this guy is. It's Bret Hart, baby!

How will Bretty and Hulky do?

Bret Hart

What he brings to the table: The WWF star of the early '90s. Millions of fans around the world. Cranky old guy vibe. Faint hope that WWE hasn't forgotten their fans who have gone through puberty.

What I would like to see happen: much like Hogan, Bret's wrestling days are probably over. The most obvious path would be for him to manage The Hart Dynasty. Bret would be the voice and the face of the Hart Dynasty, who would feud with DX. Before Bret's involvement, DX vs. The Hart Dynasty would just be another DX beat down.

My Absurd Dream: Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels doing a promo on WWE TV. Something that I thought I would never, ever see. The real draw of Bret Hart in WWE is not Bret vs. Vince (Seriously, WWE. Get over yourselves,) but Bret vs. Shawn.



What I don't want: Repeat it with me - The Montreal Screwjob. If you were a kid back in 1997, the Montreal Screwjob was shocking. Not only was wrestling supposed to be real (remember, back in the '90s there were still those in the wrestling world trying to defend wrestling as real instead of fake sports-entertainment like today), but somebody like Vince McMahon wasn't supposed to do that to one of his wrestlers.

But let's fast-forward to 2009. The Montreal Screwjob was a business argument that played out during a PPV. It's worthless to me. I feel absolutely nothing about it. I don't hate Vince and I don't cheer Bret because of it. In my view, both sides were right and both sides were wrong.

But isn't the Screwjob important? WWE plays it up as another example of "evil Mr. McMahon who has the heart of Satan." Montreal fans to this day will chant "You Screwed Bret" at ref Earl Hebner and HBK. And isn't Bret vs. Vince exciting? The answer: No. Hell no. "The Montreal Screwjob Storyline" is a relic, a dinosaur, and a delusion by Vince McMahon who thinks that the Screwjob crap is still relevant. Remember Punk vs. Undertaker from this year when WWE played up the "Montreal Screwjob" with Teddy Long and ref Scott Armstrong? The reason? Um, Vince likes to get airtime? It was garbage.

I don't want to see Bret vs. Vince as the main storyline, because frankly I rather not see Vince McMahon on my television screen anymore. Bret vs. Shawn will get my blood pumping.

Hulk Hogan

What he brings to the table: Star of "Hogan's Knows Best." Host of "American Gladiators." Leader of "Hogan's Championship Wrestling." And the #1 icon of professional wrestling. Unbelievable charisma, presence, and ego.

What I would like to see happen: This is tricky. Wrestling in the month of January will have a lot of unknowns in it. I suppose they will bring Hulk in to be the "General Manager" of Impact and join the rest of TNA's general managers: Mick Foley, Jeff Jarrett, etc. I don't mind seeing Hogan and Foley doing promos against each other, but I don't want Impact to be mostly squabbles between old guys.

So, Hogan brings in the eyeballs, gives reasons for Impact viewers to not tune out as Impact leads into the main event, he does great promo work, and is involved in intriguing battles (although Team Hogan vs. Team Jarrett...oh boy).

My Absurd Dream: Hogan cleans house. "It's a new damn day in TNA, brother!" Yeah, this probably won't happen.

What I don't want to see happen: Hogan talks about Nash. Quick match. Nash talks about Hogan. Quick match #2. Hogan goes to the ring to talk about Nash. Nash comes down to the ring. More talk. Quick match #3. Foley talks about Hogan. Hogan talks about Foley. Jarrett talks about Hogan. Quick match #4. Sting talks about Hogan. Nash talks about Hogan. A.J. Styles talks about Hogan. Hogan talks about Hogan.

There's already way too much needless talking going on during Impact. And instead of developing a central idea (say, a Frontline vs. Main Event Mafia type of deal), viewers get doomed to watch Hogan pick someone to fight his old WCW battles that only last a month, then it's on to the next opponent. I don't want the guys who fight for these old birds to not get the love that they should, while TNA somehow manages to turn Hogan into a joke.

We shouldn't say in February that Impact is the same old Crapact with just more Hogan talking, brotha. TNA's PPVs are becoming more credible, but sadly Impacts lately are becoming more painful to watch. TNA faithful are telling themselves that Russo and company are stinking up the joint because "the good stuff will come January 4." Imagine the day TNA addresses the flaws in their product, works on them, and gets higher ratings because of it. Get rid of Foley's car trips, get rid of empty teases and mind-numbing matches.

Fans don't want Hogan on Impact to be this: tremendous hype, then a really frustrating and lame letdown after months have gone by: "Yeah it's Hulk Hogan! Oh boy! I'm a Real American, fighting for the rights...awwwww...oh, no...same old crap..."



Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

[Torch art/photos credit PWTorch.com]

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