By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

"Aww, ya'll be doin' too much, this is 2010
We don't do button ups, this incredible fashion
This incredible fabric, got my Levi's saggin'
Got my L Coat draggin'"
-"Hoodie" by Omarion

-Admit it, how scared were you in watching the last Raw?

I was afraid. After last week's bomb, I had feared that Raw had completely become the "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakeal" of the wrestling world. I was worried that Vince and company were soon going to replace their wrestlers with Disneyland robots, oblivious to our
cries and whining.

-How much do you dislike Hornswoggle?

I think at times people forget that Hornswoggle's act is meant for the kids. He is the poster child for the "WWE Kidz" era we are living in. If you detest Hornswoggle, keep in mind that sooner or later, some heel is going to beat little Horny up. Remember, you're supposed to be depressed, not elated.

I can picture it now: it's Batista vs. Triple H at WrestleMania. Batista runs over Hornswoggle with a cement truck. Triple H will do a growly voice promo promising revenge. Then WWE will make green "Hornstrong" bracelets, because poor Hornswoggle has, according to a somber Micheal Cole, "over 200,000 tumors in his brain." Feud ends with an irate Lance Armstrong suing WWE and millions of people criticizing WWE for such an absoluty sleazy move.

I think the "Hornstrong bracelet" is a good idea for the WWE marketing team to consider. Because I lack morals.

-What do you think is in store for Chris Jericho at WrestleMania?

I would like to see one of the young pups get a nice WrestleMania rub. So I say Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison.

As for the immediate future, Chris Jericho will once again become Unified tag team champions with Big Show. Why? The tag team picture right now in WWE is a joke. There's JeriShow, DX, and then there's everybody else who are clearly way underneath. I have a feeling that DX is only holding the tag team titles due to an impeding DX break-up storyline coming soon. I also have a feeling DX will drop the titles back to JeriShow next week due to complications involving Shawn Michaels (more on that in the next Q&A article).

-Why isn't WWE Champion Sheamus looking stronger?

Because John Cena is still the "true" champion and the focus is still mainly on Cena. I would have loved to see on Raw some mid-card babyface challenge Sheamus for the title. Say, the woodland elf Evan Bourne. The outcome from the hard-fought match between the elf and the Irish ghost? Bourne gets a respectable loss while Sheamus looks strong as champion. Right now, Sheamus looks more lucky than strong, and that's how WWE wants to portray him. Make no bones about it, Sheamus is dropping the belt at the Rumble.

I like Sheamus mainly because of the way he belts out the phrase: "Dubya Dubya E Champion! Don't steal me lucky charms!"

-What's up with the Raw guest host gimmick still going? I thought you said that it would end in November.

I have come around with the Raw guest host deal. If you look at it, there are a lot of positives. For one, it keeps the suits at USA Network happy. Two, it does succeed in getting mainstream attention (for example, Sheamus putting Mark Cuban through a table). Third, there have been some great guest hosts. Jesse Ventura, Bob Barker, and so forth. The Raw guest host will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever end. Until, of course, TNA buys out WWE.

I find that the real negative aspects of the Raw guest hosts is that WWE sure picked a lot of duds. Timbaland on the last Raw was one of those "bottom of the barrel" type of picks. In my opinion, there was zero incentive to stay tuned during another variety hour comedy skit involving Timbaland and those wacky, cartoony WWE superstars. And a lot of people feel that way too.

One of the things I would like to see in 2010 is for Raw to pull in celebrities and guest hosts that fans want to pay attention to (gasp). Mike Tyson to guest host Raw? Sign me up. Some low-rate music producer or a plain baseball player? Pass.

-What's up with Legacy?

The story of those two matches on Raw was for Ted and Cody to impress Randy Orton. Storyline-wise, Randy seemed to be more impressed with Cody than Ted. At this point, I wouldn't mind seeing Ted DiBiase finally get his face push and join Kofi Kingston in fighting against the moody male models.

Other than DiBiase making his big face statement, I don't see any value in going back to the Kofi-Orton feud (which is what Raw is doing next week). So I'm guessing they're going to do something with Ted next week. In the future, I see a Legacy triple threat match at a PPV, and possibly a DiBiase vs. Orton match at WrestleMania (depends how high they are on Ted).

-Was Raw really all about men talking about their relationships with other men?

Well, at one point Chris Jericho and Big Show talked about how they missed each other like lost lovers. The next bit was Vince McMahon stating that he did not screw Bret Hart. After that, Shawn Michaels talked about how he would like to see Bret again. Later in the show, Triple H made his weekly gay quip. So mostly, yeah. Sweaty, muscled men wearing only t-shirts and their underwear talking about other dudes. If you liked that statement, you must be a girly man who is a big Christmas fruitcake.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

See? You can't send me hate mail. I just gave you a fake apology after I ripped on your sexuality. Thanks, WWE.

-Why is the Miz so chumpy?

I did like the trick WWE pulled in having the "non-title match" go quickly in a title match. Logic here is to make viewers stick around to see if Kofi can win his shot and then possibly the United States Championship. You see? They know Raw matches typically suck, so there's got to be something to keep you from changing to channel to watch Brett Favre.

-Is Jeff Hardy coming back?

Dunno. Vince has been known to give guys second or third chances. And I would love to see C.M. Punk square off against Jeff once again. Right now the more important thing is the health of Jeff.

-Seriously? Chavo as Big Show's partner? Seriously?

Yeah. Michael Cole told viewers that Chavo was picked because the Mexican Warrior "knows how to deal with DX's mascot, Hornswoggle." Uh-huh. It is a bit scary to know that if every WWE main event guy retired tomorrow, who would replace them? I would say that John Morrison is the most "ready" out of the young pups, but other than that, it doesn't look good.

-Where can I buy that "Hornstrong" bracelet?

At wweshop.com, of course.

(credit to blogofherbs.com and static.playdo.com for pic)

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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