By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

"There ain't no stopping or cruising
even when you're battered and bruised"
-"Strong Will Continue" by Nas

Let's say that you're in a college band and you're throwing a concert. So what do you do? Naturally, you plaster ads to your concert weeks in advance on every car window you can find. You talk about your concert on your Facebook and Twitter. You make sure everyone knows when the concert is taking place.

But if you're TNA, you wait until the last second and tell it to your closest buddies. TNA has a new show, called "TNA Reaction," which actually garnered little reaction. A rating of 0.3? Wow.

But, let's be fair. Perhaps in the bowels of TNA management this show was really created on-the-fly and they didn't have the time or money to hype up Reaction. Heck, the TV listings even showed that a UFC show was taking place. So it's not TNA's fault. And thanks to Dixie Carter's answers to fan questions, I am convinced that every bone-headed mistake is actually a great one in disguise. I'm ready to accept Dixie defending Impact's 0.8 ratings until kingdom come.

Let's have some compassion for TNA. Fans are just not getting it. TNA is doing their part: exciting superstars + exciting matches = win. Right? If only if it were that easy.

-Lockdown is looking mighty weak. I have no desire to see A.J. Styles vs. The Pope, due to TNA portraying both these guys as little pipsqueaks who are overshadowed by Team Flair vs. Team Hogan, which still hasn't answered the vital question: "Why should I care who wins?" I'm watching the Angle vs. Anderson match with one eye closed. And the Knockouts are doing...something. Oh, who knows. You'll buy it because you'll get to see some lady bits! Ooh.

-Plus, don't forget Team 3D vs. Scott Hall & Sean Waltman. The last time Hall and Waltman were in a cage match, it was a travesty to wrestling fans. But hey, Hall and Waltman were content with the match. ("Hey yo, it coulda been worse, so like, it was good") and that's all that matters. So, have fun as you watch guys boringly hit each other with boring weapons until the timer goes off.

Scott Hall is a funny dude. Y'all see him selling punches in that garbage match that gave garbage matches a bad name? He looked like he was playing Dance Dance Revolution. The only way that garbage match could have been more comedic was if The Band dressed up like dinosaurs. The match ended with Bubba The Love Sponge lamely interfering and causing The Band to win, which was kinda like ending a "watch us hit each other with pies for five minutes" bit with a dead baby joke.

-The most useless character in wrestling of 2010: Bubba the Love Sponge. Mike Adamle was hated, but hey, at least he had some talent. David Hasselhoff was cornier than a corncob, but at least he contributed something (and he didn't pass out on camera either). Bubba the Love Sponge does nothing. He has the same name as my dog. Maybe TNA should add in my dog to their feuds, and then people can go, "Man! I hate Bubba the dog! He's only there because Shane McKinley is good friends with Dixie Carter!"

-Eric Young then came out after these dudes earned their paychecks and made some whining challenge to Kevin Nash at Lockdown. Then, he gave a mischievous grin like his pukey feud with Kevin Nash meant anything. I wonder if when Young takes a pull on his beer, the thought that he would still be employed by TNA by this time next year at the same pay and involved in a dead-end angle crosses his mind.

Eric Young is just plain average. The only thing that impresses me about him is that he's a white Shelton Benjamin, but has way less talent and way fewer embarrassing angles on his resume. Oh well, there's always the return of Super Eric to keep hope alive.

-Speaking about keeping hope alive, let's give a round of applause for the X Division. No, it's not the best, and no, Kaz isn't really getting a whole lot of love, but it's somewhat respectable.

-Are you feeling exhausted from the Lockdown buildup? Damned if TNA hasn't thrown the kitchen sink. Ladder matches, wrestlers getting run over with cars, wrestlers getting fireballed...the only thing missing was an in-ring wedding. Did Abyss need to get run over by a car? Not really. But, hey, I just couldn't take Abyss's goofy-ass outfit anymore. I just snapped.

So, I flew down to Florida and I ran him over with a rental car. TNA, naturally, first thought, "Hey! We can get ratings from this, let's turn it into an angle!" Whenever there's stupidity, there's Abyss.

-Speaking of unsolved mysteries, Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan continue their cat-and-mouse game. It's pretty much the equivalent of Eric walking around with his hands in his pockets and Hogan going, "What's in your hands, Eric? Huh? I hope we don't keep this up for months." It's like TNA can't compute that a great mystery is defined by a great payoff. But then again, we've had ninjas kidnap Joe, a masked stranger attack Styles, and Tenay randomly questioning what was in Booker T's briefcase of mystery.

Here's the mystery I would like to have solved: Did Eric Bischoff dye his hair black, put up some makeup, and do this State Farm commercial?



-I don't know what's worse: sitting through Black Machismo's friendly interaction with Hulk Hogan or later sitting through Hulk Hogan being betrayed by Black Machismo. Did I spoil things for you? Why else is Machismo on the air if he's not wrestling? Maybe it's all a swerve and TNA doesn't know what they are doing! Ooh!

-If Desmond Wolfe is a symbol of the British, then TNA is saying British people must be losers. I'm half-expecting TNA to dress up him like a klutzy James Bond.

-Angelina Love says she's here for wrestling! Right on, girl. The WWE girls are winning worthless belts and dressing in those red Baywatch outfits. But then again, those WWE babes are not winning belts out of Lockboxes or from extremely confusing stipulation matches because TNA can't bother to book a proper title change.

-You think Flair demanded an injury angle so that he could sit down in a wheelchair for his talking bits? "Listen, you'll get Flair, but your crappy organization won't get a standing Flair, hear me? The Nature Boy needs a wheelchair! Woooo!"

-That's it for me. Be sure to go to shopTNA.com. They've got t-shirts that adults would actually wear in public.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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