By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

"Now what's a dumb dance you might ask
Well let me take you to my dumb dancin' class
Its called dumb dance 101
It's where we teach smart people how to be dumb"
-"Dumb Dance" by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

-It seems to me that Hall of Famer Jim Ross is fully prepared to spend his time urging people to buy his barbeque sauce rather than urging people buying into a wrestling match. You can't blame Ross for being wary of working with WWE (Ross has been fired more times that I've been arrested, and that's saying a lot). Or, Jim Ross could head on down to the murky atmosphere that is the TNA landscape and be prepared to be in a room with guys who thought that "Oklahoma" was a right-tootin' good idea. Heck, TNA might ask Jim Ross to shed some blood in the main event.

-That's what Ric Flair's job description is nowadays: "I'm Ric Flair, 16-time world champion! I'm also TNA's weekly menstrual cycle! You hear me? Wooo! Wooo! Wooo...ugh..." ER technician: "That's nice, Mr. Flair. Stay with me. You've lost a lot of blood." (Thanks to George Parker for that hookup.)

-Here's The Dude, Ellis from "Left 4 Dead 2," and Towelie, all recent TNA World Heavyweight Champions. Can you match these fictional characters to their real-life counterparts?






The following answers are Mick Foley, A.J. Styles, and Rob Van Dam.

-A while back, Hulk Hogan once cut a promo on the significance of his Hall of Fame ring, which he handed over to Abyss. Hogan was spouting off things like "I bled and broke my body for this HOF ring. This ring represents all of my work and sacrifice for this business. Now I give it to you, transferring my Hulkamania powers to you, brother!" I'm surprised TNA resisted the urge to do the ending of "Highlander."

Look, "symbols" work well in wrestling. So does what the fans accept as true. First, hardcore fans know that the WWE HOF ring has little value say, compared to a Super Bowl ring. They accept this notion as true from reports of Billy Graham selling his HOF ring to even Hulk Hogan himself saying that the HOF ring looks like a "high school ring." Second, even when Abyss and Ric Flair are fighting each other for rings, casual fans can ponder the question, "why are they fighting for WWE rings?" Third, let's say that instead of rings, Vince just handed out gaudy plaques to Hall of Famers, no rings. If nobody in their right mind would accept wrestlers fighting over HOF plaques, then why would they accept fighting over HOF rings? TNA's HOF ring fascination is already an early candidate for stupidity in wrestling.

-Another candidate for numbskullery is NXT. I can see the point of NXT guys becoming salesmen on the last show: WWE wants these guys's personalities to get over. That's fine, but why should I watch a worked contest that has no meaning or outcome? Or believe in a guy like Darren Young when next week he can be dropped from the face of the earth? They're trying to push everybody. Wins and losses don't matter one iota.

NXT will about to be firing people soon, but I've got this funny feeling. What is this funny feeling I got? That no NXT Rookie will actually be "fired" and that they will all be employed by WWE. Reasons to justify this idea? One, WWE future endeavored a lot of people recently. Two, it makes little sense to give guys like Michael Tarver video packages, angles, and air time if you already know that he's going to get canned. Third, no one believes that there will be a second season of NXT. The only ones watching NXT now are WWE goobers (the youngins who slurp up everything WWE for breakfast, lunch, and dinner). Fourth, Smackdown is the new place for young talent. So why not an NXT faction within the Smackdown ranks? Why not try get something out of your investment with these NXT guys?

-I'm expecting next week to have a NXT Dance Off. Because if you don't got the moves, you can't be a Hall of Famer. "Dropping those skittles, pickin' em off the floor, I know y'all want me, but you're stuck with that Michael Cole Bore! Bah Gawd Almighty, Y'all can kiss my boomer-sooner ass, peace I'm out."

If NXT dies, though, perhaps that NXT song will die too. That song is as cool and badass as a Justin Bieber song. How about Hellish Dark Mirror's "Bone Eater?" Health Slater coming down the ramp with his faux smile on his face to the light tunes of industrial goth metal would be an improvement. Instead, we're stuck with the equivalent of Eddie Murphy's "My Girl Wants To Party All The Time." Yeah!

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

We suggest these recent related articles...

10/5 WWE Raw Hits & Misses: Natalya vs. Paige, Owens vs. Cara, Stephanie McMahon, Sasha Banks, Xavier Woods

COLLECTIBLES COLUMN: The History of Foam Hands in Pro Wrestling

9/28 WWE Raw Hits & Misses: Kane's Split Personality, Divas Revolution, Heyman & Big Show, Reigns vs. Wyatt