WWE Raw Storyline Tracker
By Robin Scannell, PWTorch Specialist

Episode - March 5, 2012

(1) John Cena vs. The Rock

The Rock’s first history video featured him throwing John Cena’s merchandise into the Boston Harbor, including a John Cena garden gnome and John Cena cologne. He said that people are sick of the crap he’s been shoving down fans's throats. Rock then told someone to clean up all of the merchandise and throw it in the trash.

A pre-tape of John Cena sitting in the empty arena aired. Cena said that their match is everything and that Rock had said he wouldn’t return until he had a worthy opponent, and he found that in him. Cena said he wants to win. Cena talked about the New England Patriots's undefeated season before they lost in the Super Bowl. Cena said that if he loses, he’ll just become another name in Rock’s notebook of who he has defeated, as no one remembers second place.

In his second history lesson, Rock said that if a statue of Paul Revere had been John Cena, then Americans would have been “sipping tea and blessing the queen.” Rock said he was 25 percent black, 25 percent Samoan, and 50 percent Clydesdale. He finished by singing a version of Yankee Doodle that insulted Cena.

In the third history segment, Rock compared the American war of independence with "The Rock Revolution" wanting to overthrow John Cena. He said that he can entertain around the world, but there’s only one place where he can fight. He said he as the charisma of George Washington and the brilliance of Benjamin Franklin. Rock said that he will beat John Cena and Cena will fall to The Rock. He said that he would look Cena in the eye tonight and tell the world exactly what he sees.

In the final segment, John Cena came to the ring and said that Rock’s history lessons were exciting and entertaining. Cena said that Rock is obsessed with breakfast cereal, he talks about his penis and how many girls he’s had sex with, and then he asks if he’s fighting The Rock at WrestleMania or "The Situation" from Jersey Shore.

Cena said that last week Rock was shook up. He wasted 20 minutes talking about “some hashtag Twitter thing.” Cena said that after he came out, Rock was stuttering and sounded more like Rain Main than The Rock. Cena then asked who was the man who did this? “Sounds unbelievable, but The Rock got shook up by a prep school thug with no balls who dresses like a Wonder Woman transvestite.”

Cena said that Rock’s best material has been pre-recorded or via satellite. Cena said that he wants to face the greatest Superstar in WWE history at WrestleMania, not Dwayne Johnson.

The Rock came out and said that he sees fear in Cena. He said that he has never been more confident about anything in his life. Cena then asked the audience if they were chanting Tooth Fairy. Rock said that if you strip away everything, he’s 6’4” and 260 pounds of man who will rip Cena’a throat out. Rock said that at Cena’s core, he’ll always be a little boy who will go down in history as The Rock’s bitch. Cena spoke over Rock towards the end of his promo.

Cena said Rock’s height and weight doesn’t scare him, then he looked on his wrist to where he had written Rock’s height and weight in pen. Cena said he’ll lose everything if he loses. Cena said that Rock was half-right, as he’s the son of a bitch who is going to whip Rock’s ass. Cena went to his family in the crowd as the show ended.

Reax: It was a little strange that he kissed his wife and even said “that’s my wife.” To my knowledge, the John Cena character isn’t married. It certainly brings into question why he kissed Eve back a few weeks ago. Focusing on Rock-Cena, I thought both of them continued to raise good points about one another, and they furthered their feud by continuing to build up the match.

***

(2) The Undertaker vs. Triple H

Shawn Michaels came out at the start of Raw and talked about wanting Triple H to take the match with The Undertaker at WrestleMania. He said he wanted Hunter to come out and explain why he changed his mind. Shawn said that with everything he threw at Hunter, he didn’t waver. Shawn asked to watch the footage of what happened. The video clip showed Undertaker saying that Shawn was better than him. Shawn then said, not letting Hunter speak, that all it took was someone saying that he was better than him.

Hunter said he’s tired of listening to people talk behind Shawn’s back, saying he couldn’t get the job down. Hunter said he can’t bear to see the greatest in-ring performer of all time as a loser. He said he’ll do it for himself and for Shawn.

Shawn said that he watched Hunter dominate Undertaker, but that Hunter lost and so he was right. Shawn said he knows who is going to win this year, and he said he’ll be right again. Shawn says he knows he’ll be right because he’s been named the special referee.

(3) C.M. Punk vs. Chris Jericho / Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

Daniel Bryan (with A.J.) and Chris Jericho defeated C.M. Punk and Sheamus with Jericho rolling through a pin attempt to score the victory. Jericho celebrated with the title belt, then slid the belt into the ring to Punk.

***

(4) GM Feud / United States Title Picture

In a match booked by Teddy Long, Santino Marella challenged Jack Swagger (with Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler) for the United States Title. John Laurinaitis (with David Otunga) came to ringside, then, later, Teddy Long (with Aksana and Kofi Kingston) came to ringside. During the title match, Laurinaitis hopped onto the ring apron to argue with the referee, but Long pulled him down. Long pushed Laurinaitis over, and Santino managed to score a roll-up for the upset victory. Laurinaitis then took a mic and tried to take back the show. However Long called for security to escort Laurinaitis out of the building. Long told Justin Roberts to resume announcing the winner and Santino celebrated his title win emotionally.

***

(5) Divas Title Picture

Eve defeated Alicia Fox in a short match that featured Kelly Kelly on commentary. After the match, Zack Ryder came out and said he’s glad they didn’t hook up, as it’s “Broskis before Hoeskis.” Backstage, Eve caught up with Ryder, saying she had something to tell him, and she kissed him. Divas champion Beth Phoenix remained absent from Raw.

***

(6) Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes

After Big Show’s match with The Miz started, Cody Rhodes came out and showed another embarrassing video of Big Show. This time it was Show at the WWE Restaurant in New York for WrestleMania 18. After the video, Show knocked out Miz and got the victory.

***

(7) Randy Orton vs. Kane

Kane defeated R-Truth in a short match. After the match, Randy Orton came to the ring and hit the RKO on Kane. He then got a mic and said, "It’s good to be back," following up on Kane welcoming him back on Smackdown.

***

Current Feuds Active this Week (# weeks)

Raw

John Cena vs. The Rock (55, on and off)
C.M. Punk vs. Chris Jericho (5)
Undertaker vs. Triple H (5)
Teddy Long vs. John Laurinaitis (3)
Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger (1)

Smackdown

Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes (3)
Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan (3)
Randy Orton vs. Kane (2)

Email any comments to scannell.torch@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter @robinocracy for my thoughts on the wrestling and non-wrestling things.

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