Today, we're asking Torch readers to come up with an acceptance speech for Mickey Rourke if he would have won the Best Actor award at last night's Academy Awards. Submit your acceptance speech to pwtorch@gmail.com.

Torch reader Kevin Knough, who is a TV producer in Canada, checked in with our first submission...

"Man ... what a trip. If you would have placed a $1 bet a year ago that Mickey Rourke would win an Oscar for playing a wrestler, you'd have been a millionaire today. I'm going to have to take my time, or else I'll probably lose it. I'm so lucky to be here, and there are some very important people I have to thank for that.

First off ..." (Rourke gets jerked around as his Oscar is yanked out of his hand, Chris Jericho then hammers him over the head with the gold statue. Jericho, standing over Rourke’s fallen body, starts speaking in a calm, low tone.)

"Mr. Rourke will be unable to finish this speech, so I will finish for him. He'd like to thank all of you Hollywood hypocrites, who are pandering to him right now, but will drop him as soon as the next flash-in-the-pan comes along. Rourke would like to thank the wrestling community for providing so many washed up, weak-minded, desperate dirtbags for him to model Randy "The Ram" Robinson on.

And most importantly, Mickey would like to thank the only one who understands him on an intellectual level, his dog Loki who passed away just last week. Actually, the dog was probably smarter than Mickey, because she saw the writing on the wall that Rourke was, is and always will be a Z-List loser of a man.

Little Loki knew this, and chose to leave this world instead of have to deal with this deadbeat on a downswing again. Finally, Mickey Rourke would like to apologize to himself, for making the mistake of challenging me, Chris Jericho, to a match at WrestleMania, an event the magnitude of which the Academy Awards desperately, and unsuccessfully attempts to emulate.

I'd take this little Oscar as a keepsake of this evening, but I've worn more gold around my waist than any of you people here tonight will ever win at your deplorable, self-congratulatory awards. Clooney, Pitt, Penn, do something useful for once, and come get this trash out of here."

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