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ECW TV on Sci-Fi Alternative Report
October 10 in Wichita, Kansas
Week 18 on Sci-Fi

- We begin with a "viewer discretion is advised" message.

- Balls Mahoney was wearing the green banking visor and he welcomed us to Extreme Strip Poker. He then introduced all the divas who were participating. They filmed this from the WWE HQ studios. So, it's a pre-tape. The divas introduced what they were wearing. Krystal said she has, and I quote, "Diamonds on my boobs." Balls introduced the game. Kelly Kelly said she can't drink since she's only 19. Ashley had the lowest card so she had to take something off. She took off her shirt revealing a red and black bra.

- The ECW intro aired. Whew, I thought this was going to be 60 minutes of bad jokes and sexual innuendos. Well, that would have been the case if it were Miz hosting. Tazz said there would be a six-man tag match on the show this week.

1 -- C.M. PUNK vs. RENE DUPREE

Styles and Tazz said the same lines about Punk's straight edge character that we've heard for two months. Styles said Dupree's tights are the same color as the official French flag of surrender. The fans chanted for Punk after the opening bell. They did a split screen with Kelly Kelly losing her shoes. Back to a full screen of the ring, Punk worked on Dupree in the corner then landed a high back body drop. Dupree nailed Punk in the face with a back elbow smash in the opposite corner then he knocked Punk off the apron to the base of the announce table. Dupree took Punk back into the ring and scored a nearfall. Back to WWE studious, Trinity took off her leopard print top after losing a hand. Punk made his comeback in the ring with a high-elevated dropkick off the ropes. He followed with a high kick in the corner for a nearfall. Punk went for a springboard move, but Dupree rolled out of the way. Punk then caught Dupree off the apron with a powerslam. He applied the Anaconda Vice and Dupree tapped out.

WINNER: Punk via submission in 4:00. Ok, I'm going to write the following sentence and then check my pulse. Rene Dupree was in a competitive, fundamentally sound match that gave me confidence in Dupree as a wrestler. Punk continues to impress. If given proper consideration, this could be a feud to make money with.

- They went back to WWE studios for Poker. Maria and Candice drew the lowest card so they each had to take something off. Maria took off her stalkings and threw one into Balls's mouth. Candice removed her pleather mini-skirt.

[Commercial Break]

- Balls welcomed us back to Strip Poker. He said the next round is dealer's choice, which means he gets to pick what article of clothing is removed. Krystal had the lowest card. Balls picked the bottoms to go. Krystal told Balls to be careful with her ice. Krystal removed her bottoms. Oh my. A strategically placed camera for once. Ashley spanked Krystal and Krystal took exception. Ashley told her to lighten up because she likes it. Krystal nearly burst into a smile but maintained her mad face.

2 -- KEVIN THORN (w/Ariel) vs. TOMMY DREAMER

Ariel looked like Mrs. Clause with a giant red outfit. Dreamer drove Thorn to the corner early on. Ariel is already screaming. Dreamer is already screaming. Thorn avoided a corner move and Sandman ate the corner ringpost. On the split screen, Ashley took off her designer shoes. Meanwhile, Thorn worked on Dreamer's shoulder and left arm. Back to the split screen, Candice lost her bustier and she was down to bra and panties. Dreamer made a comeback with a big kick in the corner. He made the superman comeback with stiff right hand blows. After suplexing Thorn, Dreamer screamed and ran into a back elbow smash. However, Dreamer caught Thorn with a lift up spinebuster for a nearfall. Ariel distracted Dreamer on the outside then Thorn caught him from behind. Back in the ring, Thorn executed a lift up spinebuster of his own and scored a close nearfall. Dreamer then snapped Thorn's neck against the top rope and executed the Dreamer DDT. He made the cover for the win to end Thorn's streak. Wow.

WINNER: Tommy Dreamer in 4:00. Very questionable booking to give away Thorn's first loss in a match with no hype and to an opponent with no history in feuding against. That aside, another fundamentally solid match.

- Balls said it's time for another round. Krystal had the lowest card. She took off her designer shoes. As Styles pointed out earlier, Gene Snitsky was in heaven. Krystal threw her shoes at Balls, who then tried to pick them up, but he stopped short. He looked down at his crotch and said, "Sorry, it has a mind of its own." The girls were grossed out by Balls's erection. He buried his head in his hands to cover his shame.

[Commercial Break]

- Another viewer discretion message aired at 27 minutes past the hour. Styles and Tazz then discussed the six-man tag match of Sandman, RVD, and Dreamer vs. Show, Striker, and Test.

- They aired a video package on Hardcore Holly. They did a slow motion replay of Holly suplexing RVD through the table in his match with RVD a few weeks ago. More close ups of the huge gash in his back. Nice reinforcement of Holly's toughness. They went back to last week when Heyman turned on Holly.

- The divas discussed hot guys on Raw. They discussed Cena as a sex object. "I love ponies," Maria screamed out, channeling Brick from Anchorman. Krystal wanted to know what was up with Kelly Kelly and C.M. Punk. Maria, who was sitting next to Kelly, turned to Kelly with an inquisitive look on her face. Balls cut off that discussion for another round. Kelly had the low card so she had to take something off. Suddenly, her theme music played. She took off her plaid skirt and danced. She wasn't done. She took off her top. She still wasn't done. She unsnapped her bra and took it off as the other divas hooted and hollered. They went to a camera shot of her back. Definitely not a strategically placed camera. Well, someone did get naked on the show.

[Commercial Break]

- They aired the video package on the premiere of The Marine in San Diego.

- The did ring entrances for the six-man tag main event. RVD came out followed by Sabu. Styles said someone is going to get naked. Well, that's a smart tease to keep viewers tuned in when they might have thought Kelly Kelly's back was the only nakedness that was going to air tonight. During Sandman's entrance, they went back to Poker where Ashley lost her bottoms leaving her with bra and panties. Sandman was busted open when Show walked to the ring as the first heel opponent. Striker then came out. Krystal lost her top at poker and she showed off her icy bra. Test came out and they focused on his bacne. Styles said the match was up next.

[Commercial Break]

- They aired a No Mercy video package focusing on the top matches.

3 -- ROB VAN DAM & SABU & THE SANDMAN vs. TEST & MATT STRIKER & ECW champion BIG SHOW

RVD started things with Test. The fans chanted for RVD. Test drove RVD to the corner then landed aggressive kicks to the stomach. RVD came back with a back elbow smash into a quick turnaround splash. He caught Test's leg and landed a step through windmill kick to the face. Sabu and RVD then hit a combination Rolling Thunder splash and springboard leg drop. Nice sequence. Sandman tagged in and landed left hands to Test's forehead. Test reversed a whip to the ropes and dropped Sandman with an elbow. The heels began working on Sandman. Meanwhile, Maria took off her bottoms at the Poker table. Show took a tag then Sandman and time stood still. Show shoved Sandman aside then landed punches to the gut followed by a frying pan chop to the chest. Show continued to dominate as Trinity lost her bottoms. Sabu took a tag during the distraction then Show clubbed him across the back with a forearm blow. Test tagged in and worked on Sabu.

[Commercial Break]

Test dropped Sabu with a sidewalk slam out of the break. Striker tagged in and momentarily lost control before knocking down Sabu with a jab. He executed a swinging neck breaker for a nearfall. Sabu slipped to the outside. Test picked up Sabu around the waist and repeatedly slammed him back-first into the ringpost with one hand. Back in the ring, Striker scored a nearfall. Show took a tag and choked Sabu around the throat. He teased RVD and Sandman by holding out Sabu's hand for a tag before pulling it back. Show landed a hard chop to the chest then Sabu tried to make a comeback, but Show ran him over with a fist. Maria then took off her bustier at Poker. Sabu came back with a DDT on Show out of nowhere. He couldn't make a tag when Test came in and attacked him. Test ran over Sabu with a clothesline to cut off Sabu once again. Striker then came off the top and Sabu landed a back kick to the face to block Striker. RVD finally took the hot tag at 13:00. He worked on Striker then landed a back kick to the face. RVD went up top for a Frog splash, but Test ran in. RVD jumped over him then landed a back kick from his feet. Sabu ran off RVD's back for a splash on Test in the corner. After mass confusion, Striker was still out cold on the mat. RVD hit a top rope Five Star frogsplash. Sandman wanted a tag so RVD granted his wish. RVD flew onto Test on the outside then Sandman pounded away on Striker. He went up top and landed the rolling rock for the pin on Striker.

WINNER: Sandman, RVD, and Sabu in 16:00. Not very many dull moments, as the action stayed at a level pace. The lack of pre-match hype hurt the impact of the babyfaces finally getting a victory over the heels, specifically Sandman finally pinning Striker.

- Balls welcomed us back to Poker. "It's not a sin to show Balls some skin," he said. Candice had the lowest card. She hummed some porn music and teased taking off her bra, but stopped. The girls asked what was wrong. Candice wanted to know why everyone else has high cards and she just had a deuce. Balls said he's just dealing the cards. Maria asked if Candice was afraid or embarrassed. Candice accused Maria of cheating. Maria played innocent and Candice wasn't buying it so... Candice stripped off Maria's top revealing her breasts, which were blurred out. Maria then stripped off Candice's top, revealing her breasts, which were blurred out. Candice then took off Maria's bottoms and Maria's front and rear were blurred out. Suddenly, a cat fight broke out and Maria stripped Candice of her bottoms. OK, so both are completely naked at this point with more blurring than a Vito match. They mounted each other, which means there was genitalia contact. The other divas tried to separate Candice and Maria. The whole time this was going on, Balls pounded the table and chanted, "E-C-W". He then said he loves this job. The show closed with naked Candice mounting naked Maria and a strategically placed camera shot of Krystal's rear as she bent over to try to break up the fight.

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