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KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
MAY 1, 2003
TAPED TUESDAY IN MANCHESTER, N.H.

-Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the program.

1 -- EDDIE & CHAVO GUERRERO vs. SHANNON MOORE & MATT HARDY (w/Crash)

Chavo hit Matt with the tag title belt and then Eddie hit the Frog Splash for the win.

WINNERS: Guerreros at 4:30.

STAR RATING:

[commercial break]

-Josh Matthews (in one of the most unconvincingly delivered lines in wrestling TV history) approached Stephanie McMahon outside of Mr. America's locker room door and asked her, "Excuse me Stephanie, I don't mean to interrupt, but who is Mr. America." Steph, only after striking a fabulous pose, shot back with an unnecessarily smarmy comeback: "Well, Josh, I think you do mean to interrupt." She then said she doesn't know who he is. She signed him sight-unseen (how stupid is that premise), but she was about to meet him. Team Angle entered the picture and wanted to talk to her about the Guerreros' cheating ways. She said they learned a lesson about the ways of the Guerreros the hard way. She said the Guerreros would have to return the belts, but said at Judgment Day she is signing a Team Angle vs. Guerreros rematch with the belts suspended high above the ring in a ladder match.

-Cole and Tazz discussed Rey Mysterio's injuries suffered at the hands of Big Show at the PPV. They showed clips of the incident.

-Stephanie walked out of the Mr. America locker room with a look of shock on her face.

[commercial break]

-They showed footage of Rey being loaded into an ambulance after the PPV. Tazz said what Show did was despicable and added: "You don't break the code of the locker room. You don't break the code."

-Big Show entered the ring. He said people have been telling him to pick on people his own size, but said there isn't anyone in WWE his size. He said at least his opponent, Funaki, is bigger than Mysterio.

2 - BIG SHOW vs. FUNAKI

Big Show dominated early. Funaki came back with a top rope dropkick at 1:45. He followed with a swinging DDT off the ropes. Tazz and Cole said they'd love to see the locker room to see all of the wrestlers cheering on Funaki. They're doing a good job painting Big Show as someone who "went too far" in response to being humiliated. Show came back and lifted Funaki for a chokeslam, but set him down to tease that he thinking twice, but then he nailed him with a hard clothesline for the win. "This man deserves to be ostracized by the locker room," Cole said.

WINNER: Big Show at 3:15.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Effectively told the story it needed to do.

-A stagehand entered Stephanie's locker room, acting extremely concerned for her emotional state. She said she just needed a few minutes. The stagehand told her that her father was on his way to the arena. She seemed surprised.

[commercial break]

-Backstage Show got cold-shouldered by the wrestlers other than A-Train, who told him no matter what others say, he thinks what he did was great.

John Cena [artist Joseph Borzotta (c) PWTorch]

-John Cena came out next. Cole said at one point Cena was just a half count away from beating Brock Lesnar, as if that's some sort of rarity in any title match. Cena said he got screwed at Backlash. "It was a miscarriage of justice," he said. He went into his regionalized heat-generating lines about the Mets and Red Sox (at which point 90 percent of the viewers yawn) and even a tired Bill Buckner reference. He said Brock tapped out to his headlock. Cole said he's not sure what match Cena was watching. Brian Kendrick came out to his music. He mocked Cena and referred to himself as "Spanky Dog." He said he heard Cena's lies and has come up with a rap in response (he's a quick lyricist). Cena ordered ref Brian Hebner at ringside to provide a beat for Kendrick. Hebner embarrassed Cena by actually providing a good baseline. Kendrick delivered a funny rap in which he encouraged and received crowd participation. Cena lost patience and attacked Kendrick with a clothesline. Very good segment. Kendrick has been a really good addition to the WWE roster. Cena, needless to say, is the hippest character in WWE and a top tier player for years to come.

[commercial break]

3 -- CHRIS BENOIT vs. JOHNNY STAMBOLLI (w/Chuck Palumbo, Nunzio)

Benoit took control during the body of the match with a series of clotheslines, a snap suplex, and then a German suplex. Benoit had to fend off Palumbo on the ring apron, then hit his top rope headbutt. Nunzio entered the ring with a chair. Rhyno came out and gave the Gore to Nunzio, then punched out Palumbo. Benoit and Rhyno stood side-by-side in the ring alone. The ref then dictated the match would be made into a tag match. So that's how match-making works, huh? Wrestlers interfere and referees suddenly have the authority to turn a singles match into a tag. It served as a nice transition into a commercial break.

WINNER: No Decision.

[commercial break]

4 -- CHRIS BENOIT & RHYNO vs. JOHNNY STAMBOLLI & CHUCK PALUMBO (w/Nunzio)

Rhyno worked the bulk of the first few minutes after the break. The pace slowed with the heels methodically working over Rhyno, using double-team moves to retain control.

THE PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS INTERRUPTED SMACKDOWN IN MY MARKET AT THIS POINT.

Torch correspondent Anthoni DeBlasi's tapings report fills in details on what was missed...

-Stephanie is shown in the parking lot speaking to Vince McMahon. While on the cell phone, she is approached by Brock. Stephanie tells him that he had the night off, but Brock asks to go to the ring as he needs to confront someone.

-Brock opens up by complimenting Cena from Sunday. He then challenges Big Show, saying that he had no heart after what he did to Rey at the PPV. Big Show comes out and they have a verbal confrontation. Brock challenges Big Show to a match so he could kick his fat ass. Big Show accepts, but says the infamous "Not Tonight". It was not announced, but this will probably be signed for Judgement Day.

TWENTY-FOUR MINUTES LATER, THE SHOW WAS REJOINED IN PROGRESS IN MY MARKET...

5 -- TEAM ANGLE vs. AARON STEVENS & JOHN WALTERS

This match didn't air, but Team Angle's post-match celebration did. Afterward, The Guerreros showed off that they had just stolen Kurt Angle's Olympic Gold Medals off off of the portrait of Angle setting at ringside during their match.

-Sable put her hand on Torrie Wilson's shoulder backstage. Torrie told her to take her hand off of her. Sable criticized her attitude and asked if she was ready for their match. Torrie said she doesn't know what she's up to, but she doesn't appreciate her lying to Stacy about what happened between she and Test at Backlash. "I don't trust you and definitely don't want to tag with you tonight. Got it?" Sable said she's not sure why Stephanie made the match, but like it or not they're stuck as partners. "We can be great partners as long as you're willing to play with me," Sable added, twirling her hair seductively. She told Torrie to consider what happened to her last week as an example of what she does when she doesn't get what she wants. She said they play for the same team.

[commercial break]

6 -- DAWN MARIE & NIDIA (w/Jamie Noble) vs. TORRIE & SABLE

Nidia beat up Torrie in the opening minutes. Sloppy action, though. Marie tagged in at 2:00. When Torrie attempted to tag in Sable, Sable didn't reach out to accept the tag. Sable just gazed down at her with a smile and leaned back. Sable then walked away at 3:00. Torrie then tapped out to a half Boston crab. Tazz said, "Sable has an agenda, we just don't know what it is."

WINNERS: Marie & Nidia at 3:33 via submission.

STAR RATING: DUD - The match was just a backdrop for the Sable-Torrie angle. Dawn Marie went from a major character on Smackdown to virtually ignored.

-Outside the arena Stephanie met Vince McMahon and attempted to tell him what she found out about Mr. America (i.e. that he's Hulk Hogan). Vince wouldn't listen to her because he was too excited to go see Mr. America for himself.

[commercial break]

-Piper's Pit: Roddy Piper came out with Sean O'Haire. Piper first sent Chris Jericho a message, saying he'll let him know when he loses weight as long as Jericho lets him know when he gains any talent. Piper then said he has agreed to let Mr. America debut on Piper's Pit. Hulk Hogan's old "Real American" entrance music played and out came Mr. America, obviously Hulk Hogan dressed up in red, white, and blue with a matching mask and a boa. Blond hair stuck out the back of the mask. He looked 15 years younger. He posed and strummed air guitar just as Hogan has done for years. Piper threw a fit and said: "This is not the land of stupidity. You aren't Mr. America, you are Hulk Hogan. I know it for a fact." Mr. America began: "Let me tell you something, brother. That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard, dude. I'm gonna let you off with a warning just once, but if you ever bad-mouth this country of America, I'll be more than happy to kick your ass from sea to shining sea, dude, because I am freedom, I am justice, and I am liberty for all." A "USA, USA" chant broke out. Vince McMahon stepped out bug-eyed in anger at what he was watching backstage. He stepped into the ring and grabbed the mic from Piper. "How dare you," he said. Vince told Hogan he is going to sue him because he breached his contract. Mr. America once again denied he was Hulk Hogan, and he told Vince to ask the fans. Vince said if he is Mr. America, that's fine. He then said as chairman of WWE, he's firing Mr. America. America said he can't fire him because he signed a contract with Stephanie which said he couldn't be fired or suspended. McMahon said fine, then he'll prove he's Hogan by ripping his mask off with the help of Piper and O'Haire. Hogan beat up all three and left the ring waving a huge American flag. Red, white, and blue confetti poured from the ceiling as Piper threw a fit and McMahon grimaced in frustration.

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