Torch Flashbacks KELLER'S WWE ARMAGEDDON PPV REPORT 5 YRS. AGO (12-12-04): JBL vs. Eddie vs. Taker vs. Booker T, John Cena vs. Jesus Aguilera
Dec 13, 2009 - 5:08:51 PM
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WWE ARMAGEDDON PPV REPORT - 5 years ago
DECEMBER 12, 2004
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, TORCH EDITOR
-"The End" by The Doors was the soundtrack to an introductory video for the PPV.
-Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the show from ringside, then the Spanish announce team introduced themselves.
1 -- ROB VAN DAM & REY MYSTERIO vs. KENZO SUZUKI (w/Hiroku) & RENE DUPREE
Cole said the last time WWE was in Atlanta was for the 2002 Royal Rumble. He said the fans were jacked. RVD dropped Rey on top of Kenzo with a legdrop, which Cole said is called the "420." He said that's because four legs are involved and their combined shoe sizes are 20. What a coincidence. Kenzo blocked an early 619 attempt by Mysterio. RVD leaped off the apron with a legdrop onto Dupree at ringside. Kenzo threw Dupree back into the ring, which led to a quick two count by RVD. RVD and Mysterio double-teamed Dupree and scored another near fall. Tazz commented that RVD and Mystery had great chemistry. Dupree fired back with a high standing dropkick. RVD monkey-flipped Dupree toward Rey who flew off the top rope and overshot Dupree and basically leapfrogged him. That led to a two count. Dupree clotheslined RVD at 6:00 and tagged out to Kenzo. Kenzo figured the best way to keep the match going was to stand in the corner, make exaggerated ridiculous faces, and then go into a chinlock. Some fans chanted "RVD, RVD." RVD quickly elbowed out of it. Kenzo, though, remained on offense. RVD, though, surprised Kenzo with a jump reverse sidekick and then tag-tagged Mysterio at 7:30. Rey fended off an interfering Dupree with a series of ten punches in the corner. Kenzo, though, dropped Rey's throat over the top rope as Hiroku distracted the ref. Torrie Wilson ran to the ring and chased Hiroku to the back. Kenzo choked Mysterio in the ring as Dupree watched the women run to the back. Kenzo gave Mysterio a Flair-like jumping kneedrop to the head. He followed up with a half-hearted armbar. Mysterio punched out of it and crawled over to hot-tag RVD, but he couldn't reach him before Kenzo yanked his leg. Kenzo tagged Dupree back in, who promptly went into a facelock and then a surfboard. Rey flip-kicked out of it and dove to tag RVD, but Dupree stopped him, then tagged in Kenzo. The heels kept preventing Rey from tagging out to RVD for several minutes. At 14:45 Rey finally made the hot tag to RVD, who worked over Dupree including a split-legged moonsault for a two count. RVD and Mysterio doubled on Dupree, prompting Kenzo to interfere. Dupree and Kenzo attempted to double-team RVD, but RVD fended them off. RVD set up both heels for 619s. Rey hit Dupree, but didn't hit Kenzo. Kenzo wisely didn't sell it since he didn't get hit. RVD then hit the Five-Star on Dupree for the win.
WINNERS: RVD & Mysterio at 17:11 to retain the WWE Tag Titles.
STAR RATING: **3/4 -- The best match you could probably see RVD & Mysterio carry Dupree & Suzuki to. A really solid opener, if not a bit formula in places. I can't believe Kenzo was smart enough not to sell the 619 when it didn't hit him, even though the spot was set up for him to be hit at the same time as Dupree. It was one of those matches were everything fell into place.
-A soundbite aired with Daniel Puder talking about the Dixie Dogfight later with Mike Mizanin. As Cole and Tazz talked about Miz's chances, Kurt Angle's music began and he made his way to the ring.
-Kurt Angle told the fans he was going to treat them to a "very special Kurt Angle Invitational." Fans don't chant "what" as persistently at Angle anymore now that Steve Austin is becoming a more distant memory. He said he was putting his gold medal on the line against someone who like him treats his craft very seriously - Santa Clause. Santa then ran out. The crowd wasn't impressed with Santa. Angle said he works hard every night and can't wait to go home to see his little daughter. He said all his daughter wants to do is write letters to Santa. He said Santa gives real heroes like himself a bad name. He said he was going to let his daughter watch the PPV tonight so she could see him tap out. Angle then gave Santa a couple suplexes, then made him tapout to an anklelock. The wig fell off of Santa right away. It wasn't anyone recognizable. "Talk about a scrooge," said Cole.
-A soundbite aired with Mizanin saying people are saying he's an underdog. He said he has never been an underdog and he would not be embarrassed tonight. "Eat it, Puder!" he concluded, slamming his gloves together.
-A video recap aired of the Tough Enough happenings.
2 -- DANIEL PUDER vs. MIKE MIZANIN
Al Snow joined Cole and Tazz at ringside. Before the fight, Teddy Long stepped into the ring and said as Smackdown G.M. he gives fans something special, and tonight would be no different. He said the Dixie Dogfight would test who was tougher. He seemed to ramble and lose his train of thought mid-speech. The crowd seemed quite bored. Thomas Mischou of the Georgia Boxing Commission was overseeing the fight, and boxing ref George Chip was officiating. Tazz said Miz "wants it bad" and acknowledged that he had been wrestling on the indy circuit for over two years. Tazz asked Snow what Miz was like during the training throughout the week. Snow said he has the most important attribute - he has a passion for wrestling. Both Miz and Puder were given padded headgear. Snow said he is nervous for them. Snow said a million dollars was riding on the match, even though technically fan voting, not a KO or point win will determine the Tough Enough winner. When the match began, Miz went at Puder with a vengeance. He held his own, although there weren't any solid punches landing that really seemed to have a big effect. After a minute, Snow said Miz won the first round. Even though Puder landed one or two solid punches, Miz was more aggressive and landed more in general. The crowd was into Miz for surviving so long. Snow acknowledged that the audience decides who wins Tough Enough. Miz again went after Puder hard, but Miz ended up turning his back. When Puder went after him, Miz raised an elbow and got mad. Snow said Miz was being a bit overly aggressive. The crowd booed after the second round. Cole said he thought Puder won the round. Snow said Puder should have been disqualified for punching Miz from behind during that round. Snow guaranteed a knockout in the third round. Seconds into the third round, Snow said Puder seemed more controlled. Snow said Miz was doing his best to knock Puder out. Tazz said, "He wasn't supposed to win this thing, but he's looking pretty smart." Puder scored with a punch later, but Miz didn't go down. The fans were either silent or booed when the third round bell rang. Long said, "This match has went the distance." He then said the decision would be left up to the fans. He asked the fans if the winner would be Miz. They cheered. Then he asked Puder. They cheered, and it was louder for Puder but not by much. Cole said, "Wow. Sounds like a tie." Long said, "It seems to me we have a winner tonight; Daniel Puder." Cole quickly said that fans will vote to determine the winner. Miz leaned against the top rope and seemed dejected, but in reality he should have been proud. Miz and Puder hugged. Snow asked Miz afterward if he would have fought a different fight in retrospect. He said he would have avoided his overhead right more, but he held his own. He said the fans would vote on Thursday. Snow told Puder that according to the fans, he won the fight. They replayed a punch Puder landed. Puder cut a brief promo. Snow then asked fans to vote and said voting ends tomorrow night at midnight and the winner would be announced at Smackdown on Thursday. They should cut into the pretaped Smackdown with a live announcement of the winner so that result doesn't get out ahead of time. Miz holding his own against an "ultimate fighter" gives him a huge advantage in the last second voting among those who saw the PPV. WWE probably knows internally, based on how voting has gone each week, who is most likely to win. If Miz is likely going to win fan voting, it's pure speculation, but Puder may have been asked to take it easy on Miz since WWE knows Miz is going to end up with a four-year contract worth $1 million.
WINNER: Puder via crowd cheers after three one minute rounds.
-Eddie Guerrero and Booker T discussed the main event later. Guerrero said he had a plan. "What if you take out Undertaker, and I'll take out JBL. I've done it before and I know I can do it." Booker suggested they team up to take out Undertaker, then team up to take out JBL, then find out whose tougher between them. Undertaker walked up behind them and overheard their plotting. Guerrero had a comical reaction. Taker stared them down, then walked away. A nervous Guerrero walked away. Well done.
3 -- THE BASHAMS vs. CHARLIE HAAS & HARDCORE HOLLY
The two teams got into a bit of a shove and slap fest before the bell. Basic tag action. Nothing special at all, but not bad, either. At 6:00 Dawn ran to the ring and got into it with Jackie. Meanwhile, the Bashams switched laces and that led to an unsuspecting Holly getting rolled up for the three count. Holly's shoulders clearly weren't on the mat. Holly yelled at Haas afterward, telling him to worry about what's going on in the ring, not between the women.
WINNERS: The Bashams at 6:50.
STAR RATING: *
-A mock "West Side Story" skit aired with a few dozen wig-wearing WWE wrestlers squaring off and singing about the Royal Rumble. Then they cut to Vince McMahon waking up in a cold sweat. He said, "That's not the type of Royal Rumble I had in mind!" Cole and Tazz laughed about Vince's bad dream.
-A recap aired of the Carlito Cool-John Cena feud.
4 --JOHN CENA vs. JESUS (w/Carlito Cool)
Cena, wearing a "RUCK FULES" t-shirt (a la Steve Austin's "F@ck Fear, Drink Beer" t-shirt) looked goulish and pale, as if he hadn't slept for four days. He looked like he had been spending time in Paul Bearer's make-up room. Cena, the champ, came to the ring first for some reason, as did RVD & Mysterio earlier. Cena wore a U.S.Title belt that had a spinning faceplate a la the spinning hubcaps that are all the rage. Cena went after Jesus even before the bell with a barrrage of punches. He beat him in the corner and the ref didn't even count for a break. Cena showed nice fire, but didn't get much response. Cena then choked Jesus over the bottom rope. Jesus regained control with a rake of the eyes, then nailed Cena with a blow to the kidney with a kendo stick. That just enraged Cena, who bashed Jesus over the head with the stick. At ringside, Cena broke the stick across his arm. Cena played to the crowd and got a nice pop. Jesus ended up bleeding from the forehead. In the tradition of Austin's late-career PPV matches, he and Jesus methodically brawled through the crowd. Cena used trash can lid and a sign, plus used a chain to hit Carlito. Back in the ring, Cena gave the FU to Jesus for the clean win.
WINNER: Cena at 7:51 to retain the U.S. Hvt. Title.
STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Since we don't see bloody stand-up brawls through crowds as often as in the past, this gets more than one star, plus Cena's all-business intensity was appropriate for the feud. I'm against customized belts for champions because it makes the wrestler bigger than the belt, when the belt should be coveted by wrestlers. That's like if the San Jose Sharks won the Stanley Cup, they replaced the Cup with a sharp statue. There should be a reverence and tradition given to the belt, not out of a "nerdy adherence" to the industry's history, but rather for the sake of making sure the belt has the best chance to be a draw in and of itself.
-Backstage, Jackie complained about Dawn Marie costing him his match earlier. Haas said he was getting tired. Jackie said their engagement is supposed to be the happiest time of their lives. Abstinence and wedding planning are supposed to be the best time in their lives? Jackie and Haas made out a little. Tazz asked if there was a rule against making out with the referee before your match. I think that probably isn't an issue that comes up all that often.
5 -- DAWN MARIE vs. JACKIE GAYDA
Gayda roleld up Dawn from behind, but Dawn rolled through and yanked on the tights for the three count. Jackie was upset that Haas didn't see the yank on the tights. Haas said it was a three count. Haas said he is tired of trying to keep them apart. He said he can't help that there's a rumor that he and Dawn are having an affair. He said, "The truth is, Dawn and I are having an affair. As of now, our engagement is off." He told her to stop crying because she is a beautiful young woman who will make someone really happy. He said, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you. When it comes to making love with you, it's like making love to a dead wet wish. Making love with Dawn is as hot as Atlanta, Georgia on the Fourth of July." Haas then kneeled in front of Dawn with a ring and asked her to marry him. Haas then said to Dawn, "Why are you such a slut?" He added, "I wouldn't marry either one of you." He walked out. The crowd had no idea who to cheer. There was a small "Charlie, Charlie" chant.
WINNER: Dawn Marie at 1:55.
STAR RATING: n/a -- Too short to amount to anything. Their catfights had been so good, this was a letdown.
-Backstage Big Show made out with Joy before heading to the ring.
6 -- BIG SHOW vs. MARK JINDRAK & LUTHER REIGNS & KURT ANGLE
Tazz said Big Show keeps his head shaved as a signal to Angle that he remembers what he did to him. That must be why Angle keeps his head shaved (i.e. not severe male pattern baldness); he wants to send a message to Edge every week. Angle got control at 5:00 with a front facelock. Show eventually stood up and lifted Angle into the air. Reigns hit Show from behind. Angle tagged back in and pulled off an Angle Slam on Show at 9:00. Jindrak and Reigns attempted to double-team Show, but he flung them away easily - too easily to be credible. Show then gave Jindrak an F5 type move and scored a clean win. Cole and Tazz suggested the move should be called an "F-500." They didn't mention Brock Lesnar by name, but the mention of the F-5 may be a foreshadowing of his return.
WINNER: Big Show at 10:02.
STAR RATING: * -- Pretty bland.
-Cole said Smackdown would be going back to Iraq this Christmas season for a special Dec. 23 edition of the show. A recap aired of Christmas from Bagdad last year.
-Funaki interviewed himself backstage. Spike Dudley said that it was pathetic he had to interview himself and then mocked his accent.
7 -- SPIKE DUDLEY vs. FUNAKI
When Cole said Tazz was never a cruiserweight, Tazz acknowledged that he was the height of a cruiserweight but the weight of a heavyweight, "and that was the problem," he said while chuckling. Basically heavyweight-style wrestling from two smaller wrestlers; not exactly a way to get the title or the division over. On the bright side, this title being defended this late on the card is a sign of some respect. At 8:00 Funaki scored a near fall after an enzuigiri. Funaki went to the top rope and hit a crossbody block for another near fall at 8:30. The crowd was "oohing and ahhing." Spike almost landed on his head during a flip by Funaki, which led to a leverage pin with Funaki scoring the leverage pin out of nowhere. Funaki was so excited, he ran to ringside and slapped hands with the Spanish announce team. Spike walked backwards down the aisle with a dropped jaw look of shock.
WINNER: Funaki at 9:38 to capture the Cruiserweight Title.
STAR RATING: *1/4
8 -- JBL vs. BOOKER T vs. EDDIE GUERRERO vs. UNDERTAKER -- WWE Title match
Before the match, JBL solemnly hugged his title belt as his Cabinet looked on with sad faces. Basically, they played up JBL's resignation to losing the title so strongly, it was the equivalent of the announcers yelling, "This is it! It's over" during a pin attempt that ends with a kickout before three. In other words, JBL is retaining the title based on WWE's predictable, hammer-over-the-head reverse psychology. After a few minutes of action, Booker and Guerrero teamed up to beat on JBL Taker was recovering at ringside from an early-match brawl. When Guerrero went for a cover on JBL at 4:30, Booker yanked him off. As Booker yelled at Guerrero, JBL rolled up Booker from behind. Undertaker returned to the ring and DDT'd Booker T for a two count. As Taker beat on Booker at ringside, Guerrero jumped onto Taker's back. Booker then kicked Taker. Taker retaliated by throwing Booker into the front row of fans. Back in the ring Taker was going to walk the top rope and give a forearm to Booker, but Guerrero interrupted. Taker fended him off and then walked the rope and forearmed Taker. The crowd didn't react much to Taker's signature move. Taker then gave Booker a DDT. Guerrero broke up the pin attempt. Taker tossed Guerrero over the top rope. Taker legdropped Guerrero on the ring apron. JBL, after some rest, blindsided Taker with a clothesline. JBL then rammed Booker into the ringside stairs at 13:00. Guerrero used a ladder to knock Taker down as soon as Taker showed some signs of life. Back in the ring, meanwhile, JBL beat on Booker. JBL brought his belt into the ring, but before he could use it, Booker gave him a wheel kick to the chest. He cleaned house on Guerrero, too, giving him a scissors kick. Cole and Tazz yelled that Booker "was going to do it" and "was the new champ," meaning Guerrero was of course going to kick out. He did kick out. At ringside, Booker superkicked Taker. JBL then rammed Booker's face into the ringside stairs. JBL then powerbombed Booker on the announcers' table. Booker slipped a bit during the move, so JBL didn't have the height to break the easily-collapsible table. JBL then dropped an elbow on Booker, which caused the table to collapse. Taker then attacked JBL. He then powerbombed JBL onto the table, with collapsed. Taker was nice enough to remove the monitors from the table first. Someone's job in WWE should be to remove the monitors when it appears a wrestler is going to use the table as a landing pad for a move rather than having the wrestlers do it since it makes no sense that a wrestler would protect his opponent by removing the monitors. Back in the ring, Taker caught Guerrero and gave him a chokeslam. Cole declared Taker was about to become WWE Champion, which predictably gave away that he wasn't about to become WWE Champion. Taker set up Guerrero for a Last Ride, but Guerrero punched out of it. He then went to the top rope and hit his Frog Splash. He went to the other corner and hit another. Taker kicked out at two. That was lame of Taker to diminish Guerrero's finisher like that. It would have been bad enough if Taker kicked out clean after one Frog Splash, but two?! Guerrero set up a ladder and landed a Frog Splash off the top of it (the ref was nice enough to hold the ladder in place during the launch). When Guerrero made the cover, JBL yanked the referee out of the ring to stop the count. Guerrero rammed Taker with a ladder, sending Taker to ringside. Guerrero then set up the ladder in center-ring. He rammed Bradshaw into the ladder, then hit his Three Amigos vertical suplex series. Guerrero covered JBL, but Booker broke up the pin attempt. Booker nailed JBL with a scissors kick, but Taker broke up the pin attempt. Taker gave Guerrero a Snake Eyes and a big boot followed by a running legdrop for a two count. Notice Guerrero didn't "get to" kick out of any of Taker's signature spots. Those have to be protected, of course. Taker chokeslammed Booker, then Guerrero, then JBL. Taker signalled for the end of the match. He then set up JBL for a Tombstone, but Heidenreich attacked Taker before he could execute the move. He gave Taker a spinning slam, then left the ring. JBL then crawled over to Booker T and draped his arm over Booker for a near fall. JBL then crawled over and covered Guerrero. He scored a two count. JBL then went to Taker, but Taker sat up. Heidenreich yanked Taker out of the ring and put him in a Cobra Clutch. JBL then gave Booker a Clothesline from Hell and scored the pin.
WINNER: JBL at 25:38 to retain the WWE Title.
STAR RATING: ***1/4 -- Solid four-way match. The Heidenreich interference took away from the match, but at least fit the storyline of the Taker-Heidenreich feud. There were some good big spots and decent dramatic near falls.
-Cole plugged Raw's New Year's Resolution PPV, then said, "But Raw is going to have a tough time topping what we're bringing you here tonight." That's not a ringing endorsement of the potential quality of New Year's Resolution.
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