Absurdity of it All ABSURDITY OF IT ALL: Why TNA Didn't Succeed On Mondays - Lack of CGI Effects, What Randy Orton Does Off The Clock, Real Reason WM26 Buys Dropped
May 9, 2010 - 12:35:37 PM
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By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist
"Straight out of your mind
You see I'm well aware
You're out of your mind
It's straight
I said your name
It slipped off my tongue
Pointed at the camera laughing at you"
-"CMND/CTRL" by Deftones
-So Mick Foley called out Triple H for his "horsing around" comment directed at ring announcer Lilian Garcia. Later on his MySpace blog, the Hardcore Legend wrote that he hoped that his criticism of Triple H wouldn't cost him a job in WWE.
This is another reason why many people don't feel Triple H is the King of Kings. More like the Prince of Pricks. Or the Duke of Douches. To have so much pull within a company is one thing. But to have your backstage career sometimes overshadow your in-ring career is bad. I hope the fellas over in WWE aren't so shallow to let one Foley criticism of the King impede the progress of Foley working in WWE again.
Writers such as myself can criticize wrestlers like Triple H because (1) sometimes things need to be pointed out and (2) there's no threat of punishment. Heck, that would be great if Trips did respond back! That's free publicity right there. If Trips Pedigreed me through a burning table, that's the first thing I'm putting on my resume.
But let's give Trips some love. Wrestlers in general are never going to be as respected by the general public like regular sport stars. Just the other day I was reading some douche's article about wrestling on the Syfy network and here is what the author wrote: "Because when you think of science-fiction, you think of steroid-infused wrestlers." And accompanying this article was a picture of Triple H doing his he-man pose.
-Speaking about backstage politics overshadowing an in-ring career...Hulk Hogan. Did a slight grimace come over your face right now? It seems like the common TNA fan is saying, "Man, it was better in the old days before Hogan/Bischoff." Is Hogan all about the money? Yes. Yes he is. Dollar bills y'all. Now excuse me, I've got to wipe out the entire TNA roster with my legendary Hogan punches.
-Is Hogan's dominance of everybody really a shock? God needs to ask Hogan for permission before the Rapture can happen.
-Impact moving back to Thursday night was pretty much inevitable after that 0.5 Impact. TNA threw in everything and the kitchen sink to make Monday Night Impact work. It didn't. Impact wasn't even going against Monday Night Football. Spike TV executives were probably disappointed that Impact could never really break the 1.0 rating.
What is Spike TV running next Monday night in Impact's previous timeslot? Probably a Star Wars movie. That's what Impact was missing: CGI effects. Imagine Hogan shooting lasers from his HOF ring at Flair. Pew! Pew! Flair selling post-production CGI lasers. Make it happen.
-The Edge-Orton feud might just be the feud to tide WWE over until the Summer of Rock comes.
-Randy Orton is getting a lot of Stone Cold Steve Austin comparisons. The character of Stone Cold drank beer, went hunting, and did other redneck stuff when he wasn't stunning Vince McMahon, nuns, and the physically disabled. What does the character of Randy Orton do in his off-time? I'm guessing drinking absinthe, listening to goth metal, and thinking he's the reincarnation of Dracula.
-Man, Jack Swagger's "I'm better than you in everything" bit is highly annoying. Maybe he can impress fans by picking up that big lug Big Show. I hope they play more on Jack being a gifted brat and Show being the normal Joe whose idea of fine dining is going to Wienerschnitzel for a combo meal.
-The other member of team SheamusSwag, the Pale Warrior, looks to have his hands full with John Cena. I wouldn't mind a triple threat match at the Over the Limit PPV with Cena, Batista, and Sheamus for Sheamus to win the gold by pinning Batista. Evil Sheamus already has catchphrases: "Fella" and "Oy." Maybe he could be really evil if he said a naughty word like "Damn" or "ratfarts." Ooooh, he's the spawn of Satan, Micheal Cole.
-Is Daniel Bryan a "kid?" He looks like a 35-year-old father of two.
-The only thing remotely Rated-R about Monday Night was Jericho saying "jackass," and that's stretching. Y2J probably got whipped by Vince for doing that.
-The real reason why WrestleMania 26 buyrates were down? No home invasion angles.
-In other unsurprising news, NXT continues to stink.
-Nice move from WWE with the "Drew McIntyre fired" storyline. The Sinister Scotsman vs. Matt Hardy on a PPV?
-Who's going to replace my Mike Knox man-crush? It's...Cody Rhodes. Surprising, right? Cody's been nothing but an Orton cabana boy on Raw, but I saw his match with Christian on Smackdown and I was won over. Cody did a flying karate kick from the steel steps for the hell of it.
-Christian clapping in every match is getting old for me.
-Over The Limit has this great new feature: all of the wrestlers perform while they are intoxicated...more than usual. Hell, I can probably do a MVP match blind drunk (clotheslines, knee to face, "ballin'!" Playmaker, and there you go.)
-Dolph Ziggler's sleeper hold reminds me of the "MMA rush," where Matt Striker goes into a high-pitched frenzy over how deadly this hold on. Maybe Dolph should compete at UFC 114 just to see how he'll fare.
-That's it for me. A limo just pulled up outside my place and...oh my gosh, it's Triple H!
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