By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

You know, I'm bound to see a decapitation in TNA at some point. Even if it's obviously a fake head, still, think of cool that would be. Could Slammiversary have used a decapitation? Sure could have. It was a whole lot of nothing, but a solid whole lot of nothing. It's odd that we were left shrugging our shoulders and going, "Well, at least the PPV ended without Sting falling comically into a hole in the ring." There were good, solid matches like Angle vs. Kaz and Lethal vs. Flair, Jr.

Some things to point out...

-Something was definitely up with the jacked up crowd. The scene outside the Impact Zone before the PPV started was a crazy scene. People were chanting "Abyss" like crazed soccer hooligans.



-The question of why Roxxi, who was recently brought back last month, was placed in a "career ending match" will escape wrestling fans for years to come. Some things are just unexplainable.

-Somewhere, somehow, Brother Ray got into his head that "I must not ever, ever do a clean job." You know, I would have beat you if I wasn't distracted by that shiny object...oh look, a red car!

-I've seen game avatars give more convincing performances than Chelsea. We have a feeling that she just doesn't "get it." Apparently she wants to be with Abyss. Say what you want about the Gumshoe Kane storyline, but at least I get to see 1,000 chokeslams on every Smackdown. With this Abyss storyline, all I get to see are rushed storyline bits weakening my spirit.

-Sorry to repeat this question again, but here goes: "Um, where's Samoa Joe?" I mention this because didn't Joe get a lot of TV time on Impact?

-To many people, these are the things fans will remember about TNA in 2010.

(1) They brought in Hogan
(2) Bischoff showcased his guitar skills
(3) They made RVD champion
(4) The word "asshole" got over

Heck of a battle plan, fellas.

-"Millions of wrestling fans, distraught over the anguish that the injured Jeff Jarrett must feel after being attacked by Sting, will watch with baited breath as Stings challenges RVD for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship"...I'm sure it looks good inside the TNA bubble, but you only have to stop a random TNA fan on the street to hear their thoughts: "Jeff Jarrret? He's still around?"

I figured that the end of the PPV would have "Lady GaGa" (Jeff Jarrett in drag) come out and attack Sting as planned, but clobber RVD instead because hair, glitter, and mascara were in his eyes. TNA would shrug their shoulders and set up storylines accordingly.

Remember that Dixie Carter said that there's going to be an earth-shattering, top-to-bottom epic change in TNA? It's not the inclusion of another ECW Original looking to spend time in the Florida sun. What kind this surprise could it be?

(1) They leak who turned Undertaker into a vegetable (it's Kane), ruining ten weeks of the Detective Kane storyline.

(2) "Oh my gosh, it's...it's...the Karate Kid Ralph Macchio!"

(3) Since it's such a hit with Hollywood movies nowadays, they announce that Impact will be going "3D." Get ready for horror as TNA writers create pointless skits with arbitrary things popping at you like a ball, a rubber shark, or the World title. Or the Beautiful People's entrance...in 3D. Sad pervs everywhere rejoice. (But, come on, seeing Taz and Tenay put on 3D glasses while those girls are coming down...)




(4) They announce that they are going bankrupt because they are doing things like serving up RVD vs. Sting as a main event for a PPV.

(5) A tearful Scott Hall promises to clean up the BP oil spill by himself...then neglects to show up.

(6) "Mr. Anderson is laid out cold. Damn you Ralph Macchio! Damn you to hell!"

(7) They announce the "big" start of the "Tiny Division," and out comes the cast of "Half-Size Pint Brawlers" while the flabbergasted duo of Taz & Tenay try to come up with as many short puns as humanly possible.




I'm going with the last one. That's it for me. Gonna get me my official TNA Vuvuzela at tnashop.com. You should head there now. Like, right now. I'm sure they've got 12 different "I'm a Anderson Asshole" t-shirts up.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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