By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

-So, I was talking to the ECW Original legend himself, Tommy Dreamer. I asked him what TNA has in store for him. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Dunno. I just show up in the arena whenever I feel like it and TNA makes a deal out of it. Did you catch me at the President's Oil Spill address? Obama hired me to formulate a committee...to kick that oil spill's ass! USA! USA!" He then rushed off to the oil spill, barbed wire in hand. He will be missed.

-Speaking about missing people, Scott Hall is out da door. I should be relieved, but I'm not. I guess I'm a softie for the big galoot. I use the "Razor Ramon" persona at bars, chico. Heavage, greasy hair, and big fat gold medallions work every time.

Eric Bischoff opens up Impact and informs us that The Band have been stripped of those tag team titles, which is a shock, because we had forgotten who had the TNA Tag Team titles. "Attention! We are super serious about these titles which people have forgotten about! Because nowadays titles mean something in TNA! What that something is, we don't know!" Who took away the tag team titles? THE CHAMPIONSHIP COMMITTEE. They are sort of like TNA MANAGEMENT years ago. They're mysterious, you hardly ever see them, and their decisions are quite puzzling. Example: Abyss. Effin Abyss.

-It seems the only way Lethal can get over if he's imitating another guy. We rejoiced when his Macho Man gimmick, ooh, yeah, dig it, died, but now people on the Internet are buzzing about his Ric Flair impersonation. And, hey, it made TNA take a look at him. So it's not all bad. Maybe Lethal should do a pigmentation job and change his skin to white. ("I'm not looking for a 'Sheamus' white. I want it to look like a fried piece of bacon.") There, I solved the problem of TNA using up Ric Flair's dates.

So, it's Lethal vs. Flair at Victory Road. The buildup for the match so far is Flair talking about how long he's gonna have sex with Lethal. You might think, "Oh, that's just Flair losing himself in the moment." If I were Lethal though, I would be careful. Tenay: "What's this, Taz? Flair is showing up in the middle of the ring...in his boxers?" Taz: "Wouldn't be the first time."

It's a tough time for young wrestling fans. You've got a 60-year old babbling on about how he's gonna give it to Lethal for an hour and talking about the mysterious Four Horsemen. While it's nice to piggyback on previous hot acts, let's bring it back to reality: it's 2010. Talking about the Four Horsemen is a little...ancient.

Flair's goons (Styles, Kaz, Robert Roode, Desmond Wolfe) are now titled "Fortune." I get it, TNA. Flair's mag could be "Wired," RVD's mag "High Times," and Hogan's mag could be "Shucking Meat Cookers And Dryers."




-During the Jeff Jarrett-Sting confrontation, there was an obnoxious screaming fan. JJ probably planted the fan. "Oh my gosh, Jeff Jarrett! You're so not old and you've got great abs and a great fashion style! You're so hawtttt!!"

-In the Sting-Jarrett feud, I will be on the lookout for these guys throwing each other into PPV posters. Have we found out why Sting is so moody? Not really. But it doesn't really matter anyway. Sting's a rogue agent for that other wrestling show on Spike TV called "Pint-Sized Brawlers" and he wants to destroy Impact. Or perhaps Sting just preferred the old Impact of Shark Boy comedy skits. How dare you take that away, Hogan.

-So is the big surprise Dixie has been teasing us with is... toy figures? I hope not. Right now I'll settle for a monkey with a jetpack. Don't tease unless you can please, Dixie.

-I'm enjoying Samoa Joe's quest for a PPV match. It seems to me that he's targeting the wrong people in his random matches/encounters. It's time to put Eric B. in a chokehold, Joe. Sting targeted a washed-up cowboy and it got him a World Title shot.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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