By Shane McKinley, PWTorch specialist

-C.M. Punk's shtick nowadays is cutting jokes while being in a joke feud. On Tuesday night, the straight edge dude talked about watching NXT with no pants on, while WWE expects viewers to watch NXT without brains in their heads. Poor break for these NXT Rookie Divas, as they were showcased in...musical chair segments. If you come across an NXT script, let me know.

-The Undertaker-Kane feud. With the inclusion of Paul Bearer...and the Hell in the Cell match, this feud is so 1997. Fans should dress up like Bill Clinton and barrage these guys with laser pointers at the PPV. Sure, it's a nice trip back in time watching these two monsters slug it out, and there's a time and place for all of that, but I'm thinking that I'm just about done with this feud after HIAC. I mean, 13 years. Come on.

-I'm waiting for WWE to Tweet the following: "Watching NFL causes ulcers, migraines, and stomach cancer. We wouldn't make this up."

Yes sir, that darn NFL monster is swallowing up Raw. Once upon a time when the Undertaker-Kane feud was just starting, back in them old, old ages, Monday night was about WCW Nitro and WWF. Now, their competition on cable TV is football.

It's led to a question that has me stumped. How do you pull in viewers while keeping it PG?

Do you give away one million dollars to viewers? Hornswoggle comedy? Guest hosts? Bleeding? Branding? Burning? Banging gongs?

That Danny McBride guy (you know, that guy who said, "Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit," in "Tropic Thunder") is hosting Raw. Why not Louis C.K.? Maybe Punk can join him with his corduroy jacket and they can both rip on the WWE product.

-It seems to me that Edge is taking a trip to Smackdown due to the mysterious Raw G.M., Jericho is about to trade in his suit for spandex, and people already are second-guessing Randy Orton as champion. Let's cut the poor psycho a break. Next thing you know people are going to be urging Triple H to swoop in and cut out Orton's legs from underneath him. Again.




-Mickie James is a good fit in TNA. It's all about ladies kissing and slapping each other on the butt down there in the Impact Zone. And Knockouts actually have meat on their bones.

-Right now, wrestling is all over the "Jersey Shore" gimmick like leeches, but I don't believe there have been any real new interesting characters in WWE or TNA lately. A lot can be said to be carbon copies of previous acts. That's not such a bad thing. Go with what works, right? Abyss chopping and mutilating people, that's money right there. Abyss is just happy as a clam torturing and killing people on camera.

The one character I can relate to on a current level would be Ted DiBiase. Apparently in the kayfabe world he's spending his trust money like wildfire and soon he'll be doing desperate things for moolah. Maryse will leave him for Hornswoggle and Ted will be stuck on Raw fighting R-Truth for 13 years.

-Yes, I know, WWE bean-counters. Goody-two shoes Cena just can't turn heel. Think of the tears of the distraught children and more importantly all of the lost money. Phsssh. It's 2010 and we're still getting that "Boy, Cena sure gets a mixed reaction" from announcers. Turn him heel and blow the angle already with poor booking of Cena fighting his inner Dr. Thuganomics.

That's it for me. I did this absurd report with no pants on. It's the rage.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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