By Pat McNeill, Torch Columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive WWE pay-per-view projections!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of the World Wrestling Entertainment creative team. Projections are not predictions, because we can't imagine what this show will look like after Mr. McMahon looks it over this weekend. This preview was sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Guests of McNeill's Take stay at the newly renovated Four Seasons Inn-On-The-Park Toronto, the only resort centrally located for conventions and family enjoyment. Pat McNeill's wardrobe provided by Mr. Guy of Beverly Hills. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing.

This Sunday night is WWE Over The Limit. Boy, it's a good think WWE updated its pay-per-view names for 2010. Because, if this show had been called "Judgment Day" for one more year, the buyrate would be in the toilet. After all, "WWE Judgement Day" only reminds people of a time when people actually, you know, watched wrestling in large numbers. With the new name, you can expect buyrates to go up.

The big question from fans going into the weekend is whether this show is skippable or not. Well, John Cena and Batista are facing off for the third straight month, and Cena already made Batista tap at WrestleMania. Big Show is in the semi main event. The only fresh matchup is Randy Orton versus Edge. Edge had a really good match against Christian on Monday, and it's about damn time. On the other hand, you can always DVR "Lost."

It's time for this month's Wrestling History Lesson. Twenty years ago, World Championship Wrestling delivered its first (and last) "Capital Combat" pay-per-view. One of the matches on this big card featured The Rock 'n Roll Express against the Fabulous Freebirds of Michael Hayes & Jimmy Garvin in a "Corporal Punishment" Strap Match.



For those of you not interested in history, let us take you back to Friday Night Smackdown. This week's main event featured Big Show against WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre in a non-title bout. Don't cost nothin'.



Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and Matt Striker should be calling the action again. Michael Cole should be looking over his shoulder for Daniel, er, Bryan Danielson. Cole should be watching his back in case Vince McMahon figures out that Cole vs. Danielson would draw the biggest rating in the history of WWE NXT. On with the show!

Ron "R-Truth" Killings vs. Ted "Junior" DiBiase (w/ Virgil) : You know, it's amazing how many matches you can squeeze into a pay-per-view when Shawn Michaels and Triple H aren't around to kill sixty minutes out of a three hour show. Projection? Trust Fund Teddy gets the victory after paying off referee C*** P*****. (Pay the man, Virgil!)

Eve Torres vs. Maryse Oulette (WWE Divas Title): So, Eve's held the title for almost six weeks now, while Maryse is going for an unprecedented third reign as WWE Divas' Champion. Now that the WWE Creative team has been armed with those factoids, they can spend tomorrow doing more important things in Detroit, like dodging automatic weapons fire. Projection? Eve wins with the Brazilian Jujitsu Enziguiri.

The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya Neidhart) vs. Chris Jericho & Mike Mizanin (WWE World Tag Team Titles): Tyson Kidd and David Smith have held the tag belts for almost four weeks, so they only have another 663 days to go before breaking the record for longest reign, set by Ax & Smash of Demolition. Miz and Jericho have a good chemistry together, but it's not like they need the straps. Projection? Bret Hart makes a surprise appearance and distracts The Miz, enabling Smith to pin Mizanin with a powerslam.

Randy Orton vs. Edge: The good news? Edge and Randy Orton have a history have good matches with each other. The bad news? Their last good match together was a while ago. Projection? Orton survives and wins with the RKO.

Rey Mysterio vs. C.M. Punk (Punk's Hair vs. Mysterio joining the SES): Here we go again. It's our third straight month of Punk vs. Mysterio on pay-per-view. On the other hand, I actually saw JTG wrestle Caylon Croft on Smackdown this week. Without Punk, Mysterio and Kofi Kingston, watching Smackdown would be like watching paint dry. Projection? The Mysterious Masked Mercury interferes, and Rey Mysterio has to join the Straight Edge Society, at least for a couple of weeks.

Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston (WWE Intercontinental Title Match): Michael Hayes and company evidently decided that stripping Drew McIntyre of the Intercontinental title and having Vince McMahon reinstate him was more interesting than building up Kofi Kingston as a top challenger. Projection? McIntyre wins with a low blow and retains the championship.

Jack Swagger vs. Big Show (Smackdown World Title Match): On the one hand, WWE is putting faith in Swagger by having the Oklahoma blue chipper hold the Smackdown title. On the other hand, having to defend the belt against the lumbering Big Show on pay-per-view is quite a test of Swagger's ability. Projection? Swagger wins by disqualification after Big Show accidentally knocks out the referee.

John Cena vs. Dave Batista (WWE World Heavyweight Title - I Quit Match): Dave Batista's rumored to be taking time off from WWE. Or he isn't. I have no idea at this point. Unless Batista is sticking around for a while, this is a simple match to book. Projection? Batista beats the snot out of Cena for a long time. Cena won't break, and eventually forces Dave to tap out to the STF.

Aftermath: The next pay-per-view, Fatal Four Way, happens in four weeks. Really. Let's say that the main events are Cena vs. Sheamus vs. Orton vs. Edge and Swagger vs. Big Show vs. Mysterio vs. Punk. We'll probably also get some sort of match between The Miz and Tyson Kidd.

***

Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He will spend the weekend reading "Innocent" by Scott Turow.

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