By Pat McNeill, Torch Columnist

Get Dad A Tie For Father's Day, Unless He's Justin Roberts: McNEILL Previews WWE Fatal Four-Way!

Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive WWE pay-per-view projections!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of the World Wrestling Entertainment creative team. Projections are not predictions, because we can't imagine what this show will look like after Mr. McMahon looks it over this weekend. This preview was sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a year's supply of Werther's Butterscotch Candies, classic chewy butterscotch treats that will swamp your tastebuds with sweet sensations. Pat McNeill's wardrobe provided by Dillard's. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing.

Tonight's show is entitled "Fatal 4-Way". Really? For this we gave up on classic show names such as "King of the Ring", "Vengeance" and "The Great American Bash?" What's really annoying about this show is:

1) It's on against Clemson's opening game at the College World Series.
2) It's also on against tonight's WEC show.
3) It mostly features the exact same wrestlers we saw last month at "Over The Limit", except a few of them have been smashed together to make them into "Fatal Four Way" matches.
4) None of the matches on this show have anything to do with the main angle in WWE, which is the battle between the Raw wrestlers and the former NXT wrestlers.

While this columnist ponders how he would make this show more interesting, the rest of you should check out this month's Wrestling History Lesson. Sixteen years ago, the World Wrestling Federation fought back against WCW's Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair feud with a major feud of its own. The WWF's "King of the Ring 1994" tournament came down to Razor Ramon and the late Owen Hart in the finals. Take special note of retired NFL legend Art Donovan on commentary.



For those of you not interested in history, let us take you back to this week's WWE Superstars show, which was delayed due to baseball on WGN. This week's main event featured the debuting Uso Brothers against Mark Henry & Goldust. Don't cost nothin'.



Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and Matt Striker will be calling the action again. Jim Ross will be backstage. I hope he's in charge of screaming in Matt Striker's headphones.

In case you haven't noticed, there are only five matches signed for tonight's show. That's bad news, because I don't see any of these battles lasting thirty minutes or more. Let's add a couple of matches to round out the program. How about an NXT return bout with Cody Rhodes & Husky Harris beating MVP & Percy Watson, followed by The Hart Dynasty defeating The Dudebusters. Does that work for everybody? On with the show!

Bret Hart meets the NXT Guys: Many fans seem to think that Wade Barrett should injure Randy Orton, work his way into the main event, and win the WWE title. Obviously, that wouldn't be my first choice. And, since almost nobody will be watching this show tonight, let's send this in a different direction. Projection? Raw General Manager Bret Hart, surrounded by security and a slew of undercard talent, meets Barrett at the back door to give him his answer. Since all the Raw guys want a shot at the Barretteers, he offers them a four-on-four match tomorrow night at Raw in Connecticut. If the NXT team wins, they receive Raw contracts. If not, they go home. Barrett accepts.

Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim vs. Maryse Oulette (WWE Divas Title): If this is the best we can do for a Raw Divas match, it's time to shake things up. Projection? Layla El, Michelle McCool and the newly glamorous Serena Deeb all interfere, allowing Maryse to pin Eve Torres with the French Kiss and regain her title. After the match, Michelle announces the formation of her new stable, the dominant diva force in WWE, Team LayCoolMoDeeb. (For you people who hate puns, how ya like me now?)

Mike Mizanin vs. R-Truth (WWE United States Title Match): Here's R-Truth with his mandatory rematch for the United States title. Projection? Young, skinny white guy screws over huge, athletic, muscular black guy, because that's how WWE pay-per-views work. Miz keeps his title.

Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre (WWE Intercontinental Title Match): You know, we've been told in the storylines that Drew McIntyre is Vince McMahon's favorite, but we haven't been told why. Maybe Vince just has a soft spot for people who beat up Matt Hardy. Projection? Matt Hardy runs in and hits McIntyre with a twist of fate, giving Kofi the win. Vince McMahon places Matt Hardy on double secret probation this Friday. Check your local listings.

Jack Swagger vs. Big Show vs. C.M. Punk vs. Rey Mysterio (Smackdown World Title - Fatal Four Way Match): I admire the determination of Michael Hayes and Vince McMahon in trying to get the Big Show - Jack Swagger feud over. Having said that, please let it end. Projection? Show knocks out Punk, but Jack Swagger steals the pinfall. If you're serious about getting Swagger over, it's too soon to have him drop the title.

John Cena vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus Farrelly (WWE World Heavyweight Title - Fatal Four Way Match): Jim Ross went on Twitter and "expect some shockers." Okay. I would say something like "here comes your shocker", but people on the Torch message board may interpret that the wrong way. Projection? About fifteen minutes in, seven NXT guys and an eighth guy in a mask hit the ring. They beat up all four wrestlers and referee M*** C***** and get the match declared a no contest.

Then the music hits. "Break the wall dooooooooown!"

Chris Jericho, Miz and Alex Riley appear on the ramp and block security from hitting the ring. Evan Bourne tries to run in, and Miz pitches him off the stage. Jericho and Miz have a mic, and take credit for the whole NXT invasion. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Cena has grabbed Wade Barrett in the STF. Barrett is saved by the masked guy, who kicks Cena in the head and grabs the champ in a crossface. The Hart Dynasty, R-Truth, Big Show and a few other wrestlers make it through the roadblock, and everyone's brawling around the building as we go off the air. Tomorrow night on Raw, it's Cena, Sheamus & The Hart Dynasty against Barrett, Jericho, Miz & Heath Slater in the main event.

Maybe that would get people talking.

Aftermath: The next pay-per-view, "Money In The Bank", happens in four weeks. And we get a "Money In The Bank" main event with Mysterio, Punk, Edge, Jericho, Miz & Barrett. Also, we might get Cena vs. Sheamus and Swagger against Kane.

***

Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He's really pulling for Clemson's baseball team tonight.

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