By Greg Parks, Torch columnist

The Hangout Report makes a special appearance for a special night. Unfortunately, due to the recent snow storm and generally miserable weather in the area, it'll only be my roommate Kurt and I here (with our friend Doug watching at home and keeping in touch via the magic of technology).

It's been difficult avoiding spoilers all day, especially recently, thank you very much prowrestling.net ("Major Shocker for Tonight's Show Heavily Rumored Backstage [Huge Spoiler!]).

I'll be updating this in real-time for the first hour of Impact, the two hours of Raw, then going to the videotape to watch the last two hours of Impact. Let's get to it!

-Well, the first 20 minutes of TNA didn't exactly go smoothly. Kurt and I joked earlier about Bubba The Love Sponge getting a job with TNA now that Hogan's around....and it came true. He was always good about bringing in his cronies. The first match was a combination of what's right and what's wrong with TNA: The X-Divison (right) and stipulations (wrong). The match was fine with a screwy finish that even the Impact Zone fans hated. Seriously, this might be one of your biggest TV audiences in some time, and you book a no-contest in a cage match? Dumb, dumb, dumb. But Jeff Hardy? Yes, Wade Keller posting it on the front page spoiled it for me. Kurt lamented how stupid Hardy is for this move, and I tend to agree (for now). My friend Ryan, a casual fan who joins us for PPVs once in a while, proclaimed himself a new TNA fan with Jeff's appearance.

-Forgot to mention...the fans Bubba surveyed clearly were not a fan of WWE's kiddie programming. That seemed to be the message I took from that. I had some conversations online with friends....Doug thinks Vince will take Hardy back at some point, since he's all about the money. Gonzo, a regular at the PPVs, thinks Hogan is not messing around tonight. Ryan thought Hardy's appearance was a big "**** you" to Vince. And now....Ric Flair. Well, TNA is throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks. And they're getting the surprises on early before WWE, which is smart. Oh, and there was a Knockout match: ODB vs. Tara was serviceable.

-Even Kurt was fielding phone calls from friends about Impact tonight! Gonzo thought it was odd that Kristal was Lashley's mouthpiece, but I noted that he needs it. And it wouldn't be an Eric Bischoff/Vince Russo production without someone complaining about their contract status or status within the company. As for the Beautiful People and strip poker....again, TNA trying to be different than WWE and bring the sexuality back to wrestling that WWE used to be masters in. It's like Bischoff said in his Torch Talk, he wanted WCW to be different than WWE, so this is TNA attacking WWE's weakness. In fact, Ryan just noted after that segment that "it's like old school WWF."

-Scott Hall's appearance drew less-than-thrilling words from Ryan and Gonzo, who both said he looked terrible.

-When they stopped the Motorcade, I thought somebody was mugging Hogan. Kurt said it looked like Bischoff with black hair.

-Crazy as it seems, It's tough for me to switch over to Raw here. Kurt, the resident TNA skeptic, has been less than impressed thus far. Hogan appearing right before Raw is on is a good, safe move. Of course, if a ton of viewers still change over, Hogan will have some explaining to do (as much as they have admitted the rating doesn't mean much at this point.

-WWE started their show out with an appearance by Bret, who looked a bit like Ozzy Osbourne from a distance. The segment was pretty surreal, and Gonzo requested a sucker punch from Bret that never came. Holding out the Vince appearance until later in the show is probably smart too. I have to resist the temptation to switch over to TNA....

-I couldn't help thinking how Maryse would be a sensible addition to the Beautiful People in TNA. See, that's what the Monday Night Wars does to a person! The Miz getting new theme music was a long time coming; his old one wasn't bad but he wad due for a change. Doug liked it, but the jury's still out for me.

-Fatal Four-Way had a lot of action in a short amount of time. I wonder if Miz name-dropping Spencer Pratt is a sign of things to come. I don't have a problem with MVP winning here. Doug equated JeriShow to a romantic comedy. Gonzo said he has lost all faith in MVP at this point, no doubt thanks to WWE's start-and-stop booking.

-DX continuing to treat Hornswoggle like a small child and Hunter calling him over like a dog was disgraceful. Isn't there a little people watchdog (no pun intended) group that should be up in arms about how he's portrayed by now? Santino as Jericho was funny, and at least for Gonzo, the appearance of DX made him change over to TNA. Kurt was a bit shocked the big tag match is next.

-DX vs. JeriShow as perfectly acceptable. I mean, it was DX winning again and more Hornswoggle, but the actual match was fine. Doug agreed. Gonzo looks forward to a Taker vs. Jericho feud on Smackdown. The interaction with Orton and Legacy was intriguing.

-Kurt kept bringing up Yoshi Tatsu during Sheamus's segment, as I told him the Yoshi Tatsu story from this week's Wrestling Observer. If WWE really wanted to shake things up in response to TNA, they would've had Evan Bourne win. No one I was talking with gave him a chance. This was Ryan's first look at Bourne and he asked, "who is shrimpy here?" And while acknowledging Dr. Death's passing was good, I guess when guys die who are (a) older and (b) not related to drugs/alcohol, it’s OK to talk about them.

-Doug and I exchanged thoughts for a name for Sheamus' finisher: Celtic Bomb was his vote (but Finlay already has "Celtic"), Kurt volunteered "Irish Car Bomb" and I suggested "Irish Curse."

-I don't get the boos for Kofi. I mean, I can understand them for Cena, but this is the second time in recent memory the crowd hasn't been behind Kingston.

-Doug complimented Michael Cole on his work tonight, and Gonzo suggested only DiBiase might turn, setting up Orton vs. DiBiase and Rhdoes vs. Kingston. Kingston vs. Orton was a fine match, as Kofi just brings so much energy to the in-ring element. But I guess everything isn't kosher in Legacy-world even after the win.

-Gonzo concluded during Bret and Vince's confrontation that TNA put on a better show tonight. Most of the final segment seemed to be cathartic for both men, but then came the kick heard 'round the world. Gonzo said it looked low. Doug thought the kick was a mistake, as it's just a way for Vince to carry around the Montreal screwjob memory for that much longer. Now, for the rest of Impact....

-Got a laugh out of Hogan saying he was sitting in the back all day when they made a big deal of driving him up to the arena.

-I like how they addressed the complaints about this being like the old WCW through X-Pac and Scott Hall's segment. Hogan's speech about doing the right thing for the business was kinda weird. Good to see Bischoff again, as I thought he played a great heel in WWE, but I don't know that he should be on camera in TNA. I thought Dixie was the owner, and here's Bischoff saying people have to earn their position in the company; where does he and Hogan fit in as someone in charge? That should probably be explained. The rah-rah speech seemed like they were trying WAY too hard. Sting in the rafters? Seriously? "Welcome to 12 years ago" said Kurt.

-During the Knockouts tag match, Kurt suggested Hall show up with the old-school hillbilly alcohol jug with the XXX's on the side. Knockouts tag match was good, and again, women's action you don't see on WWE. Val Venis doing his old gimmick made me feel like I was watching a Legends of Wrestling show.

-What are Rocco and Sal still doing around? Anyway, Hernandez and Matt Morgan squashing Dr. Stevie and Raven was probably the right move. Orlando Jordan? Really? They're throwing anything at the wall and hoping something sticks, I guess. But with every new appearance, the other shockers become less and less memorable.

-FWIW, Kurt, the TNA skeptic, has been less than impressed with the show thus far. Good win for Pope, as I've always liked him (and he beat Wolfe in shorter time than Angle did, as Kurt pointed out) dating back to his WWE days. But will they capitalize on it?

-Jarrett's speech was fine, but it was another of the rah-rah type we heard from Hogan. If I didn't know better, I would've though Paul Heyman was booking this show. Hogan is Dixie's partner now? Can they ditch Jeff without him knowing it, I mean legally? Hogan seemed both heel and face here. It was weird. But it's been a weird night. I liked the Lockdown sign over Foley's head when he barged in.

-I liked Joe winning over Abyss. Why again do we need to hear Bischoff talking to a stage-hand backstage about reformatting? I feel like they've done the mystery attacker thing before.

-The Nasty Boys going into the Team 3D locker room is funny because at this point, I think I'd rather watch the Nastys as opposed to 3D.

-Well, Angle and Styles had their working boots on. If they deliver a match like this every week on Impact, some fans may be able to put up with the other window dressing. Match felt like it was going 100 miles an hour. But Kurt even admitted it was a good match.

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