TNA Impact WILKENFELD'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 6/24: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Spike TV broadcast [updated]
Jun 24, 2010 - 10:31:45 PM
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By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor
Where We've Been: I didn't cover last week's Impact, since I was at the house show in Dayton, Ohio. The house show was better—though Impact was decent, it lacked a main event. Abyss turning heel was supposed to take the place of one, but that would require anyone caring about Abyss. For the record's sake, I want to clarify that Chris Parks is committed to the success of the company and I think under-appreciated for his in ring talent, but "Abyss" is quite possibly the worst character TNA has seen in the last five years (they had some real clunkers in year one). Anyhow, hopefully we'll get a real main event tonight.
We recap the end of last week's show to start.
Hogan comes out to a chorus of cheers but, I'm pretty sure, a small undercurrent of boos. And so it begins. He says that he feels the excitement. They have lots to talk about, so he'll start at the top. Given the count-out in the #1 Contender's Match, they'll just make it a Fatal 4 Way at Victory Road. He lists the four people, mentioning his new-found issues with Abyss and really selling the "Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Anderson". Abyss's music hits, and he comes down to the ring. Hogan says that it's good to see him. He was just about to talk about his blood brother Abyss, and now he can do it to his face. The first person he came to in this company, the shining star of the company, and the person Hogan trusted his whole career with (?). If you're annoyed that that last sentence lacked a predicate, you shouldn't blame me. Anyway, he asks Abyss what's up. Abyss says that "they" told him to destroy Jeff Hardy. "They're" coming, and there's nothing that Eric Bischoff or Dixie Carter or even the immortal Hulk Hogan could do to stop it. Hogan tells him to cut the crap, since they had a deal. Hogan came to him and told him what needed to be done, and Abyss shook his hand. Abyss says that "they" told him that he doesn't need Hogan anymore. Hogan asks who they is. Wow is the English language getting its ass kicked tonight. Abyss says that we'll all find out soon enough. Hogan says that there is no "they" but him and the fans. Abyss says that he doesn't need the red flannel anymore. When "they" get here none of us sheep will be able to stop them, since they'll be taking TNA. "They" also told him that he doesn't need Hogan's stupid ring anymore. He takes off the Hall of Fame ring and appears to shove it down Hogan's throat, literally. A bag comes out from under the ring, and Abyss spreads the broken glass. Before he can do anything to Hogan RVD intervenes. It's not a very impressive save though, as RVD just ends up eating a Choke Slam. Anderson's music hits, and he runs out with a chair. He whacks Abyss three times on the back, but Abyss no-sells. Anderson quickly comes up with a better plan, bailing from the ring and then pulling RVD and Hogan out after him. Abyss yells at the camera that "they" are coming.
If there's an actual payoff coming to this angle, it'll retroactively be pretty cool. However, given how the TNA's last mystery (Sting's heel turn) played out (it still hasn't, and no one cares), I don't know why they would expect anyone to give them any benefit of the doubt for longer than, let's say, 2 weeks.
We recap what we saw moments ago. Hogan, looking sad, is lamenting that Abyss is the very first one he picked. He doesn't understand. Bischoff wants to know who got to him. Abyss doesn't seem like the type of guy who would turn for no reason, so someone must have done something. Hogan guesses Flair, but Bischoff doesn't think so.
Madison Rayne is showing off her new wavy hair in the ladies' room. She asks if Velvet has visited Lacy in the hospital. At least Lacy's used to laying on her back. Rayne is annoyed that Sky doesn't laugh at her joke—she needs to get her head in the game. This isn't going to be a match tonight. Love is dead set on getting back everything she thinks was taken from her, and if Sky isn't careful then she'll be the one leaving on a stretcher tonight.
(1)ANGELINA LOVE vs. VELVET SKY
Sky takes quick control, kicking Love out of the ring. Love yanks her outside with her, and punches her against the mat. She looks to shove Sky's head into the steps, but Sky reverses and Love takes a Foley-style leg first bump. She rolls Love back into the ring and slams her head against the mat and lays in with some stomps. She hits the "Skyliner", which is sort of a double-armed Union Jack. She does some trash talking and looks for a second, but Love twists away and floors Sky with a clothesline. She gets a chair from ringside. We're told that Hardy's out injured and tonight and Mr. Anderson will get Abyss in a hardcore match. Love hits the Botox Injection Bicycle Kick, but before she can follow up Sky pokes her in the eye and yanks her down. Sky sets up Love for a DDT onto the fallen chair, but before she can hit it Love slips out and nails one of her own. Taz asks why the ref didn't just pull the chair out of the ring.
WINNER: Velvet Sky by DQ in 4 minutes. Love signals that she only has one left to go. Rayne comes out to taunt her with the belt. Love invites her into the ring, but Rayne's not biting. Love points triumphantly to the fallen Sky, but Madison points out that that isn't her.
Jay Lethal's brother shows up to celebrate his shot at Flair at Victory Road. Lethal directs him to the free food in catering.
Nash is complaining to EY about Scott's out of control attitude. He thinks they have to distance themselves, since if Hogan comes crashing down he'll take them both out. He said a couple more things, but I find the audio quality in these reaction-shots tonight is pretty bad. Hopefully it wasn't anything important.
We recap Morgan—Hernandez as Morgan hits the ring. He says that he hates to say it, but he told us so. He informs about 10 members of the audience individually that he told them so. One woman in the front row wasn't there, but if she had been he'd have told her too. You see, he said that he would emerge from Slammiversary victorious. He doesn't sweat Hernandez. To prove it, he's calling out Hernandez right now. Taz tells us that Hernandez is in Mexico. Um, wasn't this filmed the same day as last week's, when Hernandez was very much not in Mexico? Are we supposed to believe that this is live? Anyhow, Morgan's sick of the sneak attacks and Hernandez ambushing him while he's in a neck brace, so Hernandez should put down his burrito and bring his monkey butt to the ring. "Monkey butt"? I don't get it. When he doesn't show, Morgan points out that it's disappointing. That's why when Hogan suggested a cage match, it was music to his ears. Hernandez will have nowhere to run, but have to face Morgan like a man. And after Morgan's done beating him at Victory Road, he'll come out the very next night on Impact and tell us that he told us so again. Impact's moving to Monday nights? Homicide jumps Morgan from behind, but Morgan quickly retakes control and sends Homicide to the outside. He lines him up against the ring post and hits the Carbon Footprint to the side of his head. As he stands over the prone Homicide he says that this is what Hernandez has to look forward to at Victory Road.
AJ catches up with Ric Flair backstage, wanting to know if a package came to their locker room. Ric says that he doesn't want to hear another damned word about that package. They have a plan tonight, and they need to stick to it. AJ still seems distracted.
(2)KAZARIAN vs. JAY LETHAL
If I were Lethal I'd be confident that his brother is perfectly safe backstage. Wait, no I wouldn't. Now that Lethal comes out to his own music, he could really use some better tunes. Kazarian starts things off with a double leg takedown, but Lethal flips him out and nails an Arm Drag. Kazarian leap frogs over the ref to nail a forearm, then beats down Lethal in the corner. A Gut Wrench Slam barely gets one. Lethal gets up firing, so Kazarian rakes his eyes. Lethal keeps firing, but when he comes off the ropes he comes right into a Spine Buster for two. Kazarian drapes Lethal over the top rope and kicks him in the face. A cover gets two. Kaz nails a Body Slam and a Spingboard Leg Drop. He locks in a chin lock so that the camera can cut to Flair and Styles beating up Lethal's brother backstage. In the ring Lethal is powering out, shooting Kazarian off into a back elbow. Kazarian reverses an attempted whip, but just ends up eating a Hand Spring Elbow for his trouble. Lethal shoots Kazarian into the ropes, but Kaz hangs on and nails an elbow of his own. He goes for a low blow, but Lethal catches the arm and does a really cool sideways roll up that looks annoying familiar. It gets two. Kaz nails a Decapitator Clothesline as he gets up, and then most men get up firing. Lethal nails the first half of the Lethal Combo, but Kazarian blocks the Flatliner and nails one of his own for two. Kazarian looks for his reverse Piledriver, but it's quickly reversed into a Lethal Injection (the Suplex-into-a-Neck-Breaker version, not the old one) for three.
WINNER: Jay Lethal in five minutes.
After the match Lethal does the Cena-celebration in the crowd. Kazarian is trash talking from his back, but Lethal just whoos at him. Flair comes onto the monitor, showing Lethal's beaten brother and saying that that's what's in store for him. Lethal looks on in shock for a moment before sprinting backstage.
Jarrett comes down to the ring for his match, but when Sting's music hits he's still up in the rafters. Jarrett goes up after him. They meet at the top of the step and brawl to the floor. But wait,that's Bogus Sting! Real Sting is standing coolly in the ring. When Jarrett finally gets to the ring the lights come on and he realizes he's been fighting the bogus version. Sting comes up behind him with the baseball bat, which he uses to choke Jarrett. Sting releases the hold, then hits Jarrett in the back of each of his knees. He drives the tip of the bat into Jarrett's stomach, then whacks him in the back. He grabs a mic, telling Jarrett that if he's gonna walk with "them" (presumably Bischoff and Hogan) he's gonna go down with him.
We see a pretty cool promo for Bound for Glory '10. By "a pretty cool ad" I mean "a shameless knockoff of a WrestleMania ad".
We recap...Wolfe—Angle? I am confused. Maybe this means someone remembered how awesome Wolfe is? Oh no, Wolfe is just next on Angle's Top 10 hit list. If I were them I would have saved Angle Wolfe IV for Bound for Glory. Wolfe is in the ring. Chelsea takes his coat, but doesn't seem happy about it.
(3)KURT ANGLE vs. DESMOND WOLFE
Angle gets a side wrist lock to start. Wolfe takes him down with a Snap Mare, but Angle maintains the hold. Wolfe reverses into a side headlock, but Kurt re-reverses back into the wrist lock. They trade holds a couple more times before Wolfe just elbows his way out. Wolfe locks in a Cobra Clutch and yanks Angle to the canvas. Angle tries to power to his feet, but Wolfe brings him back down. The second time Wolfe does that Kurt uses the momentum to roll into a hammerlock. Wolfe reverses into one of his own, forcing Kurt towards the rope. As Wolfe gives the rope break he kicks the top one into Angle's neck. Kurt comes back with an Arm Drag, but Wolfe stops him short with a Mongolian Chop. Kurt dodges a charge in the corner, but then whiffs on one of his own and nails the ringpost shoulder first. Wolfe hits a beautiful arm-bar type Suplex. He goes to argue with Chelsea. Angle tries to come at him, but gets taken down with an Arm Wrench Takedown. Angle goes for a Sunset Flip, but Wolfe blocks it with a wrench of the arm and then locks in a sort of Triangle Arm Lock. Angle almost gets a reversal into an Angle Lock, so Wolfe kicks him off. Angle gets up firing, taking down Wolfe with a Back Body Drop while still selling the arm. Wolfe gets a leg up to get some distance in the corner, but then runs right into an Overhead Belly-to-Belly Suplex for two. Kurt goes for an Olympic Slam, but it's reversed into an Arm Drag. Wolfe tries to come back at Angle with a clothesline, but Kurt ducks underneath it and nails a trio of German Suplexes for a long two count. Kurt goes for the Olympic Slam again, but this time it's reversed with a Hammerlock Takedown. Kurt reverses an attempted whip into the corner. Wolfe elevates him up and over, but Kurt lands on the apron and goes to the top rope. Wolfe tries to cut him off with a Tower of London, but Kurt slips out and nails an Olympic Slam. Kurt drops the straps, cinches in the Angle Lock, then grapevines the legs. That's it.
WINNER: Kurt Angle in seven minutes. Great TV match, but I have no idea who's bright idea it was to give this away on free TV. Also, who did Wolfe piss off?
Anderson is in the back complaining of his weapon-related injuries from last week. But tonight it's all allowed, so whatever Abyss wants to use Anderson will throw right back at him.
We recap Douglas Williams—The X Division. He's in the ring with a mic, addressing Kendrick, who probably thought he was pretty smart choking out Williams last week. He'll probably say that he was inspired to do it with his third eye, which is fine, since that's the crazy world he lives in. But Williams lives by a code of conduct, which says that you never violate professionalism. Apparently he not only has to teach the X Division wrestlers about wrestling, but now about professionalism too. So he invites Kendrick down to receive a lesson in professionalism he'll never forget. Kendrick hits the ring, grabbing a mic as he goes. He says that the X Division Championship will be up for grabs at Victory Road. He knows he took advantage last week, and that doesn't harmonize with him. So there'll be two stipulations. The first is for Williams—given the high flying champion he is, it'll of course be an Ultimate X Match, but for Kendrick's sake it'll also be winnable by submission. For he's seen that his destiny will be reached only by his ending Williams's stream of consciousness. Williams wants to know if Kendrick thinks his faux spiritualist garbage will prevent Williams from getting his revenge. Still, for now he'll suggest they just go their separate ways to Victory Road. Kendrick thanks him for his time. Williams tries to get a cheap shot to his back, but Kendrick ducks below it and cinches in his new Cobra Clutch.
Abyss is in the back complaining about how none of us understand the veracity of the situation. I don't think that word means what he thinks it means. We don't understand that he only did what he did cause "they" told him too, and that he's laying the groundwork for "them". When "they" get here they'll be unstoppable, and so will the monster Abyss.
Shannon Moore is beating up Brother Ray in the back. Jesse Neal has already been laid out. Security guards break things up, but Devon pulls them off. Devon grabs Ray next. He reminds Ray that he does not like being made a fool of. Ray made a fool of him at the PPV, and made a fool of him against last week. He warned him to lay off the kid, and he swears on their father's grave that if Ray keeps pushing this he'll be sorry.
(4)BEER MONEY INC. vs. INK INC. #1 Contenders Tournament Final
Shannon Moore comes down to the ring alone. The Motor City Machine Guns are on commentary, which should be good. Roode starts things off with a club to Moore's back. Moore comes off the ropes with a Hurricanrana, floors Roode again with a leg lariat, stops an interfering Storm with a dropkick, nails Roode with an Inverted Atomic Drop, punches Roode down, jumps over him into a Leg Drop, and makes the cover. Storm tries to break things up, but Moore dodges and he lands on Roode instead. Moore sends Storm out of the ring with a Spinning Heads Scissors, then clears Roode out with a clothesline. Tommy Driver is making his way through the crowd, followed by Stevie Richards and Raven(!). In the ring Moore connects with some punches on Roode, but when he tries to slide between his legs Storm yanks him out of the ring and drives him into the steel steps. Storm tags in and they stomp the hell out of Moore. Neal stumbles out towards the ring. Moore is trying to fight back in the ring, but runs into a high knee from Storm. Roode tags back in. He connects with a Body Slam. Storm nails an elbow drop on his way out, and Roode hits a knee drop for two. Shelley on commentary claims that Beer Money's name comes from a 2001 made for TV movie [the movie does apparently exist, but is so obscure it seems to lack even its own wikipedia page]. Moore tries to rally again, but this time is stopped by a nice Full Nelson Slam. Storm tags in. They hit a double elbow drop, but when they try to follow up with the DWI Moore kicks down Storm and Bulldogs Roode. Neal tags in, and is seemingly feeling much better. He clotheslines the hell out of everyone, then takes down Storm with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex. Roode comes in to break up the ensuing cover, which draws in Moore as well. Moore takes Roode out of the ring, then follows him out with a Somersault Plancha. In the ring, Storm nails a Code Breaker out of nowhere, but when he tries to follow up with a Superkick Neal blocks it and hoists him up for the Mooregasm. Moore goes to the top rope, but Roode shoves him off. Neal drives Storm into the ropes, where he and Roode crack heads. A School Boy gets 1-2...no! Storm takes a swig of beer as Roode distracts Neal from outside, then spits it in Neal's face. Roode rolls in to assist with the DWI for the kill.
WINNERS: Beer Money Inc. in six minutes. This was a super time compressed version of what would have been a really awesome match, but was still pretty damned good.
In the ring AJ is punking out Kazarian for losing to Lethal, which makes Kaz point out that he just lost to him 11 days ago. AJ sees a package there, and asks if it's his. Kazarian says that it's way too big. Hehe. It turns out to be the new AJ action figure. He asks if there's a Kazarian action figure, and Kaz suggests he go play with himself. Again:hehe.
(5)MR. ANDERSON vs. ABYSS Falls Count Anywhere No DQ Match
Anderson runs down to the ring without his usual ado. He lays in with rights, then stomps Abyss down in the corner. Abyss takes him down with a back elbow, then shoves his throat into the middle rope. Abyss lowers his head too soon for a Back Body Drop, and Anderson kicks it, then connects with a Lou Thesz Press. Abyss rolls out of the ring. Anderson borrows a chair from a fan (or plant) at ringside, but Abyss punches it back into his face. He rolls Anderson into the ring and follows him with the chair, which he sets up. He punches him a couple of times, but then gets Drop Toe Held into the chair for two. Taz notes the fine tribute to Raven in the audience. Anderson winds up and nails Abyss in the back with the chair, but he only gets two. He lodges the chair between the top and middle ropes in the corner, but Abyss reverses the attempted whip into it—Anderson slides under the chair and crawls under the ring. Abyss goes looking for him, but doesn't see Anderson slide back out with a kendo stick. Anderson works over Abyss with the stick, but then misses a shot and connects only with the ring post. Abyss floors him with a right, then shoves him into the guard rail. Abyss chokes him a bit. Anderson fights back from his knees, but Abyss whips him into the side of the ramp. Abyss pulls up the mat to expose the concrete. He signals for a Choke Slam, but Anderson elbows him out. Abyss just clubs him in the back instead, then rolls him into the ring. He picks up the chair and drives it into Anderson's stomach twice. He then places the chair on Anderson. He goes to drop on it but Anderson turns it sideways and it catches him in the groin. A roll up gets what looked to me like three, but was apparently only two. Anderson goes to the top rope. He does the Hardy hand gesture and goes for a Swanton Bomb, but Abyss gets his knees up. Abyss shoves Anderson into the chair that's still between the ropes (then where did the other chair come from?), then hits the Shock Treatment for the win.
WINNER: Abyss in 8 minutes. Hey, a main event! I remember reading about those.
Abyss continues the beating after the match, taking Anderson out onto the ramp. Anderson tries to crawl away. Abyss lets him get to the top, then lifts him up for a Power Slam. Anderson slides out and comes back with right hands. He looks for a Mic Check off the stage, but Abyss blocks it, then Choke Slams Anderson to the floor through a table. Hogan comes up behind Abyss and nails him in the back with a chair. Abyss no-sells it and Hogan tries to beg off. Security get involved and get knocked down. Abyss gives Hogan the "you!" finger point as we go off the air.
Where We're Going: It's kinda sad that I'm hoping that "they" is just the ECW crowd we've already seen, cause most of the alternatives are just too stupid to contemplate. I could really get behind some Raven-as-puppetmaster action though, with maybe some three-way stable warfare between teams Flair, Hogan, and Raven. That won't happen though.
Star of the Night: Desmond Wolfe. Cut the Chelsea BS and just let the man wrestle already!
Overall: This was a fairly enjoyable show, if an oddly paced one. It was a little weird to have nine minutes of wrestling in the first hour followed by 21 in the second, but it didn't much bother me. The action itself was pretty good. I still don't care about why Sting turned heel, but will mark out for Bogus Sting any day of the week. I don't know where Samoa Joe is—right now he has more momentum than anyone save maybe Jeff Hardy, but was nowhere to be seen. RVD was relgated to a cameo. The Hogan bits were surprisingly decent. Kazarian and AJ are gelling with their comedic timing. Most positively, I really like that they're actually building up the first real X Division and Knockouts feuds we've seen in months. By far the biggest drawback to the show was the repeated reference to "them"--it might be something great, but a company needs to build up a certain amount of credence before it can expect fans to do anything but roll their eyes at such shenanigans, and TNA has absolutely no credibility in this area. Overall it was an enjoyable show, albeit one that lacked a real punch. B+
Daniel is a graduate instructor at The Ohio State University. He is teaching logic again, and can't wait to bust out wrestling examples. Suggestions for such examples can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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