WWE Raw Report CALDWELL'S WWE RAW RESULTS 5/17: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of commercial-free Raw - Buzz Aldrin, Bret Hart vs. The Miz
May 17, 2010 - 10:08:25 PM
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WWE Raw Results
May 17, 2010
Live in Toronto, Canada
Aired commercial-free on USA Network
Report by James Caldwell, Torch assistant editor
WWE Raw opened with the usual Raw intro, full pyro inside the Air Canada Centre, and announcers Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler plugged tonight's show six days away from Over the Limit. Cole then plugged Buzz Aldrin hosting the show.
Arena: After a pause, Bret Hart's music hit to kick-start the show. Out came Hart sporting a Toronto Blue Jays jersey. Hart was not dressed to wrestle. After receiving a big pop back in Canada for the first time with WWE since Survivor Series '97, Hart said hello to the crowd. Hart said he was sitting at home watching TV last week and couldn't believe The Miz challenged him to a U.S. Title match in Toronto. Hart said he doesn't take challenges lightly and he called WWE HQ to tell them to book the match. He said sometimes you get a hot temper and put yourself in a bad spot, so now he's had a week to think about this. Hart said he doesn't want to be remembered as an old wrestler who hangs on to things too long. He said he doesn't want to disappoint everyone, but he's not wrestling tonight. The fans booed.
Suddenly, Chris Jericho's music hit and Jericho strolled out sporting a suit. Jericho said he has one question, "Why?" Jericho asked Hart why he even came back to WWE in the first place. He said Hart can fool all these people, but he knows the truth. "You're a shell of your former self," Jericho said. "You used to be Bret 'the Hitman' Hart, one of the greatest of all-time. Now, you're nothing more than a pathetic has been." Jericho said Hart didn't want to be one of those old-timers hanging on too long, but that's already happened. He called Hart a hypocrite, saying he doesn't care about closure. Jericho called him a "shameless, ego-driven phony." He said it's the same reason he was screwed in Montreal and he deserved it.
Hart smirked and asked Jericho when was the last time he took a good look at himself. He went back to when the Harts taught Jericho a headlock and told Jericho he's a phony and needs to take a look at himself. Jericho said he took a look in a mirror this morning and saw someone who was better than Hart ever was. "I, in fact, have become the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be." The fans booed. Jericho said Hart is just like the parasites in the crowd hoping to feel like he still matters. He said the only person who matters now is Chris Jericho. Jericho said all of Hart's fans are sickened to see what he has become. He added no one wants him here anymore. "And to all your new fans..." pause for a "We Want Bret" chant.
Jericho said Hart's legacy rests on what happens tonight because he'll be the man who went back on his word and was too scared to take on Miz in a fight. He said the Hart Family name means nothing. "Your father would be so ashamed of you," Jericho said. Hart kept smirking and stood his ground in the ring as Jericho walked out. Hart called after Jericho to tell Miz to put his boots on because he's having a match right here tonight. Jericho smirked and said Hart was born to be a con-man, so he's reading through this. He said Hart will get himself DQ'ed and be able to say he tried, so Hart needs to show some guts and make it No DQ. Hart said he wouldn't want it any other way. He then went back to Jericho calling him a hypocrite. He said he's a man of his word and after tonight, he's going to be walking around town with the U.S. Title around his waist. "This Sunday, Hart Dynasty is going to take you and Miz and wipe you out," he said with a plug for the PPV. Cue up Hart's music. PYB (3) talk time: 9:58.
Announcers: Cole and Lawler plugged this show being commercial-free tonight. They plugged the PPV line-up, then plugged Randy Orton and Edge in separate matches tonight where the wrestlers will pick each other's opponents.
WWE Shop plug: They did a take on the Geico commercials where the guy walks around slowly and stares off at the ground before rolling a clip. Cue up Great Khali in a tiny rental car, then Hornswoggle driving up in a Hummer. Random.
In-ring: Edge came out to a strong reaction in his home country. Edge took a mic and said Randy Orton thinks he can just RKO everyone he wants, but he's not going to let that happen. Suddenly, Christian's music hit and the fourth straight Canadian to open the show came out to another strong pop. Edge shot Christian a peculiar look on the way to the ring as Christian smiled into the crowd. Okay, so how was Christian in the building available to be on the show if he's on the Smackdown brand? One of those "don't think too hard" moments from WWE watering down the brand split. Edge just kept staring straight ahead perplexed before the bell sounded.
1 -- EDGE vs. CHRISTIAN
Christian maintained control early on as Edge continued to sell shock he was actually facing his former friend and tag partner. Lawler said they're going to try to prove who's the superior wrestler. Yes, the word "wrestler" used on a WWE broadcast. Edge then slapped Christian across the face, leading to a game of cat and mouse that gave Edge control. Edge thought he was going to score a count-out, but Christian ran back into the ring at nine. Edge then played to the crowd, which drew a mixed reaction, and he went to work on Christian's injured left shoulder. Edge then taunted Christian before landing a kick to the shoulder. Cole talked about Edge and Christian breaking in together in the late 1990s as Edge continued to work over Christian.
Christian teased a comeback at 7:30 with open-hand slaps to the face before going up top. Edge cut him off, though, and they took the fight up top. Christian blocked a superplex and kicked Edge in the face before landing a Tornado DDT for a two count. Christian then landed a flying forearm smash and rallied the crowd before running into a back elbow smash. Edge tried to follow, but Christian pancaked him. He then went to the second rope for a missile dropkick on Edge for a two count. Christian tried to follow with the Killswitch, but Edge blocked. Christian retained control by slingshotting Edge across the top rope before going up top for a headbutt attempt. Edge moved, though, and followed up with an implant DDT center ring for a close two count.
Edge tried a running kick strike at 10:30, but Christian ducked and grabbed Edge's leg into a roll up for a two count. Edge then kicked Christian in the corner and then teased the Spear, but Christian blocked with a kick to the face. Back and forth they went before Edge finally had Christian in the corner. He missed with a spear again and Christian hid the pendulum kick. He then nailed a flying European uppercut and teased the Killswitch, but the shoulder issue flared up and he couldn't hit the move. Edge took advantage by ramming Christian shoulder-first into the ringpost. He immediately bounced off the ropes and hit the Spear off the ropes for the pin and the win.
WINNER: Edge at 12:09. Excellent TV match. Just a great exchange between two wrestlers who know each other so well and can work a good match together in their sleep. Well done. (***)
Post-match: Randy Orton appeared on the Titantron congratulating Edge on the win. Orton said he's not sure why Christian is out there because that's not who Edge is actually facing tonight. Cue up The Undertaker's theme music. Orton smirked and Edge shook his head in disbelief. Taker then made his slow entrance to the ring, marking the first non-Canadian on the show. And, again, the brand split is watered down. Or, perhaps Taker is omni-brand. Edge was on the floor during Taker's entrance selling disbelief over this. He eventually stepped onto the ring apron very tentatively.
2 -- THE UNDERTAKER vs. EDGE
The ref called for the bell and Edge refused to enter the ring. The ref reached a ten count as Edge simply dropped to the floor saying he's having no part of this. Christian then snuck up behind Edge and rolled him back into the ring. Taker took advantage by planting Edge into the mat with a chokeslam. Cue up Taker's music and he walked off satisfied with his damage inflicted for the evening. Edge still has to pick Orton's opponent tonight.
WINNER: Taker via count-out at 0:37. (n/a)
Video package: They recapped the John Cena vs. Batista feud leading to their I Quit match at Over the Limit.
Backstage: The camera zoomed in tight on a graphic for Trish Stratus. They pulled away to show Maryse getting her make-up done right as she mocked Stratus in her hometown. Divas champion Eve then interrupted and a catfight was on backstage before refs interrupted.
Backstage: They cut away to Buzz Aldrin surrounded by memorabilia and merchandise. Vickie Guerrero then interrupted to say it's a pleasure to meet him. Buzz introduced his wife as Vickie tried to explain she's the Raw GM. Buzz said that's a mistake because she quit last week. Vickie said she was under duress and it was just a reaction. Buzz said that's too bad because "W-W-ummmm-E" will name a new GM next week. Vickie was upset no one told her about this. Buzz then called the Bella Twins in to escort her away if she was going to try to make a scene.
Video replay: They showed Batista destroying Mark Henry on last week's Raw after Henry interfered in Batista's business with Cena.
In-ring: Mark Henry came to the ring sporting a taped shoulder following Batista's work, but Batista jumped him from behind with a 2x4. He rammed Henry shoulder-first into the ringpost as the fans chanted for Cena. Batista then rammed Henry back-first into the ringpost. Ref Jack Doane tried to separate Batista from Henry, but Batista sent Henry into the ring steps. In the ring, Batista called for the spotlight and the lights turned down. Batista played to the crowd and posed before walking out of the ring as Henry was checked on by medics.
Announcers: Cole and Lawler talked on-camera about Batista's PPV opponent, Cena, in a match with Sheamus tonight. They rolled footage from the TLC PPV in December when Sheamus won the WWE Title by pushing Cena through a table in a Tables match.
Word from the sponsor: Ted DiBiase. They showed DiBiase sporting splashy suits, then receiving acting lessons for The Marine 2, then a diamond-encrusted title belt for $1.0 million, then self-respect: priceless after R-Truth slapped DiBiase across the face. They did the spin on the Mastercard commercial by saying for everything money can't buy, there's R-Truth.
In-ring: Ted DiBiase came to the ring with the Million Dollar Belt around his waist, then Virgil came out behind him. The announcers acted dumbfounded it was the real Virgil. DiBiase led Virgil to the ring and Virgil opened the ropes for DiBiase as they announced DiBiase vs. R-Truth at the Over the Limit PPV. Yoshi Tatsu then came out to face DiBiase as Cole and Lawler talked about DiBiase's trust fund.
3 -- TED DIBIASE, JR. (w/Virgil) vs. YOSHI TATSU
The crowd was hot ringside with a "Virgil, Virgil" chant. Yoshi landed rapid-fire offense early on before making a cover for a one count. DiBiase then powered Yoshi into the corner and landed a forearm smash before executing a slingshot suplex across the top rope. Yoshi came back with a spin kick out of the corner after blocking elbow smashes, then hit a kick strike as DiBiase was seated on the mat. Yoshi tried a roundhouse kick, but DiBiase blocked and hit Dream Street for the pin and the win.
Post-match: DiBiase told Virgil to retrieve a mic for him in addition to the Million Dollar Title belt. Virgil put the belt on DiBiase's shoulder as DiBiase told R-Truth that one person not afraid to be the new Virgil is the original Virgil. DiBiase said he'll be in his corner at the PPV on Sunday. He said his trust fund has no limits, so he can buy anything he wants. And if he can't buy it, he'll beat it. Cue up DiBiase's music as Virgil held the ropes open for DiBiase on the way out.
WINNER: DiBiase at 3:08. Okay match that was positioned as a come-down match in the middle of a commercial-free show. Yoshi had a good amount of offense so it wasn't a total squash. (*)
Over the Limit plug: C.M. Punk vs. Rey Mysterio with hair vs. Straight Edge Society on the line.
Announcers: Cole said he's been picturing C.M. Punk bald for a long time. Moving along, he plugged the PPV line-up before they cut backstage.
Backstage: Jericho and The Miz were talking strategy. Miz then walked off and grabbed a mic from Josh Mathews, who tried to get an interview. Miz proceeded to do the long walking promo from backstage on the way to the ring ala the MVP exchange a few months ago. He mocked Hart before hitting the Gorilla position and walking out on stage to no music. Nice change of pace. Miz said Bret Hart cost him his Unified tag titles and now it's going to cost him much more. Miz said he's going to publicly humiliate Hart so bad tonight that it will eradicate the Hart Family name. In a few short moments, Miz said, there will be a match and Hart will be on his stomach screaming in pain in front of his own country. Miz said he's going to make Hart tap out with his very own Sharpshooter. "Because I'm The Miz and I'm...Awesome." I thought Miz might slip and go with "an Asshole" ala Mr. Anderson.
[Q5 -- second hour]
In-ring: At the top of the hour, Justin Roberts introduced Miz with a formal ring intro. Hart's music then hit and he came out alone dressed in jean shorts, a black Hitman jersey, and tennis shoes.
4 -- U.S. champion THE MIZ vs. BRET HART -- United States Title match -- No DQ match
The bell sounded and Miz bailed from the ring. Miz took the mic and said he forgot to tell Hart he doesn't trust him very much because he knows Hart Dynasty is ready to come on down and try to interfere. He said he paid a few guys to neutralize them. Out came Kozlov and William Regal. An American, a Canadian, a Russian, and an Englishman involved here. Suddenly, HD came through the crowd and a brawl was on ringside. Then, Chris Jericho snuck in the back door and joined Miz in the ring. Natalya then slipped into the ring and stood next to Hart. Jericho told Natalya to get lost, but she slapped him across the face. Miz tried to grab Natalya, but Hart smacked Miz. Jericho cut off Hart, though, and started choking him on the mat. Suddenly, D.H. Smith re-entered the ring and clotheslined Jericho out of the ring. Miz dropped Smith, though. And they were back to Miz vs. Hart.
Hart slowly pulled himself up and Miz stomped him in the gut before teasing the Sharpshooter. Miz then turned around and ate a springboard dropkick by Tyson Kidd. HD followed with a running Hart Attack on Miz before Hart grabbed Miz by the legs. He teased the Sharpshooter and slapped it on center ring. Miz quickly tapped out, giving Hart the win and the U.S. Title in Canada.
Post-match: Hart grabbed the U.S. Title and almost fell on the turnbuckles trying to celebrate. HD then helped Hart celebrate in the corner as Hart had a big moment in the ring. Nice moment. As the Harts wrapped up the celebration, Cole suddenly inserted a line that he thought Hart should have just stayed home. He said it took the entire Hart Family to beat Mr. McMahon. Cole said this isn't right, while Lawler enjoyed the moment on commentary. Cole channeling NXT here.
WINNER: Hart at 3:55 to capture the U.S. Title. They went the full bag of tricks route here trying to have as many moving parts as possible before setting up the finish with Hart slapping on the Sharpshooter. It was definitely a feel-good moment with the additional subtext that it seems like they're going to retire the U.S. Title. We'll see where this goes. (n/a)
Announcers: Cole complained about Bret Hart having another moment after WrestleMania. Lawler said it's Toronto. They then plugged the Money in the Bank PPV in July with tickets on-sale this weekend.
A Word From The Sponsors: Santino as the Most Interesting Man In The World. The twist: "I don't always watch sports entertainment, but when I do, I prefer Monday Night Raw." Santino took a sip of an adult beverage while sitting next to Divas and spit it on Jillian Hall. He said it tasted like goat urine. How would he know? That was simply amazing.
5 -- Women's champion LAYLA & MICHELLE MCCOOL & MARYSE vs. Divas champion EVE & BELLA TWINS
More Smackdown brand cross-overs with LayCool out for a six-Divas tag match. They replayed Layla winning the Women's Title on Smackdown, then Michelle McCool and Layla high-fived each other in the ring. Maryse then came out as their tag partner and WWE confirmed Maryse vs. Eve for the Divas Title at the PPV. As for tonight, Eve has the Bella Twins. This moved along pretty well with some back-and-forth action. After the action broke down, Maryse hit the French Kiss hair-flipping DDT on one of the Bellas for the pin and the win. Afterward, Eve tried to get to Maryse, but Maryse bailed and Eve was left having to get to Maryse at the PPV.
WINNERS: Team Maryse at 4:05. An extended-length (at four minutes) Divas match on Raw. The action had a good pace and kept moving before eventually putting the final touches on setting up Maryse vs. Eve at the PPV on Sunday. (*)
Backstage: Josh Mathews brought in WWE champion John Cena, who waited out a mixed reaction from the live crowd. Mathews asked Cena about his strange decision-making lately. He said Cena has accepted a one-on-one match tonight vs. Sheamus just before the PPV...so what do you say to your critics? That was a non sequitur if I ever heard one. Cena said he respects his critics, but he will not give them his time. He did the old-school preacher promo calling out to Cenation that still stand behind him to rally up. Cena said he wants Sheamus tonight to eliminate him - to take him out - so he's not an obstacle vs. Batista at the PPV. Cena said he wants an I Quit match at the PPV because, quite frankly, if he quits, then he doesn't deserve to be WWE champion. Cena said Batista has injured his neck and beat him up, but he's never made him quit. "I will not quit, I will not quit, I will not quit!" Cena said emphatically. "At Over the Limit, Dave Batista will be the quitter."
Top 25 Big Man List: Cole plugged the Top 25 Big Man List WWE put on their website earlier today. It's a horrendous list based on the order they selected. It's like they just drew names out of a hat for the back-end of the Top 25. Lawler said he would make a "few tweaks" to the list.
In-ring: Randy Orton came to the ring for his poisonous match. After a pause, Jack Swagger's music hit to bring out the World Hvt. champion. Another Smackdown brand cross-over.
6 -- World Hvt. champion JACK SWAGGER vs. RANDY ORTON -- non-title match
Swagger bailed to the outside after a back-and-forth exchange and drew Orton to the floor to accept a blow into the announce table. Swagger then became distracted by loud "R-K-O" chants that allowed Orton to pull Swagger back into the ring. Orton teased the horizonal spike DDT, but Swagger reached his feet and blasted Orton with an aggressive amateur wrestling takedown. Swagger then followed with two running Vader bombs out of the corner and Orton rolled to the outside selling his mid-section. Orton reached the apron at eight and Swagger bumped him to the floor into the announce table. Back in the ring, Orton tried to come back with right hands, but Swagger ducked and hit a belly-to-belly suplex.
Swagger tried another running Vader Bomb, but Orton popped to his feet and kicked Swagger in the gut on the way down. Orton made a full comeback and put Swagger on the middle rope to hit the big horizontal spike DDT. Orton then got that look in his eyes and started stalking Swagger for the RKO. Suddenly, Edge hit the ring and went after Orton, causing the match to be thrown out. Orton fought off Edge momentarily, then hit the RKO on Swagger. Orton got up, then Edge dropped Orton with the spear. Man, I'm upset if I'm Undertaker. Edge stood tall and walked out of the ring in control going into the PPV vs. Orton one-on-one.
WINNER: No Contest at 7:17. Another big singles match given away between Raw and Smackdown wrestlers. Swagger had plenty of offense, but took the final blow yet again. Meanwhile, Orton was KO'ed to end the bit. And, Edge was flattened earlier by Undertaker, whose chokeslam apparently isn't big enough of a deal to take a wrestler out for the length of a show. Some really short-sighted booking here. (*1/2)
In-ring: After a video package on the PPV, Justin Roberts introduced Buzz Aldrin as the guest host. Cole said Aldrin has been great tonight. What? He's been in one segment. Lawler mocked Aldrin's tie, calling it "loud and useless" like Cole. Aldrin took the mic and tried to "Randy and Jack on the mat, what's better than that?" Aldrin talked to the Canadian crowd about making the U.S. space program better. He said the president has made a commitment to the space program and Lawler chuckled. Aldrin then said, "Canada has done some wonderful things." He plugged Canada building some technical features for the moon landing. Lawler bust up laughing. Aldrin then randomly threw out there, "I love Monday Night Raw." After the longest pause ever, Zack Ryder's theme music hit. Greatest unintentional comedy ever.
Ryder and Alicia Fox came out and Ryder did his shtick, saying the moon landing was a work. Aldrin said the last guy who claimed he staged the moon-landing got this...cue up a handheld video of Aldrin decking a guy trying to confront him at a conference. Aldrin teased pouncing on Ryder, who asked him what he's going to do about it. After a long pause, Evan Bourne's music hit. Bourne and Gail Kim came out as Aldrin started talking over the music about cornering Toronto's own Gail Kim and "that guy who blasts off Monday nights, Evan Bourne."
7 -- EVAN BOURNE & GAIL KIM vs. ZACK RYDER & ALICIA FOX
Bourne and Ryder started things off before the Divas tagged in and exchanged offense. Ryder helped out Alicia behind the ref's back as the announcers plugged all of Aldrin's accolades. The announcers also used every space-related cliché in the book. This match seemed to be setting up for Bourne hitting Air Bourne...but they pulled a switch with Gail hitting the Eat Defeat finisher on Alicia for the pin and the win. Post-match: Buzz joined Gail and Bourne in the ring to celebrate as Cole went "over the limit" with the clichés, according to Lawler. Buzz then did a Moonwalk, with this show completely off the rails thanks to the commentary. Cole threw in a Freebirds reference for good measure.
WINNERS: Bourne & Gail at 3:24. There was a time when the segment before the "main event segment/match" was typically just the dead zone segment of the show. Now, it's the segment where the show completely falls apart where you're either laughing or crying at the absurdity of what's happening before they try to recover and get the train back on the tracks. (*)
Guest host next week: Jon Lovitz. ... For the fifth time on the show, Cole noted Raw is commercial-free except in Canada tonight.
A Word From The Sponsors: Another WWE Shop plug with the Geico bit. This time, it was "Does Goldust make an awkward blind date?" Cue up Goldust sitting down on a date with a woman with a red rooster gimmick in the front of her hair. He creeped her out.
In-ring: Sheamus came out first for the TV main event. Cole noted Sheamus took out Triple H "possibly for good." After a pause, WWE champion John Cena came out on stage and saluted the audience. He stormed the ring and did his full ring entrance before the bell sounded to begin the TLC re-match.
8 -- WWE champion JOHN CENA vs. SHEAMUS -- non-title match
Sheamus knocked Cena to the outside early on and beat him up on the floor before taking the beating back into the ring. With Sheamus dominating, Cole stacked the deck against Cena on commentary by noting Batista will be fresh going into the PPV after destroying Henry earlier in the show. Cena then made a comeback and knocked Sheamus to the floor. Back in the ring, Cena teased the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus countered with a backbreaker across his knee for a two count. Cena then came back with a sidewalk slam after reversing a whip to the ropes. Back and forth they went before Sheamus cracked Cena across the face with a knee that knocked Cena to the outside.
[Q9 -- over-run] Cena tried to pull himself back into the ring, then Sheamus airballed a knee smash. Cena had a flurry and teased the big Cena Comeback, but Sheamus countered the running bulldog into a kick to the face. They went to the floor again where Sheamus sent Cena face-first into the announce table. Cole reset the action, noting Bret Hart is the new U.S. champion. Back in the ring, Sheamus made a pin attempt for a nearfall. Sheamus played to the crowd and he received a mild face pop. It's been a mixed crowd for Cena and Sheamus with the fans vocal. After Sheamus took his time, Cena made his Cena Comeback and dropped the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena teased the AA, but Sheamus held onto the top rope.
Suddenly, Batista snuck in the back door and dropped Cena with a spinebuster to have the match thrown out. Batista hit another spinebuster, then a third. He teased the Batistabomb, but then dropped Cena on the mat and slapped on his new chicken wing submission as Cena writhed in pain. "Say you quit! Say it!" Batista shouted at Cena. Cena did his big determination face as Batista kept the hold on even tighter. Ref Jack Doane audibly said, "Five seconds" while feigning an attempt to break the hold. Batista kept the hold locked in, then the show went off the air...amazingly...five seconds later with Cena still trapped in the hold.
WINNER: No Contest at 9:19. As predicted on the Livecast, there was no way they were having a clean finish to this, especially if WWE goes with a Cena vs. Sheamus feud after Over the Limit. The whole point was to stack the deck against Cena for the PPV to presumably set up Cena making the big comeback and overcoming the odds to make Batista say he quits. Overall, too many non-finishes or TNA-style run-ins on this show after the Christian vs. Edge opener. (*3/4)
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