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WWE Smackdown Report
KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 7/30: Kane reveals who put Undertaker in vegetative state, Swagger vs. Rey in no DQ match

Jul 30, 2010 - 9:43:51 PM
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By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

Staff08Keller120b_8.jpg
KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
JULY 30, 2010
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV


[Q1]

-A video package aired on the Kane-Jack Swagger-Rey Mysterio ongoing saga that is central to the Smackdown brand headed into Summerslam.

-They skipped the Smackdown opening and the pyro and went right to Kane standing in the ring. He said for 60 days and 60 nights he has sat next to his brother's bedside waiting patiently for a sign pointing him toward a culprit who put him in a vegetative state. He said yesterday the unthinkable happened: "My brother moved." He said he not only moved, he opened his eyes. He said for the first time in two months, he spoke. He said his voice was frail, and he uttered only two words, but those two words will be forever engrained in his psyche. He said those two words comprised the name of his assailant. He said he couldn't believe what he heard. He said this entire time the guilty party was staring him in the eyes, but he was too blind to see it. "The man who attacked my brother is Rey Mysterio." That's hilarious!

The crowd broke into boos and, likely, confusion. He said he and his brother stared stoically at one another before he drifted back into unconsciousness. He said the words Rey Mysterio hung in the air like a demon he could not fathom. "Why Rey? Why? How could you have done this?" He said Rey couldn't have acted alone, but that doesn't matter to him. He said the more he thought about it, the more sense it made. He said Rey had the most to lose. He said after Taker beat him to earn a place in the Fatal Four-way match, he took the coward's way out. He explained that Rey won a battle royal to get back into the Fatal Four-way match with a win in a battle royal, which Kane called "opportunistic." He said two weeks later he emerged victorious, laced in gold, holding the World Title, "when you should have held your head in shame for what you did!" He said the only reason he won was his brother wasn't there to stop him. This all does seem like it could make total sense in the mind of Kane.

He said at Summerslam, victory will not be enough and he will make him pay for his sins and make him experience what his brother has endured. Kane opened a casket at ringside and said he will drop Rey into it and damn him to eternal hell where fires will consume him forever. He said he will then shut the lid and Rey as fans have known him will cease to exist. "As you gasp for air, Rey, and the light dims, your fate will be sealed and so too will your soul. As the life oozes out of your pores, the last thought that goes through your mind will be to repent what you did to my brother."He closed by saying that the only thing left will be the darkness. He then closed the casket lid. They are so spot on with the mood of the wording that fits this storyline. It's fantastical, but so well done, it's not corny - at least in the world WWE creates. [c]

-Todd Grisham and Matt Striker were shown at ringside. Striker was shakinng his head in disbelief. Grisham called it an alarming start to Smackdown. He seemed skeptical of Kane's claim, but didn't say so. Striker said he can only imagine what's going through Rey's mind. Neither expressed overt doubt that Kane was speaking the truth or interpreting the facts correctly. They hyped the Rey vs. Swagger no-DQ match.

[Q2]

1 -- DREW MCINTYRE vs. CHRISTIAN

Christian backdropped Drew over the top rope to the floor at 1:00. Christian went after Drew at ringside and dropkicked him into the side of the ring. He then rolled under the ring to consult with Hornswoggle (or not). When Christian checked on him, Drew surprised Christian and yanked him into the ring apron by his arm. Drew applied an armbar. They cut to a break. [c] Christian beat a countout as soon as they returned from the break, accentuating why it's a bad philosophy to cut away from matches with commercials. There's no need to do it, and it undercuts the value of a match to flippantly cut away mid-action for three minutes. A clip aired showing that during the break Drew dropped Christian shoulder-first over the steps. Drew went back to an armbar to work over Christian's shoulder.

At 8:00 Drew yanked Christian's arm over the edge of the ring apron. Grisham asked whether the referee is thinking of stepping in. Christian finally made a comeback at 10:00 and snapped Drew backward over the top rope. He climbed to the top rope and hit a cross bodyblock, but Drew rolled through for a believable near fall. Christian executed an inverted DDT, but he was slow to get up afterward and clutched his arm in pain. Drew drove Christian's shoulder into the mat and scored a near fall. Drew dove off the top rope at Christian, but Christian lifted a boot and caught Drew in the face. He followed with a sunset flip for a near fall. He caught Drew charging at him in the corner with two boots to the chest, then hit a flying uppercut off the second rope. He again was slow to get up, clutching his damaged arm. Drew threw Christian shoulder-first into the ringpost from inside the ring. Drew then set up a finisher, but Christian countered with a rollup for the win out of nowhere.

WINNER: Christian in 13:00.

STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Good match. It told a good story and stuck to it, had several believable near falls, and accomplished what it set out to. A big win for Christian to keep him from sinking definitively below McIntyre in the eyes of the fans.

[Q3]

-Another "Grooming Tips" segment with Cody Rhodes. They showed close-ups of faces with acne and black heads. Cody said it's unpleasant and unappealing. He turned around showing his face covered in a green facial cream mask. He said facials are "so important to today's man." He said it helps to clear pores and gives you porcelean-like skin. He said he is bringing the fans one-step closer to dashing. [c]

-Grisham and Striker threw to a vignette on Alberto Del Rio. They showed him on the big screen again in the arena to make it clear this was part of the WWE show. Between the announcer introduction and frequent camera shots of everyone in the arena watching it on the big screen, it's a vast improvement in making it obviously part of the program when it wasn't in those early weeks. He shot billiards well and talked about being the pinnacle of excellence.

-Backstage C.M. Punk was shown with his hair growing out. He asked who was going to let him down again tonight. He yelled at Serena and asked to smell her breath. He thanked her for showing up sober. He turned to Matthew and complained about him. Then he called Luke Gallows incompetent. He blamed him for having to wear a sling and losing his mask. Matthews talked back and said Big Show took off his mask, too. Punk said without him, none of them survive. He said he couldn't stop Kane, Rey, or Big Show from hurting them. He told each of them they are nothing without him. He told them to change their ways or pack their bags.

-Big Show's ring entrance took place. [c]

[Q4]

-A sponsored replay aired of Big Show unmasking Punk.

2 -- THE BIG SHOW vs. LUKE GALLOWS

Striker said Gallows seemed motivated by Punk's verbal lashing. He said Punk looks like "an in-shape Jake 'The Milkman' Milliman." Jake was an AWA jobber in the late-'70s and early-'80s. Show chopped Gallow's chest, but insisted ring announcer Tony Chimmel (unlike referees, he still has a name) hold the mic nearby to capture the sound of impact. When the action spilled to the floor, the other S.E.S. members attacked Show, prompting the ref to call for the DQ.

WINNER: Show via DQ in 2:00.

-The S.E.S. threw Show into the ringside steps. Striker compared the attack to an animal attack on "The Wild Kingdom" TV show. They held his hand on the steps and stomped on it repeatedly, taking away his top weapon - his KO punch. [c]

-They showed Show's hand being tended to by a trainer.

3 -- DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/Vickie Guerrero) vs. KOFI KINGSTON

Striker said Kofi prepares himself before matches for different scenarios that could come up and that's what separates him from the rest of the pack in WWE. Dolph took control and snapped Kofi's back backward over the middle rope as he dropped to the floor. He went for the pin, then settled into a chinlock mid-ring at 4:00.

[Q5]

Kofi made a brief comeback, but Ziggler cut him off and inverted bodyslammed him. Vickie cheered at ringside as Ziggler applied a chinlock at 5:00. Grisham wondered if Ziggler is to Vickie as Tom Arnold was to Rosanne, a relationship of convenience to get ahead. Striker said it's more like Romeo and Juliet. [c] At 13:00 Ziggler choked Kofi against the bottom rope. As the ref reprimanded him, Vickie slapped Kofi. That woke Kofi up and he turned and tackled Ziggler. Striker said he had never seen this side of Kofi before. He dragged Kofi to the announcers' desk and beat him up there as Vickie looked on with concern. Striker said it was all Vickie's fault. Three referees held Kofi back as he tried to break free and get at Ziggler again.

WINNER: Ziggler via DQ in 16:00.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- It dragged a little at times, but it was solid most of the way. The finish was a good step in giving Kofi more of an edge. [c]

[Q6]

-A video package aired on Raw's happenings with John Cena and the Nexus.

-Grisham and Striker ran down the Summerslam line-up.

-Josh Matthews, less orange than last week, interviewed Jack Swagger backstage. Swagger didn't want to hear any of Matthews's "brainless questions." He wondered if he was going to ask about his father's condition or his feelings on being left out of a title match at Summerslam. He said what he should be asking him is what he's going to do to Rey in this no-DQ match later. "Go ahead, ask me," he said. Matthews asked him. Swagger said he's going to break his legs and arms and throw him into the wall and down the stairs and drag him out of the arena and across the street to the Gulf of Mexico and throw him into that nasty disease-infested contaminated body of water. He said if Rey can't walk, he can't swim, and with two broken legs, he won't be competing at Summerslam.

-Kelly Kely and Tiffany walked toward the entrance tunnel. Grisham said the biggest night of her life was next, although they hadn't bothered to mention it earlier in the show. [c]

[Q7]

-Grisham announced that Kofi will face Ziggler for the IC Title next week. Ziggler gets rewarded for his DQ win earlier in the show.

4 -- LAYLA (w/Michelle McCool) vs. TIFFANY (w/Kelly Kelly) -- Women's Title Match

Vickie said Layla is not the sole official champion in the LayCool tandem, so with the powers invested in her as the official Smackdown Consultant, McCool will defend the title instead. McCool was happy. Tiffany said that was fine with her. Striker said Tiffany prepared for a lower center of gravity and is now in over her head. Tiffany attacked McCool as she did cocky push-ups at the start. She hit a superplex for a very near fall at 1:00. When Layla interfered, Kelly attacked her at ringside. The distraction led to McCool giving Tiffany the Faith Breaker for the win.

WINNER: McCool in 2:00 to retain her self-professed championship.

-Teddy Long appeared on the big screen during their post-match celebration. He said their fun is over. He said there is only Women's Championship and they need to make up their mind who is going to wear the title. He said if they don't decide, then next week he will. Well, how generous of him to let them choose.

-Another Alberto Del Rio vignette aired. He said everyone is "mentally constipated" by keeping their inhibitions bottled up. He said he's not that way. He achieves everything he sets his mind to. He said he's not bound by limitations or insecurities. [c]

-Ring intros took place for Swagger vs. Rey.

5 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. JACK SWAGGER - No DQ match

Striker said Swagger demanded the match, but Rey accepted. He wondered if Rey knows something about Swagger that they don't. Swagger went on the early offensive, but Rey countered and knocked Swagger to the floor. When Rey went after Swagger at ringside, Swagger went for an early anklelock. Rey countered and send Swagger into the ringside steps. They cut to an early break at 2:00. [c] Swagger took control and beat up Rey around ringside. Rey made a omeback and threw Swagger into the ringside barrier among fans. He then climbed the barrier and launched at Swagger with a huracanrana attempt. Swagger caught him and slammed him into the wall. Swagger dragged Rey to the back area of the arena. No corny fake concession stands this time.

At 10:00, he did throw Rey out of the arena, as he promised he would. Striker said it was becoming disturbing. A car drove by as Swagger beat up Rey outside the arena. Rey crawled across the street as another car drove by and slowed down. Some fans in the arena laughed as they watched on the big screen. Swagger carried Rey across the street. A car had to slam on its brakes and then honked at Swagger. Swagger yelled at the driver, then picked up Rey and carried him toward the water. Rey made a comeback and slipped out of Swagger's grip. He threw him over the street barrier and nearer the water onto cement on the edge. Rey then dove at Swagger with a seated senton. Rey kicked Swagger repeatedly as Swagger rolled closer and closer to the water. Swagger fought back and punched away at Rey on the ground. He then said: "You're no champion, Rey. I'm the champion. You're not even half the man I am." Rey sent Swagger head-first into the water a minute later with a head scissors. Swagger flailed in the water and yelled out, "Help me! I'm drowning! I can't breath! I can't swim!" Come to think of it, he never did brag about any swimming titles in high school or college. Kane then showed up out of nowhere and grabbed Rey by his throat and threw him into the water to close the show.

WINNER: No decision announced after 14:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- What aired was fine, but the lack of an official finish is always annoying, even under these outlandish outdoor fight scene circumstances. I hope someone threw Swagger a lifeline!


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