WWE Smackdown Report PARKS' WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 3/9: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of the show, including John Laurinaitis running the episode
Mar 9, 2012 - 9:01:05 PM
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WWE Smackdown review
March 9, 2012
Taped 3/6/12 in Uncasville, Conn.
Aired on SYFY
By Greg Parks, PWTorch Columnist (Twitter: @gregmparks)
- WWE Open.
- A video package opened the show, complete with voice-over man, setting the stage for John Laurinaitis to take over Smackdown tonight.
- Inside the arena, a steel cage lowered from the ceiling. David Otunga and John Laurinaitis were in the ring. Otunga introduced Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis thanked the fans and Otunga, and said Teddy Long never gave the fans a championship cage match to start the show. He vowed to prove how “things should be done.”
1 – SANTINO MARELLA vs. JACK SWAGGER – STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP
During Santino’s entrance, they showed him winning the title on Monday night. During Swagger’s entrance, they showed the announcers at ringside, and Michael Cole had a picture of Laurinaitis’ face on a stick that he was waving around in front of his. It’s funny that Cole got on Booker for mispronouncing Laurinaitis as “Lare-an-itis” instead of “Lore-en-ite-is,” when Cole does that all the time. Swagger held the early advantage, and kept on trucking with a short-arm clothesline. Santino dodged a few clotheslines and tried to climb the cage. Top-rope cross-body, but Swagger caught him. He sent Santino face-first into the side of the cage. Santino was able to recover and set up for the Cobra. Dolph Ziggler tried to climb the cage, providing a distraction. Swagger tried a suplex, but Santino Cobra’d him on the way down. Ziggler tried to recover from Santino hitting his hand with the Cobra, and while doing so, was sent to the back by the ref. That left only Vickie Guerrero in Swagger’s corner as they cut to break at 3:58.
Back at 6:48 with Swagger once again in control. Swagger tossed Santino’s Cobra out of the ring. Santino tried a few desperation roll-ups, to no avail. Drop toe-hold by Swagger sent Santino into the corner. Swagger bomb found the mark for a two-count at 7:50. Swagger argued with the ref, then tried to climb the cage. Santino crotched Swagger and got a two-count. Santino then began to climb, getting to the top of the cage. Swagger grabbed his leg and tried to pull him back in. Swagger slapped Marella a few times as Santino sat on the top rope. He fired back with a Tornado DDT. He crawled to make the cover, but instead crawled over Swagger and to the door. Swagger pulled him back in but Santino kicked him off. Santino had most of his body out, but Swagger grabbed the ankle and applied the ankle-lock. Vickie tried to shut the door and argued with the ref. By the time she pried the door out of his hands, Santino had countered the ankle-lock and kicked Swagger into the doorway. Vickie didn’t see it and slammed the door on Swagger’s face. Santino then crawled out for the win.
WINNER: Santino, at 10:20. The cage match and extended time the match got makes the US Title seem a little more relevant.
Teddy Long joined Santino atop the stage to celebrate.
- Tonight, a Michael Cole exclusive (ugh) where he interviews both Daniel Bryan and Sheamus in the ring, together, tonight.
- Plus, Big Show, Sheamus and Randy Orton face Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes and The Miz in a six-man tag match.
- They showed the interior of the Mohegan Sun Casino.
- The finish of the last match was replayed, as well as the embrace Long and Marella shared.
- Laurinaitis and Otunga were stewing backstage in their office. Otunga tried to assure Laurinaitis that the Board had to be impressed with him giving the fans a steel cage title match. Long walked in and asked why Laurinaitis wanted to see him. Laurinaitis reiterated to Long his idea for the Kane vs. Aksana match that he mentioned last week. Long became concerned and asked them to put their differences aside. Laurinaitis reminded Long that he shoved him on his butt Monday night. Long again asked Laurinaitis not to put Aksana in that match, but Laurinaitis said he didn’t hear a “please.” Long added the magic word and then Laurinaitis demanded an apology for how Long treated him. Long apologized and Laurinaitis said it wasn’t good enough. Laurinaitis suggested they settle their differences in the ring. Long asked that if he wins, would Laurinaitis call off the match? Laurinaitis said if Long wins, then the match is still on. Long was not happy about that and walked out.
- The announcers talked about the latest development in the dueling GM feud.
- Josh Mathews mentioned the Triple H vs. Undertaker match slated for Wrestlemania, then threw it to a video package from Raw this week that showed HBK confronting Triple H.
- This Monday night, Shawn Michaels and Undertaker will be in the same ring at the same time. It’s really silly that they don’t explain why they’re going to be in the ring together – at least tell me the purpose for them to be there. Is Taker going to confront Shawn? Who’s idea was it for them to be in the ring together?
- Drew McIntyre came out, presumably for a match. They showed McIntyre losing to Justin Gabriel last week and subsequently getting fired. McIntyre got the mic and said Laurinaitis has given him an opportunity to regain his job by beating a mystery opponent of Mr. Excitement’s choice. The Great Khali came out. Man, even Laurinaitis doesn’t like McIntyre. Well, David Otunga then came out and told Khali to take a seat at ringside while McIntyre’s real opponent, Hornswoggle, was summoned.
2 – DREW MCINTYRE vs. HORNSWOGGLE
Bodyslam by McIntyre, but he pulled Horny’s head up at two. Another bodyslam, and again McIntyre pulled horny up at two. Back-breaker for Hornswoggle. The ref checked on Horny, then threw the match out.
WINNER: McIntyre, via ref stoppage, at 1:23. McIntyre didn’t exactly look smart pulling off the pin a few times – after all, he was fighting for his job. But it makes sense for Laurinaitis to basically give McIntyre his job back. Now how will he keep it once Long takes over again next week?
As McIntyre celebrated, Khali came in and chopped McIntyre in the head. He then checked on Hornswoggle.
- Long was getting ready for his match backstage when a whining Aksana ran up to him. Aksana said she was scared, and Long said he had to make an impression on the Board. He said Laurinaitis insulted his manhood and had to be taught a lesson.
- Still to come, Orton, Big Show and Sheamus vs. Bryan, Miz, and Rhodes.
- Laurinaitis was warming up backstage in his office, doing some shadow boxing. Otunga walked in and Laurinaitis asked about Kane. Otunga said right now, he is one angry monster.
3 – EZEKIEL JACKSON vs. MARK HENRY
The announcers talked about Henry being inducted into the International Sports Hall of Fame this past week. They showed clips of him during his weightlifting days, then Henry accepting the award, all smiles. That really goes against how he’s been booked for the last several months. Takes you out of the moment of him being a killer heel. Jackson cornered Henry and pounded on him, but couldn’t get Henry up for the Rack. Henry, in a blue singlet, slammed Jackson after some trash talk. Jackson moved out of the way of an elbowdrop, then clotheslined Henry in the corner and delivered some body shots. Jackson charged the corner, but Henry charged at him, knocking Zeke down. World’s Strongest Slam for the pinfall.
WINNER: Henry, at 1:41. Beautiful. This is what they need to do if they want to rebuild him – start with some dominant wins over lower competition.
- Laurinaitis and David Otunga were walking side-by-side backstage. They transitioned to a shot of Long and Aksana walking as well, with Aksana still pleading with Teddy not to take the match.
4 – JOHN LAURINAITIS vs. TEDDY LONG – IF LONG WINS, KANE FACES AKSANA TONIGHT
No music for Laurinaitis as he and Otunga walked to the ring. Laurinaitis wore spandex pants. Long wore a black WWE logo t-shirt. When the bell rang, Laurinaitis got the mic and asked if Long was really going to put Aksana in danger. Laurinaitis told Long to be a man and do the right thing. I feel like it wasn’t that long ago that we had a match where Long was forced to job. Laurinaitis told Long to lie down. Long refused. Laurinaitis called out Kane, whose fireworks went off. Long protected Aksana in the ring after Laurinaitis left. As Kane reached the apron, Randy Orton ran out and pulled him off, RKO’ing him. Laurinaitis was quite animated in his disdain for Orton’s actions. Long then rolled Laurinaitis up for the win.
WINNER: Long, at 2:27. Still an hour left on the show, plenty of time for Kane to recover and face Aksana…right?
Laurinaitis was still throwing a fit in the ring as the camera picked up Long and Aksana walked briskly through the backstage area, discussing dinner plans and likely leaving the arena. Back at ringside, Orton’s music played as he stood over Kane.
- The much-hyped six-man tag match is still to come.
- Mathews thanked MGK featuring Ester Dean for “Invincible,” one of the Wrestlemania themes.
5 – KOFI KINGSTON & R-TRUTH vs. PRIMO & EPICO
Epico began the match against Kingston. Monkey flip by Kingston put Epico on his back. Quick tag to Truth and a double hip-toss by the faces. Truth did a lot of dancing before hitting a legdrop. More double-teaming, this time Epico leap-frogged Kofi only to get side-kicked by Truth. Kingston hit the ropes and while the ref was distracted by Truth, Primo pulled the ropes open, sending Kingston to the floor. Booker called it “a little underhanded,” but still complimented the heels for their illegal tactics. Double underhook slam by Epico for two. Booker talked about his tag team days, as part of one of the greatest teams ever. “Ebony and Ivory?” Cole asked, and Booker corrected him, saying, “The Ebody Experience.” False tag to Truth and the heels continued on Kofi. Kofi kicked away from Primo and finally made the tag at 4:25 of the match. Truth landed the corkscrew elbow on Primo, but Epico broke up the pin. Kingston got involved and Epico was backdropped to the floor. Rosa Mendes got on the apron but she couldn’t help her charges. Flip kick by Kofi, then Truth dropped Primo with a version of the Downward Spiral for the win.
WINNERS: Kingston and Truth, at 5:12. Basic tag-team booking and Primo and Epico still looked good by controlling the bulk of the match.
- Cole will have his exclusive with Daniel Bryan and Sheamus after the break.
- More B-roll from inside Mohegan Sun.
- The announcers discussed John Cena vs. The Rock. Mathews tossed it to the clips of Rock and Cena’s mic work in various environments from Raw.
- Tonight, a Rock Concert and a John Cena rap in the shadow of the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall-of-Fame in Cleveland.
- Cole was in the ring. He said Laurinaitis granted him this opportunity to conduct an interview with Sheamus and Daniel Bryan. Sheamus was introduced first. He stared at the Wrestlemania sign. The interview, and Bryan’s entrance, will be next.
- Sheamus and Cole were in the ring as Cole introduced Daniel Bryan. He walked out with AJ in tow. Cole’s first question was to ask Bryan how much luck has come into play in still being champion. Bryan basically said luck had nothing to do with it. He discussed all of his major wins, saying luck had nothing to do with any of them. Bryan credited his in-ring work and his vegan lifestyle (and his “undeniable sex appeal”) for contributing to his success.
Cole turned his attention to Sheamus and said the luck of the Irish must be with him. Sheamus said he’s lucky to be in America, in WWE and standing in front of the fans. But he said you also make your own luck. Sheamus said he’s never hid behind a 99-pound little girl who should be in a Catholic school-girl’s outfit. Thank you, Sheamus, for that image. And I mean that. AJ lifted Bryan’s mic to speak but Bryan said, “AJ, shut up.” She just looked down at the mat. Bryan said AJ has nothing to do with his success, and if anything, she’s gotten in the way (don’t worry, he only meant that literally). Sheamus said Bryan should be the one wearing the skirt and that his luck will run out at Wrestlemania. Cody Rhodes’ music hit and he walked out. It’s time for entrances for the main event. Good mic work from both men, and a tease for AJ turning on Bryan down the line. Big Show came out as well, and the six-man match is next.
- The Miz and Randy Orton rounded out the entrances for this match.
6 – SHEAMUS & BIG SHOW & RANDY ORTON vs. DANIEL BRYAN & CODY RHODES & THE MIZ
Sheamus and Rhodes began the match. Orton tagged in at 29 seconds of the match. He hammered away with rights in the corner on Rhodes. Clothesline by Orton as Cole bragged about how long Rhodes has held the Intercontinental Championship. Rhodes held Orton, allowing the newly-legal Bryan to kick Orton in the chest. Cole has become such a fan of Bryan that he even suggested he’s going vegan. Dropkick by Orton, then a tag to Show. Show headbutted Bryan to the mat. Miz tagged in and Miz stumbled backward when Show feigned a right hand. After a hard slap to the chest by Show, Miz retreated and tagged Rhodes. Rhodes stepped in and tagged Miz back in. Show brought Miz in the hard way as they cut to break at 3:36.
Back to the show at 6:33 of the match. Sheamus and Miz were in the ring, and Sheamus ran over Miz with a few Irish Hammers. Near-fall at 7:28 by Sheamus. Sheamus fought off Rhodes, then put Miz back down. Forearms to the chest of Rhodes, then an elbow to Bryan. Miz dropkicked Sheamus out of the ring, as the three-on-one was just too much. Bryan hit a flying knee to Sheamus off the apron. Bryan wanted the tag and got it. Sheamus fought back to his feet, but wasn’t there for long. Bryan dropped several knees across the chin and throat of Sheamus. Running boot by Miz after he tagged in. Rhodes also got a chance to work over Sheamus. Short DDT by Miz for a two-count. Side Russian leg sweep by Rhodes after he avoided a Celtic Cross. That got him a two-count at 11:33. Irish Curse backbreaker and the match reset at about 12:00. Both men made tags, with Orton showing a lot of energy against Miz. Show took care of Rhodes and chased him up the ramp. Orton gave Miz a rope-assisted DDT. He avoided a kick from Bryan and tried to give him the same DDT. Instead, Bryan brought Orton throat-first across the top rope. Sheamus knocked Bryan over the apron then over the barricade and into the timekeeper’s area. Orton avoided a Skull Crushing Finale and hit the RKO for the win.
WINNERS: Orton, Show, and Sheamus, at 13:33.
Out of nowhere, Kane attacked Orton after the match. The two men traded rights at ringside and fought in front of the commentators. Orton was sent shoulder-first into the ring post, and Orton tossed Kane into one too. Kane landed an uppercut that sent Orton into the crowd. Kane came after him and they continued their back-and-forth brawl into the crowd. They went up the stairs and continued throwing haymakers as the show ended.
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Greg Parks has been covering WWE Smackdown for PWTorch.com since January of 2007. Follow him on Twitter @gregmparks for live Tweeting during Raw, Impact, and PPVs, as well as other bits of wisdom. Comments, questions and feedback are welcome, and can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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