PPV REPORTS KELLER'S 5/22 WWE Judgment Day PPV Report: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage
May 22, 2005 - 9:42:00 PM
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By Wade Keller, Torch editor
WWE JUDGMENT DAY PPV
MAY 22, 2005
LIVE ON FROM MINNEAPOLIS, MINN.
Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the show.
1 -- MNM (Mercury & Nitro w/Melina) vs. HARDCORE HOLLY & CHARLIE HAAS -- WWE Tag Team Title match
After some early mat exchanges between Haas and Nitro, Holly tagged in and hit both MNM members with his hard chops. Mercury and Nitro took control on Holly for the next few minutes. Holly hot-tagged Hass into the ring at 6:00 and he cleaned house. The early indications are this will be a great, responsive crowd. Haas dive onto MNM at ringside. Cole commented he had never seen that from Haas before. Melina grabbed Haas's leg as he bounced off the ropes. Holly rolled up Mercury for a near fall and then a small package for another near falls. Haas then hit his exploder suplex. Holly and Nitro entered the ring briefly, but when Holly dove at Nitro, Nitro moved and Holly spilled to ringside. Nitro entered the ring illegally and helped Mercury give Haas a Snap Shot for the win.
WINNERS: MNM at 8:02 to retain the WWE Tag Team Titles.
STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Pretty short tag title match, but good energy.
2 -- BIG SHOW vs. CARLITO (w/Matt Morgan)
Before the match, Carlito said": I was talking to my good friend, Randy Moss, and he warned me about Minnesota. He told me he left because you people in Minnesota, you're not cool." He said they aren't cool because they don't appreciate talent like Matt Morgan. "You people laugh at him just because he's different." Morgan didn't like what Carlito was implying. Then Carlito said he's different because he's bigger and badder than everyone in the crowd. Morgan smiled. Carlito said the only thing he shares in common with the fans is that he's going to sit back and appreciate the beating he was about to give Big Show. Show chopped away at Carlito early in the match, then slammed him to the mat. The ref went down at 3:30. Carlito hit Show with a low blow. Show, though, came back and set up a chokeslam on Carlito. Morgan interfered and lifted Show and gave him an F5 - Brock Lesnar's old finisher. That's either a sign that Brock is in the building and making a WWE comeback or WWE is taking a dig at Brock in is hometown by showing that his finisher is being used by someone else now.
WINNER: Carlito at 4:40.
STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Not much to it.
-The ECW PPV ad aired. Then Cole said he loved watching ECW matches back in the day. Yeah, right. If Cole once ever watched an ECW TV show, I'd be absolutely shocked. Tazz said he's looking forward to getting together with old friends at the event.
-Backstage, Sharmell told Booker T that nobody had ever disrespected her the way Kurt Angle did. Booker left the room. Someone delivered a gift bag to Sharmell full of lingerie. Booker saw that Angle signed the card and blew his top. He said he wasn't going to wait for their match, he was going to take care of business right now. Sharmell lost it when she saw handcuffs were also in the bag. She told Booker to take care of things.
3 -- PAUL LONDON vs. CHAVO GUERRERO -- Cruiserweight Title Match
"This is what Smackdown is all about - the Cruiserweights and the Cruiserweight Championship," said Cole. Yeah, that's what Smackdown is "all about." Nice rapid-fire action early. London caught Chavo's knees on a flip splash at 3:00. Chavo then took control. Chavo went for a Gory Bomb at 8:00, but London escaped. London then climbed to the top rope. Chavo rolled out of the ring. London then flipped to ringside instead, just gracing Chavo, but landing hard himself, too. Chavo then dove onto London at ringside. London blocked a Chavo top rope move and came off the top rope with a 450 splash for the win.
WINNER: London at 10:41 to retain the Cruiserweight Title.
STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Above-average match, but at just ten minutes, not long enough to really be a stand-out, memorable match. It did allow London to show off elements of what makes him a special worker.
-Booker marched around the backstage area of Target Center looking for Angle. In a funny touch, they showed someone in just a towel peeing at a urinal in the background. He walked past Haas, Holly, Kidman, and Shannon Moore demanding they tell Angle that he is looking for him. It's kinda funny that Hardcore Holly was dressing in the Minnesota Lynx WNBA team's locker room. They went elsewhere in the arena where Angle shoved Sharmell to the leather couch and told her he can find her anywhere. He put his hand over her mouth to stop her screaming. Then he heard his intro music and headed to the ring. Cole said Angle should be locked up and is a sick, sick pervert.
4 -- KURT ANGLE vs. BOOKER T
A fan held up a sign with Angle's new three-I's: "Integrity, Intensity, and Indecency." Cole said he knows he's supposed to remain impartial, "but I hope Booker T kicks Kurt Angle's ass tonight." Booker brought the handcuffs to the ring with him. Booker went right at Angle at the bell with an intense flurry of punches and chops. Angle, bleeding from his mouth early, came back with some uppercuts and stomps at 1:30. Booker came back again. Angle begged off. They ended up at ringside at 4:30 after Booker gave Angle a scissors kick as he was hanging over the top rope. Angle shoved Booker into the ringpost to regain control of the match. Booker took the bump into the post really well. Angle settled the match down with a chinlock on the mat at 6:30. Booker went for a wheel kick, but Angle moved and Booker straddled the top rope. Angle then hit a suplex and remained in control until a Booker comeback at 11:00. Booker hit Angle with a snap suplex for a soft two count at 11:30. He followed with a sidekick. When he went for a scissors kick, Angle avoided it, but Booker then hit a Book End at 12:15 for a convincing near fall. Nice sequence. Angle ducked a Booker clothesline and gave Booker a sequence of two German suplexes. Booker elbowed out of a third suplex attempt, but Angle then hit a belly-to-belly for a two count at 13:45. Booker got the pin with a small package that came out of nowhere. After the match, Angle attacked Booker. Sharmell came to ringside to check on her husband. Angle walked up behind her and grabbed her by the hair and threw her into the ring. He chased ref Charles Robinson out of the ring and then tried to handcuff himself to her. Booker made the save first and handcuffed Angle to the top rope. A worried Angle told Booker he didn't do anything she didn't want. Booker stood back and let Sharmell slap Angle over and over again followed by a kick between the legs. Angle sank and cried in the corner. It might have been a nice touch to send Teddy Long and several officials to the ring to stop Booker from doing anything more to Angle. After all, why would Booker stop when he did given what he feels Angle did to terrorize his wife. It took several minutes to get Angle unlocked from the handcuffs. Since he gave the cuffs as a gift, he should have known where the key was.
WINNER: Booker at 14:11.
STAR RATING: ***1/2 -- Very good 14 minute match. Five more minutes of that and it would have easily reached the four-star range.
-They showed Roberto Duran at ringside in the front row.
5 -- ORLANDO JORDAN vs. HEIDENREICH -- U.S. Title match
I'm surprised Jordan didn't wear a Raiders jersey to the ring since they already played off of the Randy Moss trade, and Jordan's hair looks a lot like Moss's during the NFL playoffs. Before the match Heidenreich said he wanted to find himself a new friend. There were many volunteers. Heidenreich picked out an excited girl from the front row. He asked her where she was from. This nine year old said, "Minn-e-frickin-apolis." Classic. Heidenreich sat her at ringside, then read her a poem. He concluded by saying that Jordan "from his head to his feet, looks like whole wheat" or something to that effect. Jordan jump-started the match by kicking Heidenreich at ringside. Back in the ring Jordan stomped away at Heidenreich. He hit a back suplex and Heidenreich landed on his head. The girl at ringside was shown booing. Jordan scored a two count, then twisted his head. Jordan continued to beat on Heidenreich, then when he got cocky and turned to the crowd, Heidenreich schoolboyed him for a convincing near fall. Jordan then scored the three count out of nowhere with a DDT. His friend, Alice, entered the ring to check on Heidenreich. She did the Bushwacker style walk, which inspired Heidenreich to get up. A "Heidenreich" chant began. He struggled to his feet.
WINNER: Jordan at 4:52 to retain the U.S. Title.
STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Passable action.
-Josh Matthews interviewed JBL backstage. He told John Cena that like Babe Ruth, he's going to call his shot. He said when he's done with him, he will need to work exclusively on his rap career or run for office in Minnesota because Minnesotans will elect any idiot to be governor.
-A long video recap aired of the Rey Mysterio-Eddie Guerrero storyline.
6 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. EDDIE GUERRERO
After a staredown and trash talking, Rey and Eddie broke into a flurry of punches. Guerrero got the upperhand briefly, then Rey took over. Guerrero slammed Rey back-first into the announcing table twice at ringside. Cole declared, "This is a wrestling match, not a massacre!" A loud "Eddie sucks" chant rang out. Guerrero applied an abdominal stretch at 5:00. Guerrero flap-jack flipped Rey chest-first onto the mat and nice a sequence. Rey fought back with some punches at 6:15, but Guerrero retained control. Rey scored with a nice springboard headbutt to Guerrero leading to a near full-fledged comeback, but Guerrero again cut him off with a low dropkick to his knees. Then he applied a Boston Crab in a logical follow-up to the low dropkick at 9:15. Guerrero then shifted into an STF. Rey reached the bottom rope to force a break at 10:30. Guerrero set up the stairs at ringside. When he was going to suplex Rey onto the stairs, Rey escaped and then hit a 619 on Guerrero from behind by using the ringpost as his swing-point at 13:00. Back inside the ring, Rey punched away at Guerrero. Guerrero fired back. Rey exploded at Guerrero with several punches and then a springboard crossbody for a two count. Rey followed with a spin wheel kick and a springboard crotch-first tackle for another two count. Rey punched away at Guerrero in the corner, punching too quickly for the crowd to count along. Rey dove at Guerrero, but Guerrero moved and Rey went shoulder-first into the ringpost. Guerrero superplex Rey to the mat and scored three two counts in a row. When Rey made a comeback and set up a 619 inside the ring, Chavo came to ringside to distract the ref. Eddie was going to use a chair, but Rey dropkicked it into him. Then Rey hit the 619. When he springboarded toward Eddie, Eddie nailed him with a chair prompting a DQ. Guerrero stepped onto the ring apron, as if he was going to leave the ring, but then stopped and returned to the ring. He bashed Rey with a series of stiff chairshot to his back. Rey was helped to the back by officials.
WINNER: Rey Mysterio at 18:35.
STAR RATING: **** -- Great match. The finish wasn't great, but for a first grudge match between these two, it's not bad booking.
7 -- JOHN CENA vs. JBL -- WWE Title match
Cena came out for his ring entrance in a semi truck. He had a D.J. mixing music next to him. Great entrance. He kicked the horns off of JBL's limo, which infuriated JBL. They worked at a pretty solid pace in the opening minutes back-and-forth. JBL whipped Cena into the ringside stairs at 6:00 and then whipped him with a belt. JBL set up Cena for a piledriver on the announcers' table. He told the ref to hold the mic up to Cena's mouth and tell him he better quit or he'll go through the table. Cena said, "kiss my ass," then backdropped JBL through the Spanish announcers' table. They went to a replay and just missed Cena hitting JBL with a monitor. He held the monitor in the air and got a nice pop. Cena threw JBL clear over the announcers' table and then played to the crowd again. That gave JBL a chance to blindside him with a chair to the skull. Cena came up bleeding pretty heavily. JBL then bashed Cena across the head with the steel stairs. He then kicked him in the back a few times and kneed him in the face, then bashed him on the skull with the mic. JBL hit Cena with three Clotheslined from Hell and then tried to get him to quit. Cena wouldn't. Cena then made a spirited comeback at 13:00 including the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena's face was as red at this point as any wrestler's face has ever been. Cena then hit an FU, then let out a barbaric yelp. JBL bailed out of the ring, waved his hand in front of his face, and then walked toward the back. Cena chased after him. He rammed him into the hood of his white limo. JBL gave Cena a neckbreaker on the hood of his car to regain control. JBL yanked a wire off of a piece of production equipment, then choked Cena with it. Cena refused to quit and then threw JBL head-first through a monitor screen. JBL came up bleeding. Cena threw JBL head-first into the side window of his limo. JBL crawled onto his limo roof to try to escape Cena. Cena suplexed JBL onto the roof. JBL opened the back door and crawled inside. Cena yanked JBL by the trunks out of the back and threw him into the open door. Cena yanked the door off of the limo and held it in the air. JBL climbed up onto the stage. Cena threw JBL into a tank which began spraying something out of its hose. JBL then surprised Cena with a face-first DDT at 20:00. JBL asked Cena to quit. Cena wouldn't. JBL pounded away at Cena. JBL yelled, "Quit!" The crowd chanted "Cena, Cena." JBL climbed onto a stack of speakers and grabbed at Cena. Cena hit JBL backwards with the mic. Cena then knocked JBL off the stage and JBL crashed through a table next to it. A "holy sh--" chant began. Cena retrieved a huge exhaust pipe off of the semi and before he could use it, JBL said, "I quit, I quit, I quit." Cena charged at JBL and knocked him through the Judgment Day glass set anyway. He then returned to the ring with his title belt and celebrated with the crowd. Tazz said anyone who doubts Cena just lost any reason to.
WINNER: Cena at 22:40.
STAR RATING: ****1/4 -- Really entertaining, realistic brawl. They used the props in a realistic, not sensationalist manner.
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