PPV REPORTS WWE HELL IN A CELL RESULTS: Keller's ongoing "virtual time" coverage of John Cena vs. Randy Orton, DX vs. Legacy, Undertaker vs. C.M. Punk
Oct 4, 2009 - 10:06:48 PM
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KELLER'S WWE HELL IN A CELL PPV REPORT
OCTOBER 4, 2009
LIVE FROM NEWARK, N.J. AT PRUDENTIAL CENTER
AIRED ON PAY-PER-VIEW
(NOTE: James Caldwell, who usually covers PPVs live right here at PWTorch on Sunday nights, won't be reporting on this show... and for good reason. He got married yesterday and he and his new wife are beginning their honeymoon. A big congratulations to the bride and groom!)
-A video package introduced the show focused on the Hell in a Cell format. Michael Cole then handled the introduction, touting the crowd of 16,187 in the arena. The PPV set was cool with simulated flames on the huge video walls on the stage and three HIAC cages above the entrance. Cole and Jerry Lawler previewed the event. They threw to Jim Ross and Todd Grisham who previewed the Smackdown matches. Ross noted that the World Title has never changed hands in the HIAC. Clips aired of the finish of the last PPV in Montreal, Quebec. It was a lengthy, elaborate video. Surprisingly, they're beginning with the World Title match. One of the problems with the multiple HIAC format is that you end up with a main event spectacle match such as this in the opener, reserved usually for much lesser matches that warm-up fans. It, in a sense, undercuts whatever sacrifice and work goes into the match. Then again, the booking may explain this early placement.
1 -- C.M. PUNK vs. UNDERTAKER -- World Title match in Hell in a Cell
If you showed up 15 minutes late for a PPV, you picked the right show unless you love Undertaker's ring entrance, as the match didn't begin until 15 minutes past the hour due to the intros, video packages, ring entrances. Taker went on offense early at ringside, cornering Punk against the cage. Ross called Punk "the self-proclaimed Second City Saint." The crowd battled back and forth with chants for both men. At 2:00 Punk dropkicked the steps into Taker's legs, giving him his first advantage. Punk went for a bulldog on the ring apron, but Taker instead shoved Punk into the cage. Back in the ring at 6:00 Taker set up a chokeslam. Punk escaped. Taker set up a Tombstone. Punk escaped again and kicked Taker's leg.
Punk rolled to ringside and grabbed a chair from under the ring and bashed Taker in the head with it. Taker set a good example by getting his hands up to protect his head while also getting a good smack sound out of it. Ross said in this match it's as legal as a headlock. Punk charged Taker with a running knee in the corner, but as he celebrated, Taker lifted him and gave him a last Ride. Punk kicked out before three. Ross said Taker has to be wondering what will finish Punk if not a Last Ride. Taker walked the top rope, but Punk yanked him down and kneed him in the chest. He scored two quick two counts, then grabbed the chair again. He charged at Taker, but Taker lifted his boot and kicked the chair into him. He then signaled for the throat-slice and executed a Tombstone for the win.
WINNER: Undertaker in 10:00 to capture the World Hvt. Title.
STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Okay match. Seemed short at just ten minutes, but with three of these HIACs, it's not a bad idea not to burn it out early. Punk looked credible against Taker despite losing clean in ten minutes. Punk just being in there with Taker and scoring near falls elevates him to a top tier position.
2 -- JOHN MORRISON vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER -- Intercontinental Title match
We saw a rare leapfrog in the opening minutes which saw some chain wrestling and athletic highspots. Grisham said the New Jersey Nets would love to have Morrison's leaping ability. Ziggler wrenched on a chinlock and made it look like he was really trying to do damage. He went into a full mount and scored a one count after some punches. He settled back into a side headlock. At 6:00 Morrison went for a Starship Pain, but Ziggler moved. Ziggler scored a near fall, then followed up with a leaping elbow (by request). He followed with his Jim Brunzell-like standing dropkick. Ziggler went back to a headlock. Morrison fought out of it and hit a rising uppercut. Ziggler snapped back with a sudden powerslam. Great exchanges between these two. They have that Evan Bourne type of athleticism and crispness and attention to detail where even ordinary moves become a lot more entertaining (and, perhaps more importantly, believable).
Ross and Grisham commented that Ziggler was getting overconfident after a cocky cover. Morrison then snuck in a surprise DDT to slow down Ziggler and give him a minute to regroup at 10:00. Morrison hit a standing shooting star press for a believable near fall that popped the crowd. Ziggler used the ropes for leverage on a pin attempt, but the ref caught it. As Ziggler argued with the ref, Morrison rolled him up for a near fall. Morrison went for a knee to the head, but Ziggler ducked and dropped Morrison's chin over his shoulder for another near fall. Ziggler went for a top rope dropkick, but Morrison moved, catapulted Ziggler into the corner turnbuckle, and scored a near fall at 13:00. Morrison went for a springboard bodyblock, but Ziggler ducked and hit a German suplex into a bridge for a near fall. Ziggler got up and hit a legdrop across the back of Morrison's neck for a near fall. Ziggler charged at Morrison in the corner, but Morrison caught him with a boot to the face. When Morrison set up Starship Pain, Ziggler caught him at the top and inverted bodyslammed him to the mat for a near fall. Morrison blocked a Ziggler move and then kicked him in the back of the head. He followed with Starship Pain for the win.
WINNER: Morrison in 16:00 to retain the IC Title.
STAR RATING: ***1/2 -- Very good match.
-Josh Matthews introduced Batista. Matthews was about introduce Rey Mysterio, but Batista said, "I've got it." Batista introduced Rey, who leaped into his arms like a pre-school boy leaping into his dad's arms when he picks him up at 5:30. Rey said Batista is like his big brother, and when he called him and asked him to team with him against the tag champs, it was a no-brainer. Rey talked about Jericho trying to take away his mask and his pride, so in return they'll try to take away his tag team title. Batista said while Jericho & Big Show claim to be the best tag team ever, they've never beat them.
-This is not a joke. The camera focused on four dancing mascots in a luxury suite dressed as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Cole threw to a video package on the new video game staring the turtles.
3 -- MICKIE JAMES vs. ALICIA FOX -- Divas Title Match
After some back and forth action in the early minutes, Fox applied a sitting leg scissors. There were scattered "boring" chants heard over the silence of the fans. Mickie caught a charging Fox at 4:00 with an elbow and then took her down with a head scissors. Mickie flew off the top rope with a Thesz Press into a mount. Mickie didn't go for the cover despite the ref moving in for a count. Instead, she set up a DDT. Fox shoved her into the corner and came out of it with a northern lights suplex for a near fall. Mickie avoided a scissors kick and then hit a DDT for the win.
WINNER: Mickie James at 5:00 to retain the Divas Title.
STAR RATING: *
-A "Please Do Not Try This At Home" PSA video aired.
4 -- CHRIS JERICHO & THE BIG SHOW vs. BATISTA & REY MYSTERIO -- World Tag Team Title match
Grisham and Ross talked about the Smackdown 10th Anniversary celebration two nights earlier, especially focused on the dedication to the late Eddie Guerrero. Batista and Rey took turns beating on Jericho for three minutes. When Jericho tagged in Show, Batista offered to tag in, but after some thought, Rey decided he'd go for it. Batista took a deep breath and wished him luck. Rey kicked at Show's legs. Show picked him up and headbutted him, then stepped on him. Then he set him on the top rope and chopped him in the chest, sending him tumbling to the floor. Ross called it a "heart-stopper of a chop." Batista checked on Rey. Rey made it back into the ring. Jericho tagged in and methodically beat on Rey, catapulting him upward into the middle rope. Jericho applied a full nelson on the mat. They showed a new wide angle of the Prudential Center. Rey made a comeback and set up a 619, but Jericho was luring him and he turned and knocked him down leading to a two count. At 8:00 Rey knocked Jericho off the top rope and dove onto Jericho, then hot-tagged in Batista.
Batista knocked Show off the ring apron and then turning sidewalk slammed Jericho for a two count. He then threw Jericho into Show as Show climbed into the ring. He followed with a Spinebuster for a near fall. Jericho surprised Jericho with a Code Breaker for a near fall out of nowhere. Jericho tagged Show back into the ring. Show chokeslammed Batista for a near fall, broken up by Rey at 11:00. Jericho went for the Lionsault, but Batista moved. Rey clapped for Batista to crawl over and tag him back in. Batista did a second after Jericho tagged in show. Rey went on a flurry against Show, ducking abig boot and sprimgboarding into him, but Show caught him and tossed him over his head. Show charged Rey in the corner, but Rey ducked. Rey then hit a springboard DDT. He went for the cover, but Show pressed Rey off of him. The crowd bought into the pin. Rey ducked a charging Show seconds later and knocked him to the floor. He set up a charging Jericho for a 619, but Jericho ducked, so the 619 actually hit Show. Rey backdropped a charging Jericho into Show's arms at ringside. Batista then speared them both at ringside. Nice sequence. Back in the ring Rey hit a 619, but when springboarded at Show, Show caught him mid-air with his right fist for the clean win. Grisham talked about the big names Show has knocked out with that punch. Batista tended to Rey in the ring.
WINNERS: Show & Jericho at 14:00 to retain the World Tag Team Titles.
STAR RATING: *** -- Good tag match. Well crafted and executed, playing into each wrestlers' particular strengths and size logically.
-The Cell began to lower again. A video package aired on the Randy Orton-John Cena feud.
5 -- JOHN CENA vs. RANDY ORTON
Cena got a mixed reaction. Cole said nobody gets such a wide range of emotion out of WWE fans as Cena does. Cole said this is the fifth time the WWE Title would be defended in the HIAC and it's never changed hands. Cole called this one of the great rivalries in the history of WWE. Orton tested the strength of the lock on the door in the opening minute, but then he got early advantage after Cena came after him. Lawler said he suckered Cena to ringside. A loud "Cena sucks" chant rang out. Cole said this Cell is reenforced, stronger than Cells in the past, now meant to absolutely keep people inside. Cena went for an early Attitude Adjustment, but Orton slipped out and then hit a powerslam on a charging Cena. They took turns beating on each other at ringside. Orton got the advantage and brought the top of the ringside steps into the ring. He attempted to DDT Cena off the middle rope onto the steps, but Cena blocked it and backdropped Orton to the floor.
At 7:00 Cena threw the steps at Orton at ringside, but Orton ducked. Orton charged at Cena in the corner, but Cena caught him with a boot to the face and then rallied. The crowd mostly booed as Cena signalled for the You Can't See Me routine. He hit the Five Knuckle Shuffle and then set up an Attitude Adjustment. Orton grabbed the top rope and leaped to the floor, snapping Cena's neck over the top rope in the process. Orton then hit a DDT off the second rope. At 11:00 Cena set up a top rope Attitude Adjuster, but Orton elbowed out and gave Cena an Electric Chair for a near fall. At 13:00 Cena missed a top rope legdrop. Both men were slow to get up. Lawler said each knows the other so well, they can anticipate each other's moves. Orton brought a chair into the ring. Orton jabbed Cena in the back of the neck and then his chest for a two count. Orton rubbed his temples after Cena's kickout. Cole said, "He's got issues."
By the time he got around to a follow-up move, a leaping kneedrop, Cena recovered enough to move. Cena applied an STF mid-ring. Orton crawled to the bottom rope. Cena dragged him back to the middle. Orton kicked Cena off of him, knocking Cena into the ref. Cena applied the STF again, but the ref was down as Orton tapped. Cena released the hold, apparently assuming Orton gave up and the match was over. He realized there was no ref in the ring and went to ringside to roll him back in. Orton recovered and surprised Cena with an RKO for a near fall. The crowd popped for the kickout. Lawler said Orton looked like he was going to cry. Cole said that may have been Orton's last chance, although there's no apparently reason why it would be (but it's presumably what McMahon wanted Cole to say, so he said it).
Orton tied Cena up into the ropes and then applied a sleeper from behind. Cena appeared to be out cold. Orton released the hold and sat in the corner and pulled himself to his feet. He waited for the ref to release Cena. Cena fell face-first to the mat. Orton then waited for Cena to raise his head and then kicked him. And then he scored the three count. As Cena came to a couple minutes later, Lawler said it's a good sign paramedics don't have to come down to check on him. So they can diagnose him from 150 feet away? Cena's facial expression aimed at Orton as he sat up and watched Orton celebrate on the ramp was spot-on and helped the fans share his grief.
WINNER: Orton in 21:00 to win the WWE Title.
STAR RATING: ***1/2 -- They tell a good story and have chemistry with one another. No doubt about that. It's just so familiar at this point that it's like reading the same great book over and over, or a slightly different book with the same two main characters over and over. Fans are also expecting some blood in this type of intense rivalry. The Cell didn't come much into play, either.
-Matthews interviewed R-Truth. A video package aired on the Drew McIntyre-Truth confrontations. Truth said he's glad to finally get his hands on him one-on-one. He said it's now time for the moment of truth and threw a few more "truths" into his promo, then he sang his way to the ring.
6 -- R-TRUTH vs. DREW MCINTYRE
Some fans pelted these two with shouts of "boring" in the opening seconds. Not a surprise given that most of this feud was on ECW, which 80 percent of WWE fans don't see, plus it's coming after a main event title change. Back and forth throughout. Ross said Truth has been overachieving his whole life and he appreciates his desire. McIntyre countered Truth as he punched him the corner, slamming him hard to the mat and then finishing with his double underhook DDT. This was McIntyre's first PPV match.
WINNER: McIntyre in 4:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Nothing special, but it exposed McIntyre to the PPV audience. The chain rattling noise from Truth's belt is really, really annoying. It also brings back memories of the Ding Dongs.
-Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase tried to celebrate with Orton, telling them that after they win, they'll have a great night on the town. Orton said they are going to be in the Cell and win or lose they won't just walk away. DiBiase said they've studied the Cell and spent time in it. He said they're younger, stronger, and faster and have every right to be confident. Cody told Orton he's starting to sound like his "old man." Orton said they have no idea what they're getting into. Orton stood and told Cody, "By the way, I'm not your old man. I'm the WWE Champion, and if I were you two, if I had something to say, I'd listen." DiBiase said, "If I were you, I wouldn't underestimate us." The crowd oohhhed.
-A commercial aired for the Oct. 25 "Bragging Rights" PPV featuring Raw vs. Smackdown.
(ALERT: Brock Lesnar said what about his next opponent, Shane Carwin?!? Shane Carwin fired back with what?!?! Find out by clicking here.)
-They showed a skyline aerial view of Newark, N.J.
-Cole and Lawler talked about whether DiBiase and Rhodes are taking the HIAC lightly. Lawler wondered how Orton would react to what DiBiase and Rhodes said to him.
7 -- KOFI KINGSTON vs. THE MIZ vs. JACK SWAGGER
Miz did mic work before the match. He asked to be banned from Newark so he never had to return, and in return he'd make Newark famous by winning the U.S. Title there. For the first two minutes Miz and Swagger teamed up against Kofi. When Miz went for a pin, Swagger broke it up. They worked together again. After knocking Kofi down and out at 3:00, Miz offered his hand for a double clothesline. Swagger grabbed his hand, and Miz yanked him into him with a clothesline. He hit Kofi with a flying clothesline in the corner, then leaped off the top rope with a double axe handle to Swagger. He followed with a neckbreaker on Kofi for a two count at 4:00. At 5:00 Kofi came back, but Swagger cut him off with a snake eyes over the top rope. Swagger threw Kofi shoulder-first into Miz, then gave him a belly-to-belly for a two count, broke up by Miz. Kofi went into his finishing routine against Swagger at 6:00 hitting the Boom Drop. Miz broke up his pin attempt. Swagger went for a back suplex on Miz, but Miz held onto the top rope. Kofi nailed Swagger with a 360 spin roundkick. Miz then surprised Kofi with the Skull Crushing Finale for a near fall, ending when Swagger draped Kofi's leg over the bottom rope. Swagger reversed a small package attempt by Kofi, giving Miz a near fall. Kofi kicked out. Swagger and Miz went at each other, with Swagger hitting a gut wrench powerbomb. Kofi surprised Swager with his Trouble in Paradise kick, then he covered Miz and scored the three count.
WINNER: Kingston in 8:00 to retain the U.S. Hvt. Title.
DX's ring intro started first, so you had to know something was up. As they handed out glow sticks to fans (because merch revenue is more important than dignity), DiBiase and Rhodes attacked them from behind. At least that saved everyone from extended DX mic work before the match. They brawled at ringside for a while, including Triple H clotheslining DiBiase over the announce desk. Hunter hit Rhodes in the head with a monitor. They cleared the announce table and suplexed Rhodes onto the table. DiBiase made a comeback by surprising Hunter and Michaels with an attack from behind. DiBiase shoved Triple H over the security barrier, then slammed him back to ringside. Michaels and Rhodes brawled into the crowd. Michaels backdropped a charging Rhodes back into the ringside area. Rhodes hit Michaels in the leg with a chain-wrapped fist. Rhodes and DiBiase fought Hunter up the ramp. Rhodes hit Hunter with a chain, then he and DiBiase gave him a double-team DDT onto the stage. Rhodes followed with his Crossroads signature move on the stage. They made their way back to ringside to go after Michaels. The Cell door was open and they dragged Michaels into it. They slammed the cage door on Michaels's leg twice and then wrapped it awkwardly around the frame. Then they entered the cage with Michaels and chained the door closed.
They double-teamed Michaels for several minutes. Four minutes into the official match inside the cage, Hunter began to crawl to the cage. Cole said in the history of HIAC, there's never been one like this. Hunter tried to climb the cage, but DiBiase knocked him down. Michaels showed a sign of life by side-stepped DiBiase and throwing him into Rhodes, knocking him into the side of the cage. Michaels limped as he rebounded off the ropes and hit DiBiase with a flying forearm. Hunter cheered on Michaels, then began to climb the cage. Lawler said there's a roof that he can't get past. Michaels surprised DiBiase with a superkick at 6:00. Rhodes hit Michaels with a chair at ringside. Hunter wedged a chair into the door to try to pry it open. DiBiase taunted Hunter at ringside. Hunter threw the chair to the side when that didn't work. Hunter bent down and went face-to-face with Michaels with the cage separating them. DiBiase asked what he was going to do since he was helpless. Hunter walked to the back. Lawler said, "I don't get this. Is he walking away from Shawn?" DiBiase and Rhodes told Michaels that his partner left him.
At 11:00 Michaels teased a comeback. He was overwhelmed, though. The heel dueo wrapped his legs around the ringpost. Rhodes applied a figure-four again, the way they won their last match against them. Triple H ran out with bolt cutters and began to cut the chain. He had some trouble. DiBiase, meanwhile, chokeslammed Michaels onto the chair. It looked like Michaels's head hit the chair hard. Hunter entered the ring and went after Rhdoes and DiBiase, hitting a high knee on Rhodes and a knee driver to DiBiase. He then threw them into each other. He gave Rhodes a spinebuster onto a chair in center-ring. When Hunter set up a Pedigree on Rhodes, DiBiase broke it up. Michaels recovered enough to tackle DiBiase and then backdrop him over the top rope. The cage door was open. A ref came out and tried to chain the door to the cage closed with a new chain. Hunter took the chair from the ref, wrapped it around his fist, and hit DiBiase with it. Hunter gave DiBiase a loose Pedigree on the mat at ringside. Hunter and Michaels dragged DiBiase out of the cage, then went back inside and locked the door. Cole noted that the bolt cutters were inside the Cell. Rhodes looked up and saw his situation. Hunter gave pin a spinebuster. Then he put Rhodes's head through a chair and Michaels hit a top rope elbow. They showed DiBiase regaining his senses at ringside. Hunter pulled the sledgehammer out from under the ring. Michaels stomped the mat and set up a superkick. Hunter joined in and simultaneously hit Rhodes with the sledgehammer. For a second, it looked as if he was going to hit Michaels and turn on him. Michaels scored the pin as DiBiase threw a fit outside the door. When the cage raised, DiBiase ran in to check on Rhodes. He was promptly met with a superkick. DX celebrated over the fallen knocked out heel duo. Strangely, there was no DX music for a few seconds, making you realize how vital that is to setting a victory scene. A brief "DX" chant broke out. Then the music began again and Michaels and Hunter did crotch chops.
WINNERS: Michaels & Triple H in 18:00.
STAR RATING: **3/4 -- More of an angle than a match, with mostly extended two-on-one beatdowns.
(What did you think of the event if you saw it? Send your name, hometown, 0-10 score, picks for best and worst matches, and a paragraph of comments to: firstname.lastname@example.org.)
Jim Ross on Dolph Ziggler and John Morrison: "They're two of the cornerstones of the future of World Wrestling Entertainment."
John Morrison to Jim Ross: "Do you have a nickname?"
Ross in response: "I can't say it on the air. Yes, I have a couple of them."
Michael Cole: "It's is so great to have the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with us tonight. Cowabunga!"
R-Truth: "You don't disrespect nobody to get where you want to be at... Here in the good ol' USA, to get respect, you gotta earn it... I'm not new to this, I'm true to this... What I'm about to give to Drew, he's earned it. That's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."
The Miz: "I'd like to quote my good friend Conan O'Brien who once said, 'All sewers run to Newark.' And it makes sense. Why else would the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles be here?"
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