By Dusty Giebink, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Smackdown review
November 18, 2004
Taped 11/16/04 in Dayton, Ohio
Aired on UPN
Report by Dusty Giebink, Lounge Janitor

If you haven�t read hour one yet, hit your back button and do so first.

In a nutshell: We have ourselves a new United States Champion!

***We were shown clips from the last time the Smackdown crew, including �Stone Cold� Steve Austin, who was decidedly not one of the Smackdown crew, entertaining the troops overseas at a Christmas-ish show. Cole helpfully pointed out that they would be headed back over there to do it one more time with feeling this holiday season.

(3) Kurt Angle defeated Dean Visk. The finish came when Angle made him tap out to the anklelock for the submission victory.

The Beginning: Before the, uh, match, Angle got on the microphone and said with Thanksgiving but one week away, he was in a giving mood. In fact, he fashioned himself the most giving superstar on the roster. As such, he would be holding the Kurt Angle Invitational. Every week, he would give some hometown hero the opportunity to step into the ring with him and try to defeat him. He said this would prove that he is the greatest wrestler to ever step foot in the ring, but I�m not exactly sure how. Not that I�m going to question him, mind you. In any event, he said that if someone got lucky and actually did beat him, the prize would be his Olympic gold medal. Maybe that�s not the best idea, but what do I know? Visk walked to the ring like he had a load in his pants, and Angle looked completely unimpressed. Can�t blame him. Visk said he was from Dayton, Ohio, which got a decent pop from the audio sweetener.

The Middle: The announcers put over how big Visk was, including saying that he was really put together. Angle hit a big time go behind take down and then did the old Razor Ramon slap the guy on the back of the head spot, to play some mind games with him. Cole said he wanted this kid to wipe the smile off Angle�s face. Tazz wisely pointed out that wasn�t too likely. Visk did get a measure of offense on him, as Angle mockingly clapped for him. Angle offered Visk a handshake, which Visk foolishly trusted to be legitimate. Sure enough, Angle pulled his hand away and slapped Visk. Duh. Angle stomped away on Visk in the corner. Angle hit a side suplex and pulled the straps down. He locked in the anklelock to finish things up right quick.

The End: After the match, Tazz said he�d like to see this become a regular part of the Smackdown telecast. Actually, I hate to disagree with Tazz, because I know he could take me, but I have to completely disagree with him on this matter.

***Backstage, Orlando Jordan walked up to JBL�s dressing room. Layfield was talking with some chick, who was assuring him that he looked great. Turned out, it was Amy Webber, another of the former Diva contestants on Raw that didn�t have to actually win the actual competition to get an actual job with the actual company. This pretty much renders the Tough Enough contest, and all future contests for that matter, pretty much meaningless. Not that I didn�t already know that about this Tough Enough, but what have you. She told Layfield �image is everything,� which are words to live by, actually.

***We were shown another clip of ghosts from Smackdown�s past to set up the Cena vs. Carlito U.S. Title match coming up later in the show. On the November 11 show, Long tells us that he knows full well the details of Jesus� shady past, and implies that he might have been the one doing the stabbing at the nightclub that fateful night.

***Layfield came down to the ring in his trusty long white stretch limo with the bullhorns on the front. And with him as always was Orlando. Cole pointed out that if it wasn�t for the interference of Jordan in the Survivor Series match against Booker T, Layfield wouldn�t be holding this victory speech tonight. Layfield declared that it was morning again in America, and that he was on a roll. He said that every generation, a person comes along that is simply head and shoulders above the rest. He said that while there were some great basketball players back in the day, Michael Jordan stood head and shoulders above the rest of them. Basically, he was trying to call himself this generation�s wrestling�s Michael Jordan, which is more than a little leap of faith, in my house of humble. He said that history would always remember JBL, and the fans chanting his name. Not really anyone chanted his name. He said that years from now, the people in attendance would tell their friends and family only about JBL, and the fact that they got to chant his name. Cole: �I�m going to be sick.� He said he has faced off against every competitor thrown in his way, and he has beaten them all. He said that the economy has picked up greatly since he was the champion, and you know that can�t be a coincidence. More importantly, since he was the champion, there hasn�t been one major terrorist attack on American soil. Cole: �What does that have to do with anything?!� He called himself the �symbol of America,� and said he was proud to be the people�s undisputed WWE Champion, and cue that big toothy grin of his.

Booker T must have been backstage, eating a banana while this was going on. Once again, I�d like you to picture him backstage, taking a bite of the banana as Layfield kept going on and on with his ridiculous comments until Booker finally has had enough, spits out his bite of banana, gets up off his chair, flipping it behind him in a fluid stream of motion, and angrily walking to the ring to take care of this injustice. In any event, Booker got on the mic and said the fans didn�t want to hear JBL�s crap. He said he couldn�t believe JBL had the audacity to compare himself to Michael Jordan, and said he never saw Michael Jordan�s House Boy slip him the title to knock somebody out and help him win a game. He has a point there. He asked for a rematch right there, on this very show. Silly Booker. Doesn�t he know the World Title barely ever changes hands on Smackdown, and that he would have been better off asking for the title match on the next PPV? In any event, before Layfield could respond, out came Eddie Guerrero in one of his trademark lowriders. Tazz pointed out that Kerry didn�t interrupt Bush during his victory speech, so what gives Guerrero and Booker the right to interrupt JBL? Good point. Guerrero said he was sick and tired of hearing about how great JBL is, at his (Eddie�s) expense. Eddie looked absolutely ridiculous, by the way, in a huge black suit coat looking thing. Eddie pointed out that he was champion before JBL, and that it was now time for him to get his belt back. Booker yelled at Eddie for raining on his parade, and then as JBL said that those two should fight, Booker told him to shut the hell up. Booker told Eddie he wanted his rematch, and that he felt he should get that rematch before Eddie gets his. At this point, the lights went out and the Undertaker�s big, huge DONG~! hit. This could only mean a 20 minute ring entrance from the Phenom.

No, I�m not talking about Sean Radican, who actually probably deserves that moniker a lot more than Undertaker, especially at this point, but rather the Taker himself. I smell a Fatal Four Way, but that could just be me. Tazz had a Michael Cole trademarked bird about how he thought it was a travesty that all these people were interrupting Layfield�s victory speech. Undertaker motioned that he was going after Layfield�s belt as well, and Layfield and Jordan slipped out of the ring and headed for higher ground. Layfield went crazy here, vowing that none of the three of them would ever get a rematch from him for the belt. Out came Long. He said he agreed with JBL, and Layfield gave out a �holla, holla� in celebration. Long said that the three of them were all denied individual title matches. Rather, all three of them would be given a title match in a Fatal Four Way at the Armageddon PPV in December. Long told Layfield to holla, holla, holla.

***The remaining Tough Enough troops were lined up once again at the behest of Al Snow. Each guy was given 30 seconds to cut a promo about why they should not be voted off, and why they think they should win this competition. Man, Puder is the best of the bunch, but he really needs some work on the microphone after he surely wins this thing. Mike �The Miz� Pettengill and Big Country do the best job on the mic, which I actually think, along with his semi-strong showing in the earlier contest, will be enough for Reeves to hang on another week here. Instead, I�m going to fearlessly predict that the next one eliminated will be Justice Smith. I hope I�m wrong. Snow told us that voting would now be allowed on WWE.com, and would presumably go until Monday night.

***Backstage, Carlito was having his shoulder worked over by the third former Diva Contest person to pop up on this show, Joy. Joy and Amy were the two favorites of my boy Lepak, so he was extremely excited to see them brought in under any capacity. I always preferred Maria and Christy, so it�s just my luck that they�re both on Raw. No worries, though, as I�m already working on a trade with James Guttman to get at least Maria to come to Smackdown. (DG note: If I add Kenzo Suzuki to the deal, he will have no choice but to accept it!) If I can get Snitsky as well, and if I can get him to take Hardcore Holly, life would be a beautiful thing once again.

***We were shown another clip to promote the Cena vs. Carlito title match coming up later on the show. This time, we were shown highlights from the Survivor Series.

***We were told that at the Armageddon PPV, it would be JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. the Undertaker vs. Booker T in a Fatal Four Way for the WWE Title.

(4) John Cena defeated Carlito Caribbean Cool (w/Jesus) to win the U.S. Title. The finish came when Cena hit the F-U to win the match and the title.

The Beginning: Before the match, Carlito was limping and selling the shoulder, looking like he was in terrible condition. He needed Jesus to help him get his shirt and chain off. And yes, I realize that it�s actually Cena�s chain. Possession is nine-tenths and all that. Cena came out looking very determined, which was perfect considering the storyline. Jesus tried to jump Cena before the match, but Cena disposed of him in quick order. Cena went to the outside and attacked Carlito, including ramming him into the ring, and then into the barricade. Cena punched away on Carlito and did a great job of being all pissed off and wanting revenge. He rammed Carlito into the ringpost and then cut off Jesus as he was attempting to hit Cena with a chair. He actually used the chair himself and nailed Carlito right in the shoulder with it. The announcers explained that all this was allowed to go on because the match hadn�t officially started yet.

The Middle: At that point, Cena rolled Carlito into the ring and the ref called for the bell, marking the official beginning of the match. We were shown the shoulder hit again, and then Cena mocked Carlito�s signature move by taking a bite of the apple and spitting it into his (Carlito�s) face. Cena hit the F-U and got the win, just like that. That was quick.

The End: You know, I won�t complain about this match being short. With the storyline being that Cena was out for revenge against the guys that stole his title by cheating and then attacked him or orchestrated the attack on him in the nightclub, you would think he would be motivated to win the match in quick order. Plus, with all these matches, week after week, some of them are bound to be much shorter than others anyway. It�s just more realistic like that, so a big thumbs up on this angle. After the match, Cena went to take back his chain, but Jesus jumped him from behind and hit several kidney shots. He then got the chain back from Cena and hit him one more good time with the chain in the kidneys to send Cena writhing on the mat in pain. Wow, writhing isn�t a word I thought I would ever use in one of these reviews. Jesus helped Carlito to the back, like any good lackey should do, and Cena had to be stretchered off, which might have been a bit much.

Quotes of the Night

-Regarding Torrie Wilson
Heyman: The Undertaker was staring at you like he was looking into the eyes of his own demon. That�s you. Heidenreich is the Undertaker�s own personal demon. Look, I�ve known Undertaker for many years. I�ve never seen him look at anybody that way. I never saw the Undertaker look at the Rock that way. I never saw the Undertaker look at �Stone Cold� Steve Austin. I�ve never even seen the Undertaker look at Hollywood Hogan that way. Don�t you see how huge this is? This is the biggest thing that could ever happen for you. One day, you�ll meet up with the Undertaker again. But for now, I need you to focus your energies on Charlie Haas. Because Charlie Haas. . .
Heidenreich: Paul. . .
Heyman: Go ahead. Talk to me.
Heidenreich: Am I strapped in yet?
Heyman: Yeah. I�ve got you all strapped in. Why?
Heidenreich: Good. Let�s get this over with.
Dusty�s Friend Lepak: Charlie Haas was 25.

-About Van Dam stretching out with Michelle earlier in the show
Cole: Did you ever do any of those stretches when you were wrestling?
Tazz: I�ve been stretched before, back in the day when I first came in, but I�ve never been stretched like that!
Cole: I�d like to be stretched like that!

Tazz: Now, why is Hiroko, a Japanese lady. . .
Cole: A geisha girl. . .
Tazz: Right, check. Waving the French flag? And why is the French flag the color of the American flag? I�ve always wondered that since the second grade, but that�s another story for another time.

Tazz: So, is my wife my geisha girl? My wife, she�s not Japanese. . .
Cole: No. She�s not Japanese. You�re not from Japan.
Tazz: . . . my wife�s Irish, though. They don�t have geisha girls in Ireland, right?
Cole: No.
Tazz: She�s not from Ireland. She�s from Queens, actually.

Cole: I was going to say, you hear this USA chant?
Tazz: Yeah.
Cole: The United States championship, Carlito vs. Cena, still to come tonight!
Tazz: You are the master of the segue, gumshoes.
Cole: Well, that�s why I get paid five bucks an hour.

Tazz: Did you just say Kenzo is a former rugby star?
Cole:Yeah, Kenzo actually led the Japanese rugby team a few years ago to the championship.
Tazz: The Japanese have a rugby team?!
Cole: Yeah, they actually won a world championship a number of years ago.
Tazz: I think that�s hilarious, that the Japanese play rugby.
Cole: Why?
Tazz: That�s an English sport. . .
Cole: Baseball is an American sport, but the Japanese play it. (Calls action)
Tazz: Do they have uniforms and everything?
Cole: Of course they do. No, they play naked, you fool!

Cole: You know, Colin Powell is out of work. I guess JBL could hire him for his cabinet, too.
Tazz: Yeah, or maybe you should get yourself an image consultant. I can�t believe your family lets you leave the house the way you�re dressed.
Cole: That�s nice.
Tazz: Look at your hair. . . What color is your hair this week? What color is it now, black, brown, purple? You run around, you look like a goof. Anyway, here�s a guy that doesn�t look like a goof, and that�s the champ � JBL. Here comes the champ!
Cole: Are you done?
Tazz: They�re going to be chanting his name tonight � JBL! JBL! JBL!

-To Eddie Guerrero, Booker T and the Undertaker
Layfield: You don�t get it. You don�t get it, do you? I�ve gotta tell you in Spanish? I�ve gotta tell you in hip hop? I�ve gotta tell you in Monster? Listen to me, listen to me! I am not fighting any of y�all. You can fight yourselves, you can fight this crowd. I don�t care. None of you, none of you three hoodlums, will ever get a rematch from JBL!

v3.0 Production Credits: Thank you to �The Supreme� Seth Berger, Mike �Murderer�s� Roe, Sean Radican, Eric �Earplugs� Nelson, Paul Madavi (read his review! Read his review! Read his review!), Matthew Alan Roberts, Prole, Steven Haynes, Ush Sisk, Greg Schiller, Dan Becker and anyone else who has ever helped me.

***Dusty Giebink now does the Smackdown Express reviews each and every week for PWTorch.com. He does his for all the readers who would rather watch coherent things and then read the recap later. Bastards! He can be contacted at dusty13@gmail.com if you have something to say.

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