By Sean Radican, Torch Contributor

WWE Smackdown review
November 25, 2004
Taped 11/23/04 in Rochester, N.Y.
Aired on UPN
Report by Sean Radican, Torch contributor

Paul Madavi asked me to review Smackdown this week and I’m glad I said yes, as I haven’t caught Smackdown in a long time. I got my start with the PWTorch.com reviewing Smackdown and this is the first time I’ve reviewed any WWE show in a long time. At this time of year, it’s appropriate to give thanks and one of things I’m thankful is the opportunity to have my voice heard on this site and occasionally in the newsletter. I would like to also take this time to thank Dusty Giebink for all his help during the past year. Paul will be back next week reviewing his favorite show with half dressed men pretending to beat each other up.

(1) Rey Mysterio defeated Rene Dupree (w/Fifi ). Dupree’s face tells the story of last weekends encounter with Hardcore Bob, who sure did a job on him. Now that’s working stiff! I can only imagine what Pat McNeill and Bruce Mitchell would do to Derek Burgan if locker room policing were a part of the newsletter industry. Dupree counters Mysterio’s attempt at a 6-1-9. Dupree had the advantage momentarily, so he did his wacky dance that Terrell Owens wouldn’t be caught dead attempting. The finish of the match saw Mysterio hit the 6-1-9 and drop the dime for the pinfall. And yes, Torrie Wilson was the guest ring announcer and she even managed to suck at that.

Dupree must be a real asshole to be doing jobs to Mysterio in the opening match on Smackdown. They showed Kenzo backstage admiring Torrie backstage and Hiroko didn’t like that one bit. Yep folks, if you didn’t watch Smackdown on Thanksgiving, you really missed out on great stuff like what I just described.

A recap of the Tough Enough challenge from last week aired. If the Miz wins this contest, I’m sure they’ll sign up one of those jacked up muscle heads that doesn’t win anyway. You know, those guys are so entertaining that any one of them would be sure to entertain a PPV audience in a 20 minute match with the Undertaker

(Commercial break)

Al Snow and the Tough Enough contestants made their way to the ring for an arm wrestling challenge. Al Snow asks Ryan Reeves if he wants to quit before he announces the results of the internet voting. Reeves tells Snow he won’t quit, despite having broken ribs. He then informs the audience that his nickname is silverback. He calls himself the leader of the pack, but apparently he hasn’t been paying attention to Tough Enough voting. Dan Rodimer is eliminated by Al Snow, much to the mock surprise of Cole and Tazz. I was just watching “The Rise and Fall of ECW” DVD and I had forgotten what a badass that Tazz was back then and now he’s an announcer on Smackdown. How the mighty have fallen.

The Miz and Puder go first. Puder wins easily. The crowd chants “UFC” at Puder, who never has even appeared at a UFC event. As I was watching this, it came to mind how stupid and pointless all of this was. What does arm wrestling have to do with being a good wrestler? Reeves defeated Justice Smith and then took care of Puder to win the challenge. I could hear the crickets chirping throughout Rochester during this segment.

(Commercial break)

Eddie Guerrero and Booker T are backstage discussing their match against JBL and Orlando Jones later this week. Some ring rat from the Diva Search contest introduces herself as JBL’s consultant to Guerrero and Booker T. Wade must be crying that wrestlers like the A-Train and Rico were cut in order to afford the Diva Search rejects. Guerrero and Booker T get real personal with each other while arguing over who is going to beat JBL at the PPV.

Joy from the Diva Search is bending over a table eating various foods that would normally be found at a Thanksgiving dinner. Somewhere Johnny Stamboli is crying.

(Commercial break)

Highlights from the John Cena-Carlito Caribbean Cool match are aired.

John Cena had so much potential last year and by now he should have been main eventing Smackdown PPV’s. His promos have become so lame since he turned face. He has been completely neutered and he is now irrelevant.

Carlito and Jesus are backstage. Carlito cuts a promo on Cena. He says Cena is to blame for what happened last week. Carlito gives Jesus Cena’s chain to wear. Jesus says he’s a thug and can play by street rules, just like Cena. Jesus says if Cena ever makes it back, he has his wrestling license and will fight Cena anywhere. I didn’t know you had to have a wrestling license to wrestle. I’d like to see Kenzo’s wrestling license. This was a pretty good promo by Jesus and Carlito. Carlito finished the interview by spitting his apple onto the camera.

RVD and Rey were backstage talking about nothing. RVD is another wrestler who has been tragically misused by the WWE. Remember him in ECW? I can’t believe how stale he’s become in WWE, but that’s what happens when your matches are cut to 3 minutes and your weaknesses are exploited, instead of hidden.

(Commercial break)

(2) Rob Van Dam defeated Kenzo Suzuki (w/Hiroko) via disqualification. I have the perverse desire to see Samoa Joe work a match against Suzuki after watching his lame attempts to chop RVD’s chest. Suzuki dominated the early part of the match with his arsenal of crappy looking maneuvers. Suzuki cinched in a headlock on RVD, which he didn’t bother to sell. RVD eventually gained the advantage and went for the Five Star, but Hiroko interfered. Kenzo recovered and used Hiroko’s sash of death, which got him DQ’d. I’m surprised this show even does a 3.0 these days.

Torrie Wilson announced the DQ, so Hiroko slapped her and they had a little cat fight. Suzuki used the opportunity to molest Wilson and then did a weird gyration while facing her in the corner. RVD saved us all from Torrie’s horrible overacting face by dispatching Suzuki from the ring.

Joy did a taste test on one of the pies. Her parents must be proud of her “talent.”

(Commercial break)

The Big Show came out to host the annual Smackdown Thanksgiving dinner. Cole and Tazz speculated that Show might actually eat Cole. If they did it on PPV, I would definitely pay 34.95 to see that. Show talked about how much he likes eating, which is totally shocking to me and everyone watching this. He talked about how when he was 12, he weighed 220 pounds. Show said his parents put a padlock on the refridgerator, which has obviously long since been taken care of. Show talked forever about eating all he wanted on Thanksgiving. He even made me hungry with his talk of Pumpkin pie and whatnot. Joy helped to serve everyone, but Luther Reigns decided to interrupt the proceedings.

Luther said he never had Thanksgiving because he was in jail. Luther + microphone= bad idea. Luther said he’s going to invite himself to Thanksgiving dinner and ordered Joy to serve him. Luther then took a plate full of mashed potatoes and rubbed it into Joy’s face. This really angered Show, who ejected Luther from Thanksgiving dinner. A huge food fight broke out in the ring and Show seemed to enjoy it. Show avoided the food fight and avoided everyone. He ended up laughing at Joy, who put a plate of mashed potatoes on Show’s face. Show didn’t get angry and just licked the potatoes off his face. Welcome to hell.

(Commercial break)

(3) Kurt Angle defeated Cody Steele. Angle came out accompanied by two cops. Angle talked about the Angle Invitational, which he started last week. Angle said that he would challenge any hometown hero for his Olympic medals. Angle told Steele not to blow this opportunity. Angle said Steele could start on top. I was about to turn off the TV, but they didn’t do what I thought they were going to do.

Steele got on top, but Angle beat the crap out of him. Steele started on the bottom and Angle wound up and kicked him. Angel followed up with an Olympic Slam, but he didn’t go for the cover. Angle applied the ankle lock and Steele tapped out. Does anyone know where Puder is from?

(Commercial break)

The Tough Enough contestants came out and told the audience what they were thankful for. They didn’t even bother to pump in crowd noise during this segment, which totally died with the crowd. Puder is intriguing, but the other guys have no shot of ever getting over.

Paul Heyman did an interview backstage. He said Heidenreich was heavily medicated and under the care of a doctor. Heyman said Heidenreich is a sensitive man, who has a lot of issues to deal with. Heyman went on to say we should all have a little bit of compassion for his client on a holiday like this.

Jackie was backstage doing a fantastic stretch with another woman. She was dressed like a pilgrim for her match with Dawn Marie.

(4) Miss Jackie vs Dawn Marie in a pilgrims vs. Indians match went to a no contest.. Miss Jackie was dressed like a pilgrim and Dawn Marie was dressed like an Indian. They rolled around on the mat for awhile and the refs came out and separated them, along with Charlie Haas. This was very exciting for males watching aged 18-35.

(Commercial break)

(4) John “Bradshaw” Layfield & Orlando Jordan defeated Eddie Guerrero & Booker T. I hope this one doesn’t last too long. JBL opens the match by throwing his white towel of doom at Guerrero, but Eddie no sells it and throws the towel right back at JBL. I can’t believe Orlando Jordan is main eventing Smackdown now, somewhere Virgil is seriously upset by this match. JBL and Orlando Jordan worked on Booker’s neck for awhile. Booker channeled the spirit of RVD and didn’t sell Jordan’s headlock. Booker eventually tagged out and Guerrero was a house of fire. Here’s some personal advice to Eddie: I hear you’re blaming yourself for not drawing well during your time as WWE champion. Just watch a tape of this show and you’ll know it isn’t your fault that no one watched Smackdown or Smackdown brand PPV’s during your time as champion.

Booker T was on the outside and Danny Basham came out of the crowd in a Rey Mysterio mask. He KO’d Booker with a shot to the head. Back inside the ring, Doug Basham, who Cole referred to as another fan, knocked Guerrero off the top rope. JBL then covered Guerrero for the pin. Cole is the dumbest person alive.

Undertaker came out and the fake cheers were pumped up. Believe me, no one in the first ten rows was cheering because they were sitting in their chairs. Taker dispatched Jordan with a chokeslam and then JBL got a tombstone for good measure. Taker held up the WWE Championship and rolled his eyes into the back of his head. Welcome to 1991 folks.

Overall thoughts : This was a really bad show. There was nothing redeeming on this show and it’s hard to imagine this tailspin ending anytime soon on Smackdown. When I watch a wrestling show, I expect at least one match to be good, but that wasn’t the case tonight. There were several embarrassingly short matches, which seemed to be just thrown onto the show without much purpose.

The main problem with Smackdown is that all the top stars are stale. Undertaker, Angle, Guerrero, and Big Show’s act just do not give fans a reason to care about them. Angle is so limited in what he can do in a ring these days that he has resorted to a lame angle where he challenges a local hero, which seems to just give him the opportunity to appear in the ring without risking anything.

It’s too bad Carlito is injured. He is good on the mic and has a certain charisma that overshadows his shortcomings in the ring. Paul Heyman is also another member of the Smackdown roster who is always entertaining, despite being given nothing of substance to work with. Paul Heyman can talk about Heidenreich and be entertaining, which says a lot about his ability as a performer.

Sean Radican has contributed to the Torch since June 2003. He mainly covers Ring of Honor news and occasionally stops in to the Lounge for some strong words about a current event in wrestling. Contact him at S_Radican@Yahoo.com.

We suggest these recent related articles...

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/8: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Thursday show, including Roman Reigns & Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt & Braun Strowman

METZGER'S ROH TV REPORT 10/4 & 10/7: IWGP World champ Okada vs. Roderick Strong main event, plus Briscoes vs. Time Splitters, more from "Field of Honor," Overall Reax

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 10/7: TNA Title Series kicks off, Bound for Glory fall-out, more; Overall Reax