By Mike Roe, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Smackdown review
February 3, 2006
Taped 1/30/2006 in Orlando, Florida
Aired on UPN
Report by Mike Roe, Torch OVW/Smackdown Specialist

Show title:

Quick Links

* Raw Is Trivial
* Show rating
* Newsworthy Countdown

Hey kids, you ready for another week of Smackdown? No? Well don't worry, I'm here to hold your hand through the magic of the new Friday night tradition with another edition of Express! Before we get to the show, let's send it down to my hombre Seth for some trivia!

***

Raw Is Trivial with the "Supreme" Seth Berger!

Raw Is Trivial brings you to the world of the information boards.

I'm a card-carrying member of a couple of boards. One of them is the unofficial-official fans website to my team, the Chicago White Sox. Anything and everything connected with the Sox or baseball can be found there. The sounds of the game, the feel of organist Nancy Faust slamming out her tunes on the keyboard, even a couple of rare bytes of Harry Caray, for those of you who like that sort of thing.

Plus, there's a message board, of which I'm a "regular". The thing I noticed about these boards is this: no matter how much you think you know, there's always going to be about 100 people who know more than you. But, big deal, if I knew more about the Sox, I'd try and make a career out of my knowledge.

The other one is a site based on wrestling and it's crappiest moments. Our good, close, personal long-time friends Dr. Keith & the inventor of the SmackDown Express, Derek Burgan are now contributors to said site. Typical of most boards, they have their thread wars now based on the "cute and cuddly Divas" - Maria & Mickie. Honestly, I don't know what all the fuss is about, because I'm not single, but seeing as how Mickie's thread is up to 61 pages (and I think she sucks in the ring), I sided with the Mariamaniacs. I'm a Molly Holly guy myself. She's the perfect blend of sugar and spice, quality and quantity. Plus, she makes a great heel. The saving grace of the Divas Undressed special was Molly dressed as an angel, protesting the festivities (much like Mr. Bob Backlund vehemently protested Shotgun Saturday Night for all the sex and evil going on in those clubs). But, Maria, who dressed as an angel herself on Halloween, would not mind my liking Maria.

So, onto the question and we'll go ahead and base it on Molly's appearance on that Divas Undressed show. She attacked one of the girls and knocked them out of the running. The question: Whom did she remove from the contest? Question, as always, listed after the Express.

***

A Molly Holly question? I'm in Heaven.

The show started with a flashback from the Royal Rumble, showing short clips and stills from Mark Henry versus Kurt Angle. They also played some cocky clips of Angle over the match. Even after Angle hit the Angle slam, Henry kicked out! Henry also kicked out of the ankle lock. When Henry did this after the slam, he knocked Angle back into the referee. While the ref was down, Angle grabbed a steel chair (Wasn't he supposed to be a face?) and hit Henry upside the head with the chair. Angle then exposed the steel turnbuckle and bounced Henry's head off of it, finally schoolboying Henry to retain the belt. After all of that, the Undertaker showed up. Yes, the Undertaker. For some reason. No, I don't know why either. He came out... on a chariot. Like, with horses. Undertaker then made the international symbol for a belt around his waist, and Angle held his belt like he was protecting his crotch. Taker then shot lightning bolts from his fingertips at the lighting rig. No, seriously. He then lowered his arms, and lightning bolts hit all four corners of the ring, and the ring collapsed. So, that's why Smackdown got the main event of a crossbrand pay-per-view for the first time in forever. The way they handled this could mean that they're going for Angle versus Taker with Angle as the heel.

Angle has also been made a big part of the Smackdown intro, though Batista's still in there as well. This was shot at one of those Raw/Smackdown supershows, meaning that we got the Raw set because it's less unique since it doesn't have that goofy Smackdown fist, and because WWE thinks Raw is more important. (Jerks.)

Tonight: Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio will be taking on Rey Mysterio and Mark Henry in the main event! We've also got the United States Championship on the line, as Chris Benoit challenges Rand-- Wait, he's actually facing Booker! Shock!

*** Smackdown General Manager Theodore R. Long came down to kick things off tonight. He got in the ring and boogied away. Long then got on the mic and talked about the Royal Rumble. He noted that the Rumble was full of surprises. The Undertaker surprised Kurt Angle after a successful title defense against Mark Henry, as well as making an official challenge. (He did? I just saw him moving his arms. That's an official challenge? ... There, I just did it in my apartment. Do I get to challenge for the belt now?) Long said that, at No Way Out, we will see "one of the biggest matches in the history of Smackdown." (Hyperbole much?) In any case, the Undertaker will challenge Kurt Angle for the World Championship! Long said that the biggest surprise was the winner of the Rumble itself, the "ultimate underdog," who started at number two and survived 29 other superstars, the man that dedicated his performance to Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio! (Yes, they're actually using a dead man for cheap pops, as this led to big cheers and an Eddie chant.)

Mysterio came out in a low rider, just like he did at the Rumble. Cole noted that Mysterio eliminated Triple H and Randy Orton. Cole talked about how Mysterio seemed to be drawing strength from Eddie, and that Eddie was looking down on him. Cole talked about how it was an emotional journey for Mysterio at the Royal Rumble. Mysterio got in the ring and posed for the fans. He was also wearing an Eddie Guerrero t-shirt and armbands, and did the Eddie shimmy on the turnbuckle. Cole asked how proud the lat Eddie Guerrero would be. (I'm not sure that "proud" is the word...) Mysterio hugged Long and they shook hands. Long did a goofy little dance move with Rey, and then left the ring.

The fans were chanting "Eddie! Eddie!" before Rey even started talking, thanks to that t-shirt, which Rey kindly pointed out. Mysterio said that he wanted to say one thing: "Thank you, Eddie!" The fans cheered. Mysterio pointed to the shirt, and called him, in Spanish, his friend, his brother, and his blood. Mysterio said that Eddie would always live in Rey's heart. Mysterio said that he hoped he made Eddie proud, and hope he makes Eddie even more proud when he goes on to WrestleMania and wins the World Heavyweight Championship! Mysterio said that he had to admit that Eddie didn't change, and said that it was a good joke Eddie played on him by making him number two in the Rumble. Mysterio said that he bet Eddie was probably laughing his head off. Mysterio was interrupted by Randy Orton's music!

Orton walked out, sneering at Mysterio. Orton got in the ring and the fans booed. Orton told Rey that he was absolutely right, that Eddie was laughing his ass off. Orton said that Eddie wasn't laughing with Mysterio, he was laughing at Mysterio. The crowd loudly chanted "You suck!" Orton said that he knows as well as Eddie and all these people know that Mysterio is in no position to be in the main event at WrestleMania. Orton said that Mysterio doesn't belong in this position, but Orton Does. Mysterio wanted to know what made Orton so special, but Orton told him to shut his mouth. Orton said there must have been some kind of divine intervention at the Royal Rumble, because there was no way in Hell Mysterio could have won that on his own. Mysterio said, intervention or not, he's the one who tossed Randy's ass over the top rope. (Oh!) Orton wanted to make one thing perfectly clear: In the ring, in a wrestling match, "I will own you." He went on to say he would beat and destroy Mysterio.

Orton said, as a matter of fact, as lightning can't possibly strike twice in the same spot, he challenged Mysterio... (Pause for "You suck!" chants)... Mysterio said that he's glad he's not the only one who thinks Orton sucks. Orton challenged Mysterio for his main event spot at WrestleMania. Mysterio started saying something and stammering a bit, but Orton wanted to know what he was hesitating for and wanted Rey to answer him and put it on the line. Mysterio looked up, as if talking to Eddie, and made the belt symbol as the fans broke into another Eddie chant. Mysterio shook his head at Orton. Orton said that Rey was looking up towards the heavens like he's looking at Eddie, looking for Eddie, but Orton said that Eddie wasn't in Heaven, and pointed down and said "Eddie's down there... in Hell!" Tazz ripped into him on commentary and said he crossed "the damn line." Mysterio wasn't happy with this and kicked Orton in the balls! Mysterio then beat the crap out of Orton. Refs ran in to try pulling Mysterio off of Orton, and it eventually took four refs to hold Mysterio back. Orton fled from the ring and held the back of his head on the ramp.

Up next: The WWE Tag Team Championship is on the line! MNM will be defending against the Mexicools, up next!

(Commercial break.)

Tonight: Still to come, it's Benoit taking on Booker T! Tazz made fun of Booker T for getting quickly eliminated in the Royal Rumble.

(1) WWE Tag Team Champions MNM (Joey Mercury & Johnny Nitro with Melina) defeated the Mexicools (Psicosis & Super Crazy) when Joey Mercury pinned Super Crazy.

Pre-match analysis: Melina was looking even more smoking than usual tonight, probably because she had her hair styled just wonderfully. Love that. She had on an off-white top that helped draw even more attention than usual to her, ahem, assets. And her tan skirt drew attention to, uh, her other assets. She had on these cool copper boots, and she grabbed one, selling the ankle injury from when Angle put her in the ankle lock! She tried to do her great entrance anyway, though, and she succeeded, doing the splits into the ring! Wonderful. Tazz then did the No Way Out sponsorship. Tazz made a wisecrack afterwards, complaining about how the sponsorship was a freakin' paragraph. Not sure how happy Subway will be with that.

The Mexicools were out next, on the good ol' Juan Deeres! Psicosis high fived fans on his way to the ring as Super Crazy showed off his mini-Mexican flag. Psicosis made the belt sign. Super Crazy went up to the announcers and yelled "Amigos!" That wacky guy. Cole emphasized the importance of keeping your eye on Melina, and Tazz, being a great, great man, said that he would have absolutely no problem doing that.

Match analysis: Nitro started things off against Psicosis. Nitro locked on a headlock, followed by a shoulder block. Psicosis came back with a modified monkey flip. Psicosis applied a headlock. Psicosis kicked Nitro in the face and tagged in Super Crazy. They hit a double team slam on Nitro, followed by their standing moonsault/leg drop double team. Crazy went from the moonsault into a cover, but Mercury broke it up.

Mercury chopped Mercury hard in the chest, causing Mercury to roll to the outside. Psicosis tagged in and the Mexicools double Irish whipped Nitro. Mercury grabbed his leg and pulled him to the outside to save him from the double team. Psicosis hopped onto the apron, then springboard moonsaulted using his butt on the top rope to take out both members of MNM on the outside! Super Crazy was going to follow up, but that a-hole Jimmy Kordaris broke it up! Super Crazy then leapfrogged Kordaris to do a flip to the outside!

(Commercial break.)

Psicosis whipped Mercury into the corner, but Nitro pulled him out of the way, causing Psicosis to do a front legdrop into the turnbuckle. Psicosis rolled to the outside, holding his head. They showed a replay as Nitro shoved Psicosis lower back first into the apron. He rolled Psicosis back into the ring, where Mercury hit a delayed vertical suplex. Mercury covered, but Psicosis kicked out.

Mercury whipped Psicosis into the corner and tagged in Nitro. THey both delivered boots to Psicosis, and then Mercury tagged back in. They whipped Psicosis and then delivered a double back elbow. Melina choked Psicosis with the leg scissors in the ropes. The best part was her sticking out her tongue afterwards! Ha! Mercury hit a backbreaker to Psicosis, then bounced his head off of Nitro's boot in the corner. Nitro tagged in and worked on Psicosis's lower back with forearms. Melina screamed in joy on the outside, what Cole called a "primal scream" and Tazz called "annoying," though not as annoying as Cole. Zing! Cole noted that he took his cue from his partner. Nitro applied a surfboard submission, and as Psicosis tried to fight out, Nitro rammed him into the corner. Psicosis hit a back elbow to send Mercury to the floor, fought Nitro, and knocked Mercury off the apron again, and almost made the tag, but Nitro stopped him short and rammed him into the corner and tagged in Mercury.

They double teamed Psicosis, spinebustering him to the mat. Mercury covered, but he kicked out. Mercury hooked the leg again, but he kicked out. He kicked out a third time and Mercury complained to the ref. Melina was complaining to the ref on the apron while Mercury was going for a neckbreaker, but Psicosis shoved him off, right into Melina! Melina was knocked off the apron and sold her ankle on the floor. Coming back off the ropes, Mercury and Psicosis knocked heads. Nitro checked on Melina on the outside and took her boot off, showing the taped ankle. Mercury tried to keep Psicosis from the corner by holding his ankle, but he tagged in Super Crazy!

Super Crazy went up top and hit a missile dropkick to Mercury, then a springboard dropkick to Nitro on the apron. Crazy back elbowed Mercury and then yelled in victory, then dropkicked Nitro back off the apron. Crazy hit a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Mercury, and when Nitro came after him, Crazy grabbed his leg and flipped him backward, making Nitro do a standing moonsault on Mercury! Crazy followed with his own standing moonsault to follow, but you could tell they wouldn't win when Tazz yelled out "New champs!" early. Melina was screaming her little head off on the outside at the thought of her boys losing.

Crazy reacted in shock to not getting the three count. Crazy hit a spinning tornado DDT and covered, hooking the leg, but Nitro broke up the three count. Psicosis came in and went after Nitro. Crazy pointed up, signaling for the end. Crazy went up top for the moonsault, but while the ref was trying to pull Psicosis off Nitro, Melina climbed up on the apron and hit Crazy with her boot, knocking him to the mat! Mercury covered Crazy and got the pinfall victory!

Post-match analysis: Cole was still complaining about Melina faking her ankle injury, noting that Melina had to run halfway across the ring to do that. He complained about Tazz buying this stuff, insisting she was faking. Even Tazz had to admit that she was faking. Where was this skepticism when she was accusing Batista of freaking rape? They showed a replay of Melina using the boot. MNM celebrated on the ramp as the Mexicools stood frustrated in the ring.

Match grade: B+. A good match to open the show. They did a decent job of making it seem like the Mexicools had a reasonable chance to win the belts. These guys mesh well together and Super Crazy in particular tore things up. I hope they continue this feud and make a pay-per-view match with them, perhaps with something wacky like Melina banned from ringside, so it feels like the Mexicools have a chance. Something that was pointed out on the message board was that MNM being in the main event for several weeks has helped them to seem like a bigger deal, and it's also given some credibility to the tag division as a whole.

*** Booker T and Sharmell were backstage in Teddy Long's office. Booker was still on a crutch, and was telling Sharmell that the injury was in his lower abdomen, and until the swelling went down, he couldn't compete. (Swelling of the "lower abdomen?" Oh my!) Sharmell told Long that he had talked to their family doctor and knew her man was still hurt. Sharmell said that this groin injury is very tricky, and Booker said it was still throbbing like Hell. Long: "You don't say?" Sharmell said that the injury was aggravated in the Royal Rumble match, and both of the T/Huffman family said that he couldn't compete. Long told both of them to stop the whining and said that he believed the three of them could get along, and proposed a compromise. Long asked Booker if he remembered when he first had that injury and had to pick a substitute. Long asked Booker if he wanted to pick a substitute. Booker was happy with that. Long said that here's the good part: Remember when Long's substitute won the match and won the title for Booker? Long said that, if Booker's substitute loses, he will lose the title for Booker. Booker wasn't happy with that, but Teddy left as Booker sold his injury from moving around while being all hyped up.

Raw Rebound: Edge was complaining that what happened at the Rumble was a fluke. They then showed, from the Rumble, John Cena moving out of the way so that Edge knocked Lita off the apron, followed by an FU to Edge and an STFU for the tapout victory and to regain the WWE Championship! Edge said that he wasn't going to be a transitional champion and would take back what was rightfully his. They had a rematch in the main event of Raw. Edge escaped the FU and shoved Cena off, but he ran into the ref for the ref bump. Edge speared Cena and covered, getting a visual three count, but the ref was still down! Damn it! Edge signaled for Lita to get the championship belt. Lita then at least apparently accidentally hit Edge with the belt instead of Cena as the ref got up, giving Edge the disqualification victory. The announcers questioned why Lita did that, so it's up in the air whether it was really an accident or not.

Tonight: Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio against Randy Orton and Mark Henry! Feels like kind of a lame main event, but we'll see how it goes.

(Commercial break.)

Cole thanked everyone who ordered the Royal Rumble.

*** In the ring, we had JBL! Awwww, we didn't get JBL's great entrance. At least we get a great JBL promo so he can get his heat back after losing to the Boogeyman! JBL was about to say he was a wrestling god, but before he could say "god," the crowd started booing. JBL smiled and shushed the crowd, noting that he wasn't done yet, he had just started, and it gets a lot better. JBL said he was a wrestling god and that he didn't belong in the ring with a monster, a freak, some neanderthal named "the Boogeyman." JBL said he was in the same line as Thesz, Briscoe (specifying he meant Jack), and Mil Mascaras. (I love this man.) JBL said he was a wrestler and deserved to be in a wrestling ring. He is so sick of "the WWE" for pure money's sake sticking him in cage matches against the latest freak sideshow, modern day wannabe bodybuilder, guys who don't belong in this ring just because they have a look, to get a "rub" off of JBL. (Ooh, JBL going insider!) JBL said that WWE knows that they can put anybody in the ring and make him a star, and even used a "fat boy" in the audience as an example. JBL said, not anymore. He's not wrestling any more freaks, any more monsters, King Kong, "Godzira," Hannibal Lecter, a dog, a cat, or "a moo cow" just because "the WWE" knows that you can put JBL in the ring with a broomstick, because you better get a pine box, because nobody follows "the killah," because he is a wrestling god! (Whew, even I'm out of breath after that one.)

(2) Lashley defeated Chad Dick (with James Dick).

Pre-match analysis: The bell rang, and JBL was outraged. He wanted to know what was up. Lashley's music played and he walked out. JBL wasn't happy with this string of events. They replayed the clip from two weeks ago of JBL giving Lashley the Clothesline From Hell, at which point the Boogeyman distracted JBL and allowed Lashley to hit the dominator for the victory over JBL. JBL threw his jacket to the mat and yelled at Lashley.

Lashley's opponent was out next, Chad Dick, accompanied by James Dick. When Lashley turned toward JBL, JBL stepped out of the ring and went to the floor. JBL continued to yell at and distract Lashley, allowing Chad Dick to sneak attack Lashley from behind! The Dicks also had on tassles this week, Warrior/Paul London style!

Match analysis: Lashley didn't sell Chad's punches much, but Chad did hit a nice dropkick to send him into the corner. Chad tried to whip Lashley, but couldn't move the big man, and Lashley reversed, sending Chad sternum first into the turnbuckle. Lashley then hit a belly to belly throw, tossing Chad over his head! Lashley then backdropped James dick, and backdropped Chad once more. Lashley pressed James and tossed him down to the mat. Lashley whipped Chad hard into the corner, then took him up for the dominator and delivered it! (Cole noted that he also delivered that move to Kane in the Royal Rumble.) Lashley covered and picked up the victory.

Post-match analysis: JBL came into the ring behind the celebrating Lashley, and when Lashley turned around, Clothesline From Hell! JBL talked trash, yelling at Lashley that no one interrupts his promo! The fans chanted "You suck!" at JBL as he walked up the ramp and did his little dance.

Match grade: Not applicable. A total squash. Lashley's still greener than the Green Lantern, and I don't know that a feud with JBL is necessarily the best idea at this point in his career. Still, it should at least be entertaining with some good JBL promos, and JBL obviously has no problem showing ass as seen in the Boogeyman storyline, so there's at least the potential it could work out. I also think that Lashley is in serious need of a manager, as in the promos he's given so far, his delivery has been awful.

*** Oh God, the juniors are back! One of the juniors, wearing a blue wrestling bask, was trying to reach up to the water fountain to get a drink, but wasn't having much luck. A junior in a white mask and body suit that looked like a Power Ranger came over and gave his fellow junior a lift. They hugged and high fived, then slapped each other in the back of the head, but it looked good natured.

Tonight: Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio against Randy Orton and Mark Henry!

Promo time: Buy Eddie Guerrero's book! You can learn all about the man who WWE will be exploiting for the foreseeable future!

(Commercial break.)

They hyped Undertaker challenging Kurt Angle for the World Heavyweight Championship at No Way Out. They then went into a highlight package from the Rumble, with Angle defeating Henry and then Undertaker coming out. This was a slightly more in depth, dramatic package than the highlights shown earlier in the night, with Taker shooting the lightning and the ring collapsing.

*** Speaking of the Undertaker, he's actually at a freakin' show for once! No, you're not imagining things, and it wasn't just a wacky video package either! Taker made his long, long, long, long, long... (takes a drink)... long, long, long entrance through the fog on the ramp and all that other hooey.

Taker got on the mic and addressed Kurt Angle. "The time is drawing near, and there's no way out." Taker said that he currently possessed the one thing Taker desires, the World Heavyweight Championship. Angle's music hit next. Here comes the champ! It was nice to not see Angle do the goofy pointing at his opponent thing while the fans chanted "You suck!" Angle went up to the Undertaker, and being a bit shorter, Taker looked down at Angle.

Angle said that he wanted to make one thing very clear: Taker has proven time and time again in "the WWE" to be unstoppable, but Angle's proven over and over that he's the best in the world. Taker makes people scream, Angle makes people tap! Taker may be the phenom, but Angle's a wrestling machine! Angle said, looking at them, they obviously don't have a lot in common, except one crucial thing: When that bell rings, "I don't have a soul either." Oh! Angle said he's just as unrelenting and unforgiving as Taker, and that at No Way Out, he doesn't plan on resting in peace, he plans on breaking Taker's ankle in pieces! (OK, I was with you up until you went into the Pun Zone, Kurt.) Taker said that he had no doubt that Angle's intentions are "truthful." Taker said there's one reality even Angle can't escape. At No Way Out, "You will rest... in... peeeeeace!" Taker's music hit again, the lights went out, thunder sounded, and then Taker's goofy blue light came back on and Taker had disappeared. Angle freaked out and wanted to know where the heck Taker went.

(Commercial break.)

The WrestleMania countdown has begun! A graphic informed us that Mania was 58 days away, as Peter Gabriel's "Big Time" played. (Yay eighties!) They showed the standard outside shot of the arena.

(3) Tzuki defeated Octagon Cito (Juniors Match).

Pre-match analysis: It's time for the juniors! Tzuki came out, in a blue shirt, tights, and mask with cape! His opponent is Octagon Cito, a mini-ninja! Tzuki removed his cape.

Match analysis: Tzuki clapped, getting the crowd behind him. Cito jumped Tzuki with a right hand, and made fun of the crowd clapping. Tzuki hit a dropkick to the lower abdomen, followed by a suicide dive! I love that he did the dive between the first and second ropes! Back in the ring, Cito hit a drop toehold, followed by a front dropkick to the head. Cito taunted after hitting the move. He pressed Tzuki and slammed him to the mat. Cito scoop slammed Tzuki and climbed up to the second rope, from where he delivered an elbow to the sternum.

Cito whipped Tzuki into the corner and went to follow up, but Tzuki ducked out of the way and Cito hit the turnbuckle! Tzuki hit a dropkick to the lower abdomen, followed by a wheelbarrow armdrag! Tzuki then hit a tilt-a-whirl headscissors! Cito hit Tzuki in the back and tried whipping him into the corner, but the ref was in the way, who caught Tzuki before putting him back down. Tzuki went for a sunset flip, but Cito grabbed onto the ref's shirt. The ref knocked Cito's hands free and Tzuki got the sunset flip pin cover, but Cito kicked out.

Tzuki whipped Cito into the corner, but Cito lifted Tzuki up and over, and he landed on the first rope on the outside. Cito went after him, but Tzuki "bipped" him in the head, as Tazz put it, or a "Mandarin chop," as Cole said. Tzuki went up top and hit a crossbody! Tzuki hit an armdrag and then rolled up Cito and got the pinfall victory!

Post-match analysis: Tzuki celebrated his win. Octagon Cito wasn't happy with his loss. And... yeah, that's it.

Match grade: B-. This match was much better than it had any right to be. It was fun, and what the juniors division should have been from the beginning, with some cool spots with a bit of a whimsical air. The previous juniors matches were dreadful and bored the fans to tears, but this was definitely a step up. I'd like it better if they found a couple "juniors" who could do some talking as well and develop the characters more, but the same can be said for a lot of other divisions. I wouldn't mind seeing more lucha goodness on Smackdown, either.

*** Benoit was warming up backstage, when he was interrupted by Misterrrrrrrr Kennedy! ... Kennedy! Kennedy asked "what's up" with Benoit. Benoit asked what Kennedy meant. Kennedy pointed out that Benoit, "Toothless Aggression," had run into a string of bad luck, with tough break, after tough break, after tough break. Kennedy said it was a tough break when he lost the best of seven series to Booker T when Booker wasn't even in the match. It was a really tough break when Benoit lost the Royal Rumble, destroying his chances at a WrestleMania title match. And tonight, Booker T is injured, so Benoit has to face a replacement. Kennedy said that a little birdie came and sat on his shoulder, telling him who the replacement is, and that will be the toughest break of all. Benoit asked if Kennedy was finished, and said that was good. Benoit said, first of all, he doesn't give a damn who Booker T has chosen as his replacement. Second of all, the next time Kennedy gets this close to Benoit, the only tough break that will happen will be Kennedy's arm. Oh! Benoit slapped Kennedy's arm and Kennedy sold it.

Up next: Chris Benoit versus a mystery opponent for Booker T's United States Championship! (You got that straight?)

(Commercial break.)

Smack of the night!: They showed a clip from the Royal Rumble of the Texas tornado style cruiserweight open invitational for former cruiserweight champions. This match included Kid Kash, Paul London, Funaki, Nunzio, Brian Kendrick, Nunzio, and Raw's sole representative, Gregory Helms. The Smackdown guys all went after Helms early. There were a lot of cool high spots, and it ended with Gregory Helms hitting the shining wizard to Funaki for the win! Michael Cole noted that Smackdown is the exclusive home of the cruiserweights and the cruiserweight title, so I guess Helms is on Smackdown now.

(4) Chris Benoit defeated Fit Finlay (with Booker T & Sharmell) via disqualification.

Pre-match analysis: Cole also mentioned that Smackdown is the only place for you to see Chris Benoit. Benoit came down to the ring and Cole read another sponsorship, and Tazz did a couple as well. Sharmell came out first to her music, with the United States Championship over her shoulder. She introduced her man and your undisputed United States Champion, Booker T! Benoit shook his head at the undisputed part, and the announcers talked about the alleged undisputedness of the belt. Booker came out with two crutches and got on the mic to introduce his substitute. Booker said it would be the brawler of all brawlers, Finlay! (Yaaaay!)

This is awesome. Finlay got in the ring and Benoit shoved Finlay. Finlay shoved him right back. Whoo!

Match analysis: Benoit swatted at Finlay. They locked up and fought for control. Finlay had Benoit in the corner and the ref called for a break. Finlay raked Benoit's eyes. Booker T went to do commentary. Finlay got a go behind and then slapped a choke on the back of Benoit's neck. Cole was giving Booker a hard time about getting tossed out quickly from the Rumble. Finlay delivered an elbow to the face of Benoit, followed by a scoop slam. Benoit began to chop away at Finlay's chest. Finlay came back with a single leg takedown and went for a keylock. Booker did a good job early on talking about Finlay's history as a United Sates Champion, and noted that when Benoit and Booker had their first best of seven in WCW, it was for the number one contendership for Finlay's title. Benoit stuck his hand in Finlay's face to try to get out of the hold. Benoit moved to his feet and took Finlay down to the mat. Finlay's shoulder went down for a one count as Benoit was on top of Finlay. Finlay got up and hit a big kick to the gut, followed by his butt splash to Benoit's chest. Finlay covered, but Benoit kicked out.

Finlay followed up with an armbar. He snapped Benoit to the mat and covered, but Benoit kicked out. Finlay applied another armbar, but Benoit started fighting out. He kneed Finlay in the face. Benoit began chopping Finlay once more. Finlay came back with a big forearm, followed by a European uppercut. Finlay stomped Benoit and then grabbed a headlock and went to the outside with Benoit still on the inside, and Finlay slammed Benoit's head into the apron. Finlay followed up with an elbow to the head. Finlay got back in the ring and hit a headbutt. Benoit fired back with chops, followed by forearms. Benoit bounced Finlay's head off the turnbuckle. Finlay hit another European uppercut and followed it with a couple of elbow drops. Finlay started stretching Benoit with a camel clutch-like move, though the arms weren't locked. Benoit moved to his feet and started fighting out, and went for the triple Germans!

Booker said that Finlay had to grab the ropes, but he wasn't able to, and Benoit hit all three suplexes. Benoit went up top for the suicide dive. Booker said that he couldn't let this happen and got up, distracting Benoit. Finlay hit a running shoulder to the gut in the corner, followed by a big clothesline. Booker insisted that he had just been trying to get a better lock. Finlay hit a shoulder thrust to Benoit in the corner. He went for a clothesline, but Benoit grabbed his arm and went for the crossface! Finlay tried blocking Benoit from fully locking it in, propping himself up with his right arm. Booker distracted the ref as Sharmell tried running in with the crutch. Sharmell swung at Benoit's back, but the ref turned aorund and saw, and Benoit won via disqualification.

Post-match analysis: Finlay followed up, going after Benoit and using the crutch. Booker stomped away at Benoit's abdomen as Finlay held his legs. I was hoping for more of a post-match Finlay beating. Finlay gave Benoit an intense look from outside the ring. Booker shook Finlay's hand. Finlay didn't seem too happy with the way he lost that match.

Match grade: B. There weren't a lot of big spots here, but it was a solidly worked, realistic match that made you feel like you were watching two guys in a real fight. The realism that both Benoit and Finlay bring to the ring meshed well together and it's something I'd like to see both men help spread. The DQ finish is acceptable since the match was good and you really do need to preserve both these characters at this point, and it works well with the storyline. I don't mind Finlay being involved in the U.S. Championship title picture as well.

*** Kristal interviewed Mark Henry (with Daivari!) backstage. Kristal started asking about Henry losing his World Heavyweight Championship match to Kurt Angle. Daivari interrupted and said that Mark Henry did not lose to Kurt Angle, a steel chair beat Mark Henry. An exposed steel turnbuckle beat Mark Henry. Hooking the tights and hooking the ropes beat Mark Henry. Daivari said he would take it from there, and told Kristal her services were no longer needed. (Ha!)

Daivari said that, tonight, the World's Strongest Man, Mark Henry, is tagging with the Legend Killer, Randy Orton, against Rey Mysterio and "the supposed World Heavyweight Champion," Kurt Angle. Daivari said they had already taken care of Mysterio twice, and tonight they will finish Kurt Angle for good. Daivari said that you were looking at the uncrowned World Heavyweight Champion, the World's Strongest Man, Mark Henry.

Promo time: Highlights were shown of the Royal Rumble, with emphasis on Triple H getting eliminated, Vince McMahon distracting Shawn Michaels while Shane-O Mac ran in and eliminated him, Rey Mysterio winning by eliminating Randy Orton, Edge defending his title against John Cena, John Cena getting the win after the FU, Angle hitting Henry with the steel chair to retain the belt, and the Undertaker showing up at the end of the show and signaling that he wanted the World Heavyweight Championship.

(Commercial break.)

*** Backstage, Booker T and Sharmell were happy and were thanking Finlay (off camera) before going into their locker room. Sharmell talked about how he "broke off" Benoit and was still the Champion. The audience at home could see the Boogeyman standing behind them. Booker asked if Sharmell's stomach was alright. They slowly turned around and saw the Boogeyman eating worms, and they both screamed wackily! Boogeyman did his catchphrase and Booker and Sharmell both ran out of the room screaming. Boogeyman ate more worms. Tazz talked about the worms and the maggots and said there were probably cockroaches there too. Ewwwwwwwww! Cole wasn't happy with Tazz getting into gruesome details and threw to Josh Mathews backstage.

*** It's weird, after all these vignettes on WWE.com, it's hard for me to imagine Josh Mathews interviewing anyone other than Tim White. Josh introduced the new Cruiserweight Champion, Gregory Helms! Josh asked how he planned on representing the division now that he was the champion. Helms said he wasn't representing the division, he is the division. Helms said that this division hasn't seen a superstar of this caliber since the last time he was here. Helms said he was the greatest cruiserweight alive today, and there's no one here that's even going to make him break a sweat. Josh said that there has to be at least one superstar on Smackdown, but was interrupted by Nunzio. Helms said that the Cruiserweight Champion was being interviewed. Nunzio said that he was going to give Helms a little advice. Nunzio said that he heard what Helms said about the cruiserweight division, and back in his day (when was his day?), a guy like Helms came into his town, running their mouth, thinking they're better, would probably get a leg or two broken. Helms said that was a good story, and Nunzio said it was a true story. Helms said that, in this neighborhood, there's no one man enough to do that to him. Nunzio asked Helms to put the title on the line next week against Nunzio. Helms said that, any idea Nunzio has of taking that title, forget about it. Nunzio said that, next week, he plans on leaving the new cruiserweight champion, and that it's not "forget about it," it's "Fuhgetaboutit!"

*** Paul Burchill and William Regal were in Teddy Long's office, talking to Teddy and Palmer Canon. Long couldn't understand them since they were both talking at once, so Canon told Long to let him handle it, since "I speak the language." Long left and told Canon he was on his own. Cnaon said that it's come to the attention of the network that they no longer want to be a tag team and want to go their separate ways. Canon said he understands what Regal is all about. His ancestry can be traced back to English nobility. From what Canon understands, Burchill's ancestry traces back to... Pirates! Yes, Burchill said "Pirates!" Regal responded "Bloody pirates?!" and asked "That kind of pirate?" and covered one of his eyes. Canon asked how he can trace that. Burchill said his mother's second cousin's great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was the second lieutenant to Blackbear the pirate, the fiercest pirate in the seven seas! Canon asked Burchill if he wants to bring this to Friday Night Smackdown, his network. Burchill said to picture this: Swashbuckling on Smackdown! Canon said this would be dynamite, huge, fabulous! Regal wished him all the best. Burchill left. Regal asked Canon if he could imagine if Burchill had come from a long line of proctologists. Oh!

Up next: It's our main event! Angle and Mysterio taking on Henry and Orton! Oh gosh, there's still a lot of time left, so that means we're probably getting a long Mark Henry match. Oy.

(Commercial break.)

Promo time: "A championship relinquished." They showed a clip of Batista giving up the belt. "An opportunity seized." Angle won the title! "But now, a dead man threatens." Undertaker's challenging! (And my goofy local cable company is still running commercials advertising Batista versus the Undertaker.) Anyway, Angle versus Taker at No Way Out on Sunday, February 19th, only on pay-per-view!

(5) Randy Orton & Mark Henry defeated World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle & Rey Mysterio when Randy Orton pinned Rey Mysterio.

Pre-match analysis: Mark Henry was walking into the ring as we came back from break. Randy Orton was next. They showed a clip from earlier tonight of Orton telling Mysterio that Eddie was in Hell. Mysterio proceeded to beat the proverbial snot out of Randy Orton. The announcers did a nice job making this seem like a completely sick, stupid, despicable thing to do. Mysterio was out next. It looked pretty goofy because they had this platform that didn't fit into the set at all that he jumped out of with a little ramp coming down from it. It looked pretty bush league. At ringside, Mysterio asked if he wanted to talk about Eddie. Angle was next. They've remixed his music, with the beginning repeating a little, and then at the point where the "You suck" chants start, his pyro goes off, so probably trying to discourage and eventually stop those chants while Angle's a face. Angle did do the "You suck" thing while pointing to Henry and Orton, though, and Cole did talk about the chants being directed at Henry and Orton. Angle and Mysterio posed as we went to commercial.

(Commercial break.)

Match analysis: We joined the match in progress, though it looked like things had just started. Randy Orton and Kurt Angle were in the ring. Orton wanted Mysterio to get in the ring, though. Orton taunted Mysterio. Angle tagged Mysterio in. Mysterio ducked a clothesline and delivered a flurry of offense and was giving him boots in the corner until the ref (Nick Patrick!) called for the break. Mysterio slapped his chest and did the Eddie shimmy. Orton grabbed Mysterio and pulled him into the turnbuckle. Orton delivered a shot to the back and whipped him, but Mysterio held onto the ropes and used the ropes to leverage himself into a front kick to Orton. Then, just like he did in the Rumble, he headscissored Orton to the outside. Mysterio then hit a seated senton to Orton on the floor!

Mysterio threw Orton back into the ring and pounded the top rope. Mysterio went up top, but he spent too much time taunting and Orton got up and knocked Mysterio's legs out from under him, crotching him on the turnbuckle. Orton carried Mysterio over to his corner and tagged in Henry. Orton held Mysterio so Henry could kick him. In a cool power spot, Henry picked up Mysterio by one arm and one leg, then slammed him back to the mat. Henry stepped on Mysterio's face. Henry blatantly choked Mysterio before breaking. Henry then walked onto Mysterio's chest. Henry headbutted Mysterio. In a great bit, Tazz said that Henry had a farm sized head, Cole pointed out that usually it's a farm animal sized head, and Tazz said that his head was the size of a whole farm. (I feel ya, my big headed brother!)

Orton tagged in and dragged Mysterio to the center of the ring, then hit a knee drop to the sternum. Orton grabbed Mysterio's head and delivered punches to the chest as the fans chanted "We want Angle!" Orton covered, but Mysterio kicked out. Henry tagged back in. Henry stomped Mysterio in the chest and covered, but Mysterio got the shoulder up. Henry put Mysterio in the ropes and hit him in the back, then put his knee over Mysterio in the ropes. The ref called for a break, but as the ref was distracted and Daivari yelled on the outside, Orton kicked Mysterio in the head! Henry stomped Mysterio and used the ropes for leverage as he stood on Mysterio's chest. Henry tagged Orton back in and the fans started chanting for Eddie.

Orton did the Eddie slap to the chest. Orton shook his head and picked up Mysterio, who started throwing punches to Orton's stomach. Orton hit a standing dropkick to Orton's stomach and covered, hooking the leg, but Mysterio kicked out. Tazz pointed out how the dropkick to the gut cut off Mysterio's oxygen. Orton whipped Mysterio into the corner and went to follow up with a shoulder thrust, but Mysterio moved out of the way and Orton's shoulder went into the post. Mysterio managed to make it to his corner for the hot tag to Angle! Henry tagged in as well.

Angle threw punches at Henry, followed by an uppercut. Henry whipped Angle into the corner and went to splash him, but Angle moved out of the way. Henry tried kicking Angle, but Angle grabbed his ankle! Henry, just like before, powered out, kicking out of the ankle lock and sending Angle to the outside. Angle went back into the ring and hit the Angle slam! He pulled the straps down and locked the ankle lock on! Orton ran into the ring, so Angle released the lock on Henry and instead delivered a drop toehold to Orton, then put the ankle lock on! However, Daivari distracted the ref by climbing up on the apron and the ropes, and Henry hit a low blow to Angle!

Henry tagged out to Orton and Orton hit a knee to the chest, followed by another knee drop. Orton choked Angle with his knee in the corner. The fans chanted "Let's go, Angle!" Angle started coming back with some punches, but Orton hit a high knee to the midsection. Henry tagged back in. Tazz said it was the classic "Porsche and tank" connection, like the Hart Foundation. Henry choked Angle with his knee in the ropes. Henry hit a couple of big headbutts, then hung Angle up on the top rope. Henry then kicked Angle in the chest, sending him to the outside. Mysterio checked on Angle on the outside. Henry threw Angle shoulder first into the steel steps on the outside. Henry rolled Angle back into the ring and tagged in Orton.

Orton hit an uppercut to Angle, but Angle fired back with his own uppercut! It was an uppercut battle as they continued to exchange uppercuts until Orton finally raked the eyes! Orton applied a side headlock on the mat. Mysterio tried getting the crowd behind Angle. Henry shook his head no. The referee lifted Angle's arm to see if he was still with it, but he held it up on the third time. Angle made his way to his feet and got a standing switch and delivered a German suplex! Both men were down in the middle of the ring and needed to tag their partners. Cole pointed out how it could be Angle versus Mysterio at WrestleMania. Angle tagged Mysterio!

Mysterio hit a springboard seated senton to Orton, then gave a right hand to Henry. Mysterio ducked a clothesline and hit a wheelbarrow bulldog. Mysterio delivered his crappy looking rights and lefts to Orton on the mat. Mysterio tried to follow up off the ropes, but Orton hit a desperation clothesline out of nowhere. Angle was still down in the corner. The fans started chanting for Eddie. Orton shook his head no. They showed a replay of the clothesline. Orton picked Mysterio up and looked to be ready to hit a running powerslam, but Mysterio escaped and took Orton down, setting up up for the 619, which he delivered! However, before he could drop the dime, Henry knocked Mysterio down on the apron.

However, Angle ran over and knocked Henry off the apron, and Henry's head bounced on the apron. Angle went after Henry on the outside. Henry was trying to run Angle into the steel post, but Angle escaped and bounced Henry into the post! Daivari attacked Angle from behind, but Angle turned around and saw Daivari and chased him all the way through the crowd! Henry followed, running, well, at lesat fast walking, behind. Back in the ring, Orton hit an uppercut with a thumb to the eye. Orton whipped Mysterio into the corner. Mysterio hit a back elbow. Orton caught Mysterio off the ropes. Mysterio went for a sunset flip, but Orton hooked the leg and pushed Mysterio's face down and picked up the pinfall victory!

Post-match analysis: Orton stared down Mysterio from outside the ring. Orton got on the mic and said that Rey can't beat him. Orton said that he has about as much of a chance of winning that World Heavyweight Championship match at WrestleMania as Eddie Guerrero does at coming back to life. Oh! Orton tossed the mic in the ring and put his hand to his ear, looking for a response. Orton mockingly prayed and did the sign of the cross. Mysterio said that, if Orton wants to challenge Mysterio for his title shot, on behalf of Eddie Guerrero, he's on!

Match grade: B. A good if unspectacular main event. It was better than I expected going in, which is always a plus. It's interesting that they're keeping Henry strong, not even letting Angle get a clean win over him at the pay-per-view, and it's obvious that, with Smackdown's depleted roster, they're trying to keep him in the main event mix.

Show rating: 7.0. This show was an enjoyable two hours and, after last week's show, a nice comeback. Randy Orton's comments were more offensive than I had imagined from the spoilers that were all over the place. I'd be more down on them, but the fact is, they work, at least on the live crowd. Rey Mysterio is a huge babyface, and Randy Orton is a massive heel, thanks to Eddie Guerrero. The question will be whether it turns fans off, so the ratings this week and next will be interesting to watch. Angle's promo tonight was pretty mediocre, as have been most of his promos since turning face. I was with him right up until he did a pun with "peace" and "pieces." Angle was also obviously taking it easy in the main event, taking far fewer bumps than usual.

You can feel that they're on the road to WrestleMania and instead of being its usual meandering self, matches had meaning. Most of the matches on this show were good for one reason or another, with the in-ring highlight being the tag match to kick things off. I'm hoping they keep this MNM versus Mexicools feud going, and from the way the match went tonight, I expect they will. The bait and switch with them teasing Booker wrestling several times early in the show was pretty lame, although it does fit with the storyline and Finlay and Benoit had a great short match. It wasn't spectacular, it was just a solidly worked match that looked like two guys in one hell of a fight.

Lashley feuding with JBL should give us great JBL promos, as do most of his feuds, but I really think Lashley needs to be built up more first, as well as given a mouthpiece since his promos have been awful. Speaking of JBL promos, I think that his promo tonight was one of my favorite JBL promos ever, if not his best. The juniors division seems kind of pointless, but at least they've found some juniors who can put on a good match. Gregory Helms' promo added a sense of importance to the cruiserweight division, with this outside invader coming in. Paul Burchill becoming a pirate makes me sad, but at least he'll probably get more TV time than he does now.

***

Newsworthy Countdown

1) Randy Orton said that Eddie Guerrero is in Hell.
2) Gregory Helms debuted on Smackdown and will defend his title against Nunzio next week.
3) Paul Burchill and William Regal break up so that Burchill can become a pirate.
4) The juniors returned.
5) JBL is feuding with Lashley.

***

Raw Is Trivial: Answer Time with the "Supreme" Seth Berger!

We're back. Raw Is Trivial always looks for a good excuse to feature Her Eminence, Queen Molly, so we take that ball and ran with it. The question this week was about that horsecrap Divas Undressed show/contest and asked what Diva did Molly Holly remove from the show/running? The answer, as you may have been able to guess easily, is Trish Stratus. That's the only way Torrie Wilson could have won the prestigious "Golden Thong" award. (I thought Dawn Marie got hosed out of the award, but maybe this was for the best. Stacy wasn't bad herself, but I'm not much for skin and bones.) Torrie celebrates by putting her giant lollipop on Dawn Marie's chest. What a class act. I wish Molly would have come out, beat Torrie up and smashed the award, but the writers don't go that far into detail.

Well, that's all this week for Raw Is Trivial. Have a great seven days and stay tuned for more with Mike.

***

Thanks for reading, everyone! As always, your thoughts, questions, etc. are always appreciated, so drop me a line at mikeroe@gmail.com, and I'll do my best to get back to you. Until next time, be strong and remember to smile!

Mike Roe reviews Friday Night Smackdown every week for PWTorch.com. Mike always wants to hear from you at mikeroe@gmail.com with your thoughts, comments, questions, critiques, or whatever else you want to share. He also writes an OVW Specialist column for PWTorch.com every Monday.

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