WWE Raw "Alternative Perspective" Rundown
March 17, 2003
Live from St. Louis, Missouri
Aired on TNN
Report by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor

Top Five Items from the Program

(1)  Tonight it was Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff, Part 2.  Unfortunately for Eric, it was his second "match" of the day.

(2)  This was the first night of the Bischoff-Morley Administration.  The Dudleys grudgingly made a deal with the devil to become the first recruits.

(3)  After Jeff Hardy rescued Trish Stratus, they shared a kiss.  It left green smudges on her face, in addition to a puzzled look.

(4)  The Rock is becoming the Renaissance Man of WWE.  He persuaded Eric Bischoff to let him appear in concert next Monday night.

(5)  One of the best matches of the evening was Triple H vs. Goldust.  It was a fresh pairing and it worked beautifully.

Review of the Program

Quarter Hour 1

In a show of support for our troops, the program started with this patriotic message:  "Dedicated to the men and women in the armed forces of the United States of America."

Eric Bischoff was already in the darkened ring, bathed only in a blue spot light.  He announced the main event, Stone Cold vs. himself.  It would be a lumberjack match, he explained.  The lumberjacks would consist of all of the stars on the Raw roster, and if they didn't do their jobs, they'd be  fired.  He had two words for Stone Cold:  Good luck.  

Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to Raw, live from the sold-out Savvis Center in St. Louis, Missouri.  

(1)  Tag Team Match:  Rob Van Dam & Kane over Chief Morley & Lance Storm.  The Chief of Stuff wished William Regal a speedy recovery, then warned that if the Dudleys became involved in the match in any way, shape or form, there would be hell to pay.  

This match was the standard Monday night match for this group.  However, at one point Storm gave Van Dam a devastating DDT.  Although dropped on his head, RVD took the licking and kept on ticking.

The match continued with Kane's big boots and forearms.  Suddenly, out of nowhere RVD flew into the mix, which caused enough distraction for Kane to choke slam Storm and cover him for the pin.  (The fact that RVD got up after that DDT is remarkable.)

After the match, Morley quickly got out of Dodge when it looked like Van Dam had a Five Star Frog Splash with his name on it.

Then those Damn Dudleys came out.  But instead of going after the bad guys, they attacked RVD and sent Kane through table.  Morley smiled like the cat that ate the canary.  In fact, I think I saw him picking feathers out of his teeth.

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 2

Backstage, D-Von and Bubba Dudley mentioned that Morley had given them a choice, and they'd joined the Bischoff-Morley Administration.  It wasn't what they wanted to do, but they had to make a living.  Morley lifted their suspension and welcomed them back.  They'd be reporting directly to him, he added.  They looked thrilled.  He also recruited them as lumberjacks, much to their disgust.

Game time.  Triple H (w/Ric Flair) said Booker T had proved his point about not being suitable championship material when he'd slammed Triple H's head in the door last week.  He called out Booker, the "common street thug."

Instead of Booker T, Booker D(ust) came out.  He did a promo that was heavy on the "Tourette's Syndrome" and Triple H and Flair were laughing themselves silly.  

Goldust got tired of watching them laugh and attacked.  But since he was outnumbered, Goldust soon found himself about to get a Pedigree.

Booker T ran out and attacked Triple H and Flair, who both got Booker's street shoes right in their chops.

Flair tried to flee, but Booker pulled him back into the ring.  Before Booker could lower the boom on him, Triple H pulled Flair to safety.

(Commercial break)  (This week's Confidential will feature a WrestleMania retrospective.)

In the locker room, Triple H was throwing a tantrum.  The Game told Flair to tell Bischoff that he wanted a match with Goldust.   

Quarter Hour 3

(2)  Maven pinned Rico (w/Jamal & Rosie).  It's about time we got Rico in a singles match.  

The Rock was shown walking through the garage.  Tardy!

Back in the ring, Rico distracted the ref so that Rosie and Jamal could interfere.  Maven was holding his own quite nicely and controlled the latter part of  the match. He managed to roll up Rico for the win, no thanks to Three Minute Warning.

Terri was outside Stone Cold's dressing room door.  Shawn Michaels brushed past her and went in.

(Commercial break)  (WWE Flex-ems have got to be the ugliest toys ever -- 'roided out action figures.  Geez.)  

Stone Cold and Shawn Michaels were standing face to face.  Apparently Shawn had come in to give him a weather report and discuss the finer points of the lumberjack match.  The Rock would also be a lumberjack, he noted.  

Stone Cold said he wasn't scared; after all, last week Rock had been beaten by the Hurricane.  He showed Michaels the door.

The Rock ran into Teddy Long in the parking lot.  Long was reading a "WWE Magazine" with a picture of Hurricane on the cover which Rock found upsetting.  Meanwhile, Long was trying to push his client, the thuggin', muggin', buggin' Big Mack Attack.

Mack said he'd take care of Hurricane for the Rock.  (Big Mack should let Teddy do all of his talking.)  

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 4

WrestleMania Moment:  Andre the Giant slammed Big John Studd at the 1985 WrestleMania.

(3)  The Hurricane over Rodney Mack (w/Theodore Long) via DQ.  As Hurricane made his way to the ring, highlights were shown of his victory over The Rock last Monday night.  

J.R. started talking about how Rodney had been undefeated since Long had become his manager.  Rodney started barking and howling in the middle of the match.  (First Goldust, now Rodney.  Is it something in the water?)  

This was not the best match on the show (through no fault of the Hurricane).  A Shining Wizard by the Hurricane, then he went up top and took Mack down with a crossbody.    Hurricane was about to choke slam Rodney, when the Rock came out and attacked Hurricane.  The ref called for the bell, but Rock kept pummeling Hurricane.  Rock picked up and chair and started pounding Hurricane with it.  J.R. said the Rock's actions were reprehensible.

(Commercial break)

A new match had been added to Wrestlemania:  Triple Threat Match -  Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria.

Quarter Hour 5

(4)  Intergender Tag Match:  Victoria & Steven Richards over Trish Stratus & Jazz.  

Earlier today, Victoria had been petting her belt while Stevie confessed to a past relationship with Jazz.  (Better not let Rodney Mack hear that.)

Stevie was just one of the girls tonight, since he was the only guy in this match.  He was out of his league, though, since all three of the ladies were tough as nails in the ring.  

Jazz reluctantly tagged Trish in, and Trish and Victoria went at it.  When Stevie tried to make the tag, he got crotched for his trouble.  Stevie tagged in and got crotched once again.  Trish tried to make the tag to Jazz, but Jazz walked off leaving Trish alone.  Trish got the Widow's Peak and Victoria got the win.

Stevie started to DDT Trish, but Victoria stopped him.  But she wasn't being nice, she just wanted to get a chair.

Jeff hardy ran out to rescue Trish.  He started to give Victoria a Swanton, but Stevie pulled Victoria out of harm's way.  Jeff picked Trish up . . . and KISSED her.  Whoohoo!  The kiss left Trish with green paint on her face, along with a puzzled look.  

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 6

Shawn Michaels narrated a video montage of his WrestleMania highlights.  Those were the days.  The boyhood dream.  The legacy.  Nicely done.

Jonathan Coachman stuck a mic in Chris Jericho's face to discuss Shawn Michaels' legacy.   Jericho admitted the video had been powerful stuff, and he sounded serious for a change.  Jericho related that he'd dreamt of being champion at WrestleMania.  In fact, he used to dream of being Shawn Michaels.  But now is dream is ending Shawn Michaels's career at WrestleMania.  Jericho sounded pensive tonight, not his usual blustering self.

Christian pulled Jericho away for their upcoming tag match with Test and his mystery partner.    

(Commercial break)

Stacy said she'd just spoken to Test's tag partner (still unnamed).  She walked away and he pulled out the magazine he'd stashed when Stacy had walked up . . . "Playboy" with Torrie Wilson on the cover.

Chris Jericho will be on the Late Show with Craig Kilborn Tuesday night.

(5)  Christian & Chris Jericho over Test (w/Stacy Keibler) & Scott Steiner (w/bulging biceps).  Christian took one look at Steiner and bailed out of the ring.  Freakzilla looked pretty good in the ring tonight.  Christian was isolated and taking a beating.  He finally managed to tag Jericho in and the two briefly did some double-teaming.  Steiner military pressed Christian.  It was Jericho with a low blow who evened the odds.

Quarter Hour 7

Test tagged back in and was on fire.  Near pins by each side until Stacy got involved with some ringside shenanigans.  When Stacy got knocked off the apron,  Steiner caught her, which put a big smile on his face.  That caused Test to blow a fuse and it cost him the match.  Lawler insisted Steiner had "copped a feel."

Goldust headed to the ring, accompanied by Booker T.

(Commercial break)

Game time again.  

(6)  Triple H (w/Ric Flair) pinned Goldust (w/Booker T).  

As they squared off, J.R. started talking about Enron Field in Seattle.  (Huh?)

Goldust looked very good, even with the side effects of the "electrocution."    Triple H stopped to talk some trash to Booker, which gave Goldust a slight advantage.  

Quarter Hour 8

Flair interfered, which caused Booker to retaliate.  Suddenly, a "fan" emerged from the crowed with a crutch.  But it was no fan, it was Randy Orton, a hometown boy, who's currently on injured list.  

Goldust set Triple H up for the Shattered Dreams, but before he could finish the move, he doubled over in pain (more of those pesky electrocution after side effects).  Triple H quickly set Goldust up for a Pedigree and the 1-2-3.  This was probably the best match of the show.  

(Commercial break)

The Karate Kid was warming up for his match, when the Rock started strumming his guitar . . . a special one, signed by Willie Nelson.  The Rock wanted to do a concert, live on Raw next week in Sacramento.  Then the Rock talked Bischoff out of having a lumberjack match.  Bischoff wasn't so sure, he didn't want Austin to actually get his hands on him. The Rock had a score to settle with Austin and assured Bischoff he'd whip Austin's ass tonight.

The Rock burst into song (which appears to be an untapped marketing opportunity).  

Headed to the ring was Stone Cold.

(Commercial break)

(Don't miss WrestleMania Third Degree this Sunday night, March 23, at 9:00 ET on TNN.)

Quarter Hour 9

(7)  Stone Cold Steve Austin over Eric Bischoff (w/Chief Morley).  The clock had already ticked into the third hour, so chances are this would not be an epic battle.  Eric's best move seemed to be running the other way.  But Austin just chased him.  Austin got him in a Boston crab and Eric tapped.  But Austin let go and went after a mouthy Morley on the sidelines.  Morley gave Austin a low blow, and suddenly Bischoff turned into a tough guy.  Before long Stone Cold had stunners for all.  When he turned around, the Rock was waiting to take him out.  Bischoff went for the pin, but Stone Cold kicked out.  Rock went for the most electrifying move in sport entertainment, but Austin got up.  Stunners for Morley and Bischoff and Austin pinned Bischoff for the win.  The Rock wanted to have the last word, though, and Rockbottomed Austin after the match.

Rock grabbed a carton of beer and popped a top.  But Hollywood stars don't swill, they sip.  The Rock had a twinkle in his eye as Stone Cold glared back at him from the mat.

The Wrap Up  This was a better than average show.  It had some very good moments (Goldust vs. Triple H and the women's match), and some sweet promises of things to come (Trish and Jeff Hardy).  The Bischoff-Morley Administration could be interesting.  The serious side of Chris Jericho was also refreshing.  But what was the deal with the lumberjack match?  Can they not have one Raw without some sort of bait and switch?        

Comments?  You can reach me at mmahling@pwtorch.com.  See you in The Lounge on Saturday.

Mallory Mahling talks wrestling with Harv Roman and the "Club Kids on the Radio," Saturdays at 2:00 P.M. on WLUW, 88.7 FM, Chicago.

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