TV REPORTS KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 8/7: Eight-man gauntlet, very bloody Angle, final Hard Justice hype
Aug 8, 2008 - 2:44:51 AM
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By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor
KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
AUGUST 7, 2008
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
-A video aired at the start promoting an eight-man tag match featuring LAX & Christian & Rhino vs. Beer Money & Team 3D. It's a no-DQ tables match. The narrator said, "Your two-hour bloodbath begins now." Then the Impact opening aired featuring the computer images from TNA's new Midway video game (released in September).
-Mike Tenay stood mid-ring and promoted Hard Justice's main event - Samoa Joe vs. Booker T in a weapons filled cage match. Jeremy Borash stood ringside surrounded by fans, fitting almost every stereotype you'll find regarding pro wrestling fans. He hyped the eight-man tag match. He then threw to Lauren Brooke and B.G. James in the stands with fans. This is an interesting approaching to opening the show. I like it.
1 -- JACQUELINE vs. ROXXI - Anything Goes Knockout Match
Traci was special referee. Tenay said, "I never thought of a referee shirt as a fashion statement, but nobody fills out that shirt like Traci Brooks." Gee, thanks for pointing that out. Tenay continued to hype Hard Justice as the most violent, hardcore TNA PPV of the year. He said management has decided to emphasize that theme tonight. Jackie took a a wicked bump into the ringside steps from a whip by Roxxi early. Roxxi must like the short buzz cut look as her hair seems the same length each week. Roxxi finished Jackie with the Voodoo Drop in center ring.
WINNER: Roxxi in 4:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4*
-Lauren interviewed Christian and Rhino. She asked Christian why he'd want to take a chance on going through a glass table again. He said he'll never forget the four-plus hours he spent in the emergency room as doctors pulled glass slivers out of his back one at a time. He said Team 3D can call themselves the best tag team ever because he decided to become a singles wrestler. He said now he's teaming with Rhino regularly and they're threatened. He said they're trying to stop them before they knock them off the mountaintop. He said tonight on Impact, he has another chance to end their careers in an eight-man elimination match, and if not, they can try against at Hard Justice in a New Jersey Street Fight. Rhino yanked the mic out of Lauren's hand and said, "Back up, toots." Charming. He began yelling and asked what they'll do when he Gores them through a table in the corner. I'm not saying this to be mean, but I really think Rhino could make more money in this business in a cool mask. He carries himself well and has good intensity and solid in-ring work, but he just has a face that says "mid-carder."
-Speaking of masked wrestlers, Super Eric told So Cal Val he found her ring. She asked what happened to it. He said it was stolen. Eric said The Guru. She said Sonjay wouldn't do such a thing. Eric said if she finds Sonjay, she'll find her missing ring.
2 -- "GURU" SONJAY DUTT vs. CURRY MAN
Tenay: "I dare you to stay seated during Curry Man's ring entrance." West explained that Dutt vs. Lethal is a humiliation match where the winner has to strip his opponent of his tuxedo. That's just a really weird gimmick. West said one can win by pinfall or submission, too. Val walked out and yelled at Dutt about wanting her ring. It distracted Dutt briefly, but he came back with a quick win using his feet on the ropes for leverage. Dutt gave Curry a low blow afterward.
WINNER: Dutt in 2:00.
-Val asked Dutt for her ring. Dutt denied any wrongdoing. As he walked to the back, Shark Boy cut him off and knocked him back into the ring. Super Eric joined in and press-slammed Dutt in a "feat of superhero strength." In a televised wrestling first, one wrestler (Super Eric) reached down the front of the tights of another (Dutt). He pulled out (drum roll...) the missing ring. West said apparently he used his super vision to see the ring. Or he wasn't expecting to find a ring. Val was heartbroken. She cried and had a tantrum. Dutt said when she visited him at the hospital, the ring fell into his hospital bed. He said he picked it up and had it ever since, under his pillow every night before he went to bed. He said perhaps subconsciously he felt she dropped it on purpose as a signal that she was going to leave Jay. He said it was wishful thinking on his part. She screeched, "Why did you not give it back to me?" Dutt said she knows how he feels about her. He said he's absolutely thrilled she got it back. Val accepted a hug from Dutt. Dutt mouthed, "Wow!" as if to say, "I can't believe this dummy believed that load of crap."
-Lauren interviewed Team 3D and Beer Money backstage. Brother Ray said having an old fashioned tag match is like sleeping with Lauren, "boring!" He said he's heard stories. Team 3D bragged about winning 20 tag team titles (and losing 20 - nobody's lost more!). He said they're going to "beat the dog crap" out of their opponents. He said they're not the greatest wrestlers in the world. He said, "We drink, we fight, and we f---." It was bleeped, of course. He said there's an X on Rhino's back and it's going through a table. James Storm said, "Sorry about your damn luck. Ha ha ha ha." Devon closed with "Testify!"
-Another video aired with Sheik Abdul Bashir. He said as the price of gas climbs, so does Americans' hatred and his contempt for them. He said Americans think everything is free with their chests puffed out and arms held high. He said the world is getting revenue by putting the screws to their pocketbooks. He said American's can't get enough oil, so not only do they gobble up the world's oil supply, they're polluting more than anyone else. He said the slogan should be: "America: One nation under the dollar with greed and corpulence for all."
3 -- MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs. BLACK MACHISMO & CONSEQUENCES CREED
Tenay said Creed was immediately given a championship match at Hard Justice against Petey Williams after his non-title win last week. The Guns dominated and got some near falls, but in the end Creed surprised Alex Shelley with a schoolboy out of the corner. Tenay called it "another impressive victory." The two teams began to shake hands afterward, but then Shelley shoved Creed for no reason and then turned and left the ring.
WINNERS: Creed & Machismo in 8:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Lots of cool spots, but lacked a sense of purpose. At least the guy getting the X Title shot didn't get pinned, but instead got the pin.
-Karen's Angle: Karen Angle's guest was Frank Trigg. Trigg immediately asked Karen how long she's been cheating on his friend Kurt. She said Spike has asked them to be professional and leave her personal life out of it. She asked for five minutes. Karen asked how he got started in MMA. He said he got started in MMA "to support my wrestling habit." He said it was difficult, but he had a supportive wife who never wanted to be on TV. Funny. He said she helped his 11 year career. She asked how he met Kurt. He reminisced about their friendship. He kept implying things, so she said nothing happened between her and A.J. Trigg got up and asked for a kiss. As he moved in on her, she asked for the cameras to be turned off. When a security guy walked up, Trigg punched him. He yelled at her that Kurt is the franchise of the company and what he says goes. She yelled that he's pathetic.
-A brief video package aired on the Styles-Angle feud. Then Tenay and West were shown at ringside. They previewed the entire Hard Justice line-up.
-Borash interviewed Kurt Angle backstage. Angle said he's a wrestler - the best-ever, period. He said he's going to hurt Styles on Sunday. He said he took him under his wing and "turned a nobody into a somebody." He said then he went and slept with his wife. He said he can't get that vision out of his head. "You spit in the face of an Olympic Gold Medalist. That's like spitting in the face of every American troop who fights for our country." He said it's personal and he's going to hurt him. "The pain game starts tonight. It's real, it's damn real."
-Lauren interviewed The Beautiful People backstage. The BPs got sassy with Lauren and yanked the mic from her. Who do they think they are? Rhino? Angelina Love said Lauren disrespects them all the time. She said it's not worth beating her down and bagging her because they have bigger sluts to fry. Love went on to cut a nice promo about the carnage they have planned for their opponents at Hard Justice. Velvet Sky closed by kissing the camera and leaving lipstick behind. They continued to be one of the better, more convincing fresh acts in wrestling today.
4 -- BEER MONEY & TEAM 3D vs. CHRISTIAN & RHINO & LAX
Rhino opened with a series of Gores in the midst of everyone brawling in the ring. Christian, Homicide, and Hernandez hit dives to ringside. They cut to a break late in the first hour. Another post-produced show that began it's second hour in the midst of a commercial break.
West said it has been non-stop since they went to a break. He said the momentum just began to turn in favor of Beer Money and Team 3D. Christian spit beer in Storm's face leading to Homicide hitting the Gringos Cutter for the win.
WINNERS: LAX & Rhino & Christian in 6:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Lots of spots early and then a solid heel beatdown followed by a babyface comeback for the win. Basic okay formula, but it felt like too many people in a match that didn't serve a real purpose and cheapened their PPV bouts.
-After the match, the heels attacked the faces. Beer Money powerbombed Homicide through a glass table in the ring brought in by Team 3D. Homicide didn't bleed except for a cut on his arm, but then medics came in with the gimmicked towels to "stop the bleeding" as Homicide convulsed.
-A commercial aired for TNA's "Best of the Bloodiest" DVD release.
-A "Rough Cut" video feature aired on Taylor Wilde. She said she earned respect by fighting from the bottom up. Gail Kim said there's a target on her back. Traci said the same. ODB said she has to step her game up. Roxxi said she's not jealous because it's such a big responsibility to represent all of them. She laughed and said she can have that. A recording aired of Bill DeMott, her trainer, again. Taylor said she wants to enjoy the moment for what it is, but also prove she's here to stay.
5 -- AWESOME KONG vs. SALINAS
WINNER: Kong in 0:20.
-After the match, the Beautiful People mocked Salinas in the ring, then said she knows ODB, Kim, and Taylor are watching in the back. Angelina Sky called for Kong to continue the beating on Salinas. She gave her an Implant Buster. Sky then brought a chair into the ring. Kong set up an Awesome Bomb, but Kim ran out to make the save. Taylor and ODB followed behind her. They cleared the ring of the heels. West said the brawl is a preview of what fans can see at Hard Justice. Kong, though, came back by meeting Taylor flying off the top rope with a hard clothesline. As she set up an Awesome Bomb, Abyss's music played. He came to the rescue again. Kong stepped back and stared down Abyss as he walked to the ring. They went to face to face in the ring. Ryesha Saeed stepped between them and talked Kong out of the ring. Then she slapped Abyss. Abyss took a few deep breaths as Saeed made the odd choice to remain in the ring. Abyss reached down and picked up a chair. Saeed continued to inexplicably just stand there shaking. When he lifted the chair, she finally bailed out. West covered for the odd decision of Saeed to just stand there by saying she must've been in shock for a minute there, but then snapped out of it. When a security officer entered the ring, Abyss gave him a Black Hole Slam. Tenay said once again the Monster came to the rescue.
-West plugged upcoming TNA dates.
-Borash interviewed Booker T and Sharmell backstage. It was the first hype all show for the TNA World Title match and the first appearance of either participant, short of the brief mention at the very top of the show. Borash talked about the match stips, then asked Booker if he'll have the belt next week. Booker reiterated that he's told everyone that Joe can't beat him. He said Joe punished him last month, but he proved Joe couldn't take him out because he's still sitting there "as TNA World Heavyweight Champion." Booker said he's going to hurt Joe like he's never been hurt before. He said he's come to TNA for one reason - to prove he's the best without a shadow of a doubt. Borash asked if Sting would be there. Booker said Sting wouldn't miss this for anything in the world. He said the real Batman is going to show up tonight as well as at Hard Justice. Then he and Sharmell sipped some champaign.
-Tenay and West again ran down the Hard Justice line-up.
-Lauren interviewed Samoa Joe backstage. She told Joe that Booker says Sting plans to show his face tonight. Joe asked why Sting couldn't show his face the past three weeks and why he's tossing his baseball bats around. Joe said Sting isn't an icon, he's a coward. He said when he gets his hands on him, he plans to turn his "white clown make-up red." He said he showed mercy for Booker T last month, but no more. He said the champ is coming for his belt and there is nothing he can do about it.
-A video package aired on the Joe-Booker-Sting saga. Tenay and West on camera discussed the situation.
-Borash interviewed Styles. Borash told Styles he's never seen Angle so motivated and driven. He asked Styles if he thinks he's prepared. Styles wanted to know how Angle could say he was a nobody. He said he was one of the young guys who helped build TNA six years ago. He said if anything, it was Angle who jumped on the bandwagon. He said he looked Kurt straight in his eyes and told him he never slept with his wife. He said Angle can't seriously compare winning Olympic Gold to the troops. He guaranteed he'd be the last man standing on Sunday.
-Joe, B.G. James, and Matt Morgan were shown heading to the entrance tunnel with weapons.
6 -- KURT ANGLE & TOMKO & KIP JAMES & BOOKER T vs. A.J. STYLES & SAMOA JOE & MATT MORGAN & B.G. JAMES - Weapons Gauntlet Match
Jeremy Borash stood mid-ring and explained the ridiculously long list of rules and stips for this match. The first two in the ring were Angle and Styles. Styles went after Angle as soon as the bell rang. Angle turned the tide with a trash can shot. At 2:00 Morgan and Tomko entered the match. Morgan swung at Tomko with a chair, but Tomko blocked it with a board. Tomko retreated. Morgan chased him all the way to the back. Angle catapulted Styles into a chair propped in the corner.
B.G. James and Kip James came out next. Angle cut himself when his skull ran into the ladder. The blood flowed out of his head big-time, creating quite a puddle in the ring. It was nasty. Medics checked on him right away, but he was fine to continue. Joe and Booker came out next as Styles hit Angle with Pele Kick. Joe brought his Chinese Yo-Yo weapon with him. Booker brought Sting's black baseball bat. They cut to a break.
Styles eliminated Angle by ducking as he dove at him. Booker then tossed Angle over the top rope. Angle applied his anklelock at ringside. Referees had to order a bloody crimson masked Angle to the back. Tomko hit Joe with a chair, then Morgan went after Tomko. Booker poked Morgan in the eye. Morgan came back with a big boot on Booker, then a sideslam on Tomko. Morgan set up a Hellivator on Tomko, but Booker came up behind and, with help from Tomko, he tossed Morgan over the top rope. Booker superkicked Joe as Tomko held him in place. Booker went for a scissors kick, but Joe ducked. Booker got caught up on the top rope. Joe charged and knocked him over the top rope. It came down to Tomko vs. Joe. Tomko gave Joe with a boot to the face. Joe shortly thereafter gave Tomko a MuscleBuster for the win.
WINNER: Joe in 13:00.
STAR RATING: ** -- Just too much too fast.
-After the match, Joe said at Hard Justice "the champ comes for his belt." He said after he's done with Booker, Sting is next. Sting's music then played. West wondered if he'd finally show up. The lights went out. How does Sting do that??? The spotlights flickered i strobe-fashion, then Joe saw an image of Sting in the rafters. Joe pointed up at him with his Chinese Yo-Yo.
-A video from "FILTHEE a/k/a Brickmanraw" then aired recapping the happenings of the show.
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