TV REPORTS PARKS' WWE RAW REPORT 9/22: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Kane vs. Bourne, Beth vs. Kelly
Sep 22, 2008 - 10:08:12 PM
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By Greg Parks, PWTorch Contributor
WWE Raw review
September 22, 2008
Live from Cincinnati, Ohio
Aired on USA
Report by Greg Parks, Torch Team Contributor
-The World Title belt was hanging from the rafters, with a ladder set up in center ring. The lighting was dark, and Chris Jericho’s music hit. He came down to the ring, as usual, in a suit and tie. Michael Cole immediately plugged that it was the 800th episode of Monday Night Raw. Jericho got into the ring and climbed to the top of the ladder. The background lighting on the crowd was red, in a cool visual. Jericho reviewed what happened at the end of the show last week. He accused the fans of blindly believing everything HBK said. He said just because Michaels says something, doesn’t make it true. Jericho said he, on the other hand, is an honest, good man. He said he always tells the truth. Well, more like “truthiness” probably. Jericho said at No Mercy, at the end of the match, the last thing we’d see is him taking the belt off the hook, which he did. Jericho said HBK already disfigured him, and scolded the fans for cheering that. He said he still walked out as champion at the end of the night. Jericho said HBK has trapped himself in a corner, requesting a ladder match. But all that has done is give Jericho another weapon of destruction. Before he could finish that thought, Randy Orton came out. Orton’s arms, full of tattoos, look terrible.
Orton was delayed in interrupting Jericho, then said he owes Orton something because Jericho wouldn’t be champ if it weren’t for Orton. He said whoever is champ after No Mercy would be running on borrowed time. Jericho said Orton had a big mouth and can’t back up what he says. Y2J said he’d give Orton a fat lip, just like he did to Rebecca Michaels. Orton said he talked to Mike Adamle earlier in the day and to protect him, no one can hit him (and he can’t hit others either). If someone hits him, that person will be suspended. Orton said Jericho tends to get what he wants and Jericho said he wants to get away from Orton right now because he’s sick of him. As he left the ring, Orton told Jericho he would be champion again, and long after Jericho’s days in the business are done. Orton told Jericho to take his ladder with him, then threw it in the aisleway. As Orton was going to leave, CM Punk’s music hit, and the former champ came out.
Punk got in the ring and went forehead-to-forehead with Orton. After a pause, Punk slapped Orton once, then twice. Mike Adamle came running down the ramp telling Punk to knock it off. Adamle told Punk he defied one of his edicts (who talks like that?!), and as a result, he’s suspended indefinitely. He said they’d talk about it in his office. Then Shane McMahon and his stupid dance came out. Shane said he knows Mike is doing some on-the-job training here, and he said when Punk’s emotions ran wild, it’s what they call in the business “a receipt.” Shane said he was officially overruling Adamle’s suspension of CM Punk. Orton got in Shane’s face about the decision, but Shane said he deserves respect. Shane told Orton that Adamle’s edict about Orton hitting anyone and getting suspended starts now, then asked the third-generation superstar to leave the ring. Shane said since Punk’s adrenaline is up, Punk will have a match tonight. It’ll be against Cody Rhodes. Shane tried to read Adamle’s mind about the main event....then made Jericho & JBL vs. Batista & Shawn Michaels. Well, that kinda cut the balls off Adamle. The promo from the top of the ladder was once unique, but its been done to death. Jericho and Orton didn’t show that much chemistry together in there. Not a great opening segment.
1- CM PUNK vs. CODY RHODES
A couple of lock-ups went nowhere. The two traded forearms, then Punk caught Cody with a back elbow. Rhodes was able to toss Punk out of the ring. Punk laid some kicks in, but while on the outside, Cody reversed the momentum. Cody hit a cross-body inside the ring, but Punk rolled through for two. Kick to the chest of Cody. Cody got out of a GTS attempt, and went to ringside to reccover.
Cody was working over Punk’s ankle and leg out of break. Punk brought his knees up and nailed Rhodes in the face. Punk applied the ankle-lock, but Rhodes was able to make the ropes. He’s showing a lot of intensity here. Hard kicks all over Rhodes’ body, then a knee-lift. Knee in the corner, then a GTS for the win.
WINNER: Punk, at 10:36. Solid match. Punk upped the intensity, which was nice to see.
After the match, Ted Dibiase and Manu came out to attack. Kofi Kingston made the save for Punk.
-Still to come on the 800th episode of Raw, Jericho & JBL vs. Michaels & Batista.
-The Cincinnati Bengals (well, not all of them) were in the front row of Raw.
-The Smackdown Rebound aired (awful early for that, isn’t it?).
-Adamle told Shane that he was embarrassed about being overruled out there, but Shane assured him he was doing a great job. Kane barged in and said a special hello to Shane. Kane said he appreciated being put in a match with Bourne tonight, but he wants Mysterio. Adamle said it’s already been made for No Mercy. Kane told Shane to say hit to his Mom for him. Adamle told Shane that he really stood up to Kane, didn’t he? Adamle then asked Shane about Kane knowing his mom. Shane ran down their history and said it was a perk of the job.
-Kelly Kelly was flirting with a tech guy, but Beth Phoenix and Santino walked up. Santino was wearing a face-guard. Beth was mad that Kelly was laughing at them last week. Santino then did his Batista imitation (the fireworks thing on the way to the ring) and made fun of Big Dave. Batista walked up and Santino let out a lady-like scream. Beth told Batista if he gets involved, Santino will take him out. Santino was saved by his ring music and he scampered away to go to the ring.
-Santino was in the ring, and he had the Honk-A-Meter with him. He was interrupted by Deuce’s music, and he came out. All that time we were expecting him to be repackaged....and they came up with NOTHING for him? Santino told Batista to watch him beat Fonzie- “The Happy Days are over.”
2- SANTINO MARELLA vs. DEUCE
It was all Deuce in the early going, but Santino rolled Deuce up out of the corner to get the pin.
WINNER: Santino, at 1:14. Well, at least he’s not walking out on every match.
Santino told Kelly Kelly Kelly that she’s going to lose to the woman that orders him to go buy the contraceptives....Beth Phoenix. Beth then came out to give Santino a congratulatory kiss.
-Rey Mysterio gave Evan Bourne some advice backstage.....his match with Kane is next.
3- KANE vs. EVAN BOURNE
Bourne got a nice kick to the face of Kane. They went back-and-forth for much of the early part of the match. Bourne went for a tornado DDT, but Kane was too powerful. Bourne still was able to come back and Bourne moonsaulted onto Kane on the outside. Bourne barely caught Kane with his legs on that one. Cole called it the “swashbuckling style” of Evan Bourne. What the hell does that mean? Back in the ring, Kane tossed Bourne up and put a right hand into Bourne’s throat. Tilt-a-whirl back-breaker by Kane, then another one. Powerslam by the big man. Impressive power stuff, then a chokeslam ended things.
WINNER: Kane, at 5:04. Decent enough match, and the right result. Bourne wasn’t over-matched.
Kane went to go for another chokeslam, but Mysterio came out to help. He did....at first. But Kane was just too much for him, and he ended things with a chokeslam. Kane called him a coward, then left the ring.
-Shawn Michaels & Batista take on Chris Jericho and JBL tonight. Hey, remember when HBK and Batista were feuding over how Flair’s career ended?
-Jamie Noble was begging Shane McMahon for another match with William Regal when Dolph Ziggler came in and introduced himself to them. Randy Orton interrupted after Dolph left and told Shane that what he did out there was not cool. Shane said that for what Orton did to Punk, he got off easy. Orton said it would be a real shame if he and Shane got on each other’s bad sides. Shane agreed, leaving Randy to stew.
4- BETH PHOENIX vs. KELLY KELLY
Kelly did a flip on the top rope for a wrist-lock take-over. Beth powerbombed her right into the corner. Beth worked Kelly’s arm. Kelly fought back and did a cross-body off the middle rope for two. Santino tripped Kelly up then got on the apron. She dodged a Beth clothesline (as did Santino), but Kelly rolled Beth up for three.
WINNER: Kelly, at 2:58. Kelly makes me nervous when she goes for those high-risk moves.
Santino and Beth were going to take Kelly out in the ring, but Batista interrupted. Curiously, Beth stepped right up to him. Santino took a few punches at Batista, but he shook him off and speared Marella.
-Cole and Lawler talked on camera and we got some highlights from the Dirt Sheet as well as Cryme Tyme’s Word Up, both available to watch on WWE.com.
5- JOHN MORRISON & THE MIZ vs. CRYME TYME
Morrison missed a hard right hand, JTG punched him then danced. Miz hit JTG from behind, allowing Morrison to get back on offense. JTG made a blind tag to Shad, who lifted Morrison over his head and let him drop. Is there a difference between “highest-rated show on WWE.com” and “most viewed show on WWE.com”? Both Morrison & Miz got dumped to the outside while CT celebrated. Break time.
They showed how Miz turned the tide during the break. Miz hit his corner clothesline on JTG. JTG fought out of the heel corner, but Miz got a drop-toe hold to prevent the tag to Shad. Shad finally got the tag and the crowd seemed really behind him. Big scoop slam on Morrison. Miz, on a distraction, rolled Shad up for two. With the ref distracted, Morrison kicked Shad in the back of the head. Miz made the pin.
WINNERS: Miz & Morrison, at 9:47. I’ve really been impressed with Cryme Tyme in the ring lately. They put on a pretty good match here with Miz and Morrison.
-Batista & Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho & JBL is still to come.
-Chris Jericho and Lance Cade were in Mike Adamle’s office. Jericho told Adamle this was a test from Shane and Shane wants Adamle to stand up to him because what he says and what he means are two different things. Jericho had an idea for the main event, but the camera cut back to the arena before we could hear it.
-Cole and Lawler previewed No Mercy.
-We saw “Earlier Today” at Dave and Buster’s, Charlie Haas was paying tribute to one of his favorites: Mr. Perfect. He then put on a blond wig and said this was the perfect tribute. Haas, with Perfect’s theme playing, missed shots at basketball, missed golf swings, did some slow-motion Dance Dance Revolution, and ran into a server while trying to catch his own pass. Haas said that proves there is only one Mr. Perfect. He then did a slow-motion gum swat that ended up in some lady’s salad. That was pretty funny.
-The main event is next.
-A ring crew member was talking to Lillian Garcia, and she announced that the main event would now be a 2-on-3 handicap match.
6- CHRIS JERICHO & LANCE CADE & JBL vs. BATISTA & SHAWN MICHAELS
I guess we should’ve known something was up when Cade showed up in Adamle’s office with his tights on. Cade and Michaels faced off first. Michaels slapped Cade and they brawled in the corner. HBK tried to take out Jericho on the apron, but JBL took a swing at him and nailed him. Jericho then tagged in and was all over Michaels. It was all offense for Jericho and he tagged in JBL. Cade distracted the ref while Jericho choked out Michaels in the heel corner. HBK was able to fight back against JBL, but JBL’s big boot put him down and Layfield took a cheap-shot at Batista, allowing Jericho to cheap-shot HBK. Nice. HBK and JBL found themselves both down on the mat. HBK made the hot tag to Batista, and JBL tagged Jericho. You can fill in the blanks as to what happened next. Batista then slammed Jericho and HBK hit a top-rope elbowdrop. He set up for the superkick but missed. Walls of Jericho attempt, but that was turned into a roll-up for two. Code-Breaker was shrugged off and Batista and JBL went at it. JBL back-dropped Batista over the top rope. Batista was able to spear JBL on the outside of the ring. He missed the Lionsault and tagged Cade. A distraction allowed Cade to hit his powerbomb on Michaels and score the pin.
WINNERS: Cade, Jericho & JBL, at 9:02. Wow, that was a shocking ending.
The heels celebrated the win.
Greg Parks has been covering Smackdown for PWTorch.com since February of 2007. You can also hear him every-other-week in the post-Raw audio show Monday nights in the Torch VIP audio section. Check out his new column in a PDF-exclusive version of the Torch Newsletter. Comments, questions and feedback is welcome, and can be sent to email@example.com.
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