TV REPORTS CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 2/5: Angle's IED flashes up, Abyss pounds the tacks, Brutus debuts, Kiyoshi's Rough Cut
Feb 7, 2009 - 10:25:28 AM
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TNA Impact on Spike TV
February 5, 2009
Taped Jan. 27 in Orlando, Fla.
Recap: They show opened with a look at last week's show with Kurt Angle standing tall over LAX to close things out. Meanwhile, Samoa Joe wants to introduce us to the real Samoa Joe, complete with tribal paint-on tattoo over his right eye.
Impact Zone: Let's do some talking to start things off featuring the Mafia. Kurt Angle leading out Scott Steiner, Kevin Nash, Booker T (and Sharmell), and World champ Sting bringing up the rear. Angle handed over the mic to Nash for the first talking points. Nash out of left field with a "doing politics behind the scenes" promo. Nash: "I hate to keep bringing up the past." No, you don't. It's TNA, it's okay to live in the past. Nash kinda sorta put over Joe for still being around despite him trying to get rid of him. Nash said Joe apparently thinks he's some kind of tough guy now. Nash said Joe will be playing the role of b---- in his little Kenny Rogers movie.
Shift to Angle and Sting, who addressed their issues with Angle talking first. Angle said everyone is thinking about Against All Odds when they face of with Team 3D with Sting's title on the line. Angle said they made a pact to earn respect. None of them have lost sight of that, you see. Angle guaranteed the TNA Title will remain in the Mafia at the PPV. Feel the tension. West with a canned line. Missing Black Snow right about now.
Backstage: Lauren brought in Team 3D for a promo to set up the 3D vs. Angle & Sting tag match tonight. Devon said Angle might be one of the great wrestlers ever. More histrionics. Ray said he'd like to kill Angle by having him buried at the bottom of the ocean. Or, perhaps, hung upside by his crotch. Ray identified how they're going to take apart Angle and Sting. Lauren was annoyed by them, then they walked off as Lauren tried to ask about who would score the pin at the PPV.
Rough Cut: Kiyoshi. Alex Shelley talked up Kiyoshi, who looked much more marketable in the video clips from a few years ago. The current Impact look of the Great Muta knock-off just hasn't worked. On the video, Muta talked up his protege. Sting said if Muta is taking time to back Kiyoshi, then Kiyoshi has something to bring to the table. Kiyoshi said he wants to surpass Muta's legend.
Backstage: Lauren brought in Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal for a promo. Creed said the problem in the Frontline is with Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin. You mean those really nice guys who talked up Kiyoshi in the last package? What a bunch of jerks. Lethal said the Rockers get rocked tonight. He said at the PPV this Sunday, they're taking out the money man and Virgil to take the belts home.
Impact Zone: Shelley and Sabin are now back in character coming to the ring for a tag match. Meanwhile, ref Rudy is selling the Booker T beating from last week. Lethal and Creed came out, with Creed looking like he's put on quite a bit of muscle. Before the match started, Beer Money jumped L&C on the floor to attack them ahead of their tag title match at the PPV. A brawl broke out ringside, cuing up the split-screen to follow the brawl action. Meanwhile, Guns were in the ring waiting for their opponents to show up for the action. Tenay said they totally look out for themselves only. Well, heck, why would they get involved? It's not their battle to fight. Ringside, Storm took a chair and smashed it across Creed's left arm to take him out. Refs eventually made the save while announcers focused on the Guns being apathetic.
1 -- MOTOR CITY MACHINEGUNS (X Division champion ALEX SHELLEY & CHRIS SABIN) vs. JAY LETHAL
Pick up the action with Creed out of the picture with a left arm injury. So, now it's Lethal by himself against the Guns. Tenay said it makes you sick to your stomach watching the Guns stand by pre-match and not help a fellow Frontline member. Lethal battled against one Gun, but the other Gun quickly came in and cut off Lethal. Eric Young suddenly showed up ringside and entered the ring as Creed's replacement. Well, sure why not. Since when have rules ever mattered in TNA? Young caught the Guns in the air and hit a double Death Valley Driver before pinning Shelley for the win.
WINNERS: Lethal & Young in 5:00. Fine for what it was worth, but the lack of rule application continues to be a frustrating element of TNA programming. It's just a TV match, yes, but it continues to do long-term damage to this company's drawing power when they can't protect simple TV wrestling matches to get fans interested in watching related issues resolved on PPV. (*)
Post-match: Shelley had the mic. Two things mean the most to me: my tag partner and this X Division Title. Shelley told Young to listen up. At AAO, he doesn't have a challenger for the belt, so how about it, Young? He said if Shelley puts the belt on the line, he better not have his life partner ringside. I think he was serious based on how TNA writes their storylines. Shelley and Young accepted. Crazy editing for the post-match staredown, then Tenay and West broke down the PPV card. Suddenly, West had confirmation in his earpiece.
Backstage: Jim Cornette slowed down his speech to Awesome Kong while Kongtourage stood by. He booked Kong vs. ODB with no one ringside at the PPV, then Raisha Saeed tried to interrupt Cornette. He cut her off, but Sojo interrupted to threaten him with a racial suggestion. Wonderful. Booker T and Sharmell then walked in, with Booker sporting a ref t-shirt. He wanted something from Cornette, but Cornette simply ignored him and said Booker gets Shane Sewell on Sunday. Booker said something's going to happen tonight with Stool and it's going to be on Cornette's head. Lovely.
Backstage: Lauren brought in the Beautiful People for a word on what happened with the Sarah Palin mess a few weeks ago. Angelina Love was very upset with Roxxi and Taylor for having to endure that storyline. Velvet Sky said the fun and games are over. Tonight, they take back their dignity and respect. Cute Kip just kind of stood in the background while Lauren remained disgusted.
Impact Zone: Sheik Abdul Bashir randomly came out for a singles match. They're picking up Sheik vs. ref Shane again. Booker wanted the referee assignment for the match since he's defending the Legends Title against Shane at the PPV, but his referee license wasn't renewed. West said Sheik is the perfect opponent tonight for Shane to channel his hate.
2 -- SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR vs. REFEREE SHANE SEWELL
Fans chanted "USA" to start things off. Are they chanting for Sheik or Shane? Shane dominated early and knocked Sheik to the outside, but Sheik took control on the floor. Cue up the governor Blagojevich discussion about TNA's offer for him to join the Main Event Mafia. Shane made his comeback at 4:00, but ref Slick Johnson took a bump. Everyone's down, then Booker came to the ringside area in his ref shirt. Ref Hebner and Rudy Charles tried to make the save, but Booker slipped into the ring and started a ten count. Bashir then missed with a top rope leg drop and Shane popped to his feet for a big splash on Bashir. Booker wasn't in position to make the count, then he walked over to Shane and kicked him in the head. Bell sounded for another ridiculous match finish leading to security storming the ring to keep people separated. Booker could have overpowered about 15 of those rent-a-security guys. Booker vowed to get Stool as they closed the segment.
WINNER: No Contest in 6:00. Just a TNA deal here. (n/a)
Backstage: Borash brought in Sting, who told us to order the PPV...to find out what side he's on in relation to Angle. He said if anyone gets their hands on his belt, the championship belt will be tarnished.
Video package: They took us back through the history between the Beautiful People and Roxxi & Taylor to justify why it was okay for Taylor & Roxxi to run the Sarah Palin joke in retaliation to the Beautiful People.
3 -- BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (ANGELINA LOVE & VELVET SKY w/Cute Kip) vs. ROXXI & TAYLOR WILDE
TNA found another reason to bust out the split-screen when the match started with a pre-match brawl on the outside. They stayed with this for a while as the brawl continued on the floor with the Peeps in control. Action eventually made its way into the ring with Roxxi KO'ed on the floor. Roxxi finally made her way into the action, but Angelina nailed her in the face with a kick for the win. Easy win for the Peeps.
Post-match, Angelina with another bicycle kick, this one for Taylor. Peeps stood tall with Kip, then they put the paper bags on their opponents heads to add insult to injury. Suddenly, fake governor Palin slipped into the ring and low-blowed Kip from behind. She then cleaned house and the Beautiful People retreated to the outside.
WINNERS: Beautiful People in 4:00. Decisive victory, then a post-match deal to keep the program going. Because we need more fake Palin a few months after the gimmick ran its course.
Backstage: They showed the back of Brutus Magnus in anticipation of his TNA TV debut.
Rough Cut: Kiyoshi searching for an identity. He said his time in Japan wasn't fulfilling until he hitched his name to Muta. Very impressive video clips of Kiyoshi in action sans facepaint. Sting talked more about the training regiment required in Japan. Scott D'Amore talked up the amount of time required to train before being thrown before the general public.
Impact Zone: Shark Boy is back. And he's still doing the Steve Austin gimmick. Brutus Magnus came out second for his Impact debut. Not sure about that pre-match outfit with the car wash-like slits.
4 -- SHARK BOY vs. BRUTUS MAGNUS
Brutus quickly absorbed a few punches before landing a big powerslam. Brutus missed with a corner splash, then Shark made his comeback with a Thesz Press and stomps in the corner. He stomped Brutus down in the corner before hitting a codebreaker. Brutus then came back with a modified F-5 for the win. Post-match: Brutus took the mic for a promo. He said this is the competition he receives from TNA? No, he has a message for the boys in the back. At Against All Odds, he has an open challenge. His time of glory is upon us, he claimed.
WINNER: Magnus in 2:00. TNA can't even do a squash match correctly. Why would Brutus even leave his feet in his TV debut, much less look as vulnerable as he did? He made his first impression selling a ton for Shark Boy, who hasn't been on TV in some time. (1/2*)
Backstage: Borash was with Kurt Angle, who was getting dressed. Or perhaps undressed for the main event tag. Angle said Mafia is family no matter who keeps trying to stir the pot from outside of the Mafia family. He grabbed Borash by the jacket lapel and walked off.
Video package: They focused on the Abyss vs. Matt Morgan program after their friendship broke down into Morgan turning on Abyss after growing tired of dealing with Abyss's childish behavior.
5 -- MATT MORGAN vs. RHINO
Wasn't Rhino in a World Title program a month ago? Now, he's just kind of back on TV without a back-story after the parking lot beat down angle at the January PPV. Finally get an A.J. Styles mention from Tenay, as Styles was taken out by Angle two weeks ago without a follow-up. Deal with Rhino is that he's not sure of himself and maybe came back too soon after the beating. Rhino made a comeback, but Morgan hit the bicycle kick at 3:00. He then went to the floor instead of following up for a pin for some reason. Morgan wanted to put Rhino into the chair with the swinging suplex, but Abyss's music hit.
Abyss stumbled out on stage like a big kid who hasn't filled out his form, then he charged the ring with a bag of tacks in hand. Match thrown out, by the way. Abyss hit the Black Hole Slam, then made a cartoon face toward the camera. He put tacks in center ring, then wanted a chokeslam, but Morgan slid out of the ring to avoid Abyss. They have their match on Sunday.
WINNER: No Contest in 4:00. Short and to the point to set up Morgan vs. Abyss at the PPV. I'm waiting for TNA to reveal a vision on how they're going to effectively build up the Frontline members long-term, as there was no reason to bring back Rhino in this role after the storyline they did at the January PPV. One month a guy is main eventing. The next month he's fodder for a completely separate TV storyline. No consistency. (*)
Post-match: Abyss was still in the ring ready for a promo. He told Morgan to meet his real best partner. His name is not Chris. His name is Abyss. So, he's his own best friend. Abyss said he's endured a lot - abusive fathers, prison time, psychiatric treatment, and even a little shock therapy. But, Matt, you knew how delicate the situation was. He befriended him with a false sense of trust that does not exist in a business world. Business world? Abyss then pounded his fist into the thumbtacks to bloody his knuckles and make a point about hurting the people you love the most. Abyss screaed that he's going to prove it on Sunday. Good intensity from Abyss. A little heavy-handed, but fitting for Abyss. Suddenly, Lauren showed up ringside to calm down her imaginary boyfriend.
Backstage: Borash brought in Mick Foley for a random interview segment. Foley was asked about a Jeff Jarrett update after the January PPV. Foley told Borash to hold that thought for when Jarrett returns to TV next week. Abrupt announcement. Off to the main event.
Impact Zone: World champion Sting came out first for the PPV preview tag match. Fellow Mafia member Angle came out and they had a stare down before going to commercial.
6 -- TNA World Hvt. champion STING & KURT ANGLE vs. TEAM 3D (BROTHER RAY & BROTHER DEVON)
Angle started things off so Sting could remain warm keeping his Mafia t-shirt on while standing ringside waiting for a potential tag. Angle stalled throughout the first portion of the match before walking into a series of arm drags from Devon. Ray then came in and worked over Angle, which led to Sting casually asking for a tag, but Angle refused. Angle had another chance to make the tag, but Angle shot him the "FU" extended forearm. 3D knocked Angle to the outside, then Sting and Angle discussed their issues. Suddenly, a man in a crazy headdress showed up ringside. Turned out to be Steiner playing peacemaker.
During the break, Steiner was booted from ringside. Back to live action, Devon tapped out in a headlock, but it was more of an attempt to rally the crowd for his comeback that led to a tag to Ray. Ray with the Bubba Bomb on Angle for a two count. Angle then countered a waistlock into an overhead suplex. Sting wanted a tag, but Angle dropped the straps and refused Sting's offer. Angle got caught in the corner, though, and 3D hit the Doomsday Device. Sting then ran interference to allow Booker to storm the ring and attack 3D for a DQ.
Steiner back in there to inflict a beat down. Sting simply watched from the outside the ring as Mafia beat down 3D until 3D made a comeback and cleared the ring. Angle and Sting had a big argument ringside while 3D laughed inside the ring. Nash came down to join in. he stood by with Sting as Booker stood in the middle of the messy situation. Steiner said we're family. Steiner calmed Angle down. Angle seemed to have an IED flash there. Cue up the show-closing PPV preview package.
WINNERS: Team 3D via DQ in 8:00. They weren't going to give away a finish to their PPV main event in three days, but the story was at least intriguing between Angle and Sting to see how the swerve of a swerve of a swerve plays out on Sunday. Not enough to spend $30 for most viewers because there were so many non-finishes on this show, but intriguing enough to tune into Impact next week to find out what happened at the PPV. (*1/2)
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