TV REPORTS CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 5/14: Foley brutalizes Jarrett, Booker vs. Jethro, Eric Young tastes violence, Suicide is Daniels...Finkle is Einhorn!
May 15, 2009 - 2:30:17 PM
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By James Caldwell, Torch assistant editor
TNA Impact on Spike TV
May 14, 2009
Taped May 11 in Orlando, Fla.
Video opening: They took us back through the post-Lockdown storylines building to the four-way TNA Title match at Sacrifice next Sunday. Foley (title) vs. Sting (career) vs. Angle (Mafia leadership) vs. ???. Who will be the next to put everything on the line? "Nightmare at the Asylum" is today's title.
Impact Zone: The show started with TNA World champion Mick Foley. No Mafia this week. Foley was in his "sane babyface" champion mode nodding to the crowd. Mike Tenay filled us in that an incident took place earlier today involving Jeff Jarrett and Jarrett isn't here tonight. Foley walked us through the Sacrifices to be made at Sacrifice. Hammer it home. Foley then pulled out the Jeff Jarrett DVD and said he might have forgotten about Jeff's contributions to TNA. He said something is missing tonight: the presence of Jarrett. For the first time in this company's existence, Jarrett will not be part of Impact. He said he can't help but feel partially responsible. See, he pushed Grumpy Gus a bit too far.
Some rumors are circulating about a DVD. Wait, did they find the Jackie Gayda blackmail tape? (Waaay back in the day Impact inside reference.) Foley built up this dark, disturbing video and the bloodthirsty Impact fans demanded to see the footage. Foley once again built up Sacrifice, then said he'll be in the back with his thoughts on Jarrett. Tenay said Foley shouldn't be called crazy, but calculating.
Main Event Mafia locker room: Jeremy Borash brought in Steiner, Booker, and Nash. Kurt Angle isn't here this week, as he's in Hollywood doing a movie. They had a giant poster of Angle in the locker room to stand in his place. So great. Steiner, in a suit, casually said, "I'm in charge." Borash: "You?" Steiner: "Yeah, me! Shut up and hold the mic!" So great II. Steiner checked with Nash and Booker to make sure they take care of business tonight. Nash said he already dotted the i's and crossed the t's with Jenna Morasca last night to get some financial backing. Appears she wants Sharmell exiled from the Mafia, though. Nash tried to deliver it smooth, but Booker didn't want any part of it. "That's my wife, man!" Steiner tried to play peacemaker and tell them to take care of business in the ring while he takes care of business with the ladies.
Foley Office: Mick Foley grabbed a picture of Jeff Jarrett on the wall and said he needs to take the picture down and analyze a crack in the glass. Meanwhile, it's coming down to the floor. Foley asked Borash to do the "eyes" gimmick. Borash said it's from Three's Company and he's Mr. Furley doing the giant eyes. Borash tried to teach Foley, but Eric Young barged in to complain about not receiving opportunities. Foley said he's busy. Eric "Chris Harris" Young complained to Foley about him fooling around and not being busy. Foley then booked Young in a match against Samoa Joe. Foley told him to run along. Borash then did the "big bug eyes" to re-sell the "shock" of Foley booking Young vs. Joe.
Video recap: Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal tried to expose Daniels as Suicide last week. Daniels vs. Lethal...it's on.
Impact Zone: Motor City Machineguns came to the ring for the opening match. Chris Sabin in opening singles action with Alex Shelley by his side. Guns vow to expose Daniels as Suicide tonight. Daniels then came out as the opposition. Sweet, Daniels vs. Sabin. Cue up a Don West rant about Daniels denying that he's Suicide. West said he can dis-prove the conspiracy theory by just being out here the same time as Suicide. Question posed...
1 -- CHRIS SABIN (w/Alex Shelley) vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS
Lots of high-flying early on. No real build-up to the moves, though, as they were surely rushed with only a few minutes of TV time allotted to the match. Sabin in control early, and West said Daniels must be worn out doing double-duty as Daniels and Suicide. Ask.com question: "What name did A.J. Styles first wrestle as?" Two minutes in, Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed came out on stage for a closer look. West accused Daniels of fraud by trying to pick up two paychecks. Well, just check the address on Suicide's tax return.
West started complaining about Jeff Jarrett overload while Daniels made a comeback. He knee-stomped Sabin to the mat before landing an STO. West snapped to attention that they just saw the STO on Impact last week from Suicide. Daniels wanted Angel's Wings, but Shelley broke it up. Incompetent ref wasn't paying attention. Sabin then nailed a springboard clothesline for a two count. Sabin tried a Tornado DDT, but Daniels blocked. Daniels knocked Shelley off the apron, then he hit a modified Rock Bottom to set up the Best Moonsault Ever on Sabin for the pin and the win.
WINNER: Daniels in 5:00. Daniels not quite as crisp as I remember him back in the day. Perhaps it's the long pants instead of the biker shorts he used to wear. Nice build-up to the Big Reveal of Suicide as Daniels...or not. (*)
Jeff Jarrett propaganda video: A word from Jeff about being top dog in every organization he's been in. of course, they had to put the Hogan guitar smash in Japan in the video. Apparently he's Sacrificing ownership of TNA at the PPV.
Foley Office: Foley gathered around the TNA referees for a silly deal. Slick Johnson flexed his sick forearm. Foley sent Slick away, though, because he's a Jarrett stooge. Senior ref Rudy Charles was sent away. Earl Hebner was the man left. Of course, Foley made a vague WWE reference to the Montreal Screwjob to fill the "inferiority complex quota" on the show. Foley told Hebner not to DQ Samoa Joe under any circumstances against Young tonight. Borash: "But, he's my friend!" Foley said that's what happens when you cross the boss. Seems like Young was just trying to...wait for it...Cross the Line.
Backstage hallway: Steiner approached Jenna Morasca to talk about the issue with Sharmell. He said Jenna apologized and he'll set up a meeting to be the modifier ...er... the moderator for Sharmell to apologize to her face. Jenna said she will show up then.
Foley propaganda video: A word from crazed Mick Foley. History written by the winners.
Announcers: Tenay and West talked to us on camera. Tenay broke down the line-up for tonight with a Team 3D Invitational semi-final match, Joe vs. Young, Nash vs. No Limit in a handicap match, and a random gimmick match with Booker vs. Jethro Holliday in an I Quit match. Why?
Backstage: Lauren brought in Knockouts champion Angelina Love, who looked like a clown with her make-up. Angelina said she always gets what she wants, just like this Knockouts Title. Who she was talking to on the phone last week is the only man she can trust. Cute Kip returned and said he comes when she calls. Kip said the issue is Awesome Kong. He isn't going to stand for it. Nuh-uh, girlfriend! Kip said he's in a stretcher match against Kong tonight. He said: "That's just Kipping it Real." At least he didn't say "I got two words for you...Get it, got it, good." (Another old-school TNA reference.)
Jarrett DVD video: They showed Jeff Jarrett at home with his daughters on a Wednesday afternoon. He took one of them wade-riving before grabbing the mail. Jolly Jeff had a bunch of bills and some magazines. After driving the golf cart around town, he pulled into the garage and cut a promo on Foley going to a stinkin' diner "Up North." Haha. Another WWE reference.
Impact Zone: Eric Young was not happy as he came to the ring for his match against Samoa Joe. Young re-lapsing into that crazy EY mode.
2 -- SAMOA JOE vs. ERIC YOUNG
Bell sounded and Joe smashed Young. West said Young is going to learn a valuable lesson about keeping his mouth shut. Match moved to the floor where Jiggly Joe smashed Young into the ring apron before placing a chair down ringside. Joe then smashed Young by chucking the chair into Young's face. West said he has love for Joe driving the Frontline crazy. Is there still a Frontline? Back in the ring, Joe slapped on the rear naked choke and Young fought the hold. Joe finally locked it in full and Young passed out in the hold. Shady Hebner called for the bell. Tenay got around to plugging Joe vs. Kevin Nash at Sacrifice. Post-match: Joe scooped up a lifeless Young and hoisted him on his shoulders to leave the Impact Zone.
WINNER: Joe via TKO in 2:00. Squash for Joe. He seems like just another generic mid-card thug right now. Waiting for the Taz reveal to bring him back to life... (n/a)
During the break: Joe stuffed Eric Young in a trunk and the getaway vehicle drove off. Perhaps they're going to initiate Young in the Nation of Violence to re-brand him.
Tenay sit-down: Tenay sat down with Sting. Ominous music hit as Sting said he even surprised himself last week by putting his career on the line for Sacrifice. Sting said he doesn't want to be remembered as just another TNA wrestler on the roster, but someone who made a difference in TNA. Sting said he should have known Mick Foley would make a bunch of rules, then throw them all out the window for their Lockdown TNA Title match. Sting said he asked himself whether it's all worth it, which led to him second-guessing himself. He said that cost him the match. He went back to the hotel dazed and confused, then looked up at the ceiling until reality came back to him. Sting said he knew the answer: "Yes, it was all worth it. It's been worth all the pain. All the Sacrifice." Even the Sacrifice he's putting up for grabs at Sacrifice. Sting said it's either a new day or the last day of his career. Or, it could be absolutely nothing if he doesn't get pinned and it's just another match and just another paycheck.
Video package: Lauren was with Taylor Wilde for the "secret admirer" date. Lauren wanted a vodka tonic. Taylor wanted a glass of white wine. She was freaked trying to figure out who this person is. Suddenly, Daffney jumped in and yelled at Taylor that she's going to be a victim in the Monster's Ball match at Sacrifice. Wait, wasn't Daffney hired as Governor Palin by Taylor and Roxxi? Daffney threatened to dump Taylor over the railing at the restaurant, but Lauren made the save for her bf.
Jarrett Video: Jarrett was driving her daughters in the ol' minivan. He did a drop-off as one daughter grabbed pictures from her school photo album. Jolly Jeff asked one of his daughters about her science test. He said this is almost like him asking Mick Foley a question where he wants to avoid the question and be evasive. Jarrett: "How do you feel you did?" Jarrett said next thing you know, she's going to claim to have 25 sticheroonies. 25 big ones.
Impact Zone: Cute Kip came out with Angelina Love for the stretcher match. Kip was super-bouncy and excitable before Kong stomped out with Saeed. They showed a video package of Kong destroying Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky in recent weeks.
3 -- CUTE KIP (w/Knockouts champion Angelina Love) vs. AWESOME KONG (w/Raisha Saeed)
After an initial feeling-out process, they locked up and did battle. Kong introduced a chair and cracked the chair over Kip's head. She then put the chair on Kip's head as he was on the mat and landed consecutive big splashes that freaked Angelina. Kong then put Kip on the M*A*S*H stretcher and ref Rudy did a very fast ten count to give Kong the win. Security then hauled Kip away from the ring.
WINNER: Kong in 3:00. Continuing to re-build Kong for her title match against Angelina. Standard booking and just fine. (*)
Backstage: Steiner was talking to Sharmell. He said Jenna admitted it was her fault and she wants to apologize. Steiner lying to both to get them in the same room. He admired his work as Sharmell agreed to the meeting. He said he's one step ahead. Borash figured it out: a double swerve. No one is going to apologize. So, then what? Steiner had to stop and think. Um...
Moments ago: Lauren interviewed Team 3D about their tag tournament. Ray said the reason why they left that "other company" is because they were tired of wrestling the same teams night after night. Suddenly, British Invasion interrupted and Rob Terry gave the worst looking briefcase shot to the head to Ray in the history of backstage violence. Ray sold it like he was shot in the head. Suddenly, two men in suits walked by the carnage. Appeared to be Daivari and Kiyoshi. So randomly bad.
Jarrett Video: Jeff was going out for a night on the town on Wednesday night. He found a little baby cat. Jarrett said he's calling it an early night because he has to get to Impact. Suddenly, Jeremy Borash popped out in the street surprised to see Jeff. Yeah, shouldn't he be home taking care of his daughters? Borash was drunk and singing at the Karaoke bar. Jarrett said he's not picking up his tab and left him hanging.
Impact Zone: British Invasion came to the ring for the semi-final tag tournament match. Tenay said BI took out Hernandez two weeks ago and now he's out of action with neck surgery. Amazing Red came out, followed by X Division champion Suicide. Suicide showed up on the announce desk right in front of Don West, who said there's no doubt it's Daniels.
4 -- X Division champion SUICIDE & AMAZING RED vs. BRITISH INVASION (DOUG WILLIAMS & BRUTUS MAGNUS w/Rob Terry) -- Team 3D tag team tournament semi-final match
West said tongue-in-cheek Suicide looks a bit sluggish after having to change into his outfit after wrestling in the opening match. Tenay said apparently LAX lost their Feast or Fired briefcases when BI took them out of action. Well that sucks. Speaking of sucks, West ripped Jarrett for the "Day in the Life" video feature on the show. He said it's been the longest day of his life. BI was in control of the match early on, then Red snapped off a swinging front-slam to make the tag to Suicide. Match broke down with some confusion among BI that wasn't edited well. Al four men in the ring before Red took out Magnus on the floor. Back in the ring, Williams shoved Suicide down. Guns then stormed the ring and hit Suicide with a superkick combo behind the ref's back. Williams with a double knee drop on Suicide for the win.
Post-match: Guns grappled Amazing Red and gave him a double-team neckbreaker combo to send a message to Suicide. Sabin said they're going to de-mask Suicide. Suddenly, Lethal and Creed stormed the ring to square off against Guns. Who is Suicide?
WINNERS: British Invasion in 5:00. Finals are Beer Money vs. British Invasion. Match was just there and no one will remember it. Not exactly a great example of tag wrestling TNA keeps promoting the heck out of. (3/4*)
Impact Zone: Continued from the post-match, Lethal had a mic. He wants to prove Suicide is Daniels. Daniels is Suicide. "What the... That's it! Einhorn is Finkle! Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is a man! Oh, my GOD! Einhorn is a man!" Sorry...sidetracked.
All four men held down Suicide, who tried to escape. They tried to take the mask off, but suddenly Christopher Daniels stormed the ring and fought off the four X Division kiddos. West said he's still convinced Daniels has been in the Suicide outfit. Tenay was so mad: "You're such an idiot. You can never admit when you're wrong." Daniels gave Creed the Angel's Wings before Daniels and Suicide had a stand-off alone in the ring. West said he will spare no expense figuring out this mess with his own investigation.
Jarrett propaganda video: We needed another word on Jarrett Sacrificing a ton for his life in TNA.
Mafia locker room: Steiner sat down to moderate the Sharmell-Jenna talk, but it all broke down when they figured out Steiner lied to them. Steiner asked for help to prevent a cat fight from breaking out.
Impact Zone: No Limit came to the ring for a handicap match. Here's what we know: They're from Japan. They wear orange and red trunks. Um...that's it. Kevin Nash came out to face them. Nash looked pretty rough. He had the Barry Bonds arm brace over his right elbow before slowly entering the ring.
5 -- KEVIN NASH vs. NO LIMIT -- handicap match
Bell sounded and No Limit tried to double-team Nash with some wacky moves and gestures. Nash was knocked off his feet with a missile dropkick, but Nash came back with a chokeslam. Kevin "Kenny Rogers" Nash then used the elbow brace as a weapon. He then took his time taking off the Bonds gear and gave Naito a Jackknife Powerbomb. He made the cover for the easy win.
Post-match: Nash took the mic and looked deep into the camera. He said this world runs on one thing: violence. Nash said we need it. He said there's a Nation of Violence running around TNA, but at Sacrifice, there's going to be violence all right. It's name isn't going to be Samoa Joe; the name will be Kevin Nash. Oh yeah, there's a PPV to promote. Tenay and West were too busy complaining to each other to promote Joe vs. Nash at the PPV.
WINNER: Kevin Nash in 2:00. Just a squash to give Nash some work in the ring before facing Samoa Joe next Sunday. (n/a)
Foley Office: Foley was sitting down watching the graphic Jarrett footage on his DVD debating whether to air on TV. He was telling Mr. Socko that if you're offended (by the "reprehensible" programming) then shield your eyes.
Backstage: Hey, there's A.J. Styles. Oh yeah, he's on the roster. Styles has an I Quit match against Booker T at Sacrifice for the Legends Title. Lauren asked Styles how he's preparing for this match. Oh, gosh, what an eye-roller they scripted Styles to say: "I've been preparing for this match by whole life!" Styles said he could have said I Quit his entire life, but he's never said those words and he never will.
Impact Zone: Jethro Holliday came to the ring for the TV main event against Booker T. Sharmell then followed Booker to the ring as West speculated what Jethro did to piss off Mick Foley to get this booking.
6 -- JETHRO HOLLIDAY vs. BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) -- I Quit match
Bell sounded and Booker fired off a round of chops that Jethro no-sold before knocking down Booker with right hand blows. West picked up the rip-on-Styles's promo sentiment by sarcastically saying Styles doesn't have to keep playing that card about being "down and out, pull myself up by the bootstraps." Booker knocked Jethro to the outside as Jethro started to sing instead of saying I Quit. Jethro refused to Quit again, then he fought back with right hand slaps to the gut, then the chest. Booker came back with a spin kick, though. He then pounded on Jethro's forehead before Jethro talked trash about Sharmell instead of saying he quits. Booker missed with an axe kick, then Jethro hit a big boot that knocked Booker down.
Jethro returned the favor by pounding away on Booker's forehead. Booker refused to give up. "Hell no!" he shouted. Booker raked the eyes, but Jethro ran him over with an inside-out clothesline. Suddenly, Sharmell slipped a chair into the ring before running interference. Booker then popped Jethro over the head with a chair shot. Another chair shot to the head tonight. Goodness. Booker followed with an axe kick before threatening to pound him with more right hands to the forehead, but Jethro said he's done. Booker wins.
WINNER: Booker in 5:00. Actually a good TV match. Jethro looked sharp and Booker showed off his "flashes of athleticism" when needed. Jethro quitting after an axe kick was lame, but there was no way out of the finish. One of the better TV main events they've had in a while. (**)
TV truck: Foley walked into the production truck to hand over the DVD to Keith Mitchell. He said he always admired his work in Dallas. (World Class reference.) He told David Sahadi that he liked his points in his book, but he's fired if this doesn't work. What, no WWE reference for Sahadi? Shock.
Impact Zone: Mick Foley came to the ring to introduce the final piece of the Jarrett DVD. Tenay recapped the "Day in the Life" of Jarrett we've seen on the show. He called it an "interesting" behind-the-scenes look. But, he feels like they're going to regret ever assigning a camera crew to Nashville. West said the only thing he regrets is being subjected to the Jarrett crap. He said it was like waterboarding. Oh gosh, what a stretch for the military pop. Foley warned the audience that it may be disturbing. He told the audience to keep the kids out of the audience.
Jarrett DVD: They showed Jeff talking to the camera about going to the Sports Arena where he first broke into the business. He brushed through his wrestling history in WWF and WCW before talking about bringing TNA into The Asylum. He went through the dressing room area where he watched his "old man" wrestle. Jeff said it was a lot of fun despite being so cramped. He said his grandmother used to sell tickets at the box office. Cut back to a shot of Foley watching the video in the Impact Zone.
Suddenly, Mick Foley popped up in the DVD with an electrical chord to surprise Jeff by choking him out. Back in the Impact Zone, Foley had this great look of intently watching the work on the screen. Mick beat the crap out of Jarrett while talking about not caring about Jeff, his old man, or his family business. "25 big ones, Jeff, dahhhdaattt!" He asked Jeffrey about the ol' hammy before blasting him with another round of right hands. Mick looked into the camera before taking the handicam to show Jeff crying out in pain. "A little profile in pain!" Foley shouted. He gave the camera back to the man and told him to film this. Foley blasted Jeff's left knee with a chair. Foley sporting ASICS tennis shoes. Jeff tried to crawl away up the stairs as Foley blasted him with more chair shots to the leg. Foley said he's headed to the Impact Zone. Have a Nice Day.
Back in the Impact Zone, Foley smiled his toothless grin. "You suck" was the chant in the building. Some tourist-looking fans were laughing while throwing up the double thumbs up. Foley chuckled and laughed to himself. He said he'll be doggone that he was partially responsible for the footage. Foley said you really can't go home. Tenay indignantly said Jarrett will be back next week and Foley will have to pay the price for his actions.
Great closing number from Foley, who really set up the "epic destruction footage" well before showing his alter-ego snapping on Jarrett. Well done, and TNA did a fine job of following through from beginning to end to weave this story into the show. Sets up an intriguing final show before Sacrifice next week.
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