By Sean Radican, Torch Team Phenomenon

WWE Smackdown review
July 17, 2003
Taped July 13 in Columbus, Ohio
Aired on UPN

The big picture: This week Smackdown! should be heading into the full swing promotional phase for the Smackdown! Brand exclusive PPV Vengeance. The WWE finally seems to be acknowledging the history of the US Title, with Cole and Tazz discussing past US Champions and even Edge chiming in this week about being the man who unified the US Title and the Intercontinental Title. Smackdown! Should feature some good in-ring action with the Ass Man facing Chris Benoit and Matt Hardy facing Eddie Guerrero. Also, the hype for the main event of Vengeance will continue. We should find out where Kurt Angle was last week after he promised that he would make sure Brock Lesnar would be 100% for their match at Vengeance. My hope for this week: less Vince, minimal hype for the Steph vs. Sablelicious match, and some hotly contested matches in the US Title Tournament.

Will Dawn Marie appear this week? (This is the last time I will ask this question as I realize that Derek asks the same question every week.)

Opening highlights air, recapping the main event from last week.

1st Quarter Hour

No chance! VKM struts down to the ring, cross off my first hope for this week. Vince welcomes us to Smackdown and discusses his match with Zach at Vengeance. Vince says that Zach only won the match for his contract for two reasons: Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar. Vince talks about lessons in life (Vince was never taught humility). Vince says he taught Brock a lesson last week, as he was chokeslammed to hell. Vince answers my question of where Kurt was, he was with Vince, who threatened to fire Kurt if he interfered in the match. Vince says that Kurt Angle will get the same match that Brock Lesnar had last week.

Here comes the pain! Brock Lesnar interrupts the chairman and goes toe to toe with him in the middle of the ring. Vince reminds Brock not to cross the boss, but Brock says he's not here to cross the boss, he's here to beat the boss. Brock proposes a match between himself and VKM. Vince envisions no-selling for Brock and tells Lesnar he is on, but not tonight. Vince says that Lesnar is not at full strength because of the chokeslam through the table that he suffered last week at the hands of Show. Vince tells Brock he will give him the night off to recover. Vince warns Brock not to interfere in Angle's match as he will strip Brock of the title and fire him if he does. Brock tells Vince "F-U" and leaves the ring. Lesnar really needs some work behind the mic, paging Heyman, Paul? Anyone?

Highlights are aired recapping recent US Title Tournament action.

Matt Facts: Matt tans only wearing a sock (priceless).

(1) Chris Benoit defeated Matt Hardy to advance to the finals of the US Title Tournament via the Crossface. Benoit goes for the Crossface right out of the gates, but Hardy escaped.

2nd Quarter Hour

Benoit dominated the early stages of the match, going from corner to corner and chopping Hardy with some Flairesque chops. Shannon Moore interfered, giving Hardy the advantage. Hardy locks in a full nelson in the middle of the ring. Matt Hardy continues to work on Benoit's arms. Hardy goes for the twist of fate, but Benoit countered it into a pin-fall-attempt for a near fall. Benoit takes over, giving Hardy a snap suplex and following that up with a suplex on Moore, which sent him flying out of the ring. Benoit then applies the crossface on Hardy, but he makes it to the ropes and comes up bleeding. Hardy hits three side effects on Benoit, which is a cool answer to Benoit's suplexes. Holy Sh*t, Hardy went for the flying headbutt, but missed! Benoit answered Hardy's three side effects with two German suplexes, but Hardy was able to drag Benoit out of the ring when he attempted the third suplex. Benoit threw Hardy back into the ring and hit a third German suplex, but missed the diving headbutt. In an awesome sequence, Hardy went up to the top rope, but was met by Benoit. Benoit then countered an attempted top rope Side Effect with The Crossface and Hardy tapped out.

(Commercial Break)

Vince is shown backstage, bragging about how he intimidates Brock when Steph arrives. Big Steph is looking for Sable. Steph touches the lamp and makes a noise as if it hurt. Vince asks her if it was a little hot, funny stuff. Vince says Sablelicious has left a gift for Steph, some Midol. Big Steph swats it out of his hand, and Vince remarks about Steph's heavy flow cycles, nice image.

Brock and Kurt are backstage. Kurt says he doesn't want to argue. Kurt says he is going to get his butt kicked, but Brock tells Kurt to watch out for the announce table. Brock wants Kurt to be careful so he doesn't have any excuses going into Vengeance. This feud would be more interesting if one of them turned heel.

(Commercial Break) Damn another one?

3rd Quarter Hour

The Ultimo Dragon comes out!

(2) The Ultimo Dragon defeated Jamie Noble via pinfall. Ultimo Dragon lands a nice headscissors corkscrew on Jamie Noble to open up the match. The action spills outside and Dragon hits the Asai Moonsault! Back in the ring Noble goes for the Tiger Bomb, but is distracted by the site of Torrie Wilson. This enables the Dragon to bridge Noble into a pinfall.

John Cena is in a graveyard! Cena says that Taker hits on men often, and that he likes sharing a coffin with two men. Cena is great in this vignette. Cena says that at Vengeance he will claim his territory and then pisses on a tombstone that is in the graveyard. Word life!

Well already we have a lot of Vince, which I was expecting, but Steph has only appeared once so far and I anticipate another sighting later in the program.

(Commercial Break)

Highlights air of last weeks number one contenders match for the Tag Team Titles.

The APA and Spanky are backstage. The APA invites Spanky to a bar room brawl at Vengeance. Kanyon is invited as well, but he says the cable guy is coming. The APA says that he has to be there, so Kanyon accepts the invitation. The APA says that people should pay admission to get into the bar room brawl as they walk off.

4th Quarter Hour

Kidman comes down to the ring smiling like someone who spent his wedding night with Torrie Wilson.

Rey Mysterio follows him to the ring.

(3) Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio defeated enhancement talent a.k.a. The Conquistadors, when Kidman hit the shooting star press on masked man #47. At the beginning of the match Tazz labeled the two masked men as #47 and #44. Kidman begins against masked jobber #47. Mysterio comes into the ring and dominates #47. Masked jobber #44 hits Mysterio in the head, but the effects didn't last long as he takes over and tags in Kidman. Mysterio hits a nice senton on one of the masked men. Masked man # 47 connected with a neck breaker on Kidman and began screaming, which was pretty funny. Kidman was about to be the recipient of a double team move when Mysterio knocked one of the masked men off of the top rope. Kidman held one of the masked men so that Mysterio could hit the 619 and then he connected with the shooting star press. There was not much to this match. It did a nice job of getting over Mysterio and Kidman's finishing moves. Kidman carried Mysterio on his shoulders after the match.

(Commercial Break) No matches have been given much time to develop tonight. I hope that the second hour of Smackdown picks up the steam.

We return from commercial and Vince is back in the ring. Vince says that he was interrupted by Brock and didn't get to talk about his match with Zach at Vengeance. Vince shows Sablelicious (damn, she looks good tonight) in the luxury box. Sable licks some whip cream off her finger and Vince suggestively discusses how Sable sexually abuses her prey, mounting them for hours and hours, while tearing them apart.

Vince tells us that we see Zach for what he is, a sickening amputee. He tells us that we feel uneasy when we see Zach in the ring. Vince should be a therapist if he is this good at reading people. Vince goes on and on about the same thing for a bit. Vince is really off-track, talking about how people give to charity to keep sickness away from their family. Vince says he will deal with someone with a deformity at Vengeance. Vince promises that he will put Zach out of his misery when they meet in the ring.

Word life! John Cena makes his way to the ring.

Fifth Quarter Hour

Vince is upset that Cena interrupted him, but Cena tells Vince to chill. Cena says he has veteran status now and he can tell the people what Vince will do to Zach at Vengeance. This is great, Cena says Zach is like Ted Turner, providing no competition for Vince. Cena then says that Zach should hop right into traffic. Cena says at Vengeance they both have handicap matches, he has The Deadman and Vince has Christopher Reeves.

Vince says Word life to Cena when he finishes! Their interaction was entertaining tonight.

Undertaker's music hits. Cena throws steel steps at Takers motorcycle and the two of them brawl in the ring. Taker nails Cena, who gets out of dodge. Taker poses for the crowd as we go to break. Good to see the WWE promote this match at Vengeance with the presence of the Taker. Cena did a good job of playing the heel and leaving the ring quickly once Taker gained an advantage.

(Commercial Break)

Rhyno is in the ring when we return from break.

(4) Rhyno vs. Sean O'Haire ended in a no contest. O'Haire opens up on Rhyno, throwing him right out of the ring. They brawl at ringside and O'Haire wraps the camera chord around Rhyno's neck. The APA comes out and invites O'Haire and Rhyno to the bar room brawl at Vengeance. All four men begin brawling. I was just going to say I haven't seen much of O'Haire since Piper was canned. I was hoping this match gave him an opportunity to show what he can do in the ring, but I guess I have to wait for a match longer than two minutes tonight. 

Sablelicious is in her box. Sable tells the waitress that her drink is supposed to be chilled and rolls her eyes.

(Commercial Break)

Wrestlemania Recall: Bart Gunn's career being destroyed.

Sixth Quarter Hour

Torrie looks good tonight, but the older Sablelicious wins this comparison hands down (pun intended for those who remember Sable's hands on PPV).

(5) Eddie Guerrero defeated Billy Gunn to advance to the finals of the US Title Tournament via pinfall after he nailed Gunn with a chair shot. Gunn opens up by overpowering Guerrero. Tazz comments that Guerrero's advantage is his speed and Gunn's advantage is his strength. Gunn hits a power slam for a near fall. Gunn executes a nice delayed vertical suplex on Guerrero. Guerrero takes over, utilizing his speed by running off the ropes and hitting a nice looking neck breaker on Gunn. Gunn uses his strength to reverse a headlock into a suplex. Guerrero is using a lot of submission holds in this match, despite Tazz claiming that he would be able to utilize his speed. Torrie hits the apron with both hands so we can watch her melons bounce up and down. Gunn takes over and hits a brain buster for a near fall. Gunn tries to splash Guerrero who is sitting on the top rope, but misses. Guerrero hits a top rope drop kick on Gunn for a near fall. Guerrero counters the FameAsser and dropkicks Gunn's knee and locks in the Lasso from El Paso. Gunn is able to reach the ropes. Good action so far between these two in this match. Guerrero is concentrating on Gunn's knee. Gunn is unable to Suplex Guerrero because of his knee. Guerrero hits two suplexes on Gunn and heads to the top rope. Guerrero misses the Frog Splash and the crowd gets behind Guerrero. Noble brings a chair down to the ring, but the ref grabs it and takes a bump when Guerrero pushed Gunn into the ref. Guerrero nails Gunn with the chair and lies down. It turns out he was playing possum as he "gets up" and covers Gunn for the pin.

Josh Matthews asks Sable about her match at Vengeance. Steph comes up dressed like a waitress and pours wine all over sable. Sable attacks Steph, who groans like she is in a porno instead of screaming, which is nice for a change. Sable rubs Steph's face into the table spread and nearly pops out of her top. Matthews tries to ask Sable a question and she slaps him. Funny stuff as Steph was gagging while sable pushed her face into the food. Steph recovered and tackled Sable and began shrieking so I hit the mute button. This was a pretty good segment, considering Steph was involved.

(Commercial Break)

Seventh Quarter Hour

Highlights of the previous segment are aired for those with ADD. I think Sable was wearing the same outfit as Trish did on Raw a couple of weeks ago. Do we really need this much hype for Steph vs. Sablelicious? I have to say that Sablicious really looks good this week, even better than she did in 1998.

Cole and Tazz run down the Vengeance card. Benoit and Guerrero should have a really good match if they are given 20 minutes. They are now referring to Cena as the Dr. of Thuganomics. Word life!

It is announced that the handicap match will also be falls count anywhere.

Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring.

(Commercial Break)

We come back from the break and The Show is making his way down the isle. I wonder if Show will deliver in the ring again this week. Tazz acknowledges the recent tear he's been on.

(6) Kurt Angle defeated The Worlds Greatest Tag Team and The Big Show in a falls count anywhere handicap match. All three men attack Angle to begin the match. The ref eventually gets Show and Haas out of the ring. Angle takes over and pummels Benjamin with several punches. When Haas tried to interfere, Angle threw him into Benjamin's privates and then Benjamin fell off the top rope and returned the favor to Benjamin. Show then got in the ring and began hitting Kurt with punches and chops in the corner. Benjamin nailed Angle with a trashcan lid. This has been a one-sided affair so far. The action spilled to the outside and Show, Haas, and Benjamin triple teamed Angle until Show threw him back in the ring.

Eight Quarter Hour

Angle is able to gain the advantage by throwing Show out of the ring and hitting suplexes on Haas and Benjamin. Angle goes to the outside and nails show with a wicked chairshot.

(Commercial Break)

We come back from the break and Haas and Benjamin have gained the advantage over Kurt Angle. Angle and Haas brawl in the stands and Angle applies the ankle lock to Haas, but Benjamin is able break it up. Angle cinches in the ankle lock on Benjamin, but Show interferes and tries to Chokeslam Angle, but Angle kicks him in the nether regions. The pattern seems to be that once Angle gains an advantage, another opponent or two get the better of him.

The crowd chants for Angle, who promptly dishes out several trashcan lid shots on his opponents in the ring. Zach comes down to the ring and dropkicks Haas, Show, and Benjamin, but Show tosses him across the ring. Angle hits Olympic Slams on Show and Benjamin. Haas comes in, but Angle puts him in the anklelock. Show nails Angle to break up the Anklelock on Haas. Zach recovered and jumped off the top rope to the outside onto Show, but Sow catches him and throws him out of the ring. In an incredible moment, Angle ran towards Show with the ring steps and nailed him in the head, which sent him over the barricade. Back in the ring, Angle blocked a double team attempt by Haas and Benjamin and forced Benjamin to tap to the Anklelock.

Angle and Gowen celebrated on the outside after the match.

We are given a highlight package and Show looks angry and slobbers.

What will Vince do to Zach next week?

Radican's reaction: This was a descent show tonight, but it could have been a lot better if the backstage vignettes were held to a minimum and more time was given to some of the matches. The Ultimo Dragon vs. Jamie Noble match is an intriguing match, but they were only given a few minutes to perform and the match never really went anywhere. Also, there were three segments involving Vince in the first hour alone, which is really overexposing him. I don't see Vince and Zach having a long match at Vengeance, so the hype for his match isn't really justified. In the big picture, I had expressed a desire that Steph's camera time should be cut down, but it wasn't. Steph was in a couple of longer skits to hype her match with Sablelicious at Vengeance. I think that Steph was better in her role tonight, but the spotlight shouldn't be on her for so long… John Cena continues to deliver behind the mic, but he needs to really step up his in ring performance at Vengeance against the Taker. When Cena begins to deliver in the ring, he will be a top-tier player…I thought that Billy Gunn and Eddie Guerrero put on a very good match and they were given plenty of time to tell a story in the ring. I haven't seen Gunn show this type of intensity in a long time…Hardy and Benoit also put on a good match, but it didn't seem they were given the time to deliver like Gunn and Guerrero were. I would say that the surprise performance of the night came from Billy Gunn because he seemed less worried about his gimmick once the match began… The main event really delivered the goods again this week. All the participants gave a great effort in this match, which helped to build towards the triple threat main event at Vengeance…I think that the main problem with Smackdown was that too much attention was paid to VKM match with Zach Gowen. The attention paid to VKM took the spotlight away from the matches that Smackdown should be hyping, the US Title Tournament final and the triple threat main event.

Sean Radican would like to wish everyone a great weekend. He would also like to wish his good friend Kevin, a happy birthday. If you have time, make your way to the movie theatre to see The League of Extraordinary Gentleman. See you next week as the Vengeance express makes its last stop at Smackdown.

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