By Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Raw "Virtual Time" Coverage
September 29, 2003
Live from Chicago, Illinois
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor

Ongoing "Virtual Time" Review of the Show

Welcome to tonight's ongoing coverage of Raw. You may need to hit "refresh" from time to time to see the latest update.

Torch VIP members, remember that Wade Keller is posting his "virtual time" report during Raw at PWTorch.com/members.

Raw is live tonight from the Allstate Arena in Chicago, Illinois.

"Can Rob Van Dam climb the ladder of success in WWE?" Good question, and one that was posed in the preview of tonight's show at www.wwe.com. RVD will do battle with Christian in a ladder match with the Intercontinental Title on the line.

The Raw announcer jobs are up for grabs -- again -- as Jonathan Coachman and Jim Ross face off in what is sure to be an epic match. Will slobberknockers and puppies be making a return soon? One can only hope.

Quarter Hour 1

Jonathan Coachman and Al Snow welcomed viewers to tonight's show. They received a special introduction from Lillian Garcia.

Chris Jericho came out, followed by Eric Bischoff, for tonight's installment of the Highlight Reel. Jericho said Bischoff had a special announcement.

Uncle Eric stated that the Board of Directors had decided to suspend Stone Cold Steve Austin for one week due to the "unprovoked" attack last week that had cost Jericho the World Title.

"You suck," came the response from the crowd.

Jericho introduced his guest, "Mr. Jolly and Rotund." It was Good Old J.R., who came out to "Boomer Sooner."

Bischoff noted that the right to broadcast Raw was on the line, and since Stone Cold was not there tonight, he'd decided to give Coach his choice of match.

Coach decided he wanted to make it a good old country whippin' match.

Jericho reminded Coach that J.R.'s back had been badly burned not too long ago.

Bischoff thought about it momentarily, then said he agreed with Coach.

J.R. said he was cool with it, and told Eric he sucked.

One thing led to another, and Jericho put J.R. in the Walls of Jericho.

Suspended or not, Steve Austin headed out to make the save, which sent Bischoff running up the ramp. Austin threw the chairs from the Highlight Reel set at Eric as he made his hasty retreat.

Bischoff asked Austin why he was there, and the Rattlesnake said that he knew Eric would try something sneaky. Bischoff called for security to eject Austin from the building. (We all know how effective security has been in recent weeks.) When the security guards grabbed Austin by the arms, he told them to be careful, since those were his drinking arms. When they let go, Austin gave them both stunners.

On his way up the ramp, Austin stopped briefly by the announce desk, while Coach cowered in fear.

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 2

During the break, Stone Cold had been banished from the building.

(1) Tag Team Title Match: The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray & D-Von) over Test & Scott Steiner (w/Stacy). Bubba wasted no time and started right in on Test, who was distracted by Stacy. Bubba went for a roll-up, but got tossed out of the ring instead. Test was about to paste D-Von with a folding chair, but Stacy stopped him and got pushed down for her trouble. Stacy used the chair on Test when he wasn't paying attention, and the Dudleys gave him a 3-D for the pin and the win to retain their titles.

After the Dudleys left the ring, Stacy leaned over Test and laughed at him. Test started to choke her, but Steiner made the save. The two of them started getting cozy in the ring. But just when it looked like a big kiss was coming, Steiner turned on Stacy and slammed her to the mat. Test looked shocked . . . then impressed . . . then very pleased. (Those acting lessons are paying off.)

(Commercial break)

Moments ago, Scott Steiner had appalled even Coach and Snow with his actions. During the break, Stacy had been assisted to the back by several referees and trainers.

Coming up later, Triple H will make a major announcement.

Quarter Hour 3

Kane came out to tell Shane how much he'd enjoyed tasting his blood last week. (He was sounding more like a vampire than a Big Red Monster.)

Hurricane came out to ask Kane a question. He asked Kane if he'd remembered their double-choke slams last year when they were tag team champs? Hurricane wanted to know what was up with Kane -- he'd gone from being beloved to being a psycho.

Kane invited him to come to ring to find out why he'd become a monster.

Hurricane said he only wanted an answer to the question. He didn't want to fight Kane.

Kane looked into the audience and saw a little kid in the first row wearing a Hurricane mask and climbed out of the ring to grab the youngster (who probably wet his pants if he wasn't in on it).

Hurricane came down to save the day, and Kane tossed him into the ring. Rosey the S.H.I.T came out to lend a hand, and the two of them sent Kane over the ropes.

(Commercial break)

Lita's book will be out tomorrow, although it's been available for the past two weeks. I got my copy last week, and it's a very good read.

Mark Jindrak, Maven, and Garrison Cade were playing video games when La Resistance came in to argue with them -- which led to . . .

(2) Six-Man Tag Match: Maven, Mark Jindrak & Garrison Cade over La Resistance (Rene Dupree, Sylvan Grenier, & Rob Conway). Not surprisingly, this one was a hard-to-follow brawl, and Coach and Snow weren't very helpful in sorting out the action. Ultimately, Maven and Company won the match.

Coach said he'd just been informed that Kane will go one-on-one with the Hurricane later.

Quarter Hour 4

(Commercial break) Triple H was guzzling another can of bees.

In the parking lot, Steve Austin was trying to persuade the security guards to get him a beer. Rob Van Dam came up and Austin gave him some words of encouragement.

John Heidenreich came up and introduced himself to Steve Austin. He said he'd bought a ticket to see Austin, and you could almost see a light bulb go off in Austin's head. The two of them walked off for a "talk." And maybe a little cahooting?

Triple H appeared on the TitanTron. He offered some empty applause to Goldberg, then asked if the paranoia had started to kick in. Triple H reminded him that he now had a huge target around his waist.

He wished he had a dollar for every time he'd heard someone chant "Goldberg," which, of course, started a short Goldberg chant. Then Helmsley said that in actuality, he did have a dollar for every time he'd heard it. He opened a brief case containing $100,000, and offered it to the first person -- man or woman -- to take out Big Bill.

Coach seemed to be considering the offer and managed to work himself into a frenzy for his upcoming match with J.R.

In his dressing room, J.R. was getting ready for the match.

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 5

(3) Country Whippin' Match (or Mismatch): Jim Ross pinned Jonathan Coachman. Snow putting over Coach was tiresome from the moment it began. J.R. came out to "Boomer Sooner" and got a good pop from the crowd. Chris Jericho's music hit, and he joined Snow at the announce position. Thank goodness.

J.R. lit into Coach's backside with the strap right away. Coach was getting whipped like the proverbial government mule. The tables turned and J.R. found himself on the wrong end of the strap. Coach was getting cocky, and J.R. gave him a low blow. J.R. now had the advantage and pulled off Coach's shirt to whip him harder. Bischoff climbed into the ring, and J.R. smacked him with the strap, too. J.R. stunnered Coach and went for the one-two-three. J.R. won the match and the King ran out to congratulate him. Meanwhile Snow was complaining that it was a travesty of justice.

The crowd was thrilled with the outcome of the match.

Austin suddenly appeared in the audience, beer and ticket in hand. He climbed into the ring and raised J.R.'s hand. Austin said he had four words to say: "I'll drink to that." They all toasted in the ring with Steveweisers.

Jericho complained that the evening sucked.

(Commercial break)

HOORAY! J.R. and the King had taken over commentary duties.

J.R. said that the WrestleMania tickets had gone on sale last Saturday.

Terri was in the ring to introduce Lita, who came out to a standing ovation.

Quarter Hour 6

Terri commended Lita on starting an animal rescue foundation while she was recuperating and said she'd written a book, too. She asked Lita how it felt to be back. Lita said she didn't want to talk about her broken neck anymore; she was past that.

Lita wasn't through talking, but Molly Holly and Gail Kim came out to rain on her parade.

"Puppies," screamed Lawler.

Molly had a bone to pick. Where was her book? Where was Gail's DVD?

The two of them double-teamed Lita, concentrating on her neck. Trish came out to even the odds, then Victoria came out and eliminated Trish from the action. Molly ripped pages out of Lita's book and stuffed them into Lita's mouth.

(Commercial break)

(4) Kane pinned Hurricane. Hurricane started with a baseball slide on Kane as he neared the ring. Hurricane was keeping Kane grounded. That didn't last long, as Kane grabbed Hurricane around the neck for a slam and the pin and the win. Quick match. Kane gave Hurricane and extra choke slam after the match ended.

Goldberg was pacing backstage and was asked by Mark Lloyd if he thought Shawn Michaels might turn on him tonight to win the $100,000. It mattered not, said Goldberg, he was ready for all comers.

Stevie Richards attacked Goldberg from behind to try and win the bounty offered by Triple H.

(The Heavyweight Title belt is taking on the look of the 24/7 Hardcore Title belt.)

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 7

(5) Tag Team Match: Ric Flair & Randy Orton vs. Goldberg & Shawn Michaels ended in a DQ. (There was a "Goldberg" chant, but I didn't see many mouths moving in the crowd. Maybe they're ventriloquists.)

Goldberg started by tossing Flair across the ring. Orton joined Flair in some double-teaming, which the ref allowed, but Goldberg handled them with a double knock down. Michaels tagged in and cleaned house until Orton gave him a back breaker.

Flair had some hard chops for HBK in the corner, and he and Orton kept Michaels in enemy territory. The Dirtiest Player in the Game began to strut, which gave Michaels a chance to get up and take Flair down.

Goldberg tagged in and back-dropped Flair and got ready for a spear.

Suddenly Rodney Mack jumped into the ring with a steel chair and went after Goldberg and the hundred grand. Goldberg had a Jackhammer for Big Mack. Mark Henry had bloodied HBK on the outside and drug him up the ramp by his leg.

"You're next," mouthed Goldberg at Henry.

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 8

Mark Henry told Theodore Long he intended to collect the bounty next week. "Belie' dat," said Teddy.

J.R. congratulated the Rock on having the number one movie this past weekend. Scenes were shown from the "Rundown" premiere.

Christian was wandering around backstage.

(Commercial break)

(6) Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam pinned Christian to capture the title. Loud "RVD" chant as the match got underway. RVD was at his acrobatic best early in the match, and quickly introduced a ladder to the mix. Christian took the ladder away. RVD with a somersault plancha to the outside and where he landed on Christian and the ladder.

Christian bridged the ladder between the ring and the guardrail. Van Dam made good use of it, and dropped a leg on Christian who'd been laid out on the ladder.

Back in the ring, Christian whipped RVD into a ladder in the corner.

Quarter Hour 9

Christian sent RVD face first into the ladder, which must have hurt. While RVD writhed in pain, Christian started to climb the ladder. RVD pulled him down, then pressed Christian over his head before sending them both falling into a ladder.

RVD was inches away from grabbing the title belt, but Christian climbed up after him and they both fell to the mat.

A monkey flip sent Christian sailing into a ladder, and that was followed by the Rolling Thunder. RVD was headed up the ladder again, but Christian pulled him back down.

RVD went up top for a splash on Christian, but Christian moved out of the way and Van Dam hit the ladder. Christian sent RVD to the outside and began to climb the ladder again. Van Dam stopped him. Up he went again, and had his hands on the belt. Van Dam drop kicked the ladder and Christian fell to the mat without the belt.

Both began to climb the ladder at the same time and were throwing punches at the top. The ladder tipped and Van Dam fell onto the adjoining ladder. He balanced himself on top of the ladder and landed on Christian with a spectacular Five Star Frog Splash.

Van Dam positioned the ladder once again and climbed to the top. This time he pulled down the belt to win the title to the cheers of the crowd. Outstanding match!

You are encouraged to send in your comments on tonight's show to TVFeedback@pwtorch.com. Please include your name, hometown, rating from 1 to 10, and your thoughts in ready-to-publish format.

You can reach me at mallory_m_@hotmail.com. See you in The Lounge on Saturday.

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