WWE Raw Alternative Perspective Rundown
September 16, 2002
Denver, Colo. at the Pepsi Center
Broadcast live on TNN
By Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor

Top Five Items from the Program

(1) Triple H is not going to have an easy time of it during his Title Match with Rob Van Dam at Unforgiven. RVD proved himself to be a tenacious foe tonight.

(2) Rico, the newest member of the Raw team, made an impressive debut by beating Ric Flair.

(3) Chris Jericho, the self-proclaimed King of the World, beat Rob Van Dam to become the Intercontinental King of the World, too.

(4) It was HLA - Part 2 tonight, but with an interesting twist. And Eric Bischoff found out that payback's a bitch (literally).

(5) Rosie & Jamal and Billy & Chuck will meet at Unforgiven. But Bischoff added a couple of stipulations. If Chuck and Billy win, Eric would "kiss Stephanie's ass in the center of the ring." But, if Rosie and Jamal win, Stephanie would "have to perform some Hot Lesbian Action, right in the center of the ring." Bischoff said he would be awaiting her answer on Smackdown -- if she "had the balls" to accept. (What is it with the McMahon's and public ass kissing?)

Review of the Program

Quarter Hour 1

Last Thursday night, wedding bells were ringing . . . and bodies were flying . . . as Chuck and Billy and Stephanie fell victim to Eric Bischoff and the Island Boyz.

Eric Bischoff was perched on a stool on a dark set, illuminated by a single spotlight. He greeted viewers whom he said might remember him from such shows as Raw . . . and Smackdown. But he was back on Raw tonight and he was not alone. He introduced his henchman, Rico (still wearing that ugly Tony the Tiger suit). Bischoff rewarded Rico for his duplicity by giving him a match with Ric Flair tonight. Rico could style and profile with the best of them, said Bischoff.

Bischoff continued by saying that Rob Van Dam and Triple H, who are scheduled to face each other at Unforgiven, would defend their respective titles tonight against opponents of Eric's choice. And if that changed the title picture at the PPV, then so be it. Bischoff said he refused to provide boring, standard, predictable television.

Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to Raw, live from the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado.

Triple H headed out to the ring. (Didn't Bischoff just say it wouldn't be a boring, standard predictable show?) Not surprisingly, Triple H's promo was boring, standard and predictable. He's not afraid of Rob Van Dam. He's the Heavyweight Champion of the World. Blah, blah, blah.

RVD's music hit and a laid-back Mr. Monday Night came out to confront Triple H. "Dude, you are seriously stressed out," Van Dam told the Game.

Triple H contended that his anger had made him the Champ and was the reason why he sold out arenas. (He sells out arenas?)

RVD said he was not trying to take anything away from Triple H's accomplishments. Why, RVD said he admired the way Triple could spit water. He said the Game took spitting water to another level. And the anger was a nice touch. That takes talent, added RVD, who applauded Triple H.

"Hehehe," snickered Triple H humorlessly. He countered that the fans loved RVD because he was just like them -- a gross underachiever. For all his athleticism and cool moves, RVD would not amount to a damn thing in this business. He was not championship material and would never be the Heavyweight Champ. ("Boo," chanted the crowd).

Quarter Hour 2

RVD said the source of Triple H's anger must be that the fans were not chanting his name. They were too busy chanting for "Rob-Van-Dam." That was the last straw for Triple H, but RVD took him down with a big kick to that big nose and left the ring.

(Commercial break)

Outside, a crowd of ladies chanting "IOW" were picketing in front of the Pepsi Center. Their signs indicated they were protesting for women's rights.

(1) Rico beat Ric Flair. The match got started with some loud "Rico Sucks" chants. It started to seem like Bischoff had thrown Rico to the wolves, since Slick Ric was "schooling Rico in the art of catch as catch can wrestling," said J.R. Rico used his martial arts experience to take Flair down, but Flair kicked out of the pin that followed. A series of "thunderous" Flair chops sent Rico to the mat. Flair's vertical suplex was awesome, but Rico came back with a round-house kick and took the win. His wide-eyed look of surprise was priceless.

Terri (looking almost demure in a business suit) was interviewing Booker T about his upcoming match with Test. Booker began reminiscing about taking tests in school and even claimed that he'd taken French. As he rattled off a list of supposed French words, it was apparent that he'd probably flunked that test. (He even included "oui, oui," which was the answer to a question he'd missed on the "Weakest Link.") Booker said he'd had to go to summer school. (No kidding.) Tonight he had to pass another test . . . with Test. Can you dig it, Sucka?

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 3

The ladies with the picket signs had entered the garage, but were turned away by the security staff.

(2) Booker T beat Test. Test came after Booker with a flurry of those punches that always miss by a mile. Test was pummeling Booker as the crowd tried to motivate Booker with a loud "USA" chant. Booker took Test down with a huge kick, then landed a big boot in a tender spot. Booker kicked Test in the face, and he set up for the Spineroonie, but Test ducked out of the scissors kick. Booker gave Test another scissors kick and climbed up top. A missile drop kick resulted in a near pin for Booker. Test nearly pinned Booker after a pump-handle slam and was shocked that Booker had kicked out. "Even his hair's in shock," quipped the King, as Test's hair was standing straight up. Booker rolled Test up for the 1-2-3 and Test again looked shocked, and stared at Booker with his mouth wide open. (Test's acting lessons are paying off; he now has a second facial expression.) With the exception of Test's "acting," it was a good match.

Backstage, Terri asked Ric Flair for his thoughts on his loss to Rico.

Triple H interrupted and answered for Flair. He said Flair was humiliated and embarrassed. Of course, Triple H managed to make himself the focus of the conversation. The Game berated Flair and said the Nature Boy had lost it and it was time to retire and get out. Then he called Flair pathetic.

Flair jumped up and gave the Game the definition of pathetic. "You don't know what I'm capable of," said Flair ominously.

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 4

Jonathan Coachman was backstage interviewing the spokeswoman for the International Organization for Women, who said the treatment of women on Raw had been deplorable. They wanted to talk to Eric Bischoff.

(It should be noted that the King seemed to be on his best behavior - 45 minutes into the show and he had not once said "puppies." Of course, the frumpy ladies with the picket signs would not be likely to elicit puppy chants.)

(3) Tag Team Title Match: Lance Storm & Christian over Bubba Ray & Spike Dudley to retain the titles. Bubba was wearing shorts and the King said he'd seen better legs on tables. (Got to agree with him there.)

Good match, with the crowd really into it and calling for tables. The Un-Americans were their dastardly selves, and Spike got seriously double-teamed. Bubba tagged in and was on fire. He and Spike double-teamed Christian in their own special Dudley way and it was almost table time, but Lance tagged in and spoiled the fun. Spike went for the Dudley Dog but ended up getting tossed to the outside and through a waiting table. Bubba had Christian pinned for about a ten count, but the ref was busy tending to Spike on the outside and missed it completely. The Un-Americans retained their titles when Bubba lost his concentration when he realized Spike was injured and was rolled up for the pin.

Backstage, Eric Bischoff told Chris Jericho he'd make a great Intercontinental Champ once again.

A security guard told Bischoff that the group of protesting women wanted to meet with him. Eric said he'd meet with them, and then he laughed a sinister laugh and said he had a "few minutes." Uh oh. (I'm hoping these gals are really lady wrestlers who will kick the Island Boyz' collective asses.)

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 5

In the garage, Spike was being loaded into an ambulance.

(4) Intercontinental Title Match: Chris Jericho beat Rob Van Dam to recapture the title.

(Commercial break)

Good action in the ring, although there were a couple of less-than-fluid big moves by each. A suplex by Jericho off the top turnbuckle seemed to have injured RVD's back. Jericho took advantage and concentrated on Van Dam's back.

Quarter Hour 6

Jericho got RVD in several submission holds, but Van Dam rallied. Near pins by each, and Jericho was taking some fierce kicks. RVD went up top, but saw Triple H out of the corner of his eye and leapt to the outside and took the Game down. Van Dam got back to the business at hand and nearly pinned Jericho again. The Game tried to interfere and found himself in the ring. The diversion allowed Jericho to put RVD in the Walls of Jericho. Triple H urged RVD to tap out, which he finally did, and Chris Jericho captured the Intercontinental Title.

To add insult to injury, Triple H picked up RVD and finished off Mr. Monday Night with a Pedigree.

(Commercial break)

Bischoff's office was full of women with picket signs (who had somehow gone from frumpy to looking like some of the Godfather's ho's.).

Jericho was swaggering down the hallway swilling champagne. He ran into Bischoff and demanded a match with Ric Flair at Unforgiven. Eric agreed.

"Not Enough" by Our Lady of Peace was the background music for a video featuring Jeff Hardy's highs and lows in the ring.

William Regal was talking to his fellow Un-Americans about his upcoming match with Kane. He was all about teaching lessons to the pathetic Americans tonight. (Hopefully, it will be Kane teaching the lessons.)

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 7

(5) Kane over William Regal via disqualification. This match involved a whole lot of clubbering (to borrow a Dusty-ism), and Regal kept Kane grounded early in the match.

J.R. announced that the Women's Title Match had been postponed so that the General Manager could meet with the protesters.

Once Kane got to his feet, he was all over Regal. Test interfered and Regal was disqualified. The rest of the Un-Americans came running out, but Bubba, Booker, and Goldust were hot on their heels. Kane chokeslammed Storm and the Un-Americans fled.

Booker grabbed a mic and said he wanted to tell them about Americans. He said the Un-Americans "ain't got no hearts, no guts or no Spauldings." He challenged the four of them to a match with the four Americans at Unforgiven. Can you did that, Sucka? They could dig it.

The protesters were still awaiting Bischoff in his office. The security guard came in and told them that Bischoff wanted to give them a public forum... in the ring. And out they went, like lambs to the slaughter.

(Commercial break)

Eric Bischoff was in the ring when the show returned from commercial. He laughingly said he was all about equality, and invited the ladies into the ring. (Don't they watch this show? If they did, they‘d know better than to fall for this invitation.)

As Bischoff checked out the spokesperson's behind, she chided him for showing such things as Bra-n-Panties matches, mud rassling, and pillow fights. And most recently, he'd exploited lesbians.

Bischoff grabbed the mic. "Lesbians? Is that what this is about?" He said he was surrounded by a horde of lesbians.

The King finally lost it. He was about to wet his pants as Bischoff chanted "HLA, HLA."

"Or is this all about your 15 minutes of fame?" he asked. Bischoff said he didn't have time for 15 minutes, but he did have 3 minutes.

Quarter Hour 8

Suddenly, Stephanie McMahon stepped forward and pulled off her disguise. She low-blowed Eric, then called for Billy and Chuck to give Bischoff their version of the three-minute special. Rosie and Jamal eventually made it to the ring and mixed it up with Billy and Chuck and left them laying. They made their escape through the crowd with Stephanie.

Bischoff found out that payback's a bitch (in more ways than one).

(Commercial break)

"You bitch, you're going to pay for this," seethed Bischoff. He proposed an "intercontinental" (perhaps he meant inter-promotional) match between Rosie & Jamal and Billy & Chuck at Unforgiven. Then he added a couple of stipulations. If Chuck and Billy win, he would "kiss Stephanie's ass in the center of this very ring." But, if Rosie and Jamal win, Stephanie would "have to perform some Hot Lesbian Action, right in the center of this very ring." He would be awaiting her answer on Smackdown -- if she had "the balls" to accept. (What is it with the McMahon's and public ass kissing?)

(6) World Heavyweight Title Match: After being laid out by Rob Van Dam, Triple H beat Jeff Hardy. The Game's mystery opponent had not yet been announced, but RVD jumped into the ring and began to pound on his adversary. (Another example of payback being hell.) Van Dam gave the Game a belt shot right between the eyes, as referees and agents swarmed out to remove RVD from the ring.

(Commercial break)

Quarter Hour 9

Jeff Hardy, the mystery opponent, headed out to take on the beaten and bloody champ. Things didn't look got for Triple H. Hardy reversed an attempted Pedigree and put more of a hurting on the Game. A groggy Triple H saw the Swanton coming and rolled out of the ring. Jeff got a near pin anyway, then the Game began a comeback.

As Jeff attempted to get back into the ring, J.R. took a page out of the Shawn Michaels' history book and talked about how it was Jeff's boyhood dream to win the Heavyweight Title. Jeff took the Game off the top with a Huracanrana and was a gnat's eyelash away from winning the title. Then came a Twist of Fate and a Swanton and Jeff had a near pin again, but Triple H got his foot on the rope just in time. The Game was back up and put Jeff in his Deadly Sleeper Hold. Jeff turned about as green as his outfit and the ref gave Triple H the win.

Suddenly, RVD was back again. He came off the top rope with a Five Star Frog Splash to flatten the Champ. RVD proved he is, indeed, very much championship material, and Triple H had better watch out on Sunday at Unforgiven.

The Wrap Up With last week's Raw being the equivalent of 100 miles of "duh," this week's show could only be an improvement. And was it ever! As much as I hated last week's Raw, I found myself enjoying it this week. (Especially Stephanie's payback for Bischoff's Smackdown swerve.) And after virtually ignoring Unforgiven, Raw did an outstanding job tonight of building suspense for the PPV matches. Even Jerry Lawler should be commended for his restraint tonight. It would seem that Raw is back on track.

Comments? You can reach me at mallory_m_@hotmail.com.

Mallory Mahling talks wrestling with Harv Roman and the "Club Kids on the Radio," Saturdays at 2:00 P.M. on WLUW, 88.7 FM, Chicago.

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