By Dusty Giebink, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Smackdown review
May 6, 2004
Taped 5/4/04 in Tucson, Ariz.
Aired on UPN
Report by Dusty Giebink, Lounge Janitor

Don’t forget to read my review of Hour One first. You can access that by hitting the back button on your screen and clicking the clearly labeled link for hour one. This is not necessary, of course, if you have already read that hour.

In a nutshell: Eddie Guerrero goes completely insane and lays out everybody.

***We go to Booker T, who is now at a cemetery under a full moon. He claims to have been searching for the unmarked grave site for over three hours by that point. He finally comes upon the grave, and proceeds to take some dirt from it, just like the creepy fortune teller lady who I would trust with no questions asked told him to do. He walks away and what I guess we are supposed to believe is the Undertaker, or a reasonably facsimile thereof, stuck his hand out of the grave.

I really hate this show.

***Josh Matthews~! is standing by awaiting a word with Eddie Guerrero regarding the situation with his mother. Before he can do this, however, we are taken back to clips from the segment we were shown only an hour before, with his mother suffering the heart attack. It’s basically the entire clip, minus the introduction of Eddie’s wife and children. We then go to Eddie and Josh standing by. Matthews’ first question is whether Eddie somehow blames himself for what happened to his mother. For anyone out there thinking about going into journalism, please note that this is a ridiculously bad question to ask someone in Eddie’s position. Eddie gets angry and starts shaking violently, not saying a word in the process. This was actually pretty good.

(4) Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie was a no contest. Finish came when Cena and Dupree interfered.

The Beginning: Rene Dupree was at ringside for this match, and kept a stern eye cast toward Torrie. Wilson, in turn, did a “great” job of acting scared of him. I wasn’t expecting much of anything from this match, other than that both of them look good and continue to have large breasts throughout the match, and I just hoped they kept the thing as short as they possibly could.

The Middle: Turns out, Dawn is a screamer, as she screamed while applying basic moves like a headlock. Dawn hit a legdrop, but it only got a two count. Hulkster did a 360 in his grave after that one. Fan sign: Shut Your Mouth Cole. Dawn took the turnbuckle pad off and the ref really didn’t do anything much to stop her from doing so, which was a bit of a stretch. What’s more, she tossed Wilson into the exposed turnbuckle right then and the referee didn’t even admonish her for doing so. Shouldn’t that have been an automatic DQ? Wilson eventually got back on offense, went up to the top rope, managed to fight off the attempted interference of Dupree, and hit a bodypress onto Dawn.

Cena came out to ringside to even the odds. Torrie was dropkicked to the outside. Dupree was going to do something here, but Cena cut him off at the head and the two began to brawl. I suppose that somewhere in here, the match was thrown out.

The End: After the match, Dupree went crazy and tossed Cena over the guardrail. He then tossed random chairs into the ring for no discernable reason. Back in the ring, he tossed Cena into the exposed turnbuckle, which can only be a sign of Dupree and Dawn working together in the near future. Dupree on the outside rammed a television monitor into Cena’s gut and then powerbombed him through the announcer’s table. He then tossed a chair on him and laid the French flag over him.

***Back from commercial break, they showed Cole and Tazz sitting at the site where their announce table used to be, which was a nice visual. They announce a couple matches for Judgment Day, which include: Eddie Guerrero vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield for the WWE Title, John Cena vs. Rene Dupree for the U.S. Title, and Undertaker vs. Booker T. That is, if Booker returns from that grave site in time for the match.

***Cole announces that Eddie’s mother suffered a mild heart attack, and was released from the hospital “just today.”

***We go to Layfield, who is in New York City live via satellite. He can’t believe that the audience would hold him responsible for what happened to Eddie’s mother. He says he had nothing to do with it. While he will readily admit that he had designs on putting a hurting on Eddie, he never had any intention of doing harm to his family, as well. In fact, Eddie had no business bringing his family out to the ring in the first place and, if he hadn’t, this might never have happened. He claims he’s going to win the WWE Title at Judgment Day, and there is so much to be said about believing in yourself. He thinks about it for a while and then says that he doubts Eddie’s mother even had a heart attack, saying that she probably faked it. It would be just like a Guerrero to do something like that.

***Paul Heyman runs into Wheelchair Kurt backstage. Motormouth Heyman does a spiel about how Eddie is maniacal tonight, and there is no telling what he is capable of in his current frame of mind. As such, he might explode and do something to the Dudleys that would put them at danger. And, if such a thing happened, the Board of Directors would be unhappy and it might cost Angle his job. Therefore, Angle needed to take Eddie out of the match tonight which had him and RVD going up against the Dudleys. Angle shuts him up and agrees to take him out of the match. Now he has to figure out who’s going to take his place.

(5) Rey Mysterio & Rob Van Dam defeated the Dudley Boyz. The finish came when Van Dam pinned D-Von.

The Beginning: They played this up as a mystery partner situation, with not even Van Dam knowing who his partner was going to be. Mysterio’s music cued up and he jumped out the sky and came down the aisle as the mystery partner. Not sure if that makes this match better, necessarily, but it adds a different dynamic to it.

The Middle: The Dudleys controlled much of the first half of the match, cutting the ring off on Van Dam and making quick tags back in forth. Van Dam hit a spinning heel kick at one point in attempt gain offense, but the Dudleys quickly cut that off. Van Dam managed to get a two count on one of his kicks, but it was a situation of him not being able to make the tag to the fresh Mysterio. He finally did make the tag and Mysterio was on 12 different kinds of fire. Mysterio attempted a 6-1-9 on D-Von, but Bubba cut him off. Mysterio hit a springboard bulldog on Bubba from the second rope for a two count. Mysterio was crotched on the ringpost and the match went to commercial break.

Back from break, and the Dudleys maintain control on Mysterio. Van Dam tagged in and all of a sudden he was the hot babyface getting the offense back for his team, so the match went completely full circle at this point. Van Dam hit a kick off the top rope which was cool. Mysterio hit a springboard senton onto D-Von and then Van Dam hit a split legged moonsault. Bubba broke up the pin attempt. Van Dam attempted a five star frog splash, but D-Von just barely got out of the way. Mysterio kicked Bubba out of the ring while he was looking, and Van Dam kicked D-Von in the back of the head, which set him up for a Mysterio 6-1-9. Van Dam and Mysterio hit a double team Rolling Thunder, which enabled Van Dam to make the cover for the victory.

The End: After the match, the Dudleys tossed RVD out of the ring and Bubba commanded D-Von to get the. . . chair? Oh how the mighty have fallen. Out came Eddie Guerrero to swing the momentum back to the babyfaces. Eddie systematically laid out both Dudleys, the referee and Van Dam. Then he hit one or more of the Dudleys again as the show faded to black.

Closing Thoughts: This was not a good show. Let’s recap. Mostly mediocre, completely forgettable matches. A heart attack angle meant to put more heat on a heel that has no hope of ever drawing. Booker T wandering through a graveyard looking for dirt. Jacqueline winning the Cruiserweight Title. It’s shows like this where I wish I could sit in at booking meetings and while I would never be allowed to contribute any ideas, I would continually scream, “Those are not good ideas,” until they fired me and forcibly removed me from the building. With the exception of the mic work of the Chavos, and the main event, this was not good at all.

Dusty Giebink’s Favorite Quotes of the Night

Cole, after Cena’s rap: I guess John Cena isn’t going to see Mary Kate and Ashley’s new movie.
Tazz: No, I guess not Cole.

Tazz, referring to the Bashams: Brotherly love here in the City of Brotherly Love.
Cole: Philadelphia is the City of Brotherly Love.
Tazz: I don’t know anything about Philly, but I know about Tucson!

Chavo Guerrero: I’m a fair man. Wrestling you just wouldn’t be fair, now would it? There isn’t a man alive that can beat Chavo Guerrero, much less a woman!

Chavo: So baby, unless you’re here to do a little something else to me (wink), why don’t you get your pretty little head, scurry on out through the ropes, go to the back, and make me a sandwich!

Cole, regarding the above comments: That’s nice.
Tazz: Make me one, too.

Cole: It’s a man’s world, huh Tazz?
Tazz: I hate to be like that, but in this case, yes.

Chavo Classic, to the timekeeper: Give me the belt. He’s going to win anyway!

Cole, trying to put over the Undertaker’s entrance: Spine chilling. Mind numbing. What a night!

Tazz, making me wish I reviewed any other show: You’re not going to find the Undertaker Monday night on Raw, or anywhere else for that matter. You can only find the Undertaker right here on Smackdown.

Tazz to Dupree, as Dupree stared straight ahead at Torrie Wilson: Hi Phenom, how are ya? Alright!

Tazz: How could you be mad at Torrie Wilson?
Cole: I’m not mad at Torrie Wilson.
Tazz: I know. I was talking about Rene Dupree.

Bradshaw: Think about it, Cole: She’s a Guerrero. She didn’t teach her kid the A-B-C’s. She taught him to lie, cheat and steal!

Bradshaw, proving he gets it: I could come over there and beat up Eddie Guerrero for free. But I’m going to wait until the PPV because that’s good business.

Bradshaw: My people came to America on a boat, not on an inner tube.

Cole: What in the hell are the Dudleys going to do with a chair?!
Tazz: I’m sure they’re not going to sit down and tell each other fairy tales, Cole.

***Dusty Giebink now does the Smackdown Express reviews each and every week for PWTorch.com. He does his for all the readers who would rather watch coherent things and then read the recap later. Bastards! He can be contacted at dustygiebink@yahoo.com if you have something to say.

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