TV REPORTS 5/17 WWE Raw Report: Mallory's Virtual Time "Alt. Perspective" Coverage
May 17, 2004 - 10:12:00 PM
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By Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
WWE Raw "Virtual Time" Alt. Perspective Coverage
May 17, 2004
Live from San Diego, California
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
Ongoing Alternative Perspective Review of the Show
Raw was live tonight from the San Diego Sports Arena in San Diego, California.
The main event tonight was the 20-man Over-the-Top-Rope Battle Royal to determine the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship at Bad Blood.
Quarter Hour 1
Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to the show.
Lita was out first, wearing something that looked like a funky Hart Foundation outfit, and a recap showed the bad joke that led up to this match. For those who missed it, Trish had played on Lita's fear of Kane to scare her out of her wits.
(1) Trish Stratus pinned Lita. Lawler got things off to a great start: "Puppies in stereo." (Does he ever get his mind out of the gutter?) Trish was playing the heel beautifully and had the early advantage. Lita fought back. Spinebuster and a cover by Trish. Lita escaped but found herself in a sleeper hold. A Stratusfaction was botched, but they carried on and Lita got a near fall. Twist of Fate by Lita and other near cover.
Suddenly Kane's big ugly face appeared on the TitanTron and Trish used the distraction to roll Lita up for the pin.
Kane said he hadn't meant to distract Lita. He only wanted his answer: Yes or no? He warned her that it had better be the right answer, and Lita looked pitiful.
Quarter Hour 2
Randy Orton came out to a chorus of boos and jeers. The master of the obvious, he said he liked to talk about himself. He'd beaten Mick Foley. He'd beaten Edge. He was the longest reigning Intercontinental Champ in the last seven years, but the crowd still told him he sucked. He said that tonight Evolution would ensure that Triple H wins the Battle Royal so he can go on to defeat Chris Benoit at Bad Blood.
Orton continued--blah, blah, blah--until Shelton Benjamin's music hit. Shelton couldn't believe he'd just heard that tonight was all about Evolution and that Triple H would win the Battle Royal. He even questioned Orton's statement that Triple H was the best wrestler alive. Then he reminded Orton that he'd beaten Triple H twice. As far as he was concerned, tonight was all about Shelton Benjamin. And there was nothing Evolution could do about it.
Orton admitted that Benjamin had had some luck, but luck runs out, he warned. It turned into an "I'm better than you are" stand off, and Benjamin challenged Orton to a match for the Intercontinental Title.
Orton told Shelton he was "uppity," which was a problem with "you people." (What a way to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Brown vs. Board of Education. *rolling eyes*) Orton declined the invitation. Benjamin started the match anyway. Ric Flair ran out and pulled Orton to safety.
The members of Evolution were patting Orton on the back for his tactless encounter in the ring with Shelton Benjamin (and were careful not to pat the yellow streak), then Triple H crowed about Evolution being back on top.
Backstage, Uncle Eric "congratulated" his nephew Eugene on his victory last week. Bischoff took William Regal aside to strategize about breaking Eugene's spirit. Bischoff wanted to make sure Eugene looked like a laughing stock and arranged for an interview that would humiliate him.
J.R. reminded viewers that Shawn Michaels had been suspended indefinitely for attempting to get a measure of revenge against Triple H.
Quarter Hour 3
Kane's pyro exploded, and the Big Red Love Machine headed out for a match with Val Venis, who'd recovered nicely from being killed by Kane last week.
(2) Kane over Val Venis. Chokeslam, pin, and Kane killed Venis again this week.
Matt Hardy jumped into the ring and attacked Kane. Kane put Matt into a Tree of Woe, then wrapped an electrical cord around his neck. Then Kane choked Matt with a folding chair, and the Hardy Boy was turning purple.
"Stop, please stop," screamed Lita. She told Kane the answer was yes.
Kane picked her up and gave her a big hug. Lita looked repulsed.
Lita said yes, but what was the question?
Quarter Hour 4
Earlier today, Hurricane had participated in a "Get Out the Vote" rally in San Diego.
(3) World Tag Team Championship: Chris Benoit & Edge over Batista & Randy Orton (w/Ric Flair) to retain the titles. A smug Randy Orton and a smiling Edge started things off. Benoit tagged in and began to give Orton what for. Back and forth it went until Benoit and Edge double-teamed Batista and sent him through the ropes to the floor.
The match had continued during the commercial, and Batista appeared to be trying to rip Edge's arm off at the shoulder. Edge battled to his feet momentarily. Both Orton and Batista continued to work on Edge's shoulder, and he was in a world of hurt. Edge managed to catapult Orton into the turnbuckle and got a near cover, then followed that with a DDT. Both Edge and Orton were flat on their backs and being counted out.
Edge made the hot tag to Benoit, who attempted to twist Orton into a Sharpshooter. Batista stopped it, and the referee was knocked out in the confusion. Benoit gave Orton a series of German suplexes then signaled for the end. Benoit went up top, but when he landed on Orton with a head butt, he ended up ramming his head into the strategically placed gold belt. Orton thought he had it won, but Benoit got a shoulder up in time. It was quickly turning into a train wreck with spears and bodies all over the place. Benoit put Orton into a submission hold, and Orton quickly tapped out.
Regal told Eugene to stand up straight and project. Eugene was disappointed that Regal was not going to accompany him to the ring.
Todd Grisham introduced Eugene, who came down to the ring and hugged Grisham.
Before the interview could get started, Jonathan Coachman came out and told Grisham to take a hike. Coach told Eugene he was a joke and everybody was laughing at him last week. Eugene was nearly in tears. The crowd started a loud "Eugene" chant and it seemed to boost his spirits. Coach told him the only reason he had a job was because of his uncle. He told him William Regal wasn't his friend and that he had no friends at all. This was brutal. Coach told him "life goes on" and continued to berate Eugene, then ordered him out of the ring. Eugene wiped away tears and the crowd booed Coach.
"If you smell..." The Rock came out and led Eugene back down to the ring.
"Eugene, you ain't going nowhere," the Rock to Coach.
The Rock stopped long enough to say "Finally, the Rock has come back to San Diego."
Rock told Eugene that there was only one man who knew the People and it wasn't the "walking popcorn fart," Coach. Rock said he was a big fan of Eugene and had come to see him tonight. Rock started a "Eugene" chant, then a "screw the Coach" chant. Rock said he'd be honored to be Eugene's friend. Then Rock started a "popcorn fart" chant directed at Coach. (Someone was humiliated now, and it wasn't Eugene.)
Coach lamely reminded Rock that the last time he'd seen him, he was getting his ass kicked all over Madison Square Garden.
Rock asked Eugene who his favorite wrestler was, and Eugene answered "Triple H." He said he liked Triple H because they both like to play games.
Suddenly Garrison Cade showed up, and it turned into a massacre with Eugene whooping Coach's candy ass, the Rock giving him a Rock Bottom, and Eugene giving him a People's Elbow.
Quarter Hour 7
It was time to play the Game and Triple H was out first for the Battle Royal
(4) 20-Man Over-the-Top-Rope Battle Royal won by Kane.
Triple H entered first, followed by Maven and Chris Jericho.
The entrances had continued during the break, and Shelton Benjamin was making his entrance, followed by Kane. Matt Hardy and Christian would be unable to compete, explained J.R. Christian was still suffering from the beating he took in the cage last week, and Hardy had been destroyed by Kane earlier in the show.
Edge was out next, then Ric Flair, Randy Orton, and Batista.
Ding, ding, and the clash was on. Johnny Nitro was tossed out by Kane, and Stevie Richards followed. Next, Kane tossed Rosey out, then Hurricane. Rosey caught Hurricane, and tossed him back in.
(Yet another commercial break)
Quarter Hour 8
During the break, Rob Conway had been eliminated. The Game got rid of Val Venis and Maven. Sylvain Grenier was dumped out unceremoniously. Cade was drop-kicked out. The crowd in the ring was thinning out.
Batista eliminated Rhyno. Hurricane was in Evolution territory and getting pounded, then was finally tossed out.
(The final commercial break, at least that's what J.R. said.)
Eight men were left. The Elite Eight, said J.R. Four of them were Evolution, and the other were Kane, Edge, Jericho, and Benjamin.
Flair was eliminated by Jericho. Jericho was tossed out by Batista. Kane chokeslammed Triple H, Orton, Edge, Benjamin. Batista was left, and he and Kane began to throw punches. Batista slammed Kane, then Edge eliminated Batista. Edge gored Triple H, then gored Kane. Orton eliminated Edge.
Quarter Hour 9
The Final Four were Benjamin, Kane Orton and Triple H. Benjamin was on fire and motivated to win. He dumped Orton over the side, then Triple H tossed Benjamin to the floor.
It was down to Triple H and Kane. Suddenly, the suspended Shawn Michaels appeared and caused enough confusion to toss Triple H out of the ring.
The winner and number one contender: Kane.
Michaels escaped through the crowd with a big grin on his face as Triple H threw a tantrum in the ring.
Here's a list of the eliminations:
Johnny Nitro by Kane;
Stevie Richards by Kane;
Rosey by Kane;
Rob Conway by Maven;
Val Venis by Triple H;
Sylvain Grenier by Chris Jericho;
Garrison Cade by Chris Jericho
Rhyno by Batista;
Hurricane by Triple H and Batista;
Ric Flair by Chris Jericho;
Chris Jericho by Batista;
Batista by Edge;
Edge by Randy Orton;
Randy Orton by Shelton Benjamin;
Shelton Benjamin by Triple H;
Triple H by Shawn Michaels;
And the winner was Kane.
Wow, what a show! It's the kind of Raw that fans dream of--great from start to finish--and the surprise appearance on the Rock was the icing on the cake.
I love feedback and you can reach me at email@example.com. See you in The Lounge on Saturday.
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