TV REPORTS 8/30 WWE Raw Report: Mallory's "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
Aug 30, 2004 - 10:11:00 PM
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By Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
WWE Raw "Virtual Time" Alternative Perspective Coverage
August 30, 2004
Live from San Francisco, California
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Mallory Mahling, Torch Team Contributor
Ongoing Alternative Perspective Review of the Show
I left my heart in San Francisco...
Quarter Hour 1
Raw was live tonight from the Cow Palace in San Francisco, California.
The show started with a memoriam to Marcin Makulski.
Last week Randy Orton not only refused to hand over the title belt to Triple H, but he also made a fool of The Game by spitting in his face.
Evolution (the three members that are left) headed out for a rant. Triple H grabbed a mic and took credit for wrestling as we know it today. Blah, blah, blah. It was Triple H who'd recreated the Nature Boy. It was Triple who made Batista an animal.
That brought him to the subject of Randy Orton, his pet project. He'd taken Orton from curtain jerker to superstar. But he hadn't passed the torch yet. He was still outraged that Orton had spit in his face. Borrowing a line from Bill Cosby, Triple H said he'd brought Randy Orton into the world, and he would take him out. (Um, I think it was probably Randy's mother who brought him into the world.) Then Triple H demanded that Orton come down to the ring.
Randy came out dressed in a suit and told Triple H not to call him Randy Orton. He wanted to be called "Champ." Orton acknowledged that Triple H had helped make him what he is today. But Triple H had gained something in the bargain. Evolution was not about past, present and future. It was about them protecting Triple H. He said once Batista and Flair figured that out, they could "detach their lips from his ass."
Triple H countered that if it hadn't been for Evolution, Orton would not have the title belt.
Oh yeah? Orton had a picture showing him beat Chris Benoit without the help of Evolution.
Last week he'd made his own decision and that was to spit in Triple H's face. Orton said if Triple H wanted a piece of him, he was prepared to kick Triple H's bee-hind then and there. Orton began to peel off his clothes, then said he wanted to bring a friend of his own as an equalizer. He went behind the curtain and came out with a sledgehammer.
"Randy, Randy," chanted the crowd.
Orton swung the sledgehammer and Evolution scattered, with Triple H escaping through the crowd.
Quarter Hour 2
General Manager Eric Bischoff wasn't too happy with Orton's behavior and had security escort him out of the building. Bischoff ordered Orton to give him the sledgehammer, and Orton handed it over. Only he dropped it. Right on Bischoff's foot.
(1) Handicap Match: La Resistance (Robert Conway & Sylvain Grenier) & Coach over Rhyno & Tajiri. Rhyno was isolated from his teammate and was taking a beating. Rhyno battled back and gored Coach, but La Resistance gave him a tandem Au Revoir for the win.
J.R. said Edge would be Chris Jericho's guest on the Highlight Reel tonight.
Quarter Hour 3
Members of Papa Roach were seated in the front row.
Highlights of last week's Wedding from Hell were shown.
Backstage, Kane opened a door and told someone not to come out until he said so. He wanted his wife to be surprised, he said.
William Regal was ready for his match. Eugene thanked him for the good time they'd had yesterday watching the Giants play.
Regal insisted that Eugene not come "out." He was to stay in the back where it was "safe." Regal told Eugene his uncle wanted to "strike" him down. Eugene zeroed in on all the words pertaining to baseball.
(2) Batista over William Regal. Lots of clubbering from Batista, then Regal got the advantage momentarily. Batista gave Regal a spinebuster, then went to the outside for a chair. While the referee was occupied with the chair, Flair ran down and hit Regal with some brass knucks. Batista got the convenient pin and the win.
The camera cut away to the Republican National Convention. Ivory, Linda McMahon, and SHAWN MICHAELS, who has been out with a "devastating" larynx injury for weeks, were on the convention floor. Ivory pointed the mic in HBK's direction and his voice was just fine. "Smack down your vote," was his message. So much for a dramatic return at Unforgiven.
Quarter Hour 4
Diva Search time and J.R. said the Cow Palace would never be the same. No kidding. It has never been so full of cow manure--the Diva Search hit a new low tonight.
Stacy Keibler came to the ring and introduced the five remaining contestants. Stacy opened the envelope and told Maria she'd been eliminated. The audience was not pleased with that decision.
Stacy said that tonight's competition would be "Diss the Diva" since a diva needs to know how to talk. A referee came out (probably a good idea, since scrappy Carmella was still in the running). Each of them had an opportunity to diss her fellow contestants, and all of them managed to work the words "bitch" and "sh*t" into their disses. Mr. Dictionary eluded all of them. Christy even managed to tell Carmella she sucked in the most vulgar way possible. Lovely, just lovely. Nothing says class like a potty mouth.
Backstage, Kane was dragging Lita down the hall by her arm. Trish and Tomko walked by and said Kane was already acting like a married man by taking out the trash. Kane laughed and said that was a good one.
Quarter Hour 5
The second hour started with Mr. and Mrs. Kane headed to the ring. Kane told Lita she was his favorite piece of property. Kane thanked Eric Bischoff for the wedding present of an open contract for Unforgiven. Kane said he knew Lita missed Matt Hardy. Since Matt was in a hospital and couldn't be there, Kane had flown in some of his family. Out came the Hardy Family, which included one Samoan--from the tropical part of North Carolina, I guess. Pat, Nat, Rat and Fat Hardy were their names.
(3) Kane vs. The Hardy Family. This was a multiple squash match. Short and not sweet.
Lita said she had a surprise for Kane and reminded him that he was HER property, too. In a marriage, it's called joint property, she said. The present from Bischoff was theirs, not his. She'd taken the liberty of writing in the name of Kane's opponent for Unforgiven--Shawn Michaels. Well, at least we know he's healthy.
Lita stalked off, leaving Kane shouting at her from the ring.
As Flair made his entrance, highlights were shown of the earlier confrontation between Randy Orton and his sledgehammer vs. Evolution.
(4) Chris Benoit over Ric Flair via DQ. The referee checked Flair for international objects and found brass knucks hidden in his knee pad. Benoit set about punishing Flair for that with hard chops, a big back drop, a snap suplex, and a crossface. Flair went outside, and Benoit followed him with more chops. Back in the ring, Flair was begging for mercy, but ended up falling flat on his face anyway. Flair with a chop block to Benoit's knee. Flair began to control the match and continued to work over Benoit's knee.
Quarter Hour 6
The two began to trade chops as the crowd "whooed" loudly. Benoit came off the top, but nobody was home. Benoit with a series of German suplexes on Flair. Benoit went for the sharpshooter. Flair appeared about to tap out when Batista interfered. The referee called for the bell, but that didn't stop Batista from giving Benoit a Batista Bomb.
It was time for the Highlight Reel. Chris Jericho was still harboring resentment for being cheated out of the Intercontinental Championship last week. He asked Edge to come down to discuss it.
Edge appeared through the haze at the top of the ramp and he was on crutches. He gingerly climbed into the ring, then chastised Jericho for calling him out when he knew very well that Edge had torn his groin over the weekend and would not be able to wrestle at Unforgiven.
Jericho reminded Edge that he'd been booed out of the building in his hometown at SummerSlam. He wanted to know just how badly Edge was hurt. For instance, might Edge bash him over the head with one of his crutches?
Edge said that as soon as he was healed up, Jericho would be the first person he'd face. Edge extended his hand. Jericho was reluctant, but finally shook it. Edge turned to leave, when out of nowhere, Christian attacked Jericho.
Edge stared in disbelief.
Christian pulled off his belt and beat Jericho like one of those government mules, then picked up a chair from the Highlight Reel set and hit Jericho in the face with it.
Christian smiled at Edge, but Edge didn't smile back. He looked stunned.
Quarter Hour 7
(5) Victoria & Nidia over Trish Stratus (w/Tyson Tomko) & Gail Kim. Nidia was fierce at the start, but Trish took the fierceness out of her quickly. Gail Kim kept trying to pin Nidia and was exasperated at her ability to escape each time. Victoria whipped Trish into the corner where Gail was already standing and got a two-for-one. Victoria found herself in a modified version of the sharpshooter, but the Little Redheaded Girl came out and stood on the ramp. It resulted in Victoria getting the win when Gail was distracted.
Quarter Hour 8
Smackdown Rebound: Kurt Angle challenged Eddie to a parking lot fight. Eddie "detailed" a car with a tire iron, but it turned out to be Teddy Long's car. Undertaker faced Orlando Jordan in the ring and demolished JBL after the match.
Eric Bischoff had his foot in a cooler full of ice cubes as a result of the misdirected sledgehammer. Todd Grisham, master of the obvious, asked him if it hurt.
After giving Grisham a withering glance, Bischoff said that next week, live on Raw, it would be Randy Orton vs. Kane. Grish asked if Triple H had unduly influenced the GM. Of course not.
Backstage, Triple H was gulping water and walking toward the ring.
(6) Eugene over Triple H. This would be a no disqualification match. With Eugene's fixation on baseball this week, do you suppose he has a Louisville Slugger tucked away somewhere?
Triple H's objective was to rid Raw of Eugene, but Eugene began channeling some of his favorite wrestlers. He looked very impressive and the crowd was chanting his name.
Low blow by Triple H and things started to go downhill for Eugene.
Quarter Hour 9
Triple H sent Eugene crashing to the floor, then rammed him into the ring steps. Right hands to Eugene by Triple H, who slammed Eugene's head into the ring steps. Back in the ring, Triple H dropped a knee on Eugene, but when he slammed his face into the turnbuckle, Eugene snapped. Triple H turned his back and when he turned back around, Eugene was right there was a series of familiar moves, which ended in a Rock Bottom. Eugene was about to go for a Stunner, when Triple H put him in a sleeper hold.
Triple H seemed about to choke the life out of Eugene and essentially had the match won. But Triple H broke the hold and went under the ring for his trusty sledgehammer. As he climbed back into the ring, Randy Orton grabbed the sledgehammer and was about to strike. Before he could swing, Triple H gave him a low blow, but Orton battled back and grabbed the sledgehammer again and gave Triple H a shot to the stomach. Then he looked at the sledgehammer and put it down. Orton finished off Triple H with an RKO.
Evolution hit the ring, but Orton kept them at bay with the sledgehammer. Triple H was still out cold, and Orton pulled Eugene over him for a cover.
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