SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com.
WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW REPORT
JULY 25, 2005
CLEVELAND, OHIO
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, EDITOR
-After a recap of last week’s Raw main event, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Coach introduced the show.
-Kurt Angle came out right away to the ring and said after he beat “the liar” two weeks in a row, he wanted to get right to business and face the new hometown challenger. Christy Hemme came out first. Angle said if they’re going to wrestle, they ought to start in the riding amateur position. He said she could “start on top or start on the bottom, it’s your choice, sweetheart.” She said she was there to introduce a good friend of hers, Cleveland’s own Eugene. Eugene had trouble figuring out how the mic worked. Angle said he’s not even from Cleveland. Eugene ripped off his jacket revealing a Cleveland Browns jersey. Angle and Eugene got into an argument, then the match began.
1 — KURT ANGLE vs. EUGENE
With sixteen seconds left, Eugene powered out of Angle’s anklelock and Angle fell to the floor. Eugene survived the three minutes and Ross declared, “Eugene wins, Eugene wins, Eugene wins!” Christy presented Eugene with the Gold Medals and celebrated with him. Angle came to and realized what happened and freaked out as Eugene and Christy took a victory lap around ringside.
WINNER: Eugene at 3:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2* — Nice surprise finish and nice to see the end of the Angle challenge. They later announced next week the first Eugene Challenge would take place.
-The announcers plugged the Battle of the Bands and another rematch between Kane and Edge with stretcher rules.
-They showed Viscera backstage with a mini-Viscera getting ready for tag team action. Well, it looks as if WWE is finally getting serious about the tag team division.
[Commercial Break]
-They recapped the Eugene win.
-Backstage, John Cena walked up behind Eric Bischoff and made faces. He said as a kid he thought he was his idols, including a weird phase where he thought he was Scott Baio. Bischoff told Cena he is not the type of person he wants representing him or his company. Cena sarcastically said it hurts, it really hurts. Bischoff said he’s seen his type before. “You’re nothing but white trash,” he said. “You and that hip-hop community you like to hang out with, you’re nothing but a wannabe thug. You, your people, you’re scum, slime, you don’t care about anything or anybody but yourselves.” He told him his reign as WWE Champion is about to come to an end. As he talked, the camera panned to Bischoff only. Then it was revealed that Cena had left the room. Bischoff turned around and wasn’t pleased Cena walked out on him.
2 — THE HEART THROBS & THE POCKET ROCKET vs. VISCERA & CLOACAS
Pocket Rocket is a miniature Heart Throb, a mini, a “midget.” Claocas was a mini-Viscera. WWE, it’s all about fun and not terrorism! Antonio beat up Cloacas for the first minute or two. Cloacas hot-tagged Viscera at 2:00. Rocket punched away at Viscera’s stomach to no effect. Viscera tossed Rocket onto a Heart Throb at ringside. Cloacas leaped off of Viscera’s back onto Antonio. Viscera then scored the pin.
WINNERS: Viscera & Cloacas at 3:43.
STAR RATING: 1/2* — Hard to evaluate such fun.
-They showed Ross, Coach, and Lawler who are back sitting at ringside. Ross acknowledged the death of Lord Alfred Hayes, talking about his Tuesday Night Titans co-hosting duties. They went to a retrospective video on Hayes. Nice video showing him smiling and laughing at various silly skits involving Vince McMahon, Gene Okerlund, The Hillbillies, Andre the Giant, Jimmy Hart, and others.
[Commercial Break]
-Shelton Benjamin told Eric Bischoff he wanted an IC Title match, citing the length of his last reign. Bischoff said he doesn’t owe him anything; instead, he making him face both Gene Snitsky & Chris Masters.
-Maria interviewed Chris Jericho. She talked about Fozzy being a Muppet and wondered if other muppets would be there. She quoted Kermit saying, “It isn’t easy being green.” That’s the motto of a few wrestlers around WWE, too. Jericho freaked out, saying people often ask about the name, but “what’s a Limp Bizkit?” He hyped Battle of the Bands, saying Cena “manufactures music,” whereas Fozzy “makes music.” Was that as dumb as it sounded?
[Commercial Break]
-Cena performed the “I’m a Bad Man” live on the stage by the entrance. That’s probably why the announcers were ringside this week – to make room for the music stages. Cena looked comfortable and authoritative up there. Jericho was next, but he said the fans are biased against him and don’t deserve to see him perform. They chanted that he sucks. Jericho said the fans can pay to see him perform at Summerslam. He vowed to become the new WWE Champion “because I am the true bad, bad man.” I thought was going to say “singer.” Cena decided to perform a second song to make up for Jericho backing out of performing. They cut away in the middle of the song. Probably not a bad idea. Not that Cena and his band sounded bad, but they shouldn’t overstay their welcome on a wrestling show.
-They showed the diva contestants warming up backstage.
-They showed clips of the upcoming edition of “Hogan Knows Best” with backstage footage of Hogan at the Hall of Fame and WrestleMania.
-They showed Shawn Michaels backstage check himself out in a mirror. He noticed a blemish and shouted, “Make up!”
[Commercial Break]
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
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-Bischoff told Carlito he could face Cena tonight. He said that was cool. He said if he wins, he gets to face Cena again next week for the WWE Title. Carlito’s understated reaction was classic.
-Shawn Michaels entered the ring and talked about how his goal is to be known as the greatest performer ever. He even mentioned “five-star matches.” He then looked at the camera and said Hogan is living off of a reputation he built 20 years ago. He said he, on the other hand, reproves himself every night he goes out there. He said he doesn’t mind. Michaels said he lives in a “million dollar home.” There’s an understatement. He said he earned the money off of the fans support. “After all you’ve given him, what’s the best he can give you?” Michaels asked. He then mocked Hogan’s ear-cupping routine and posing.
Michaels said people in the back are running around having a fit “because HBK is doing stuff out here we’re not supposed to do,” he said. “We’re not allowed to do anything that might hurt the Hulkster. We’re not allowed to tell the truth. Well, what are ya’ gonna do? Fire me? You’re looking at your main event for Summerslam. So deal with it. You said you wanted the old HBK. Well, guess what? You got him.” He got some cheers. “When all this started, it was about me just needing to know. Years from now when people look back, people will ask who really was the all-around cowboy. With all due respect to each and every one of you, it doesn’t matter what you believe. All that matters is when Summerslam is over, I know that you know that I am the Show Stopper, the Headliner, the Main Event, the Icon. Hulk Hogan, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels won’t lay down for you!”
(Keller’s Analysis: Now that is the promo that would have made Vince McMahon a lot more money than he’s ever made if Ric Flair was allowed to say it back in 1992 when he first came to the WWF. That’s the promo needed to do some business at Summerslam, too. They may have been inspired by the five year anniversary of Vince Russo’s “shoot promo” on Hulk Hogan at the WCW Bash event (that led to a lawsuit). We reprinted our cover story on that Russo speech, along with a transcript, my editorial, backstage reaction, and reader letter reactions in the latest “5 Years Ago” Torch back issue this weekend, available to VIP members here. For the record, this wasn’t a shoot, but it was meant to look like it. This is one of those weird things that isn’t meant necessarily to seem like a shoot to the Torch reading-type fans, but is meant to seem like it might be something “more real than usual” to the staunch average viewer who maybe read a Mick Foley book and visited a website or two, but isn’t wise enough to know the difference between a pseudo-shoot and a real shoot. Vince Russo often tried to pull it off, but rarely came close to getting the effect he wanted. This was better because it gave the anti-Hogan, pro-Michaels fans something to sink their teeth into, while also having Michaels come across as mean and cocky enough to rally the Hogan fans.)
[Commercial Break]
3 — CHRIS MASTERS & GENE SNITSKY vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN
Shelton got in early advantage including a nice flip dive onto both heels at ringside. The heels eventually got the advantage through double-teaming and Shelton eventually fell to the Master Lock. The ref DQ’d Masters, though, for not releasing the hold after Shelton was knocked out. Big Show made the save and cleared the ring of the heels.
WINNERS: Snitsky & Masters at 3:47.
STAR RATING: *
[Commercial Break]
—Q6—
-One of the divas was eliminated, then the rest took part in a hot dog eating contest. Two of them had a 30 second eat-off. Then one of them won.
-They showed Edge and Lita walking past the stretcher backtsage.
[Commercial Break]
4 — EDGE (w/Lita) vs. KANE
Kane attacked Edge on the rampway before the match began. Kane dominated the opening minutes.
[Commercial Break]
They showed that during the break Edge took control by hitting Kane with the ringside steps. Kane came back with a face-first suplex followed by a top rope suplex. Lita brought a chair into the ring. Kane swung her out of the ring by the chair. Edge then surprised Kane with a spear. Edge rolled Kane onto the stretcher. Kane reached up and grabbed Edge by the throat. Lita then hit Kane with a kendo stick. Edge then knocked Kane to the mat. Kane came back with a big chairshot on Edge and then slammed Kane onto the stretcher. A “holy sh–” chant started. Kane reassembled the stretcher as best he could and put Edge onto it. Then he dragged Edge up the rampway. Lita waited for Kane and bashed him from behind with the briefcase. Kane dropped the stretcher and went after Lita. Lita just stood there until Kane grabbed her and lifted her for a chokeslam. Edge then KO’d Kane with the briefcase a couple times. Edge then placed Kane on the stretcher. Kane woke up and grabbed Lita by the throat again. Edge then whacked Kane with the briefcase again and dragged the stretcher up to the stage to officially win. Kane immediately got up and went after Edge, knocking him down, then he grabbed Lita by her hair and gave her a Tombstone on the stage. The camera showed the move from behind so it wasn’t obvious how much Kane was protected her by being sure her head didn’t get near any impact. Ross said Lita’s neck could be broken again. Matt Hardy then charged onto the stage and attacked Edge. Security quickly pulled him away and restrained him. Edge shouted some obscenities at Hardy.
WINNER: Edge at 14:45.
STAR RATING: **1/4 — Okay gimmick match.
[Commercial Break]
-They showed that during the break, Kane caught up to Lita as she was being put in the ambulance. He threw aside a couple of poor, innocent paramedics and then said he had a question for Lita. “Have you ever taken a ride on the highway to hell?” he asked. Kane then punched a police officer who tried to stop him and drove off without even closing the back gates of the ambulance. Coach asked, “When is enough enough?”
-A video tribute aired on Hulk Hogan including comments from Will Sasso, John Cena, Bob Costas, Eric Bischoff, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vince McMahon, Ric Flair, Triple H (“I don’t care who comes and goes, there will never be another Hulk Hogan”), and Bobby Heenan. Lots of great vintage footage of Hogan’s various mainstream appearances.
-The Smackdown Rebound aired.
[Commercial Break]
5 — JOHN CENA vs. CARLITO with Chris Jericho as special ref
Ross wondered if Jericho could be unbiased. Bischoff stepped onto the stage, rubbed his hands together, and watched the match begin. Cena circled Carlito after the bell rang, and looked leery of Jericho’s presence. Carlito took control early and tried to use a chair, but Jericho yanked it away from him. Coach and Lawler seemed bewildered by Jericho’s fairness. Ross said maybe Jericho would call it down the middle out of respect for the title. Carlito got several two counts and then settled into a chinlock. Cena made those crazy faces he makes. Carlito used an eye rake to retain the continuous advantage at 5:00. Carlito went to a chinlock at 5:30. At 6:30 Cena finally made a full-fledged comeback with punches and clotheslines. Cena did the You Can’t See Me bit followed by the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Then he set up the FU, but Jericho kicked him between the legs and gave him a running bulldog and a Lionsault. Carlito made the cover for the win. As Carlito celebrated, Jericho looked at Cena’s title belt.
WINNER: Carlito at 8:10.
STAR RATING: *1/4 — Pretty one-dimensional match. It served it’s purpose, but not exceptionally well. The problem with the finish is why Jericho helped Carlito get a title shot when he wants the belt himself. Does he feel he would have a better chance against Carlito? Does he think Cena will be softened by Carlito? Any of those are possible, but the issue wasn’t even addressed.
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