SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com…
WWE Smackdown on UPN
February 24, 2006
Taped February 21, 2006 in Richmond, Virginia
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
– We opened with Randy Orton’s theme music. The canned and live boos along with Cole and Tazz’s angry commentary set the tone for the top of the show. Randy posed in the ring. Cole said we would see highlights from “perhaps the greatest main event in Smackdown history.” That’s not just hyperbole. Tazz said we would hear from Rey Mysterio later on. Cole said he gets sick thinking about Randy’s reprehensible actions at the PPV. Since when did grabbing the ropes to score a tainted win garner that much venom from an announcer?
Randy said he’s not going to say, “I told you so.” *Pause* “But, I told you so. I’m going to compete for the WWE Title at WrestleMania,” he said. My mom pointed out he said “RussellMania.” Randy said he had destiny on his side when he won the match at the PPV. “Shut your mouth,” he screamed at the fans to generate more passion against him. Randy called out Kurt Angle. He said he was lucky against Taker and he would need more luck at Mania. He said he would take his rightful spot at the top of the business at Mania. Somewhere, Triple H smirked.
Randy said his family built the business. Somewhere, Stephanie McMahon smirked. He said his grandfather and father were the greatest wrestlers of their respective generations. “I am the greatest wrestler of my generation,” he said. “Not Kurt Angle, not the Undertaker, not Rey Mysterio, not the late, great Eddie Guerrero. No, no, no. I am without peers. Nobody is better than Randy Orton. Nobody is better than me. You people can chant what you want. You people can say whatever-”
Chavo Guerrero jumped in the ring and attacked Randy. Chavo snapped off three straight snap suplexes. Chavo went up top and pointed to the sky. Security told him to get down. He hit a frog splash. It wasn’t pretty. Security grabbed Chavo and dragged him out of the ring. “Who’s better now?!” he screamed in Randy’s direction. Randy sat up in the ring and stared at Chavo. Chavo claimed the Guerrero family is the best in the business.
[Commercial Break]
– We saw highlights from the opening segment.
1 — MNM (MERCURY & NITRO w/Melina) vs. MATT HARDY & TATANKA — Tag Title match
Well, Hardy and Tatanka came out to separate ring entrances. That’s never a good sign for challengers. It’s also never a good sign when they didn’t receive any promo time to discuss the match. Cole gave us a quick lecture in Native American history. Tazz and Cole discussed the proximity of Hardy and Tatanka’s residence. I suppose it’s better than Kane and Show being joined because they’re big. Cole said Tatanka was nearly undefeated for two years in WWE. Yeah, and he lost to Ludvig Borga on an episode of WWE All-American one infamous Sunday morning. Let’s put it in context.
Tatanka and Hardy dominated early on and flipped Mercury onto his stomach from his back in their corner. The heels cheated to take advantage. They double-teamed Tatanka in their corner. Nitro landed some weak leg kicks to the stomach. Linda McMahon’s groin shot on J.R. looked more convincing.
Tatanka clotheslined out of the heel corner at 5:00. Hardy took the hot tag at 5:15. Hardy with a combination clothesline and bulldog. Nitro broke up a pin attempt. Mercury hit a Northern Lights suplex for a nearfall. MNM set up for the Snapshot, but Tatanka broke it up. Hardy and Tatanka hit a combination neck breaker on Nitro. Mercury made the save on a pin attempt. Hardy went for the Twist of Fate on Mercury, but Melina entered the ring while the referee was distracted. Hardy cornered Melina and the referee told her to leave the ring. Mercury rolled up Hardy from behind and hooked the tights for a three count.
WINNERS: MNM at 7:22 to retain the tag titles. Believable nearfalls during the last two minutes helped make it a decent TV opener. Above-average tag match considering the lack of build up for Hardy and Tatanka. Good work all around.
– We saw clips from the No Way Out PPV.
[Commercial Break]
– Paul Burchill was staring at himself in a shard of glass that was supposed to be a mirror backstage. William Regal interrupted. He read a letter from someone. The #1 Regal fan wrote that Burchill should stop embarrassing himself and Regal by pretending to be a pirate. Regal asked Burchill if he really thinks anyone cares about pirates on Smackdown. Burchill handed Regal a bomb. He lit the string and it flew up into Regal’s hands. Like Austin’s “Bang 3:16” on McMahon, the bomb didn’t explode. Burchill left. This is weird.
– We saw the Eddie Guerrero Hall of Fame announcement. It’s just too real.
[Commercial Break]
– Booker T and Sharmell slowly walked to the ring. Sharmell was wearing a black dress to signify the somber mood of the former U.S. champ. Booker and Sharmell sat in on commentary.
2 — THE DICKS (CHAD & JAMES) vs. THE BOOGEYMAN
The Dicks grinded on the ringpost after being introduced. The Boogeyman was introduced and everyone flipped out. Booker couldn’t sit still in his chair. The Dicks were scared stiffless. Booker said he hopes Boogeyman is in his bed so he can punk him out. Boogeyman absorbed double team shots to the back before slamming each Dick into the corner. Boogeyman stared down Booker, who was rambling on about conspiracies. Meanwhile, Boogeyman threw James Dick into Chad Dick, who flew off the apron into the announce table. Booker asked if Boogeyman has a mother. Boogeyman hit his finisher. Booker asked where he learned that move from and if he went to training school. You wouldn’t know it just watching him. Boogeyman pinned James Dick.
Afterwards, Boogeyman gobbled worms as Booker and Sharmell stared in disgust. He approached Booker and Sharmell. They jumped the guardrail and took off through the stands. Boogeyman unleashed a bag of worms on the announce table as Cole and Tazz scampered out of the way.
WINNER: Boogeyman at 1:43. So long to the Dicks. Somehow, they were fired over Boogeyman. Maybe Boogeyman’s poor wrestling skill is part of the gimmick. If he were Kurt Angle-quality in the ring, it would be out of place for his gimmick. Just a thought.
[Commercial Break]
– Today’s WrestleMania big time moment is TLC from WM 2000. Jeff Hardy lives with a Sentaun from a ladder through a table on Bubba Ray.
– Cole and Tazz were bantering back and forth about the worms on the table. They refused to sit down with worms staring at them. Poor ring crew members had to put the worms in a box.
– Rey Mysterio was introduced. He walked to the ring pissed. Cole said Rey has had to deal with letting people and himself down at the PPV. Tazz reminded us that he dedicated the PPV match to Eddie’s family. Rey opened saying he is happy Eddie will be in the Hall of Fame. He said he dedicated his Rumble performance to Eddie. “Eddie was smiling down at me when I eliminated Randy and won my chance to main event for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania,” he said. “But, Randy Orton got in my head. Orton got me so upset that I put my WrestleMania title opportunity on the line at No Way Out.” A fan screamed, “But he cheated!” Rey continued, “I lost. It’s no one’s fault by my own. I let everyone down.” He apologized to everyone he let down including himself, Eddie’s family, the fans, and Eddie. He began to walk out of the ring, but Teddy Long’s music hit.
Teddy said himself and the people feel Rey’s pain. He said what happened at the PPV was wrong. He rolled the footage from the match where Randy cheated to win. Teddy said he reviewed the tape and he can’t reverse the referee’s final decision. He said at Mania, Randy will be in the main event. Teddy said he can add to the match even though he can’t take away from the match. He announced Orton vs. Angle vs. Rey at Mania. Rey jumped up and hugged Teddy. He saluted the fans.
– Cole said we will see highlights from Angle-Taker later tonight.
[Commercial Break]
– We saw a video package on Mark Henry with clips from Henry’s strongest man competition.
– Kristal Marshall walked out to the ring in a robe. She held up the new diva magazine. She said she would give us a sneak peek at her less-than-conservative side. Jillian Hall interrupted. She said no one wants to see Kristal disrobe. Jillian said everyone wants to see JBL…disrobe?…no…in the main event later tonight. She told Kristal to save the embarrassment and leave the ring. Kristal asked if she thought she looked better than her. “Well, of course!” Jillian retorted. Kristal delivered two believable slaps then ripped off Jillian’s jacket. Jillian fell to the mat and covered herself. She rolled out of the ring and tried covering herself all the way up the ramp while trying not to fall out. Kristal gave us a “sneak peek” at the divas magazine. Cole and Tazz drooled as Kristal posed in her lingerie. “Where else do broadcast journalists look that good?” Tazz asked. Definitely not on cable news.
[Commercial Break]
– We saw clips from Batista’s return at the PPV. For whatever reason, I envision Batista and The Rock teaming together or feuding. Maybe it’s the sunglasses and superstar look.
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
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3 — GREGORY HELMS vs. PSICOSIS — Cruiserweight Title match
Cole said each week, Helms will be forced to defend the CW Title against a new competitor. Oh great. So much for building up one feud with one opponent. We also know that a title change is out of the question until we get to the final match in the series. Helms flipped Psicosis to the outside at 1:40. Psicosis held his back in pain. Helms followed to the outside and landed forearm blows. Back in the ring, Helms worked on Psicosis. Psicosis’s false comeback included a huricanrana for a nearfall. Helms worked on Psicosis with a neck vice. Psicosis ducked a clothesline and hit a spin kick. He missed with a second spin kick. The crowd was silent. Helms crotched Psicosis on the top rope. He rolled up Psicosis and placed his feet on the ropes for the win.
WINNER: Gregory Helms at 5:25. Poor match. They worked hard, but the cruiserweight style just doesn’t work when it looks just like heavyweight-style wrestling. The overly choreographed spots didn’t work.
[Commercial Break]
– We saw footage and highlights from Angle-Undertaker. Cole put over the match. “It was a rollercoaster ride of emotion,” Cole said. Quotes from the wrestling media would put the hype over the top. Like that would ever happen.
– Teddy Long walked out and said he has something special for Smackdown fans. He said the two most hated words, “next week,” and the fans groaned. Big time. Teddy announced Angle-Undertaker on Smackdown next week. Unless they have giant plans for Saturday Night’s Main Event, this match should have been saved until then.
[Commercial Break]
– Cole hyped the No Way Out PPV…again. They’re giving this the hard sell more than any other PPV I can remember recently.
– Randy Orton’s music hit. He didn’t come out for the six-man tag match. Randy was backstage with Teddy Long. He was screaming at Teddy for screwing around with him. He called him the worst G.M. ever. “Tell me what I want to hear,” Randy said. Teddy said “the worst G.M. ever” would pull Randy from the title match at Mania if he doesn’t get in the ring. Wait a second, didn’t we just have a segment where Teddy said he couldn’t pull Randy from the title match because his hands were tied? Randy should have laughed in his face and mentioned Teddy’s segment with Rey. Logic gap! Randy turned around and walked through the curtain frustrated.
– Randy walked to the ring followed by JBL. Tazz said there’s nothing worse than a rich Texan from New York. Ok. Finlay walked out with his gimmick. Chris Benoit held up his newly won U.S. Title belt during his entrance. Lashley and Finlay will be feuding soon based on the camera focusing on both men with alternating camera shots during Lashley’s entrance. Rey came out last. We couldn’t get one pre-match promo from the babyfaces discussing the match? It would at least make this match feel important.
4 — RANDY ORTON & JBL & FINLAY vs. CHRIS BENOIT & BOBBY LASHLEY & REY MYSTERIO
Randy and Rey started things off. Rey got in quick offense before Randy delivered a forearm to the back. Rey came back with a head scissors that required Randy’s cooperation. Finlay tagged in. Lashley tagged in. They squared off. Finlay landed knees to the stomach. Lashley flipped Finlay over onto his calves. He speared Finlay. The action broke down when JBL broke up a pin attempt. All hell’s breaking loose! Time for an Axe commercial.
[Commercial Break]
Benoit locked in the Sharpshooter on JBL. He reached the ropes to break the hold. Benoit stepped on JBL’s forearm area and JBL screamed. He took power moves from Lashley then delivered a thumb to the eye to tag out to Randy. Rey took a tag. Rey and Randy briefly fought before Finlay tagged in. The fans chanted, “Finlay sucks” as he applied a chin lock. JBL tagged in and clobbered Rey. JBL missed with a big boot and Rey caught JBL with a head scissors. Finlay attacked Rey from behind. He landed forearm blows before sending Rey back in the ring. JBL worked on Rey with a bear hug at 10:25. Rey broke free then JBL landed a shoulder block silencing Rey.
Finlay came in without a tag and applied another chinlock. A chinlock is the only wear down hold a former WWE agent has in the toolbox? Randy tagged in and mocked Rey. He applied another chin lock after dropping a knee to the throat for a nearfall. Randy added more life to the hold by grinding Rey into the mat. Rey fought out then hit a head scissors sending Randy shoulder-first into the corner.
Benoit took the hot tag at 13:23. Benoit landed a German Suplex on each opponent. Benoit hit a head butt on JBL for a nearfall. Benoit caught JBL in the Crippler Crossface. Finlay broke it up. On the outside, Benoit kicked JBL’s hand in between the ringpost and the ring steps. JBL screamed in pain. It wasn’t “I’m selling this” screaming. Benoit continued to kick JBL’s hand. In the ring, Benoit dropped JBL on his back. Rey popped onto the apron and delivered a springboard leg drop for the win.
WINNERS: Benoit & Rey & Lashley at 15:54. Decent action throughout, but the match lacked a definitive point. There was no backstage promo opportunity for the teams to discuss the importance of the match. There were no stipulations. The match was just there without any consequences attached to the match.
– Cole promoted the Angle-Undertaker match next week. Where was Angle this week?
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