SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
KELLER’S WWE RAW REPORT
SEPTEMBER 24, 2007
LIVE FROM MILWAUKEE, WISC.
-The WWE Raw opening began the show. (It still includes King Booker, for what it’s worth.) Pyro shot off at the opening of the show for the first time in a few weeks. Jim Ross introduced the show, then they went to Coach in the ring.
-Coach said he had an announcement to make that would affect Randy Orton’s career. They went to extended video clips of the Randy Orton vs. John Cena feud. Back to Coach live, he said he has suspended Orton indefinitely for his actions last week. He said he understands that Cena is angry. He said he has brought security to ringside to prevent Cena from taking out his anger on him. Coach then introduced Mr. McMahon. Vince said people in their positions should be respected for their powers and positions. He said there is one individual who spits in the face of respect, “and quite frankly, I’m tired of it, and his name is Triple H.” He said Hunter took pleasure in the news that his “illegitimate son” is a leprechaun. He said tonight he plans to embarrass Triple H and make him watch away from the ring defeated, with his tail between his legs. He said Hunter will face not just Carlito in the cage as scheduled, but also a partner. Vince said in response to boos that if he doesn’t like the decision, too bad. He said Carlito’s partner will be himself. Jerry Lawler said he was amazed at that announcement. When ratings go down, Mr. McMahon sees himself as an answer. He might, sadly, be right given the options he’s set himself up with.
McMahon said he owed “an individual” an apology. He called Hornswoggle to the ring. Hornswoggle ran to the ring and hugged his dad’s leg. Vince got on one knee. Ross called it a Hallmark moment. Vince said he didn’t mean it when he said he was ashameed of him and didn’t want to see him again. Vince said he was hoping he wanted something other than his money, like his other two kids. he asked Hornswoggle if he loves him. Hornswoggle said he does. Vince said he loves him back. They hugged. Hornswoggle jumped up and down in excitement. Vince said, “Now that you’re a McMahon, the ladies have been after you, haven’t they?” Ross interjected, “Oh, you little devil.” Vince said there’s one lady in particular interested in him. He called Melina to the ring.
Melina said she thought he is “really, really cute,” but never got to know him because he was always on Smackdown. She called him Horny and asked him out on a date. He looked bashful at first, then jumped into her arms and knocked her over onto her back. I hate to be cynical, but I think someone is after “McMahon Money.” McMahon said he can be a little over zealous. McMahon got a pop by saying they should go have a beer together because it’s Milwaukee. Vince told Hornswoggle to remember what he told him about the birds and the bees “and always use protection.” Coach told him that was a wonderful moment as Melina and Hornswoggle walked to the back.
Coach asked Vince for a favor. He said even though William Regal is returning to Raw next week, he wants to be named permanent G.M. of Raw. Before McMahon could respond, Cena’s music played. Cena began throwing chairs into the ring as a half dozen security members stood between Cena and Coachh and McMahon. Cena charged into the ring and right past security, tackling Coach. McMahon bailed out of the ring. Lawler said Cena has lost it. Vince said it’s not up to him whether he keeps his championship, it’s up to Coach. He said Cena is going to surrender his title later tonight to teach him that he doesn’t put his hands on authority figures like Coach. Vince said when he pleads for his championship later, it’s up to Coach whether he keeps it or he doesn’t.
1 — CODY RHODES vs. HARDCORE HOLLY
During Cody’s ring intro, Lawler plugged the new “Steve O” reality series which premieres on USA Network after Raw next week. Holly walked up to Cody and said with his name, he should be in a boy band, not a wrestling ring. He said if he wants his respect, he has to earn it. Holly hit Cody with some hard chops to the chest. He also sidestepped Rhodes on a springboard dive, then followed with an Alabama Slam for the win.
WINNER: Holly in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
[Commercial Break]
-A customized commercial aired with The Rock promoting his new movie, “The Game Plan.” Rock said he’d be by with an exclusive behind the scenes look at his move “after Raw.”
-Then they went to Steve Austin’s outside Rockefeller Center signing copies of his DVD at a release event at an FYE in New York City. Ross said it is the hottest DVD in America. Lawler then plugged the Championship Surrender Ceremony later on the show. Ross said this may be the last night of Cena as champion. They went to a promo of Orton recorded earlier.
-Orton said he wanted to congratulate Cena on being the biggest phony in WWE history. He said he prides himself on never quitting, but he knew he couldn’t beat him, so he got himself DQ’d on purpose. He said he knew exactly what he was doing; he wanted out of a match he was losing. “What kind of champion does that?” He said he then took the focus off of screwing him over by having “your pathetic father kick me in the head after the match.” He told him to bring his father to Raw next week so he can see first hand what he plans to do to him at No Mercy. He said nothing will stop him from getting his WWE Title back.
-Santino Marella and Maria walked out for Santino’s match against Ron Simmons. Ross said Marella has “out-punted his coverage.”
[Commercial Break]
2 — RON SIMMONS vs. SANTINO MARELLA (w/Maria)
Simmons cameo ut in black jeans and his “DAMN” t-shirt. After some early clubbering by Simmons, Santino bailed out to ringside. When he returned, he took over with some forearms of his own and then a rear chinlock. Ross said he’s sensed Maria has been trying to distance herself from Santino. Lawler said she’s had plenty of chances to break things off entirely, but hasn’t yet. Simmons came back with some clotheslines and a bodyslam attempt. Santino bailed out and retreated and dragged a reluctant Maria with him. Simmons won by countout. Ross wondered how proud a woman could be of a quitter who walked out on a fight. Simmons grabbed the mic, milked the moment, and then the crowd went silent right before he exclaimed, “Damn!”
WINNER: Simmons in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
[Commercial Break]
-A Diva Search 2007 video aired.
-Jillian Hall approached Melina backstage. She asked where her boyfriend was. Melina said she won’t be with him every second. Jilian said she’s disgusting. “What happened to A-list? What happened to Hollywood parties?” Melina asked if she could keep a secret. Jillian said she could. Melina said she struck a deal with Coach to take him on a date in exchange for a Women’s Title match. (So this is a scene where the women don’t see the camera two feet from their faces?!) Melina said when he touched her, it was gross, and now she needs to take a shower.
-Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch chatted backstage. The Highlanders walked up to them to compare notes on jobbing to singles wrestlers in two minute TV matches or something. Cade actually said they’d love to give them a tag title shot, but tonight they’ve got Paul London & Brian Kendrick. The Highlanders suggested a Kilts on a Pole match. Murdoch asked if their kilts are on a pole, what will they be wearing. The Highlanders lifted their kilts, both from the front and back, and Murdoch and Cade acted disgusted. Lawler laughed.
-They went to a shot of the cage being lowered over the ring as lights flashed in the arena. Then Triple H’s ring intro took place. He sat on the top ledge of the cage as Carlito’s ring entrance took place, followed by Vince McMahon. Vince’s hair is at that “awkward in-between stage” of growing it out that looks nerdy like back in the mid-’70s when he did ringside interviews.
3 — TRIPLE H vs. CARLITO & VINCE MCMAHON
Vince hit Carlito, then went after McMahon who ran to the other side of the cage and tried to escape. Why did he add himself to the match if he wanted to get out of the cage right away? Lawler explained that McMahon was interested in putting a loss on the record of The Game. Hunter yanked Vince off the top rope. Vince fell, but missed the straddle for the most part and just fell to the mat. Ross sold it as if it was a full straddle, calling it a “tight rope contraceptive.” Carlito low-blowed Hunter to take over the match. They cut to a break at 2:00.
[Commercial Break]
-A commercial for ECW hyped a no. 1 contender’s match with Tommy Dreamer, Elijah Burke, and Kevin Thorn (in other words, half of all male roster members without a belt).
Back in the ring, Hunter made a comeback with a high knee. He went back after McMahon who hadn’t moved from between the ropes and the cage. He shoved McMahon into the cage a few times, then threw Carlito at him. Hunter did the crotch chop, then set up a Pedigree. Carlito gave Hunter a surprise Backstabber before Hunter could execute the Pedigree. McMahon crawled to the cage door, which was opened by the ringside ref. Hunter stood up and backdropped a charging Carlito into the side of the cage. Hunter then dragged McMahon back into the ring. Carlito stomped on Hunter from behind. McMahon climbed the side of the cage as Hunter fought Carlito in the other corner. Hunter met McMahon on the top ledge. Carlito yanked on Hunter’s feet. Hunter kicked him down, then punched away at McMahon. Carlito grabbed Hunter again. McMahon climbed over the edge of the cage. Hunter fought off Carlito, but Vince dropped down to win. He gloated by looking up at Hunter and puffing out his chest, not selling any of the beating he was just given by one of Raw’s biggest star wrestlers in a cage. Ross said that was The Game’s first loss since his return. Hunter took out his frustration on Carlito with a blow blow and then a head-first toss into the side of the cage. Carlito came up bleeding. Hunter beat on him some more and gave him a spinebuster. Ross said The Game must be so frustrated at having his winning streak ended by The Chairman. Hunter left the cage, but then slid a chair into the ring and stepped back in himself. He then lifted Carlito and gave him a Pedigree on the chair. It was modified, as to save his own knees.
WINNER: McMahon in 9:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4*
[Commercial Break]
4 — LANCE CADE & TREVOR MURDOCH vs. PAUL LONDON & BRIAN KENDRICK – Non-Title
The Highlanders were at ringside observing this match, joined in progress. Ross said if L&K win, they get a tag title shot next week. Lawler sent out congrats to the Cleveland Indians, his favorite team his entire life, for winning the Central Division. It came up because Raw is in Cleveland next week. After a twisting dive by London onto Cade at ringside, Kendrick went for a pin in Murdoch after Sliced Bread, but The Highlanders jumped in to prompt a DQ before the ref could count. Ross said, “That makes no sense.”
WINNERS: London & Kendrick via DQ in est. 5:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4* — Not much made it to TV.
-They went into the showers where Melina was naked. Hornswoggle was shown standing in the towel-off area. He saw Melina naked and his eyes got wide. Melina then saw him and screamed. She ran as Hornswoggle laughed and chased after her. He pulled off her towel. Melina escaped out a door. Boy was that dumb on many levels – basically just an excuse to show Melina showering.
[Commercial Break]
-Backstage, Coach approached Vince. Vince said he was basking in the glory of victory. Coach nervously said Triple H was looking for him. He said he could beat him again. Vince then quickly packed his things, revealing he really did want to get out of there fast.
-A video feature aired promoting “The Condemned.” Santino rated it “below average.” He said with all of the explotions, it was too violent and actually made his stomach feel queasy. Santino said, “If there’s one person who has more charisma than Stone Cold Steve Austin, it’s Santino Marella.” Santino said on his island, he would have found a non-violent solution to their problems.
-They reaired the finish of the cage match. Then backstage, Hunter stopped McMahon before he could leave the locker room. Hunter said if he thinks he can beat him anytime, anyplace, he challenged him to a match on Raw next week. Hunter got in his face and asked if he was scared. Vince said, “You’re on.” Hunter said, “And your screwed.” Vince gulped.
[Commercial Break]
5 — JEFF HARDY & CANDICE MICHELLE vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN & BETH PHOENIX
Hardy passed out green glow sticks to fans during his ring intro. He’s getting a little old for those glow sticks and the whole rave scene. Michelle was introduced as “Milwaukee’s own.” A minute in, Hardy and Candice knocked both opponents to the floor, then they posed together in the corner and dove onto them on the floor.
[Commercial Break]
At 4:00, Beth had Candice in a creative double armbar lock. Candice struggled to escape, and did with a backkick and some elbows. Shelton tagged in. Hardy greeted him with clotheslines. A minute later Shelton gave Hardy a nasty looking knee breaker on the back of Hardy’s shoulder area. At 9:00 Candice leaped off of a kneeling Jeff into Beth. Beth came back with a cradle suuplex for the win.
WINNERS: Phoenix & Benjamin in 10:00.
STAR RATING: **
-They went to a fake press conference backstage with Coach. He said no questions, he just wanted to make a statement. He said there is a very good chance that he will make the decision to end Cena’s reign. He said the “indefinite suspension” of Orton was just 24 hours in length. He said what Orton did last week, he wishes he could have done himself. He said he was taking pleasure in Cena’s father watching the next segment.
[Commercial Break]
-Coach stood mid-ring with security. He said Cena brought this on himself. He said he was warned many times not to touch Mr. McMahon or himself. He said one of the longest title reigns in 20 years may be coming to an end. He said it ultimately will be up to John Cena. Cena did come out right away, but after a couple more stern requests by Coach, Cena’s music played and out he walked. Coach told Cena that his father took a beating last week to save his championship reign, but now that may have been for nothing. Coach said he was giving him one chance to save the title. He said he wanted him to show him the respect he deserves. Cena shook his head no. Coach said he wants him to beg to keep his title. He said if he feels he’s sincere, he might let him keep the belt. Cena shook his head no. Coach said Cena could hand over the belt the hard way or the easy way. He said he can hand it over or the security team can take it away from him and haul him out of the building. Coach was about to say he was officially stripped of the title “by the power vested in me,” but the bell rang to interrupt him. Lilian Garcia said that by order of Mr. McMahon, Cena will not be stripped of his title. Coach said, “That’s impossible. He left it up to me.” Lilian said a main event match would take place right now – Cena vs. Coach in a tables match. The crowd popped as Coach protested. Coach said Mr. McMahon would have called him personally.
6 — JOHN CENA vs. COACH – Tables Match
Ross said the Chairman has apparently had a chance or heart. Cena punched Coach, lifted him for an FU, then set him down and instead went for an STFU first. Coach tapped frantically. Then he played to the crowd and gave Coach an FU through a table in center-ring. Ross said it seems McMahon has seen the light. Hornswoggle waved at Cena from the stage. Cena’s music stopped. Cena said, “Thank you, Mr. McMahon.” Lawler lauughed as Ross said, “Oh my God.” Lawler said, “There’s more than one Mr. McMahon! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.”
WINNER: Cena in 1:00.
STAR RATING: n/a
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