SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com.
WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW REPORT
DECEMBER 19, 2005
AFGHANISTAN
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, EDITOR
-A video aired about how troops have been entertained overseas for many years by various entertainers.
-Vince McMahon walked to the ring and told the troops that the “negative media types” back in the U.S. “have basically forgotten them.” That’s lame. That’s Vince trying to babyface himself by portraying that the “media-types” or the “anti-war” people are forgetting about the troops. No matter where you stand on the war, or even the type of job the media is doing covering the war, it’s extremely off-base to say either side doesn’t have the best interest of the troops in mind. McMahon introduced Lilian Garcia, who came out in a Santa suit.
(Keller’s Analysis: This is McMahon’s way of using the troops to media bash. It’s self-serving and offensive – and that’s has nothing to do with where I stand on the war or as a “media member” since covering the war is certainly not my beat so, as Jim Ross would say, I have no dog in this fight. I always get in trouble with many readers when covering these “feel good” shows because WWE so often ends up taking something wholesome and turning it into something distasteful or self-serving. Just because WWE wrestlers entertain the troops doesn’t mean it’s beyond scrutiny or that there isn’t opportunity, which McMahon seizes, to exploit the situation for his own good or to play up personal grudges. It’s his right, of course.)
-Joey Styles then commented that they – the announcers – have it easy because they’re calling the action from the WWE studios. That’s a lot classier than Michael Cole last year repeatedly implying he was overseas on the tour, when in fact he was dubbing commentary in the studio. Lilian sang the Star Spangled Banner.
[Commercial Break]
-Clips aired of WWE wrestlers visiting injured troops, bringing smiles to their faces. They showed headline clippings of newspaper coverage of WWE’s visiting the troops. So is the media bad or good? It can’t be both. There are no shades of gray in Vince McMahon’s world.
1 — CARLITO vs. THE BIG SHOW
Show won with a chokeslam, then slapped hands with the troops.
WINNER: Big Show at 1:00.
STAR RATING: n/a — This is one of those shows that exist in a vacuum when it comes to storylines in the eyes of McMahon. But it can’t help Carlito’s drawing power as a heel to lose so quickly and decisively. I’m all for feel-good finishes, but Carlito was squashed.
-Styles plugged Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels was the main event.
-A segment aired talking about the millions of land mines in Afghanistan, with troops saying they are the scariest aspect of being in that area. Michaels and John Cena were given a demonstration of controlled explosions of land mines that were discovered.
[Commercial Break]
-Another “Santa” (JBL) came out in a tan suit, introduced by Coach. Joey Styles said he wouldn’t allow his son to sit on his lap. This Santa said: “Mr. McMahon says the world has forgotten about our troops. Well, who cares.” He said if this place were any better, it’s suck. He said he stopped off to use a port-a-potty. He said next year Santa will fly over Afghanistan and this year he is cancelling Christmas, New Year’s, and a bunch of other holidays. “Santa is cancelling everything. There will be no more holidays. I am cancelling your leave.” That drew major boos. Santa then demanded some respect. They chanted “You suck.” He added, “I am going home to room service and cold beer.” Then the real Santa (Mick Foley) walked out in red with a big belly. JBL said, “The only real hos around here are the divas.” Foley said, “I propose a no ho-ho-holds barred match where anything go-ho-ho-hos.” The match was on.
2 — JBL vs. MICK FOLEY
It appears Foley has actually put on even more weight! Styles had to play dumb that Bad Santa was JBL until he was completely de-bearded. Foley grabbed JBL’s crotch, dropping him to his knees. Foley destuffed his belly, revealing that he hadn’t actually gained as much as weight as I initially thought. JBL missed a Clothesline from Hell. Foley then gave him a DDT and followed up with Mr. Socko for the pin.
WINNER: Foley at 2:14.
STAR RATING: n/a — Well, equal jobbing for all, apparently.
-A segment aired on Cena and Trish Stratus visiting with Afghanistan media members. Cena talked about being there to boost morale of the troops and expose Afghanistan to their culture. “Our visit here has been spectacular,” said Cena. “Everybody here has been friendly. In a time of conflict and crisis, I didn’t know what to expect.”
[Commercial Break]
-They did a segment on Rita Cosby travelling with WWE. JBL said they were there for no political reasons, but just to visit with the troops. Rita, with her usual great line of questioning, asked if they knew if Osama was still hiding in the hills. The soldier patiently told her if they knew where he was, they would have caught him by now. A cameraman with MSNBC testified how nice everyone was to each other. Rita said she is an honorary diva. The scenes included Michaels, Foley, Cena, McMahon, and “Divas” (they don’t have names, apparently).
[Commercial Break]
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
Check out the latest episode of the Wade Keller Podcast weekly Tuesday Flagship: CLICK HERE to stream (or search “wade Keller” on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any other iOS or Android app to subscribe free)
3 — GENE SNITSKY vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN
Snitsky scored the pin after ramming Shelton into an exposed turnbuckle and delivering a big boot.
WINNER: Snitsky at 1:46.
STAR RATING: n/a — They may love the troops, but so far they’re getting treated to a parade of squash matches.
-Lawler and Styles plug Cena vs. Chris Masters is up next.
[Commercial Break]
4 — JOHN CENA vs. CHRIS MASTERS
Cena got in some early offense, then Masters took over and brawled to ringside. Masters applied the Master Lock at 3:00. Cena didn’t break it, but Masters released it for some reason after 30 seconds. Masters then hit a fist drop, which Styles noted as a move utilized by Lawler. Cena made a comeback, hit the Five Knuckle Shuffle, and hit the FU for the win.
WINNER: Cena at 4:50.
STAR RATING: *1/4 — That was passable action and almost long enough enough to qualify as a full-fledged match. Now, for a show that is going to draw the same rating whether or not they give away up-and-comer Masters in a clean loss to Cena, it’s surprising they’d sacrifice Masters.
-They showed Michaels shedding a tear and Masters saying this was one of the greatest experiences of his life. Maria said it’s wonderful to bring a smile to the faces of the soldiers. They showed a series of shots of soldiers holding up signs sending their love to family and friends back home. “They’re the heros, because without them, we’ve got nothing,” said Cena. That is true. One soldier held up a funny sigh: “Terrorism. That’s not cool.”
[Commercial Break]
-A promo aired hyping Kurt Angle’s plans to deliver a “shocking announcement” next week. I can think of what it should be, and I also can’t rule it out. Should be interesting.
-Coach introduced Ric Flair as someone whose career and life have been going downhill lately. He referred to this as Flair’s farewell tour. He challenged him to a match for the IC Title. Flair is a man of few words these days. He just said, “I have but one word for you. Whoo!”
5 — RIC FLAIR vs. COACH
Flair chopped Coach’s bare chest and beat him quickly with a figure-four. Styles said Coach set a record for fastest tapout.
WINNER: Flair.
STAR RATING: n/a
-More footage of WWE wrestlers and troops interacting.
[Commercial Break]
6 — CANDICE MICHELLE & MARIA vs. TRISH STRATUS & ASHLEY
Said Styles: “This may be the favorite match of these servicemen.” During ring intros, they showed various soldiers admiring the women. Trish gave the ref a head scissors takedown by mistake a minute into the match. The match was basically designed as a way to show the women bending over, bouncing up and down, and rolling around together.
WINNERS: Candice & Maria at 4:30.
STAR RATING: 1/2* — Given the setting, and more specifically the audience, it was a good idea to make this the second-longest match of the night.
-A video package aired of soldiers talking a comrade saving their lives. A tribute was paid by soldiers to other soldiers who died in combat.
[Commercial Break]
-A video showed the ring and outdoor arena being set up and soldiers play-wrestling inside of it, imitating various wrestling moves and mannerisms.
7 — SHAWN MICHAELS vs. TRIPLE H
Lots of armbars early.
[Commercial Break]
They brawled at ringside and up the aisle. Michaels backdropped out of a Pedigree attempt on the entrance stage. They returned to the ring at 8:30, but then fought to ringside seconds later. Michaels knocked out the ref Mike Kiota by mistake. Hunter made a cover, but the ref was out. Ref Chad Pattton came out to replace the first ref. He pointed to an Army patch on his sleeve. Hunter saluted him, then punched him. He was replaced with a third ref. Styles noted that there was an audible “Triple H, Triple H” chant in the crowd. When’s the last time Hunter heard anything like that in the U.S.?
Michaels caught Hunter with a boot as he jumped off the top rope. With both men down at 12:00, the ref counted to nine before both got up at the same time. Michaels won an exchange of punches. He hit a flying forearm, atomic drop, bodyslam, and elbow drop. He managed to keep his balance despite the wind. Michaels went for Sweet Chin Music, but Hunter blocked it. Michaels, though, catapulted Hunter into the exposed turnbuckle, then hit the superkick for the win. “Michaels was the winner in the match, but we’ve all been winners tonight,” said Lawler. Styles recalled the highlights of the show.
WINNER: Michaels at 13:38.
STAR RATING: **
-They managed to keep politics out of everything after Vince McMahon’s ominous opening speech. The focus the rest of the show was on the troops, and it turned into a nice feel-good show. Styles and Lawler did a good job with commentary. Styles concluded, “It has been an honor to pay tribute to our troops.”
A music video closed out the show chronicling the travels of the WWE crew, including naps being taken by everyone on the plane ride and then more footage of interaction with the troops. It ended with McMahon saying, “America damn well supports you,” as if to imply there is even one American who has expressed anything but support for the troops and admiration for their sacrifice and in many cases prayer for their safe return home. I wish McMahon said America supports them without giving the false impression that he’s speaking for some minority and that there’s some hatred or lack of support for the troops that they don’t know about.
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