MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #64: Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top

Roman Reigns is one of the most dramatic, divisive, and discussed WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him your favourite graps guy – with limited success. How do they do it? What do they do?

I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter.

Monday Night Reignsometer

So lately Monday Night Raw hasn’t exactly been firing on all cylinders. Over here in the good old U of K I’ve been forgoing my usual pattern of staying up until 4:30 a.m. (bloody overrun) and then passing out on my keyboard during my day job and instead I’ve been getting to sleep at a reasonable time and waking up with energy. Seriously, it’s been horrible. I’ve become a morning person. Nobody wants to be that guy.

Last week, however, was a renewed pinnacle of blasphemy. The hero of our time, the greatest in history, you might say the greatest, greatest love I’ve ever known, Roman Reigns, was not there.

It wasn’t popularised much on Twitter, and not because most people didn’t notice! Nope! That’s fake news, definitely, yup. It was that other reason. You know the one. Oh, you want me to tell you now? Erm… tough.

Thankfully this week, the favorite for this year’s Mr Wettest Hair 2018 was indeed present. Not only that, but we got to enjoy the wonder that is Roman Reigns, paired with Roman Reigns if he was a top class wrestler to compete against Roman Reigns with charisma and Roman Reigns if he was Canadian.

He even got a little pop when he came to the ring, too. It turns out all he had to do was save our actual favorite graps guy, Seth Rollins. Why did nobody try that before?

Oh wait, yeah, they did that two years ago. And a year before that, but with everybody’s favourite graps guy Dean Ambrose. Roman needs a new nickname. “Big Dog” Roman Reigns isn’t over. He should stick to being The Wingman. Sometimes the simple things work best.

When the beautiful damsel in distress Seth Rollins (not even a joke, look how pretty that man is – oil him up, Finn) gets assaulted by the combined forces of two nations of beef, by which I mean Elias and Mahal, obviously, Roman Reigns had to run fast to save the day and just like that this Monday Night Raw went down in WWE history as the best ever.

As you might expect, wrestling followed. First Roman was the big hot tag and then, as the people went from wild cheers to unsure boos, he started getting beaten up again so that his buddy, his pal, the champion of his heart Seth Rollins could continue his momentum as the hottest man in the business.

From there, it was by the numbers. Rollins burned it down. Roman came, he saw, he…

Are you kidding me? He lost again? The ref’s allowed a blatant DDT on a chair, right in front of his face while Roman was busy on the outside teaching somebody in the audience how to work their complex division in order to go into space and Roman and Seth have lost.

Roman never wins. I swear this Reigns-o-Meter has completely cursed him. It’s a good thing Raw got seriously great right after that match.

Odds Counter
– Elias
– Jinder Mahal
– His own heroism
– His hair, I still can’t work out how he keeps it out of his eyes

Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
No

Okay, I admit it, Raw sucked.

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NOW CHECK OUT THE PREVIOUS COLUMN: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #63: Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top