McNEILL: Les Midcarders (A Double Or Nothing Musical Number)

By Pat McNeil, PWTorch columnist at large


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LES MIDCARDERS

“ONE SHOW MORE”
(to the tune of “One Day More” from “Les Miserables”)

(CUT To: A crowded conference room in Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas, where THE ELITE and THE AEW ROSTER are gathered together. There is a small stage and a podium at the front of the room. CODY RUNNELS and CHRIS JERICHO are on the stage, facing the crew. CODY starts pacing across the stage. Pacing and singing, that is.)

CODY (singing):
One show more!
Another day, another destiny
This never-ending road to solvency
Even though the stakes have climbed
We will sell out a second time.
One show more!

(CUT TO an airport lounge, where young newlyweds MOX and PAQUETTE are huddled close together, surrounded by their luggage.)

MOX:
My contract expired today
Can you survive when we are parted?

PAQUETTE:
I fear that now that you’ve escaped
They’ll make me sound like I have farted


(CUT TO young MERCEDES KAESTNER-VERNADO, covered in sensors and standing in a motion-capture studio in New York City, taking direction from video game designers. At this point, the scenes start jumping back and forth.)

MERCEDES:
One more day without our belts.

PAQUETTE:
You will be so far away!

MERCEDES:
One more day with Vince not caring.

MOX:
I was born to kick some ass.

MERCEDES:
What a push I might have known

MOX & PAQUETTE (together):
And I’d rather be with you

MERCEDES:
But the blonde girl got my spot!


(Back to the AEW stage, where JERICHO is rallying his crew.)

JERICHO:
One more day before the show!

PAQUETTE:
Do I follow where you go?

JERICHO:
For our money and our freedom!

MOX:
Should I join with The Elite?

JERICHO:
As our roster starts to grow.

MOX:
Maybe I could work Japan…

JERICHO:
Will you take your place with me?

AEW ROSTER:
The time is now! The day is here!

(Over to CODY for the big finish.)

CODY:
One show more!

(We cut to the WWE Performance Center, where TRIPLE H is speaking to his crew of developmental talent.)

TRIPLE H:
They can have their new promotion.
We will nip it in the bud.
Then the Khans will hemorrhage money
‘Til the red ink flows like blood!

CODY:
One show more!

(We cut to VINCE McMAHON and STEPHANIE McMAHON-LEVESQUE, in the WWE boardroom in Stamford.)

VINCE & STEPHANIE (together):
Watch them run amuck,
Catch them as they fall.
Without our competition,
We can rule them all!
Make them pay hotels,
Rental cars and such
They’re independent contractors.
They don’t need much!

(JERICHO now joins CODY in the chorus.)

CODY & JERICHO:
One day to a new beginning!

AEW ROSTER (in response):
Raise the expectations high!

CODY & JERICHO:
All of you will be Elite!

AEW ROSTER:
All of us will be Elite!

CODY & JERICHO:
Every man a main eventer!

BRANDI:
That goes for the women too!

CODY & JERICHO:
Did you see the people’s tweets?

(A tall man bursts into the AEW room. But it isn’t Mox. It’s DUSTIN RHODES.)

DUSTIN: I made it here. I fight with you!

(CODY and Jericho pull Dustin up on stage with them. The other AEW wrestlers surround them.)

THE ELITE:
One show more!

(Back in the performance center, we watch a group of several well-known wrestlers walk in to join TRIPLE H’s crew. We see Undertaker, Kurt Angle, Bill Goldberg, Dolph Ziggler, Brock Lesnar…)

TRIPLE H:
In two weeks, we go to Jeddah
There we’ll make some real dough.
We have brought back all their heroes.
We’ll put on a bigger show.

CODY, JERICHO & THE ELITE:
One Show More!

MOX (leaving the airport concourse):
Tomorrow she’ll be worlds away.
But over here, the fun has started!

VINCE & STEPHANIE (overlapping):
Masterful McMahons
Think Outside The Box
We’ll make tons of money
When our show’s on FOX!

CODY, JERICHO & THE ELITE:
One Show More!

PAQUETTE (on a plane, looking out the window):
Tomorrow I’ll be far away.

(Back to the Performance Center.)

TRIPLE H:
Tomorrow is their Judgment Day!

(Back to a wide shot of the Starrcast crowd at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas, with CODY, DUSTIN, JERICHO, BRANDI and the entire AEW crew surrounded by fans.)

ALL:
Tomorrow we’ll discover
What pro wrestling has in store!
One more card!
One more show!
One show more!

(End of Act One.)


Pat McNeill has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. He lives in Greenville, South Carolina. He’d take Toronto to beat Milwaukee in tomorrow night’s basketball playoff game. You know, if gambling were legal.

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