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The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com.
WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW REPORT
AUGUST 1, 2005
MOHEGAN SUN, CONN.
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, EDITOR
-Jim Ross, Coach, and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. Then Chris Jericho came right out for a promo. He bragged that his plan is going “swimmingly.” He said Cena’s performance at Battle of the Bands was “stinkaroo” and “rotten.” “That wasn’t rap, that was crap,” he said. Then he boasted about what he did as special referee last week. He called himself the fairest, best referee of all time. They replayed Jericho giving Cena a low blow. Jericho said no matter what happens tonight, he’s the big winner because he can beat either Carlito or Cena. Cena then jumped Jericho. Bischoff then came out and had Cena restrained. He was beside himself as he reacted to Cena attacking Jericho. He then declared that Jericho would be the special referee again tonight and if Cena got himself intentionally DQ’d, the title would change hands. Jericho smiled on the stage as Cena shook his head in the ring, still held back by security.
-Ross, Lawler, and Coach plugged that there would be a big announcement by Vince McMahon later and a tribute to Shawn Michaels’s career.
[Commercial Break]
1 — BIG SHOW & SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. GENE SNITSKY & CHRIS MASTERS
Shelton added to his “slips” on flying moves at the start of the match. With his hands clasped, Big Show at ringside catapulted Shelton by his feet onto the top rope. Shelton was presumably attempting a springboard dive at Snitsky and Masters, but he slipped and landed on the mat, then jumped at Masters and Snitsky. Big Show beat up the heels for a while, including some heavy chops to Snitsky’s chest. He then pressed Masters onto Snitsky at ringside as they cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
—Q2—
The heels took over the match after the break, isolating Shelton for several minutes. At 13:00 Shelton hot-tagged Big Show who worked over both heels at once inside the ring. Show then swung Shelton’s leg mid-wheel kick and knocked Masters out of the ring. Snitsky attacked Show, but Show caught him charging him and chokeslammed him for the win.
WINNERS: Big Show & Shelton Benjamin at 14:15.
STAR RATING: ** — Nice double-team spots with Show and Shelton. Solid formula tag.
-A clip aired of Eugene winning the Angle Invitational last week, then plugged that the first Eugene Invitational was next.
[Commercial Break]
—Q3—
-Christy Hemme introduced Eugene. Eugene asked to play with her “pom poms.” Kurt Angle came out to confront Eugene. Eugene began by snapping at him, “What’s your name and where’re you from!” Pretty funny, actually. The crowd laughed. Angle said he knows who he is. Eugene repeated his question in a snotty, rapid-fire way, mocking Angle. Finally Angle gave in said his name and hometown. Eugene said he isn’t a hometown guy. Angle said last week he pretended Eugene was from that town. Eugene said last week was pretend, tonight is real. Angle got frustrated. Then Tatanka came out to the ring. Ross said that he is a real Native American. Lawler said Tatanka isn’t from Mohegan Sun. Ross said, “This is an Indian reservation.”
2 — EUGENE vs. TATANKA
Tatanka, with an ample additional to his mid-section compared to last time we saw him. Ross said Tatanka wasn’t showing any signs of ring rust. Tatanka chopped Eugene in the corner mid-way through the match. Tatanka then did a war dance and chopped Eugene in the head. He went to the top rope and took Eugene down with a tomahawk chop for a two count with 55 seconds left in the three minute time limit. Eugene then surprised Tatanka with an Angle Slam. He pretended to pull his straps down and then applied Ankle’s anklelock. Angle attacked Eugene with 27 seconds left in the time limit. Tatanka made the save for Eugene. They clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor.
WINNER: Eugene via DQ at 2:33.
STAR RATING: n/a — Tatanka was respectable, but hardly in WWE shape.
-They went to a clip of Hulk Hogan on Larry King Live last Thursday night talking about how Shawn Michaels was upset because he never reached the upper-tier. It was a short clip.
[Commercial Break]
—Q4—
-Todd Grisham interviewed Angle backstage. He said Raw will be in Pittsburgh next week and he will get his Gold Medals back. He vowed to break Eugene’s ankles. “He’s already special, but I’m going to make him very special, if you know what I mean.”
-Ross, Lawler, and Coach were shown on camera. One of Coach’s primarily jobs is to look young, thin, and cool during the rare times they show the Raw announcing team on camera. It was always a big deal to Kevin Dunn and Vince McMahon in recent years that Ross and Lawler weren’t more photogenic and hip (as you can tell by their pattern of who they hire new for announcing roles).
-A clip aired of Kane taking Lita on an ambulance ride last week. This angle lost all juice when WWE.com didn’t bother to update the situation and they didn’t open the show with an update. When Lita being kidnapped by a demented, angry Kane isn’t a bigger story than the Eugene Invitational, it’s hard to take it seriously.
-Jericho told Carlito backstage that due to his being the referee, he’ll make sure Carlito will be holding both titles at the end of the night. Bischoff walked in and demanded those two make a plan to be sure Cena doesn’t walk out as champion. Jericho said he’s going to make a fast three count.
-Ross declared it totally unfair and “collusionary.” They showed Vince McMahon arriving backstage in a limo for his big announcement.
[Commercial Break]
-Vince McMahon walked to the ring. Ross said he isn’t there for a small announcement, he has an agenda. McMahon said tonight is a special edition of Raw. He said he remembers the first edition of Raw that was held in Manhattan Center in front of 1,200 people. He said they are celebrating their 636th edition of Raw tonight. He said that’s a record for the longest running weekly entertainment program. He said they surpassed Gunsmoke, Lassie, Seinfeld, Simpsons, and Happy Days. He said the classy thing to do would be to thank WWE fans from the bottom of his heart for making it possible. He said instead he wanted to thank the person who built “this promotional juggernaut Raw” into something that would survive generation after generation.
He said it’s okay to thank yourself every now and then. “It even feels pretty good,” he said, adding that he doesn’t allow his ego to get in the way of making good business decisions. He said he has made good decisions for WWE fans over the years. “Why else would I bring back superstar after superstar after they’ve stabbed me in the back? Because it’s good business. Why would I bring that son of a bitch Eric Bischoff after he ran WCW to be general manager of Raw? Why would I bring a brand back that is dead and buried, rejuvenate it and give it life? Because it’s good business, that’s why.” He said it was time to make another business decision that nobody knows about including Eric Bischoff. He said he has recently been signed to come back to action. “This man will see individual competition at Summerslam against his opponent, Edge,” he said. “Ladies and gentleman, I give you Matt Hardy!” Hardy then got out of a limo backstage. He walked toward the ring.
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
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—Q5—
Ross called it quite a coup for McMahon. He said Edge wasn’t in the arena because he was home tending to Lita. Hardy shook McMahon’s hand. McMahon handed the mic to Hardy. Hardy said he should thank Vince McMahon for bringing him back to Raw, but in reality the people brought him back to Raw. He said unlike Vince McMahon, he does thank all of them. He said he wanted to catch people up to speed on his story in case they don’t know. He said even though Amy Dumas was “married” to Kane on TV (he did the quote fingers when he said it), she was coming home to him every night. He said his girlfriend of six years, he found out, was having an affair with Edge. He said once the story broke and became public, his world turned upside down.
He thanked the fans for letting themselves be heard. He said he’ll never forget the chants at MSG live on Raw of “We Want Matt” and “You Screwed Matt.” He said it was on that day that the Matt Hardy movement began. He said Edge destroyed his dream of marrying Lita and having children with her. He said he came close to destroying his career. He said if he can live through the ordeal he’s going to put him through, his personal and professional life will be so miserable, you’ll wish you were dead. He said the only thing that would make him more happy than injuring him or ending his career is if he were to die in a car accident before he had the chance. “So when we step into the ring at Summerslam, it’s either kill or be killed, Adam, and Matt Hardy will not die.” He got close to the camera and stared into it. Hardy then climbed onto the top rope.
Nice response for Hardy, but it didn’t come across as overwhelming on TV. It doesn’t help that last week they ran an angle where Kane, upset because his “ex-wife Lita” left him for Edge, drove off with her in an ambulance, and then it was replayed this week, and then Hardy comes out and says Kane wasn’t really married to Lita. So why was Kane so upset all this time? Didn’t he take a hint when “his wife” never came home during their marriage?
Sadly, the whole storyline dating back more than a year has been so poorly written, the average fan is confused by everything – and deservedly so. And to those who know the difference between real and fake, the whole Hardy-Edge situation was always destined to lose a ton of steam whenever the two were in a wrestling match. Their target audience with this are fans who think it’s mostly fake, but sometimes it’s real, and this is one of those times it’s real. If it’s booked logically and consistently, that approach might work in some situations. The Hardy-Lita-Kane-Edge situation is such a mess – more so than ever – that it’s tough for anyone to have a grasp of what they’re supposed to think.
[Commercial Break]
-Kerwin White introduced himself to Vince McMahon backstage. Kerwin asked Vince if he’s from Greenwich, Conn. because he’s thinking of moving there. When Kerwin said he wanted to become upper-middle-class, McMahon said he’s been rich so long, he’s forgotten what it’s like to be middle class so he can’t help him.
3 — ROB CONWAY vs. VAL VENIS
A vignette aired before the match of Conway saying he’s going to do things his way from now on. He came to the ring doing a gimmick that looked like a cross between Billy & Chuck and Perry Saturn. He began the match with his sunglasses on. When they fell off, he freaked out. Putting him against Val didn’t make a lot of sense because Val is so deceptively large that Conway looked small by comparison. It’d be handy to have Spike Dudley around for a match like this. Coach asked Ross, “You know what rhymes with Venis, don’t you?” Ross didn’t answer. Coach said, “Meanness.” Back and forth match until Conway knocked Val off the top rope and then hit his Ego Trip finisher. Conway had trouble standing, favoring his left ankle or calf after the match. He had trouble standing and keeping a cocky look on his face. He didn’t seem overly hurt as he did jump to the floor, carefully, afterward.
WINNER: Conway at 5:50.
STAR RATING: *1/4 — It felt like a decent popcorn match after intermission at a house show. Okay, but not involving anyone fans care about. “I do things my way, the Con Way,” doesn’t shout “main event catchphrase.”
—Q6—
[Commercial Break]
-They went to a spoof of Hulk Hogan on Larry King Live, with Michaels dressed as Hogan coming out onto a fake Larry King set in using a walker. He said by the time Summerslam comes around, he’ll be 102 years old. When asked if he’s a good guy or bad guy, he said he’s a great guy. When a caller said he was from Battle Creek, Mich., Michaels said in Hogan’s voice that he only made the big towns, a legitimate dig at Hogan who worked fewer house shows when he was a headliner than Michaels did when he was a headliner. They cut to the video of Michaels, which hardly painted him as a bad guy. It was pretty much the video you’d show if you wanted to pay tribute to him if he were retiring. Then it cut to Michaels superkicking Hogan. They went back to “Larry King” when Michaels, in Hogan’s voice, talked about how Michaels never quite made it to the top tier. “He’s got more important things on his mind, like becoming the greatest wrestler who’s ever stepped into the ring. He’s more interested in going out there each and every night to steal the show. He works just as hard in Battle Creek, Mich. as he does in Madison Square Garden. You see, once they’re in the building, you’ve already got their cash in your pocket. Shawn Michaels would rather go out there and be sure those fans get their money’s worth. But at Summerslam, it’s not going to matter, brother.” He then closed out with a spoof on Hogan’s trademark promo. Michaels posed and then pretended he hurt his back. Then he superkicked the phony Larry King, ripped off his Hogan disguise, and looked into the camera. He said, “Hulk Hogan, you’ve got your reality show, Hogan Knows Best. At Summerslam, what’re you gonna do when reality kicks you right in the face.” Michaels then superkicked the camera.
I can’t imagine that promo doing anything but helping the crowd turn against Hogan later this month when they finally wrestle. This week’s new Torch Newsletter will feature my analysis of the Hogan-Michaels feud, with details on what’s going on behind the scenes, and insight into various directions the Hogan-Michaels match could go at the PPV.
—Q7—
[Commercial Break]
-One of the divas was cut bringing it to four final contestants, then they went to the ring and had a jousting contest, titled “Queen of the Mountain.” Coach introduced Rob Schneider as the special guest referee. Then they went to a clip of his latest movie. Then he walked out and asked the women not to be distracted by his boner. Elisabeth, Crystal, Leila, and Ashley had a mini tournament of jousting. Ashley won the first over Leila. Elisabeth beat Crystal. Schenider began wrestling with the women. Then it was time for the finals. Elisabeth beat Ashley. The most ridiculous thing was that the women wore helmets, as if there was one hard surface in the entire ring (other than Schenider’s… abs).
—Q8—
[Commercial Break]
4 — JOHN CENA vs. CARILTO COOL — WWE Title match
When Cena charged at Carlito at the start, Jericho yanked Carlito out of the way. Jericho counted very quickly for Carlito’s early pin attempts.
Jericho helped Carlito throw Cena into the ringpost as they cut to a mid-match break.
[Commercial Break]
—Q9—
Carlito sustained offense until 10:15 when Cena made a full-fledged comeback. Cena hit a high backdrop followed by his You Can’t See Me and Five Knuckle Shuffle. When he went for the pin, Jericho didn’t move from the corner. He stood there with his arms crossed. Cena charged at Jericho. Carlito attacked Cena from behind. Cena punched away at Carlito. Jericho went after Cena, but Cena elbowed him. Bischoff stood on the ring apron and yelled at Cena. Cena knocked Carlito into Bischoff, sending both to the floor. Cena gave the FU to Carlito. A second ref entered the ring and counted the pin.
WINNER: Cena at 12:12 to retain the WWE Title.
STAR RATING: *1/2 — Pretty bland match, filled with relatively bland mat holds, punches, and a lame finish. What’s the point of assigning a special crooked ref if a second fair ref is standing by? Wouldn’t that ref be risking his job by defying Bischoff like that?
-Jericho attacked Cena after the match, suplexing him at ringside. Then he wrested a TV camera from a cameraman at ringside and bashed Cena in the skull with it. Cena bladed. Jericho put Cena in the Walls of Jericho. Bischoff then taunted Cena with a You Can’t See Me. Then he slapped him several times. Ross called him a son of a bitch. Coach declared it the beginning of the end of Cena. Ross said the conduct of the administration and officials was reprehensible. Jericho eyed the title as the show concluded.
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