SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 30 years ago this week in the Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter paper copy…
KELLER’S WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW REPORT
JANUARY 8, 1996
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE PRO WRESTLING TORCH NEWSLETTER (ISSUE #369)
-The show opened with an on-screen warning saying “The following program contains action of a graphic nature. Viewer discretion is advised”…
-A clip aired of Shawn Michaels teasing his press conference announcement and part two of “Billionaire Ted’s War Room”…
-The new Raw opening aired with a return to Raw’s old music and all highlight clips with no roof footage (so much for that idea)…
-Jerry Lawler & Vince McMahon opened the program and made reference to being in the “middle of the blizzard ’96″…
(1) Jeff Jarrett beat Hakushi via submission at 8:25 At 1:24 Jarrett backdropped Hakushi over the top rope. As he strutted, Hakushi hit him with a flying shoulder block off the top rope. McMahon said that during the broadcast there would be several bombshells including Michaels’s press conference, the Royal Rumble sweepstakes winner, and revealing the Million Dollar Champion. At 8:17 Jarrett locked on the figure-four and gained a clean submission…
-Jim Ross hosted “Slam Jam,” saying that Dok Hendrix got held up in the blizzard. Ross then previewed Royal Rumble and announced that “Doug Gilbert of the USWA” and “the legendary Jake Roberts” were entering the Rumble. Another video skit aired of Vader with him speaking about “Vader Time” over the footage of him working out. Ross also announced Godwinn, Jannetty, Kama, Skip, and All Japan’s Takao Omori. Ross then threw to “Scheme Gene” who spoofed WCW’s 900 line by saying other superstars were coming out of the woodwork, but he can’t talk about it now…
(2) Ahmed Johnson beat Jeff Brentler. Brentler made Jannetty and Randy Savage’s outfits seem normal. After the match Jarrett jumped Ahmed, but just missed hitting him with his guitar. He then fled the ring. Ahmed then broke the guitar over the corner ringpost…
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
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-Next week’s Raw main events of Undertaker vs. Isaac Yankem and Marty Jannetty vs. Owen Hart were plugged…
-In a Brother Love interview segment, Ted DiBiase said he searched and finally found someone worthy of being the Million Dollar Champion. “Ringmaster” (a/k/a Steve Austin) made his way to the ring. McMahon said his skills “are very well known.” DiBiase, though, said the fans haven’t seen him wrestle. Austin held his hand to the screen and welcomed viewers to touch the screen and feel what it’s like to be destined for greatness.
Ringmaster then said he would win the Rumble and go on to win the WWF Title, even though the WWF Title means less than the Million Dollar belt…
(3) Goldust beat Aldo Montoya. after his facebuster suplex. McMahon again suggested that Goldust may not really believe what he is saying regarding his attraction to Ramon. Hogan can take solace in that Aldo Montoya got less babyface heat than he did…
-In another Slam Jam segment, the Michaels press conference announcement was made that he is returning to the Rumble…
-Locker room soundbites aired of Diesel, Razor Ramon, and Owen Hart reacting to the news that Michaels was entering the Rumble. Diesel said he would go through Michaels if he had to even though Michaels is his best friend, Ramon predicted Michaels would win although said he was coming back too soon, and Owen Hart took credit for Michaels’s collapse…
-They re-aired the Bret Hart vs. British Bulldog match. McMahon introduced it as an example of the high standards of WWF pay-per-views. During a commercial they cut out part of the middle of the match, but were not shy in showing Bret Hart bleeding…
-An Undertaker promo aired…
-Kathy Schreck, 24, of Chicago, Ill. was announced as the winner of the Royal Rumble sweepstakes…
-As they previewed next week’s Raw, Lawler said Yankem will have Undertaker’s teeth rolling on the mat next week. They also plugged Ringmaster’s in-ring debut…
-The second “Billionaire Ted’s Warroom” segment spoofing WCW aired. The WWF spoofed Gene Okerlund’s 900 number plugs. During two “Slam Jam” segments, Jim Ross introduced “Scheme Gene” who plugged that he had insider information, but couldn’t reveal it on the air. Scheme Gene said, “Superstars are coming out of the woodwork on this one. I can’t give it to you now, but I can give it to you later.”
In the second of Scheme’s segments, he said: “Hold on Jim, I got a huge name for the Royal Rumble. As my mother in law used to say, it’s too hot for television. But I’ll give it up if you give me a call on the hotline.”
Ross said, “Come on, one time, right here on TV. One time.” Scheme said, “Okay, it’s Vader time.” McMahon concluded, “Well, that’s typical Scheme.”
Part two of “Billionaire Ted’s Warroom” closed Raw. As he sat at the head of a table, “Ted Turner” said, “All right boys we need a new slogan for our television show.” One executive suggested, “How about uncut, uncooked, uncensored.” Turner responded, “Nah, we’ve already stole that one.” Others chimed in: “How about ripping off unbelievable. You know, like not believable. Yeah, like Ted’s wrestling is not believable.” Said Turner, “Guys, this is no time to start telling the truth.” Said someone else: “This is where the good old boys play. Or maybe just the old boys play.” Hulk stepped in, “Hey, who you callin’ old brother.” Turner said, “What did I tell you guys. This is no time to start telling the truth.” Nacho Man said: “Let’s lie. How about this is where the big boys play!”
Turner said he liked that. “It’s just dishonest enough to work.” Savage said: “What if all our stars have to take a legitimate test for steroids?” Hulk said, “You don’t have to worry about that because we’re not in the WWF anymore.”
The narrator concluded: “The new WWF Generation. There’s nothing old or unofficial here.”
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