SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
TITLE: It’s Hard to Hold a Candle In The Cold November Reigns
Wake the pets & call the neighbors, it’s time for our exclusive WWE Network pseudo PPV projections!
DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of Paul “NXT” Levesque, Runjin Singh, Ed Koskey, and WWE President Bats— Crazy Vincent Kennedy Gagne. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter.
This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall’s porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a gift certificate from the world famous Spiegel catalog. It’s the ideal resource for the woman who knows that Spiegel means style. Spiegel, Chicago, Illinois, 60609.
Pat McNeill’s wardrobe provided by Botany 500. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These projections are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, right after he pushes Cesaro.
There are lot of fans in the WWE Universe who don’t want to see Roman Reigns capture the WWE World Heavyweight Title tonight in Atlanta, but I think the people in Islamic State are taking their hatred of Roman Reigns a little too far. (Yes, I know this is a likely a fake news article, and I would think this afternoon’s NFL game at the Georgia Dome would be a bigger target than Survivor Series. ‘Twas just a joke.)
Before we preview tonight’s show, let’s get to this month’s edition of the Wrestling History Lesson, because that’s why many of you clicked here in the first place. Twenty years ago, on November 20, 1995, the World Wrestling Federation pretaped the November 27, 1995 episode of Monday Night Raw in Richmond, Virginia. On that event, Ted DiBiase’s Million Dollar Corporation rented the services of Sir Mo to take on their nemesis, The Undertaker. Vince McMahon and Jerry “The King” Lawler had the call.
What was happening in World Wrestling Entertainment fifteen years ago? I’m glad you asked! On November 19, 2000 the World Wrestling Federation presented “Survivor Series 2000” from Tampa, Florida. One of the big matches that night was the grudge match between future Hall of Famers The Rock and Rikishi Fatu. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler had the call.
The Rock vs. Rikishi (2000 Survivor Series)
Did you catch WWE Smackdown? Well, you can watch one of the matches from Thrusday night on SyFy right now. It’ll be Nikki Bella taking on Paige Knight in singles competition. Rich Brennan, Booker T & Jerry Lawler have the call.
Charlotte vs. Brie Bella (non-title)
Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and John B. Layfield will be announcing the show, while Rich Brennan and Byron Saxton will be assisted at the security chekpoints. On with the program!
Will we have a pre-show match to round out the show? Probably. Let’s say that it’s Bo Dallas defeating R-Truth.
We’re also scheduled for a traditional ten-man Surviror Series Elimination Match. Let’s go with Ryback, The Lucha Dragons & The Usos against Sheamus, King Barrett & The New Day, with Sheamus emerging as the sole survivor.
Since this article is already late, let’s get right to the point and finish out these projections.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Tyler Breeze: Summer whacks Dolph with a selfie stick and Breeze superkicks Ziggler for the pinfall while Dolph is distracted.
Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens: I have a feeling that protecting Owens will be a bigger priority than protecting Dean Ambrose, but let’s go with Owens poking Dean in the eyes and winning with a rollup.
Roman Reigns vs. Alberto Del Rio: Superman punch. Spear. Reigns wins. Thank you, please drive through.
Charlotte Flair vs. Paige Knight (WWE Divas Title): Paige puts on her usual scenery chewing performance. Charlotte escapes the PTO. Paige escapes the Figure Eight, then whacks Charlotte with the championship title belt and takes the disqualification loss.
Brothers of Destruction vs. The Wyatt Family: Bray Wyatt & Luke Harper get the call for the family. The Undertaker tombstones Harper for the victory. Strowman is the one Wyatt Family member who doesn’t get beaten down after the match.
Obviously, this show wraps with Roman Reigns beating Kevin Owens to win the WWE title. Since Owens will be mostly cheered while Reigns is booed, this will probably be the point where the company gives up on getting fans to cheer Reigns.
Seriously, if you’re WWE and you want people to cheer Roman Reigns? Turn the Roman heel and make Paul Heyman his manager. That ought to solve the problem.
Aftermath: Next month is WWE TLC. I think this would be Roman Reigns vs. Dean Ambrose in a ladder match, with Reigns finally turning heel on his bro. Your mileage may vary.
Pat McNeill has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. He lives in Greenville, South Carolina. He’d take the Arizona Cardinals over the Cinciannti Bengals on Sunday Night Football. You know, if gambling were legal.