SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
Roman Reigns is one of the most dramatic, divisive, and discussed WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him your favorite graps guy – with limited success. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter.
Why hello everybody, it’s been a while hasn’t it?
So a lot has happened recently that’s made it really difficult to write up a Reigns-o-meter. Firstly, there was an abrupt end to Roman’s feud with Rowan, likely due to the fact that it’s very hard to remember which is which when you just flip the middle letter upside down and they’re the same person.
Then there was a draft, which was heavily drafted and contained many drafts. Would Roman go to Raw? Would he go to Smackdown? Would he show up randomly in the next instalment of NWA on YouTube? He stayed in Smackdown. He didn’t go anywhere. Nothing changed really.
Also, then there was a wedding I was at for a weekend. Not my wedding. My heart belongs to a Big Dog. She is not going to be happy I called her that.
And so, after all of that, and after all the difficulty finding time to sit down either on a weekend or on a Monday morning and smash out a few hundred words celebrating the joyous creation that is Roman Reigns, I finally found time on a Monday afternoon to rewatch Roman going ooh-aah with a crowd that actually isn’t saying boo-aah. How times change.
So what has Roman been up to this week? Well, to nobody’s surprise, he is now the captain in a very important match taking place at Saudi Arabia’s “Crown Jewel” event. Having taken the place of his Shield mate Seth Rollins, Roman is slowly building up to a brand new feud with Baron “Owner of the best crown in WWE” Corbin. To work towards that, and the five-on-five match at Crown Jewel (Elimination? Texas Tornado?) we started Smackdown with a big old party right in the middle of the ring.
Chad Gable, who is definitely called Chad Gable still, said something about being short. Mustafa Ali, who is still called Mustafa, said something about Sami Zayn’s breath. I sometimes wonder if I’m actually covering a show that features grown men or if I’ve somehow been duped into watching a sand pit soap opera.
After Flair and Hogan had finished their ancient summit, we had ourselves a six man tag match. The King, who is also a Baron, would lead Nakamura and Cesaro – for some reason. Meanwhile, Roman Reigns would bring his best pals Chad Gable and Mustafa Ali for some good old fashioned fisticuffs.
Two hours is not enough time for Roman Reigns to do that classic Roman Reigns thing where he is on the show five or six times. Honestly, my life just feels empty when Roman isn’t on my television screen.
We had the return of women’s wrestling when Lacey Evans punched a poor fan who wandered too close to the ring. Also, Nikki Cross showed what she was all about against Mandy Rose while Sasha Banks reminded Michael Cole that it’s his job to tell people whether it is or is not Boss Time.
Kofi Kingston took a loss in a tag match, furthering his descent into glorious madness. That insta-loss to Brock Lesnar was definitely part of a larger storyline, right? Right? Also, other things? Let me check my notes here.
Moving swiftly on, we got to the main event, in which a Big Dog and two short men took on two strong and a strong style. This was such a Shield match. Three on three. Roman providing power and finishing while the two smaller men did the grunt work and the flipping and the diving. It brought back so many memories. Chad Gable playing the Dean Ambrose “I’m smiling despite my gimmick” role. Mustafa Ali playing the Seth Rollins “I get the win because Roman said so” role. Isn’t wrestling crazy?
The match ended with Roman Reigns throwing out two successive ooh-aahs and one spear to a rapturous reception. He tags in Ali, much like that time he very honourably let R-Truth win the 24/7 title and Ali gets the pin.
So Roman Reigns’s gimmick is basically just dad now, right? He’s everybody’s dad?
– Ric Flair
– Sami Zayn
– Baron Corbin
– Shinsuke Nakamura
– His own humility
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
He’s your dad too, by the way.