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KELLER’S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
MARCH 6, 2020
BUFFALO, N.Y.
AIRED LIVE ON FOX
Announcers: Michael Cole, Corey Graves
[HOUR ONE]
-A nearly three minute video package aired on last week’s John Cena-Fiend angle.
-The Smackdown opening theme aired followed by live pyro on the stage in the arena.
-Cole introduced the show. The graphic on the augmented reality scoreboard noted they were in Buffalo, N.Y. and Cole also said the name of the (NFL) city. Graves hyped that a Firefly Funhouse would air later. Cole plugged the Tag Team Gauntlet Match to gain an advantage on Sunday to enter the Elimination Chamber match last.
-A Moment of Bliss: Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross sat mid-ring for the segment rather than the stage. She talked about the Hall of Fame Class of 2020, starting with Batista (cheers), JBL (boos), and the Bella Twins (mixed). Bliss said it’s shaping up to be a really good class this year. She mentioned the Kabuki Warriors and said their WWE Women’s Tag Team Titles are supposed to be defended on all brands, so when they’re ready to defend the belts on Smackdown, they’re waiting for them. She then introduced the NWO’s Scott Hall, Sean “X-Pac” Waltman, and Kevin Nash. Waltman’s got the new James Harden beard going. Cole noted that Hulk Hogan isn’t there, but he was part of the NWO as well. Graves said he was the brains behind it all. Cole noted the Hall of Fame will stream Thursday night, Apr. 2 this year.
Hall said, “Hey yo.” Bliss said they’ll all be two-time entrants into the HOF after this year. Nikki got up to take a selfie with them. Bliss asked whether they should call him Sean, 1-2-3 Kid, or X-Pac. Waltman said, “Maybe just call me Hall of Famer.” Bliss brought up Goldberg as one of their fiercest rivals. Hall, Nash, and Waltman reacted with “Ohhh’s.” Bliss asked Nash, as the one who ended Goldberg’s streak, what should he do to beat Reigns. Nash sarcastically said he had forgotten he beat Goldberg. He said he talked to Roman on the phone this week, and he gave him advice. Nash said he told him he needs Hall and a cattle prod. Fans were kinda restless. There was dead air. Then finally, as Hall was about to speak, Sami Zayn, Shinsuke Nakamura, and Cesaro walked out.
Sami said they all love the NWO. “It’s for life,” he said. “1997 was a great year, but it’s time we stop living in the past and talk about the future. And the future is Sami Zayn. And Cesaro. And Shinsuke Nakamura.” He said the immediate future is the three of them beating Braun Strowman to take back the Intercontinental Title at Elimination Chamber. They all entered the ring. He told Hall that Razor Ramon was one of the greatest IC Champions ever. He told Nash as Diesel he won the IC Title, too. Sami said Waltman – then he paused and said he knows how much the IC Title weighs because he carried the IC belt for them for years. Waltman stood and said, “We can go.” Nash said he’s got a big mouth for someone who looks like Seth Rogan after two weeks of stomach flu. Fans laughed. Hall said, “He told you! He told you!” Nash said they couldn’t touch them on their best day. Waltman said on any day. Hall said, “Yeah, what they said.” They all stood up. Hall stretched on the ropes. Sami asked if they want to fight. Waltman was ready to go. Sami said they won’t give them what they want. He backed out of the ring. “You want to get the rub from us,” Sami said. “You want to be relevant again and you think that will happen by fighting us and getting all the headlines on social media.” He said they are laser-focused on their objective and destroying Strowman at EC. Braun’s music played.
Cesaro charged to the stage and attacked Strowman. Strowman threw Cesaro against the stage wall, then headbutted Nakamura. Next he pointed at Sami. Sami pointed back. Sami entered the ring. Waltman stood in a fighting stance and trapped him. Strowman entered the ring. Sami panicked. Then he hid behind Bliss. Fans booed. Sami then slipped out of the ring and ran away. Cole said, “What a coward.” Braun said at EC on Sunday, all three of them are going to get these hands. He said it’ll be “Too sweet!” The NWO music played and they struck poses together.
(Keller’s Analysis: It was fun to see them out there together, but it was kind of awkward at first. The dead pause before Sami came out was especially awkward. Nash acted above it all and Hall did his usual sarcastic and mocking bit. Waltman seemed to be having fun. This served as a reminder of the inherent charisma and chemistry these three had, but also the sense of rebelling against their own segments sometimes. Sami was good, as usual. It makes Smackdown feel more like the A-show or that WWE is at least trying when they have this parade of legends making appearances to shake things up on an otherwise shallow roster.)
-They showed Naomi and Lacey backstage. Then they showed Sasha Banks and Bayley. Cole plugged their tag match was up next. [c]
-They showed postcard shots of Buffalo landmarks.
(1) NAOMI & LACEY EVANS vs. BAYLEY & SASHA BANK
Bayley and Banks attacked at the start. Sasha threw Naomi into the ringside barricade a minute in and they cut to a break. [c]
Sasha had Lacey grounded with a leglock after the break. Naomi made a comeback and sunset flipped Sasha. Bayley broke up the pin. Bayley interfered with Naomi on the top rope. Sasha took advantage of it with a knee strike and a jackknife roll-up for the win.
WINNERS: Sasha & Bayley in 7:00.
-Kayla Braxton interviewed New Day. Big E yelled in her face obnoxiously “to be hilarious,” which it wasn’t. Kofi then spoke as Big E made faces. (Even Scott Hall thought Big E was going too far undercutting what was happening and stealing the scene.) Big E said they have more stamina than a moose in mating season. He said they can go on for hours and hours. Kofi said they’ll win at EC and go on to WrestleMania as their eight-time tag team champions. Big E sang “New Day rocks!” He scared Kayla some more. Or annoyed her. But it’s her job to smile as if she’s amused.
-Graves plugged the gauntlet match with a graphic on the screen showing all six teams.
-Sheamus made his ring entrance. [c]
-Sasha complained to Bayley that the Bella Twins were going into the Hall of Fame before them. Sasha said she’s dedicating her album to her. Bayley said no one can touch them and she loves having her back. She said it’s time to go celebrate.
-Shorty G walked up to Apollo Crews backstage. Apollo said he told Shorty he doesn’t need his help. Shorty said he respects that and they’re different people, but they share in common their desire to stop Sheamus. He said he has Apollo’s back if he says the word. Apollo just looked at Shorty with disdain and walked off.
(2) SHEAMUS vs. APOLLO CREWS
Sheamus attacked Crews early, but Crews dropped Sheamus throat-first over the top rope. He then leaped off the top rope with a body press and scored a two count. He landed a standing moonsault for a two count. Cole said Sheamus wasn’t expecting this tonight. Sheamus came back with a Brogue Kick for the sudden quick win.
WINNER: Sheamus in 1:00.
(Keller’s Analysis: So the point of this storyline is to turn Crews heel by having him squashed by another heel Sheamus so Crews can then feud with Shorty G in a match nobody cares about at all?)
-Backstage Drake Maverick approached Drew Gulak and said that he wants a chance to compete against Bryan. Drew said he knows all 163 of Bryan’s weaknesses. He said his roundhouse kick is flawed. Bryan walked in and said he’d love to hear about all the weaknesses in his roundhouse kick. Bryan said he’ll at EC this weekend, and if Gulak is so confident he can exploit his weaknesses, he should step into the ring with him.
-The Firefly Funhouse jingle aired. Cole said Bray would talk about his match with Cena later tonight.
-A commercial aired for Austin 3:16 night on March 16 on USA Network. [c]
-Cole plugged that A.J. Styles would be on “WWE Backstage” on FS1 next Tuesday night.
(3) CARMELLA & DANA BROOKE vs. MANDY ROSE & SONYA DEVILLE (w/Dolph Ziggler)
Dana flexed her biceps on her way to the ring. (Someone should talk to her about that.) When Brooke rallied a couple minutes in, Ziggler distracted her. Sonya then tagged in Mandy who surprised Brooke with a running knee for the win.
WINNERS: Rose & Deville in 3:00.
-The Funhouse jingle aired again. Graves plugged that it was up next. [c]
-A video package aired on the women’s Elimination Chamber match on Sunday.
-Cole and Graves threw to a video package on John Cena’s return to Smackdown last week.
[HOUR TWO]
-Firefly Funhouse: Bray Wyatt said people must be wondering “Why John Cena?” Ramblin’ Rabbit suggested that it’s because Cena totally destroyed him six years ago at WrestleMania, sending him down a spiral of negativity in his personal and professional life. Bray didn’t like that. A clip aired of Cena finishing Bray with an Attitude Adjustment six years ago. The Rabbit then fled the scene. Bray said time can either hurt or heal you. He held up his gloves. He said if it wasn’t for Cena, the Firefly Funhouse wouldn’t exist. He thanked Cena and said he forgives him. He got serious and pensive. “However, there is a catch.” He said Cena helped create something else – The Fiend, who is built on pain and fueled by vengeance. He said he is waiting at WrestleMania and he is not so forgiving because life is a circle and no matter how bright one side is, inevitably the dark side comes again. He said that has the beauty of a circle. “Round and round we go. Let me know!” He laughed maniacally and waved bye.
(Keller’s Analysis: The Rabbit taunting Bray and then fleeing the scene was amusing. Tying together this match with their match adds some meaning, but I’m just finding the Bray/Fiend character a random assortment of platitudes without the layers we were hoping would be revealed just a few months ago.)
-Graves plugged the Cena vs. Fiend match at WrestleMania next month. They also hyped Roman Reigns vs. Goldberg as “the spear versus fear.”
-Kayla interviewed King Corbin who said he was there to talk about his plans for WrestleMania. Elias strummed his guitar off to the side. Corbin walked up to him and asked if he was crazy. He stopped his strumming. He said he wouldn’t give him 50 cents if he was playing on the street. He said he’s a one-trick pony who looks ridiculous. He said he’s an insult to reality, and if he keeps it up, he’ll have to answer to his king.
-Tucker told Otis they’re going to win this thing. Otis walked up to Mandy and apologized for last Valentine’s Day. He said he got a text telling him he was going to be delayed. He said he was sorry. Mandy said, “Listen, it’s a little too late. A woman doesn’t appreciate being stood up like that.” She walked away. Otis teared up and began fuming.
(Keller’s Analysis: I suppose they tied up the loose ends. Otis made his case, finally, that he was late because he got a text saying Mandy was late. Mandy goes full-fledged heel by now being into Ziggler and thus disregarding Otis’s explanations for being late and being cold and dismissive of Otis’s feelings.)
-Graves gave a final plug for the gauntlet match up next. [c]
(4a) HEAVY MACHINERY (Otis & Tucker) vs. NEW DAY (Big E & Kofi Kingston) – Tag Team Gauntlet match
When Big E and Otis tagged in, it was a fun moment with some build up as they faced off mid-ring. Cole ruined it by saying while chuckling, “They love to entertain the WWE Universe, no doubt about that.” Otis powerslammed Big E, then tagged in Tucker. They teamed up to suplex Big E. Kofi entered, so Tucker suplexed him as Otis finished the Big E suplex. Heavy Machinery took it to New Day at ringside as they cut to a break. [c]
Big E got a hot-tag to Kofi which got almost no pop in this battle of two babyface teams. Kofi took Tucker down with a flying clothesline and then landed a Boom Drop. Kofi kicked Tucker to the floor, then tagged in Big E. Big E launched Kofi over him onto Tucker at ringside, but Tucker caught Kofi and slammed him to the floor. Then he dropkicked Big E on the floor. Back in the ring, Tucker tagged in Otis. They finished Big E with a trash compactor.
ELIMINATED: Heavy Machinery in 8:00.
(4b) HEAVY MACHINERY vs. LUCHA HOUSE PARTY (Gran Metalik & Lince Dorado)
A couple minutes in, Otis brushed off and no-sold the LHP’s offense and dropped them with a double shoulder tackle. LHP landed a stereo dives onto HM at ringside as they cut to a break. [c]
Back live, Tucker was in control against Dorado. Dorado came back with a springboard stunner. Otis crawled to his corner to tag in Tucker. Metalik also tagged in and slammed Tucker’s face into the mat. Then he landed a missile dropkick for a two count. Otis eventually hot-tagged in and landed the Caterpillar on Dorado for the win.
ELIMINATED: LHP in 10:00.
-The Usos began their ring entrance. [c]
(4c) HEAVY MACHINERY vs. THE USOS
The match was joined in progress after the break. Tucker leveraged Jimmy’s shoulders down a couple minutes in for a surprise pin after kicking out after a superkick.
WINNERS: Heavy Machinery in 5:00.
-Miz and Morrison made their ring entrance. Cole said HM are two wins away from running the entire gauntlet.
(4d) HEAVY MACHINERY vs. MIZ & JOHN MORRISON
Morrison kicked Tucker in the head in the opening seconds as Miz held up him, leading to an early two count. A few minutes in, Miz and Morrison double-teamed Tucker in the corner, then Morrison landed a moonsault elbowdrop. Graves said that move left him speechless. Otis saved Tucker from the three count. Miz went at Otis at ringside as Tucker surprised Morrison with a small package for the three count.
ELIMINATED: Miz & Morrison.
-Miz and Morrison attacked HM afterward, including throwing Otis into the barricade at ringside. They showed Mandy watching backstage. Ziggler walked up to her and asked if she’s really worried about that guy. He asked Mandy to wish her luck, but he said she doesn’t need it. She at first seemed concerned for Otis and unhappy with Ziggler, but the longer she looked at Ziggler, the more smitten she got.
-Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode began their ring entrance. Cole said Otis might have a chance to get his hands on Ziggler. [c]
-They plugged that Edge would be on Raw in person next Monday.
(4e) HEAVY MACHINERY vs. ROBERT ROODE & DOLPH ZIGGLER
Cole and Graves marveled at the string of big wins HM have scored in this match. Otis was still KO’d at ringside. Otis finally stood up at ringside. Roode leaped to the floor to attack him. Otis slammed Roode’s head into the ringside desk. Otis climbed back to his corner. Cole said the arena would explode if Otis got tagged in. Ziggler continued to control Tucker, though. Tucker managed to hot-tag Otis, and there was a big pop. He went after Roode. Cole said it’d be a miracle story for HM if they go on to win. Otis began no-selling Roode and dancing and shaking off Roode’s punches. He did some jumping jacks before tossing Roode over his head. Roode caught a charging Otis with double boots and then a dropkick. Ziggler tagged himself in. Otis gave Roode a Caterpillar, but Ziggler was the legal man. Ziggler surprised Otis with a superkick for the win.
WINNERS: Roode & Ziggler to earn right to enter the Chamber last on Sunday.
(Keller’s Analysis: Entertaining gauntlet match with a good tease of a “miracle” HM win.)
How do you completely botch the one good angle you had, in Otis and Mandy, by turning it into a vehicle to apparently pair Rose with Ziggler? Ziggler hasn’t been interesting in a decade, maybe? Feels longer. It makes Rose and Otis look dumb; and while the hints are Deville looks treacherous, will there even be a payoff? Smackdown is such an awfully written show. Do they even try?