Roman Reigns is one of the most divisive and talked about WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him their number one star – thus far to no avail. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter.
Monday Night Reigns-o-meter – No Mercy Omnibus Edition
Ladies and gentlemen, as of No Mercy your humble, dashing, beautiful Reignsometer spokesperson (hey, that’s me) is a happy, happy man. The odds are back! Everything, after a long dry spell of months upon months, is back as it should be. Roman Reigns is once again beating the odds.
John Cena? Easy. Fifteen years of experience means nothing to the destroyer of heroes, the eater of championships, the devourer or disgust, your boy Roman. My boy too. I love me a Roman.
And so he walked in to No Mercy as but the learner. The learner who was already a three time champion. And had main evented Wrestlemania three times in a row. And had retired The Undertaker. And had beaten Triple H. And had won the Rumble and had his hand raised by The Rock. But other than that, a learner, a complete nobody, a brand new face in the eyes of the fans.
Did Roman walk out of No Mercy a learner? Hell to the no. Roman walked out a hero. A leader. A champion of champions. A king of kings, you might say. He wasn’t even on Raw Talk and people were throwing the love at him. Cena bent over backwards talking about the guy, after bending over backwards to take a spear through a table.
Which, just on the subject, how exactly do you spear someone through a table? You’re moving in a straight line. That might be why Roman keeps nearly breaking his neck when he does it.
Naturally, Roman spent a lot of his time after the show celebrating the fact that he had succeeded in doing the one thing Vince McMahon had spent ten years trying to do: making John Cena universally popular.
Did Roman beat the odds at No Mercy, I hear you say? Why yes indeed. He beat all the odds. He ate those odds up. Om nom nom he said, may I have another? Another tasty talker that the fans respect so very much.
Enter The Miz. A man who would be my hero if not for my unceasing love of Roman’s tender manliness, his emotional openness, his hit-you-in-the-face ness. The last one in particular. I like that one.
The Miz of course is used to the task of getting an uncharismatic, barely willing, unlikeable company favourite over but that’s enough about Jason Jordan.
The Miz was of course hot off a win over Jason Jordan – the only face in the company who somehow gets boos instead of cheers. Turns out that wasn’t enough about Jason Jordan; I had another one. Swerved!
Roman soaks in the adulation as the crowd welcome him to the ring. They’re not actually saying boo you see, they’re saying who as in who is this absolute nobody about to interview our hero Roman Reigns. That’s definitely the case. Sure. 100% fact I’m bringing you here. The Miz helpfully asks the crowd to keep welcoming in his typical ironic style.
I love how every promo involving Roman Reigns, whether from Reigns or from someone about Reigns, involves long sections of pauses while everyone lets the crowd boo.
Just in case you were starting to like Roman, Roman throws out some love for his boy Jason Jordan. He gets cheered for disrespecting The Miz, who as I’ve mentioned before can get anything over. At this point I think maybe we’re supposed to cheer based on who drinks beer and who doesn’t?
I swear I’ve seen that joke somewhere before. It’s definitely a Reignsometer joke. I can’t think of who might love my work so much that they’d steal my patented anti pro Reigns humour. Hmm.
Before you can say Wade Keller we suddenly have namedropping for The Shield. Namedropping? Overshadowing? Foreboding? Shield’s a coming, you hear? I wonder if they’re going to mention The Shield with subtlety or if they’re really going to hammer it home so hard we all basically choke on it?
Roman’s new ‘let’s-have-a-fight gimmick is kind of over. Also shout out to Kurt Angle for nearly tricking the fans into cheering for Jason Jordan. Keep trying, Kurt, keep trying.
Later in the night, but not the main event, Roman Reigns would fight with The Miz. Naturally they would both cede the top spot on the event to the much more famous and powerful Enzo Amore. Yeah, that guy main evented over Roman Reigns.
As you might expect, Roman manages to overcome the odds. I mean, I know he gets beat down afterwards but what really matters is how intensely Roman overcomes the odds. It’s all about the odds! The odds are back, baby!
– The Hatred Of A Whole Crowd
– John Cena
– The AA
– The Avalanche AA
– The Double AA
– John Cena’s Respect
– The Miz’ Promo Skills
– The Miz’ Wrestling Acumen
– The Miztourage
– The Desire Of The Fans To See Him In The Shield
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
With flying colours
Oh, turns out they are going to drill that Shield thing home, aren’t they?
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— Tom Colohue (@Colohue)
Like what you're reading? Help me get to 1,000 followers by the end of the year with a like or a retweet and have my eternal thanks. Thanks!
— Tom Colohue (@Colohue) August 29, 2017
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S COLUMN: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #36: Tracking Roman Raeigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top